Thursday, June 2, 2016

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 158

Warrior's best paint job came in service of a short-lived tag team
Photo Credit:
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

Warrior's face painting was the ultimate in "same theme, small variations." It's hard to pinpoint which one was the best, but for sentimental reasons, I pick the one he had when he teamed with Randy Savage, shown above.

  1. Straight-up Evil Undertaker from the Corporate Ministry days
  2. Classic Undertaker before the big face turn against Jake Roberts
  3. The Undertaker I imagine to be sitting at home now between calls from WWE, doing crossword puzzles and drinking green tea
  4. The dick-punchin' old man Undertaker against Brock Lesnar (mostly for ironic reasons)
  5. Harangued-yet-mysterious company ace Undertaker in the era before Steve Austin
Not listed, the BEST PURE STRIKER IN WWE Undertaker who also still commands demon magic, I guess?

Honestly, I don't care what players come to my team as long as they're good with only one exception. If the Eagles signed Greg Hardy, the Flyers acquired Patrick Kane, or any of the teams I rooted for picked up a player who evaded domestic violence, rape, or other slimeball charges through dubious means, then I'd have to pick a new favorite team, at least temporarily. Players like those should be in prison, not playing sports. If the Flyers picked up Sidney Crosby? Eh, who cares, he's a great player who happened to annoy me through being good or playing dirty (which, to be honest, is something nearly every player in any league does). But I don't want someone on a team I like playing when they should be in jail for committing gross crimes against humanity.

Maybe it's because you store all your dead bodies in there.

First of all, don't forget to pack toothpaste!

Second, if you're coming in all the way from the United Kingdom, then be sure to get a good night's sleep before your flight, as you're going to be super jet lagged. The United States is five hours in the past, so you're going to want to be rested beforehand if you want to hit the ground running. Anyway, Easton, PA is about 75 miles north of Philadelphia, so if you want to experience some culture before going off on a whole weekend of wrestling hijinx, then come to town early, assuming you're coming in through Philly International. Then again, the same goes for New York, but New York is crowded and too metropolitan. Philly is weird!

If you want a list of places to go in Philly before you head to Trios, I'd suggest hitting up the rich museum culture around the western part of Center City. The Franklin Institute, Academy of Natural Sciences, and the Mutter Museum (if you're stout of stomach) are all great places to kill a few hours and learn a few things. Foodwise, if you want a good cheesesteak, go anywhere but Pat's or Geno's. They're tourist traps, and the sandwiches are subpar. If you want a positive recommendation, then head for John's Roast Pork down in South Philly. They have the best cheesesteaks in the city, as well as an excellent roast pork, tremendous roast beef, and perhaps the best breakfast sandwiches known to man. Anyway, whatever you do in the area before heading up north, do it BEFORE  you head there. You're going to be exhausted when the weekend's over, and sightseeing will be the last thing on your mind.

Next, you'll want to get into Easton and check into your hotel good and early on Friday. Unless you've got reserved tickets, you're going to want to get to the venue at least an hour if not two before the show begins. You don't want to be sitting too far away from the action, although in my experience, the Easton Funplex has few bad seats. If you DO have reserved tickets, then heck, show up like a minute before belltime for all I care. Make sure you have a good device for picture taking, whether it be your phone or a camera. Photography is allowed, but video taking is not. However, I'm not sure the policy on Vines or Instagram videos, i.e. the short blasts made for virality. I'm sure either Gavin Loudspeaker or Vlad Radinov, whoever's doing the ring announcing, will give you the heads up. If you're heading in from England for the whole trip, make sure you get tickets to all four events, the three shows and Fan Conclave. You can get them all ahead of time.

Also be sure to say hello to all the wrestlers, who are super friendly, and several fans. You won't believe how many people I've met via Chikara alone. I can buy one ticket to a show and be confident that I won't be going alone. Also, make sure you bring enough money, American dollars that is, because merch tables will be everywhere. If you're buying DVDs, however, make sure they're not region-locked. Also, be sure to seek me out on Night Three, which is probably the show I will be attending.

For food between shows, I'm not too sure about what's available in the Bethlehem/Allentown/Easton area that isn't a chain place. One stop that is a must, however, is Wawa. You have to visit a Wawa at least once, because that's pretty much a Philadelphia area calling card.

Finally, don't make your flight back too early. Give yourself some time to decompress in your hotel room before heading back. Trios can be an exhausting weekend full of fun, friends, food, and frivolity. Self-care is important! Whatever you do, have fun.

Allow me to put my Mel Kiper Hair Helmet™ on so I can do this. Almost got it... there. Okay, the top eight wrestlers on my BIG BOARD look a little something like this:

  1. John Cena - Injury concerns over the last few years have gotten him, but he's still the franchise, the Champ, the man until further notice.
  2. Roman Reigns - Everyone knows the catchphrase, but no matter whether you love him or hate him, he gets a reaction. Gotta have him high up on the board.
  3. Kevin Owens - I have him slightly ahead of the pack because of durability history. He's one of WWE's future workhorses.
  4. Seth Rollins - Knees are a tough thing to get around, but he's going to be a rock for whatever brand gets its hands on him.
  5. Sami Zayn - He connects with fans in ways that other wrestlers can never dream of. He'll be an anchor for the midcard, but not for long as he'll demand to be in the main event sooner rather than later.
  6. AJ Styles - Age and wear are concerns, but he's too good in the ring not to pick up early.
  7. The Miz - He'll take time off shooting terrible movies here and there, but when he's around, no one is a better heat magnet.
  8. Sasha Banks - All I know is RAW, Smackdown, whatever show drafts her should give her a ton of real estate on camera. But she demands to be taken within the first eight picks. DEMANDS.
Of course, the way things tend to play out in these drafts, Apollo Crews will be taken third overall, and someone will find a way to negate at least one pick within a week. Fun!

I have no comment on this because I don't know if TNA can ever improve or get worse now, but I will say I am ecstatic that the baby from American Sniper found work again.

I don't really mind what show gets what roster, but I have a few things I want to see happen. First, I want to see Smackdown get a roster that isn't just leftovers from RAW, but given that it will be going live, I don't think that will be a problem. Split up John Cena and Roman Reigns, give them each a top rival, and split the midcard talent evenly, and you'll have a good chance of this thing working. Second, I don't just want women to be confined to one show. "Women" isn't a niche brand of wrestling. They're people for Christ's sake. Keeping them on one show would erase some of the progress WWE has made. The Women's Championship has to be a traveling title, much like the WWE World Heavyweight Championship should be. Charlotte/Becky Lynch can carry one brand, and Sasha Banks/Bayley can carry the other with Paige, Alicia Fox, Dana Brooke, Naomi, and others being spread out to fill the ranks. Tag teams are another thing, since that technically IS a division or a niche brand. I don't want a split title again, but maybe RAW can have a Trios Championship while Smackdown gets the Tag Belts? Something to think about...