Thursday, September 10, 2015

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 137

Would you like to see this guy elephant seal it up with Brock Lesnar? WELL I WOULD
Photo Credit:
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

Uh, um, sorry, I need a moment to myself now. Yes. Yes. Oh yes. Oh my...

Anyway, yes, that has to happen at the Royal Rumble this year, even if Lesnar's endgame in said Rumble is to have Undertaker bullshit him out of the match. Hopefully, WWE will have the good sense to protect Strowman until that point so that when Lesnar tosses him around (and then Strowman tosses him around back), it actually has wow factor instead of just being one of those visuals that will be cool but without the emotional impact. WWE is great for stripping emotional impact out of things, which is why I'm shocked that Strowman hasn't eaten a pinfall yet from Dean Ambrose or some shit.

I would scrap her push because she's just not progressing well enough to have this spotlight, not because she blew a call. NXT women seem to have an epidemic of doing that anyway, and I'm not sure I'd want to throw out Baby Charlotte with her bathwater for forgetting to kick out of that Emmamite Sandwich and subsequent pin. People make mistakes. But Eva Marie seems to have been a loaf of bread taken out of the oven a bit too soon. All the outer trappings look good on her - theme song, entrance attire, facial expressions and mannerisms - but man, when you jab the toothpick inside her, it doesn't come out dry. And WWE allegedly wants to have her beat Bayley for the title. I'd think twice about that and maybe have Dana Brooke in that role after she hits promo school for some extended sessions to polish that part of her game up.

Because I really don't have the stomach for watching Seth Rollins wrestle three times in one night? More objectively, WWE has too big a roster for one guy to be wrestling three times, and Rollins is already on the verge of extreme overexposure. He doesn't need to have all the titles to be the biggest heel, and he's still not strong enough to hold them without being a sniveling little cheater, which precludes the face aspect. No dice.

Well, Zahra Schr... no, that's not fun. Okay, um, Undertaker came back and hit Brock Lesnar in the nut... okay, scratch that. Kevin Condron killed Orbi... hey, you know what, I'm bad at this. Let's turn to the legends and Jimmy Snuka was finally char... okay yeah, I can't do this. At all.

Oh yeah, Jon Stewart hit John Cena with a steel chair. Now that was fun.

I think the fact that New Day wins and is actually pushed as an important act is an important distinction. However, if you're going to discount that, the New Day actually has been trying to get itself over on social media and in other avenues. 3MB kinda just showed up, collected their paychecks, and that was that. The E in Big E stands for effort.

Depends, would it be Chikara's King of Trios or a WWE variant? Hey, what am I saying, either on the Network would kinda rule, well, in a theoretical sense. I wouldn't want to ponder the ramifications of Chikara events appearing on WWE programming, because I'm not sure how much the creative process would change or what have you. But even if it was a WWE variant, it would rule. So hard.

The Eagles are going to win the Super Bowl.

Okay, I don't want to be one of those idiotic pundits who definitively says who will or won't win before the first game is played. So I'll list the big contenders and why I think they could or couldn't win, starting with the Eagles:

EAGLES Why They Could Win - This team could be the deepest in the NFL, especially on defense, and I'm not sure the league has completely caught up to Chip Kelly yet.

Why They Couldn't Win - Sam Bradford is injury-prone, and Mark Sanchez isn't taking anyone to the Super Bowl.

COWBOYS Why They Could Win - A stout offensive line, an elite quarterback, and a monstrous pass rush all go a long way to establishing a serious contender *pukes in mouth a bit*.

Why They Couldn't Win - They severely downgraded at running back, and the secondary is less stout than wet tissue paper.

PACKERS Why They Could Win - Aaron Rodgers. Clay Matthews. Aaron Rodgers. Clay Matthews. Aaron Rodgers. Clay Matthews.

Why They Couldn't Win - Mike McCarthy is a Wal*Mart Andy Reid, and the defense can be quite spotty at times.

SEAHAWKS Why They Could Win - They lost some parts, but the defense is still fearsome. Plus, they added a legitimate weapon in the passing game in Jimmy Graham.

Why They Couldn't Win - Going to the Super Bowl three times in a row nowadays requires a shit-ton of luck, they could go into the season without half their secondary, and they had to sacrifice their best lineman to get Graham.

CARDINALS Why They Could Win - That defense is pretty outrageous.

Why They Couldn't Win - Carson Palmer is their best option at quarterback, and excuse me while I laugh uncontrollably for five years.

PATRIOTS Why They Could Win - The Pats seem to play best when in "FUCK YOU" mode, and Tom Brady is still one of the best in the game.

Why They Couldn't Win - They downgraded from Darrelle Revis to Bradley Fletcher at cornerback in addition to letting Devin McCourty walk, so Brady may have to win a lot of 44-41 games to get in good position in the playoffs.

STEELERS Why They Could Win - The offense is balanced with Ben Roethlisberger playing the best football of his life.

Why They Couldn't Win - Their best pass rusher is James Harrison, which means a whole lot less in 2015 than it did 2008.

RAVENS Why They Could Win - God hates us all.

Why They Couldn't Win - God wouldn't subject us to back-to-back Patriots/Ravens Super Bowl titles, would He?

COLTS Why They Could Win - Andrew Luck is the great equalizer.

Why They Couldn't Win - Outside of Vontae Davis, do the Colts have anyone on defense who can ball?

FIELD Why They Could Win - The NFL is weird and unpredictable.

Why They Couldn't Win - The NFL isn't that weird and unpredictable.

Have you ever wanted to see an old man's penis on live, cable television as he's in the process of a three-hour shoot interview on USA Network for cancelling his flagship show? Then you'll want to tune into USA Network for the series finale of Monday Night RAW!