Thursday, June 9, 2016

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 159

The GOAT breakfast meat, no @s, please
Photo via Eater
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

This space is where I say that I don't think it's a crime at all, and that I'm glad that DD has placed pork roll on the menu. I've had it several times, and I find that it is comparable to the Taylor brand pork roll I buy and cook myself. Sorry to burst your bubble, but the pork roll that Dunkin' uses is actually good. I will also take this opportunity to extol the virtues of pork roll, which is called pork roll and not Taylor Ham, no matter what any apostate will say. It is tangy, salty, tasty, and for those who care about that kind of thing, not overexposed to hell by normies yet. The shame part is that it's a fairly localized product. One won't find it outside of the Philadelphia or New York metropolitan areas. Fear not, however, for you can buy it online. Ain't the Internet Age a wonderful thing?

Not yet.

The good news is that Will Ospreay probably didn't win Best of the Super Juniors because New Japan Pro Wrestling has an insidious agenda against anyone of Asian stock born in Japan. While I have no lines inside the Bushiroad offices, the result feels like it was changed on the fly when his match with Ricochet went viral. The bad news is I'm not sure who was the original pick to win. Hell, the original winner may just have been another one of those filthy gaijin. But the problem isn't so much that NJPW hates its own natives, but because it's done such a poor job of building its juniors division and that because of that, the company has to import juniors from places like North America and the United Kingdom.

Who were the viable juniors who could have won? BUSHI and KUSHIDA, unless you're a Ryusuke Taguchi mark. But even though he seems like a perfectly cromulent gatekeeper, he's not the kind of guy who wins. As for KUSHIDA, he won last year, and he's the Champion. A won from him would have felt recursive. BUSHI was the only real choice among Japanese wrestlers. Any of NJ's other name native juniors, like Kamataichi, are on excursion right now. The heavyweight division has far better prestige, probably because it has far better booking and attention paid to it. Look at the Jr. Heavyweight Tag Championships. One might think that the buzz around Ospreay/Ricochet might spur officials to start a two-on-two feud, but again, the BOSJ Finals card was started by a random three-way match.

New Japan booking patterns have always favored its native talent. No gaijin has ever won the G1 Climax, and I doubt that changes this year. In fact, the only foreigners who've won anything close to the G1 were Andre the Giant and Hulk Hogan, who won the International Wrestling Grand Prix or the MSG League in 1982, '83, and '85 (Andre, Hogan, Andre). Sure, more foreigners have won BOSJ, including three in the last four years, but that has less to do with a white devil invasion and more with "everyone wants to be a heavyweight." This problem is less a racial one and more an effort one, I think.

The idea that NXT should be the barebones, wrestling brand appeals to my senses compared to the raw excess of RAW and Smackdown. Therefore, NXT's signature gimmick match should definitely be something in the vein of the Jack Brisco 15 Minute Championship match. While most television matches don't go that long, the gimmick could be modified to a be a ten, seven, or even five minute sprint challenge gimmick. Let economy of time be the driving factor here, and let the wrestling speak for itself. Of course, ladder and cage matches every once in ahwile would be nice, but the signature should be purely wrestling related.

He'd be a great candidate to dethrone Jay Lethal's title reign finally, which means he'll win it on July 20, 2018, the day right before he officially signs his WWE developmental contract.

The reason you should follow Southern graps is the reason you should do anything, because it's good. Do you watch EVOLVE and enjoy the stylings of Fred Yehi? Well, he's only a tip of the iceberg when it comes to standouts from the Georgia, Tennessee, and North Carolina territories. With wrestlers like Jimmy Rave, Kyle Matthews, Chip Day, Corey Hollis, John Skyler, and Anthony Henry among others, you get a good mix of old school mentality with modern innovation. It's a different scene than anything else one might find, and that's a good thing.

Ah yes, beer. Thanks to the craft movement, the boundaries of what beer can be have been stretched further than my belt after eating at a Brazilian steakhouse. Anyway, if I were to open a wrestling-themed brewery, my finest brews would be:

  • The Hall of Pain (Imperial stout, ABV 11.5%) - In honor of Mark Henry, Hall of Pain Imperial Stout is brewed with cocoa nibs and packs a huge punch. After two or three of these, you'll feel like you've been given the World's Strongest Slam.
  • Ospreay 360 Degree IPA (ABV 7.5%) - Will Ospreay is known for his mad hops, so his brew is hopped for six straight hours. It may hit you in the front end like one of his signature torpedo kicks, but its floral aroma is just so pretty.
  • Sandman Pils (Czech-style pilsner, ABV 6.8%) - The perfect drinking beer if you plan on downing a case or if you just want to nurse one as you're making your grand entrance into the ECW Arena.
  • Kimber Pomme (Apple lambic, ABV 4.0%) - Made with apples from Kimber Lee's home state of Washington, Kimber Pomme has a sweet exterior that will fuck your day up if you drink it for too long.
  • Power of the Punch (English ESB, ABV 6.9%) - William Regal's offering to the menu uses English hops for an earthy aroma and flavor. Good for drinking in a pub or in the stands at Full Sail as he's making them matches.
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