Friday, September 30, 2016

NXT In 60 Seconds

"I'm just an interviewer.  Please don't kill me."  "No promises."
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Full Sail: empty
William Regal, mid-ring: Starting with next week's show, the second annual Dusty Classic tag tournament will begin, and the finals will happen at Takeover: Toronto.
Best Coast Bias, mid-stream-of-consciousness: Starting with next week's show, NXT In 60 Seconds is going on hiatus. 

Tye Dillinger: 10!
Full Sail, now with people in it: 10!
Angelo Dawkins: stirs it up
Corey Graves: MVC- couldn't get it cooking if Nigella Lawson was leading him through a PB and J recipe step by step.
Everyone Who Isn't Angelo Dawkins: nods
Angelo Dawkins: But I
10ye: Breaker!
God's Answering Machine: GLORIOUS!
Robert Roode, Esq.: That was...impressive.  While you're not a 10 yet I can get you there.  I came to NXT for a lot of reasons but number one was to compete in and win the Dusty Classic.
Full Sail: GLORIOUS 10!  GLORIOUS 10!  GLORIOUS 10!
RRE: I could use a partner.
10ye: mulls it over
Full Sail: DO IT!  DO IT!  DO IT!
10ye: Okay.  shakes hands
Full Sail: GLORIOUS 10!  GLORIOUS 10!  GLORIOUS 10!

HIDEO: I'm looking forward to facing Lince Dorado in the main event tonight, as well as kneeing Austin Aries in the face if he grows a set.

the Ealy Brothers: We're the first twin tag team in the history of the WWEPC!
the Revival: We're the first two-time NXT World Tag Team Champions!
Samoa Joe: I don't give a crap about any of that!  Since you two look alike, I'm going to treat you alike!  Senton spam!
the Revival: Top guys, out.
Joe: Regal.  REGAL!  Now the number's two.  You give me Nakamura, or you give me MY belt.

Mandy Rose: I'm not Blonde Eva Marie!
Ember Moon: Sure, you're not.
Mandy: FOREARM
Everybody But Her: wait
Ember: That was weird, but anyways.  Hallaway slam ahnda nip up!  Springboard Steamboat press!  All right, time to
Mandy: I'M NOT DAMMIT BICYCLE KNEE
Everybody But Her: wait what
Mandy: FACE ERASER!
Everybody But Her: dafuq
Ember: And suddenly I have to get up out of here NIP UP RANA INTO THE TURNBUCKLE
Mandy: grrgh
Ember: By the Light of the Moon, I end this match.  definitely doesn't give her the O-Face  Huh.  Blondie drew blood.  Irony!

DIY: Around this time last year we became a thing here.  This year, now that we're here, we've got a three-pronged plan to success.  1) Win the Dusty Classic this time around.  2)  Get another crack at the Revival.  3)  Win the belts. 

Asuka: gets ready to unmake another human being

SAnitY

Authors of Pain: Speaking of unmaking human beings squash squash squashity squash gorilla press whatever this is to the floor
Rando Calrissian: OW
Authors of Pain: Side Russian lariat!
Paul Ellering: Spoiler alert: our next chapter involves more squash.

William Regal: I still don't have any Nakamura updates, but about the Dusty Classic -
Dubstep Cowboys: bicker
Regal: checks his nails
Dubstep Cowboys: continue to bicker
Regal: Leave.
Dubstep Cowboys: do so

Liv: tries
Asuka: LOLNOPE
Liv: taps so fast Phil Brooks is laughing at her
Asuka: NOBODY IS READY FOR ASUKA!
Full Sail: YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY~!   

Lince Dorado: Is my main eventing my first NXT show even going to make the top 100 in TWB's Peak 2016 countdown next year?
The Wrestling Blog Staff: shrug collectively
Lince: Fair enough.
Full Sail: SO cool Lince's going to NEVER MIND THAT CRAP, HERE COMES HIDEO!
HIDEO: sup y'all
Lince: wrestles
Hideo: counterwrestles
Full Sail: applauds 
Hideo: wrestles
Lince: counterwrestles
Full Sail: applauds 
Lince: This feels vaguely familiar from somewhere.
Hideo: It does.
Lince: Anyway, ASAI MOONSAULT!
Hideo: Yeahno, time to get winning here.  Strike party!
Lince: ow
Hideo: And now you go
Lince: no no no no no no no!  He's down!  It's Shooting Star Press time!
Hideo: hits the snooze
Lince: ...aw, farts.
Hideo: You GO TO SLEEP now!
Lince: does
Hideo: Ah, to bask in the joy of a win free from any sign of
A Double: Sneak attack!  HAHAHAHAHAHA!  Now that you are down I will pummel you in the face!  Everyone bathe in my majesty!
Hideo: starts recovering
Austin Aries: I think my daughter's been kidnapped or turned into a blueberry or something byyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Hideo: ...I can't wait until I knee Midland Taurus in the face again.