Thursday, May 14, 2015

The Secret Origins of the Sheamus/Daniel Bryan Feud

Pictured: Two guys who had history LONG before this moment
Photo Credit:
Daniel Bryan has written a book that will be released SOON. A person on Reddit claims to be a bookstore owner who has read an advanced copy of the tome and has some juicy details from the book on life on the road in WWE. The juiciest, and the most likely one to be a total fabrication, describes the time Bryan and his then-girlfriend and current wife Brie Bella tried to get intimate for the first time.

In those days, Bryan used to traverse the road with Sheamus and Ted DiBiase, Jr. which makes sense since both of those wrestlers were feud partners for the Dragon around the time he started dating Bella in real life. Anyway, the first night that the two lovebirds decided to take their relationship to the next physical level, Bryan made the mistake of leaving his hotel room door unlocked. Sheamus and DiBiase were out having a grand old time with some adult beverages, and when they were through, they decided to pay their road buddy a visit, barging into the room and jumping on the bed while Bryan and Bella were trying to know each other in the Biblical sense.

Of course, you will never find a hive of scum and villainy more wretched than Reddit, so who knows if this guy is telling the entire truth with the account in the book. I'm sure everyone will find out eventually when it's released. However, I can totally see Vince McMahon taking the incident, if true, and keeping it in the back of his mind as fodder for an eternal feud between the two intrepid WWE superstars. Aside from the 18-second travesty at WrestleMania XXVIII, nearly all of their matches have been at least good if not legendary (especially in the case of the Extreme Rules best two-of-three falls match).

Then again, that travesty could very well have been an allegory on the bed stomping incident. Think about it. Bryan got the beginnings of intimacy from his kayfabe-girlfriend AJ Lee before Sheamus came stomping in a painfully short time after said truncated intimate encounter. Knowing how fucked up in the head McMahon is, I could totally see him plotting that match exactly like that first fated sexual encounter between Bryan and his real life main squeeze. Oh, and the Reddit post also states the book details how Bryan found out about said Mania match, from Chris Jericho who did some sleuthing around Creative.

Anyway, when the book is released to the gen-pop, I'll be sure to find someone to review it and confirm or deny all the claims Duder McRedditson made in his post above. But the coitus interruptus story was too funny not to share. Even if it's not true, it definitely at least sounds like something that fucked-in-the-head wrestlers might do to each other.

ETA: It's true, it's all true:

The video goes into lurid detail, including that DiBiase (who was never named) and Sheamus came in the room shirtless and with cowboy hats, that Bryan NINJA KICKED one of them while he was butt-naked, and Sheamus was petting Bella's head. It just goes to show that maybe, just maybe, every single WWE wrestling fan probably should have been watching Total Divas.