Thursday, June 11, 2015

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 124

Imagine LeBron as a dragon. It's easy if you tried.
Photo Credit: Geoff Burke/USA Today Sports
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

LUCHA UNDERGROUND: LeBron James would turn into a legit dragon in the fourth quarter and score like 50 points to put the exclamation point on a Cavs victory, only to have Adam Silver make the Cavs play a supplemental game afterwards to retain that title against The Crew, who in this case is comprised of the Bad Boy Pistons, all given magical youth potion to put them in their 1988 primes.

RING OF HONOR: The game would go nine overtimes, and no one would remember who won.

WWE: No matter who wins, Michael Jordan would come out and say they didn't deserve it until they created a "moment," and then all the living NBA Hall of Famers of able body would play a big pickup game.

NXT: Steph Curry would will the Warriors to a victory after years of not being able to win the big one, only to have the Sacramento Kings come out afterwards and powerbomb them on the rim. In this case, Boogie Cousins would be the one doing the powerbombing on Curry.

And for a bonus, TNA: Please congratulate the 2015 NBA Champions and new heel authority stable, Adam Silver and the Bald Patrol.

Basically, because it's Money in the Bank. The event has had the precedent of having two ladder matches, and after the belts were unified, WWE had no reason to have two big clusterfuck matches. Last year was a break for WWE (I don't want to call it lucky, because fuck anyone who benefits off the misfortune of a man giving his life to a business that has injured him that badly), but this year, it just wasn't in the cards. Of course, if WWE had done a better job creating viable contenders, it could have stuffed a bunch of dudes in the WWE World Heavyweight Championship ladder match and made it like MITB like last year for the vacant title. But hindsight and all, you know the cliche.

Going forward, if two multi-wrestler ladder matches are to be the rule, the one should be for a shot at the WWE World Heavyweight Championship and one should be for an opportunity for the Divas Championship. But hey, Kermit-sips-the-tea-dot-jpg.

Bret Hart put over quite a few bodybuilders, although he never put over Lex Luger. I wouldn't call him a bust either; his worthiest work just happened to be for employers not named Vince McMahon. Anyway, the biggest bust of a prospect in WWE history could be construed a few ways. Would it be a guy who had all the hype in the world, but flamed out before attaining anything be the criterion to use? In that case, it would either be Ludvig Borga or Bobby Lashley. Or, would one consider a wrestler who got a big push, kinda got over, but when given an important role, he flopped? That criterion dictates that the clear answer would be Ultimate Warrior. Then again, a guy like Warrior at least got over. Could that be said for Borga or Lashley?

But then again, at least Lashley is having some kind of success in TNA. All Borga could do was get in the Finnish parliament and be super racist. Let's go with him.

The answer that fits the "angry bloodlustful creature who legit kills people" mold the best currently is under contract with WWE. Admit it though, put a questionably tasteless coat of spraytan on Brock Lesnar, and he totally could have pulled off that role. With Lesnar off the table, the answers start to get murkier. What non-contracted performer could conceivably pull that monstrous appearance off? The most disappointing but intriguing answer would be a horrored-out Boogeyman, but he doesn't even meet a fraction of the bare minimum of in-ring talent that seems to be the norm for Lucha Underground. Seriously, the worst guy in the ring on that show may just be Texano, Jr., and the only sin he's committed is being dull.

When all else fails, however, you could always vamp up Rellik and make him Cueto's brother. After all, he has experience with AAA, and his name is "Killer" spelled backwards. Did you know that?

The Thunder Fire Powerbomb, with the powder clap immediately preceding it. VINTAGE LEBRON JAMES.

Because American business, much like American wrestling, thrives on people trying to get water twice from the same stone by beating it to death with a heavier stick. Granted, I'm more bullish on Global Force Wrestling than others, but yeah, putting complete faith and trust in Jeff Jarrett only leads to heartache.

Absolutely yes. I doubt anything happens in NXT that isn't at least given some kind of thought. It shows in the main narrative, and it shows in the little things like allowing Eva Marie some mic time. NXT has a dearth of real heels right now compared to the insanely popular Four Horsewomen. All four of them deserve and need foils who aren't each other for the division to work, at least in the short term. Not everyone can wrestle Emma or Dana Brooke. Adding Eva Marie to that mix, and eventually Alexa Bliss too, is how the future might just work.

Via protected user @LeastIncarnate:
the WWE wouldn't be dumb enough to have KO lose at MiTB *and then* drop the belt on 7/4 in Japan, would they? (Ugh I know)
Asking the question if "WWE would be dumb enough" to do anything would elicit an emphatic "YES!" Look at the second half of 2011 for the ultimate, SMDH-inducing proof. However, in this case, I get the feeling that Owens might end up 1-1, if not 2-0 in that series, and furthermore, if he does lose, it'll be to the overpowered Demon form of Bálor, not Cena. I get the feeling that more and more sane forces are taking over WWE's front office, even if it's not really founded in anything I can repeat as tangible fact (it's all rumors, hearsay, conjecture, and gut feelings at this point).

Right now, the answer projects to be Owens, but hey, if WWE follows it up with the requisite Cena Buries Up and Coming Heel protocol, then it will most certainly be Federline's. It's a sad state of affairs to have to live with crippling pessimism when forecasting WWE's decision making processes, but this is the bed Vince McMahon has made. To be fair though, I doubt he cares if he has to lay in it.

Monday's RAW at least had that killer Miz TV segment, the wonderfully absurd R-Truth call-and-response with Kane, and a slick little opener between Kevin Owens and Neville. When baseball is bad though, it's really fucking bad, especially when the team you're rooting for sucks shit through a straw with the zeal that the Phillies do this season. I'll take bad RAW over bad Phillies any day of the week.