Thursday, October 1, 2015

Twitter Request Line, Vol. Twitter Character Limit

What if Fenix is supercharged now that he has both the Gift of the Gods Title AND the King of Trios medal?
Photo Credit:
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

I would just say "Catrina's boobs" five times, but that would just be inappropriate.
  1. Matanza eating someone on actual television. I'm serious, if Lucha Underground can do Vampiro being a vampire and Drago spewing fire, I want human consumption, dammit.
  2. Transporting the Sexy Star/Apache family feud from AAA if the former is truly done with Pentagon, Jr. If not though, I'd still like to see Faby and Mari Apache make the trek up to the Temple to add more women to the show.
  3. Revealing that Drago, Fenix, and Aerostar made the trip to King of Trios because the medallions have secret powers. This one might be the biggest reach, but any link between my two favorite promotions right now would be sweet.
  4. Torneo Cibernetico. Lucha libre's signature match would be a great addition to the second season, especially if, say, a shot at the title at Ultima Lucha 2 were on the line...
  5. Mil Muertes vs. LA Park(a). Hey, he just left CMLL. You never know...

I've decided that as long as the Cardinals or Yankees don't win, I'm alright with how the season turns out. Why did I not include the Mets in that "DO NOT WIN" list, even though I'm a Phillies fan? Well, the Mets are, by far, the least poisonous team in the National League East outside of the Phils, and I'm friends with a number of Mets fans on Twitter and even in real life. If they win, it'll be cool for them, plus I'm a fan of Yoenis Cespedes. However, they're probably least on the list of teams I'd want to see win. So I'll list them in order:
  1. Blue Jays - Honestly, I'm over 1993, and they have the most fun offense. I like teams that mash dingers.
  2. Cubs - Fans have suffered long enough, but they don't take the top spot because c'mon, I know at least some of those fans are also Blackhawks fans.
  3. Rangers - Cole Hamels
  4. Royals - They were fun last year, and I'd like to see it continue.
  5. Angels - Mike Trout
  6. Dodgers - I'd love to see Yasiel Puig get a title just to see all the crusty old sportswriters have aneurysms, they're in the lower tier.
  7. Pirates - I don't hate the Pirates like I do the Penguins, and them winning would be cool from a moribund franchise done well standpoint, but Pittsburgh wins way more than it should in any sport.
  8. Astros - Again, another team that was bad and is now good is a fun story, but that front office feels cultish to me, and it creeps me out a bit.
  9. Mets - See above
  10. Sudden cancellation of postseason due to labor strife
  11. End of life on Earth
  12. Singularity that consumes entire Universe
  13. Bill Simmons elected President
  14. Cardinals/Yankees
I haven't seen a list anywhere of the complete teams involved, but judging by that sweet poster above, I can get an idea of who the favorites are. Obviously, Tim Storm and Davey Vega are going to combine the former's brawn and the latter's technical mastery to make a splash. Nigel Rabid on the outside of the ring makes the Orphans even more dangerous than a team fighting for its next meal can be. Jessica James and the newly empowered Delilah Doom could make a big impact. The Submission Squad is always on point, and you can't ever count out two guys as deranged as the Great Depression and the Hollywood Strangler. However, Rabid's other team in the fray, Jojo Bravo and Cherry Ramones, has to be my pick to win. Bravo is about as rock solid as anyone in Inspire Pro right now, and a split from Chris Trew into the more, ahem, rabid direction given to him by his new manager might be the thing he needs most to get kick-started.

Get a list of marquee WWE names who are probably going to appear at WrestleMania, and then draw a list of potential opponents from a hat for each one. For example, if you get six people in the pool, then you have six names in the hat for each potential wrestler. For The Rock, you'd put, say, Triple H, Steve Austin, Brock Lesnar, John Cena, Undertaker, and Field in a hat, and everyone picks one out of it. The person who has the most hits when Mania comes around wins the prize.

I really want to believe that when the next round of signings is announced that Taylor's name is among them, but at this point, I have to take him at face value when he says he hasn't signed. Whether it's the truth or if he's pulling off one of the most dedicated works of all-time, if he says he's not signed, I have to believe him until he or WWE says otherwise, y'know?

That question would require answering another one, and that's "has anyone wrestled as well as the Jumping Bomb Angels?" and well, that list is pretty short to begin with. So, you can probably rest comfortably that the JBAs are the best wrestlers ever to have competed exclusively in swimwear.

I would probably punch a wall. You don't build up the return of the Thunder Frog only to have him killed right away. You don't.  YOU JUST DON'T, OKAY.

I'm not sure if I want them to win the Dusty Classic and move onto feuding with the Vaudevillains right away, or if I want the Grease Mulkeys (fka the Mechanics, aka Dash and Dawson) to win and have them be new age, ersatz Andersons against Cody and Dustin Rhodes. Either way, I just want them to wrestle a bunch of matches, either as feuding with the Champs or as gatekeepers, all the while focusing on Jordan and Gable and their interplay off each other in backstage interviews. Furthermore, I'd love to see Gable be the answer to the question "What if Kurt Angle only smoked pot instead of doing all those other hard drugs?" Of course, having a stoner wrestler in a company where pot gets you suspended on the Wellness Policy would be super hypocritical, but at the same time, Gable has this slacker charm to him that I want explored. He could be super special on his own or even as a longterm tag partner for Jordan, whose straight man appeal works with him.

The backlash to the "Diva's Revolution" is already starting, and it's centering around getting Sasha Banks on the screen more. With that in mind, I can see her and Charlotte as the Divas Championship match at WrestleMania. If a second match were to take place, then my guess would be a ten-woman tag match featuring Paige, Emma, Dana Brooke, Alicia Fox, and Nikki Bella vs. Charlotte, Bayley, Naomi, Brie Bella, and Nattie Neidhart. That one's just a stab in the dark though. I can see WWE using its own ineptitude concerning booking this "revolution" as justification at squelching it, but who knows anymore.

Open up Spotify or Apple Music or even crack open a CD and listen to a good, catchy album for a week-to-ten days straight. I listened to Mastodon's Once More 'Round the Sun and Tame Impala's Currents for that duration of time, and boy, those songs burrowed in like earworms. Do the same, and you won't have to brush your mouth out with Colgate for the foreseeable future.

The winning team would either be some wet-fart Authority combination like Seth Rollins, Kane, and Big Show, or it would be a herky-jerky false hope babyface team featuring Dolph Ziggler. But the real show-stealers would be Jason Jordan, Chad Gable, and Jack Swagger. Hey, two fantasy booking scenarios featuring the Acute Angles in the same TweetBag! Anyway,

Everything looks horrible in retrospect, but Joey Styles' comment of "I'd wish [Awesome] would kill himself" was actually problematic at the moment too in addition to being eerily prophetic. No one could have known ahead of time that [REDACTED] was going to sacrifice his family literally at the time, and the term was used innocuously and figuratively at the time. No, the worst thing regarding [REDACTED] is that people are still trying to come up with cockamamie conspiracy theories that absolve him of guilt. The latest was Bill Apter going on Talk Is Jericho claiming that Benoit found his family murdered and then was killed and framed for the crimes. Like, I get it, people in the business don't want to believe that someone as influential and formerly beloved as him could have the capacity for great evil. But the evidence points in that direction, and honestly, it feels gross to continue to bring it up.

Luckily, I didn't have to do research for this question; intrepid Twitter user @Enrico_Palazzo_ did it for me:

Saban has been long associated with college football dominance that it's easy to let the fact that his teams are mortal slip through the cracks. Of course, that question came up because Alabama lost to Ole Miss last week and will be facing a stiff test in Georgia this week. Could Saban's team suffer another two game losing streak? And without the break between regular and bowl seasons, will 'Bama fans end up going crazier? I GUESS YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL SATURDAY TO FIND OUT.