Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Issue 37

What's the deal with Roddy Piper? HORB HAS YOUR ANSWERS
Photo Credit:
HORB FLERBMINBER back to dispense with all the news you need in your lives. Did you know MY SCOOPS are an essential nutrient? People without Internet connections are being DEPRIVED, instead getting less nutritious news from scrubs like Bryan Alvarez or Bruce Mitchell. Please, their news is the JUNK FOOD of the wrestling universe. I BRING THE GRADE A, GRASSFED ANGUS BEEF. If you want to subsist on INFERIOR MEAT, go right ahead. BUT DON'T SAY OL' HORB DIDN'T WARN YOU.

Of course, I can't do all this by myself. No siree, I rely on a vast network of tipsters, ears on walls, and various tattletales to give me the leads I need in order to get all the news out that I can. Do you have inside sources? Do you know a thing or two about wrestling companies' inner workings? Above all else, do you mind if you get absolutely no credit for your work at all? Then you must e-mail me at Please send me all your news and also all your offers for free penis enlargement. Seems the spammers have stopped sending them to me after that spell where I aggressively e-mailed them in reply. Also, if you want all the up-to-the-INSTANT scoops, then you need to follow me on Twitter. Go to my page, @HorbFlerbminber, and follow it POST-HASTE. If not, then when will you know when the lunar eclipse will turn the EVOLVE roster into werewolves and then know when Gabe Sapolsky puts his silver bullets on sale? YOU WON'T.

If you want back issues of the newsletter, then, well, look over there.

This week, the newsletter is sponsored by the boundless void. I've already said too much.

Don't you remember?

- WWE announced that the next NXT Takeover special will emanate live from Brooklyn on Saturday right before SummerSlam. The move is part of a bet between Triple H and Vince McMahon. IF NXT can draw more than SummerSlam, McMahon will wash Triple H's car for a week and also let him book RAW forever, no takesies-backsies.

- Global Force Wrestling and TNA are planning on working together, because time is a flat circle.

- New Japan Pro Wrestling Dominion Results: if you didn't watch the show, then fuck you, you don't deserve the results. They're too glorious for you to behold. The show was over four hours long, but it ran so smoothly that I wish it was ten hours long. I am still tumescent. Touch it. TOUCH IT.

- WWE Beast from the East Results: it wasn't as good as Dominion, and if you think so, you're subhuman garbage.

- Reports stated that New Japan stars Kazuchika Okada and Shinsuke Nakamura received WWE tryouts, but those reports were false. It turned out just to be gas.

- Rowdy Roddy Piper has been dropped from both his Podcast One position and his WWE Legends deal, allegedly over a tiff with Steve Austin, which Austin flatly denies. However, the biggest disgrace came when Piper was fired from his recurring role on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and replaced with Ted Fowler.

- Austin was revealed as the cover wrestler for the new WWE video game, which is the biggest sign that Vince McMahon has taken over control of the video game consultation on WWE's end.

- Brock Lesnar came under fire Monday after tossing the door he ripped off J and J Security's Cadillac and tossing it towards the crowd. A piece of detritus hit a young fan in the seats adjacent. However, WWE officials were relieved and vindicated, because original plans called for Lesnar to F5 a schoolbus next to a crowd of children.

- Ring of Honor has booked two women on its Las Vegas show to wrestle. I know, I'm as shocked as you.

- Abyss and Brodus Clay were pulled from an indie show on July 25 on TNA's orders. The wrestlers were disappointed because they were finally going to make enough money on an actual wrestling paycheck to be able to take their families out to dinner at Old Country Buffet.

- Dolph Ziggler's injury report on said the attack by Rusev left him unable to speak, which has caused an uproarious reaction from people who've paid money to see his standup act as to why Rusev didn't attack him sooner.

- Randy Orton got engaged to his girlfriend. He swallowed the ring, it passed through his digestive tract, and he pooped it into her handbag, which is where she found it.

- I saw the last 20 minutes Ultimate Fighter. This is a different level, it was amazing. If I must say to be a spoil for those who have not seen. However, I will talk about it Brian and tomorrow night.

- Last week's poll results are in, and 55% thought Dominion was incredible, 33% said it was awesome, and 12% were rounded up, lined up against the wall, and shot for not liking it. This week: