Friday, January 20, 2017

NXT In 60 Seconds

Main Event Contract Signing!
Photo Credit:
Nikki Cross: rants incoherently
Cannon Fodder: Eh, it's a living.
Cross: mauls her, Moss-Covered Three-Handled Family Credenza

InterviewBot: You're here!  No way!
Jose: ¡Fiesta para 2017!
Noah Potjes: I get a speaking part this week.  AND I remember you leaving me high and dry in Toronto when SAnitY swarmed us.
Jose: No way.  I barely remember that, and I was there.
Noah: LIVES are gonna be in Noah Potjes' hands.  YouknowwhatImean?
Bray Wyatt: how fucking DARE you

the Revival: We had the best year in the history of any tag team, so expect more of the same this year.
TM61: Oi, fellows.
the Revival: You bottom feeders.  We're gonna filet you.  Top Guys, out.

Roderick Strong: Thanks for the love, Full Sail.
Steve Cutler: I'm probably screwed here, huh?
Roddy: nods
Cutler: tries anyway
Roddy: still Sick Kicks him down  Andrade, I'll see you in San Antonio.  I still want my chance to hold the Big X, and you're in my way.

Possibly Different InterviewBot: So, Ember Moon, what's your role?
Ember: The evildoers get their shot in San Antonio, and I'll forge my own destiny after that.
Liv Morgan: As will I.  We're friends, but we're after the same thing, and I'll last longer than 28 seconds this time.  Shake?
Ember: Sure.  But next week, you may get Eclipsed.

Full Sail: TEN!  TEN!  TEN!  TEN!
Tye: 2016 ended with a big question mark for me...
Full Sail: Royal Rumble!  Number 10!
10ye: Could happen.  I'm shaken by coming up close again, I'm not going to lie.  But if all of you believe in me--
Eric Young: And we do.  Wolfie, offer the man a jacket.
Full Sail: NO!  NO!  NO!  NO!
10ye: takes the jacket... so he can put it on the floor
E.Y.: My apologizes.  I should've made the offer myself, so I will.  The right choice can be unclear, I know.  But I made the right decision last year, and you can, too.  Choose to make it perfect, Tye.  And put on the jacket.  This is not a request.
Full Sail, Despite The Fact This Literally Happened 2 Minutes Ago: NO!  NO!  NO!  NO!
Tye: That pitch was a solid 8.  You know what it's not?  flashes the fingers as the people yell
Full Sail: TEN!  TEN!  TEN!  TEN!
10ye: LOLWOLFE!  Hey, Eric!  How's about you get a perfectly-executed Tyebreak
10ye: gaaaah
Damo: Nice jacket.
Nikki Cross: rants incoherently but in a positive fashion

the Revival: jump TM-61 right at the bell, continue to do so on Thorne
Corey Graves: They call that clubberin', Tom.
Dash Wilder: Let me blind tag in before this Shatter Machine!
Winston CeCe Schmidt: What a fine idea!
the Revival: wait what
Nick Miller: Ha ha catch these hands
the Revival: Ha ha we're still the f'n Revival
Shane Thorne: Gotcha leg!
Wilder: wait what
Miller: Flash pinfall!
Scott Dawson: wait what
Dash Wilder: Yup, let's ruin their lives and head to the main roster.
the Revival: more clubberin', Shatter Machine on Miller
Thorne: tries it
the Revival: Demolition Decapitation and the second rope kneebreaker a la Colin Cassady
Thorne: regrets having tried it 

Bobby Roode: No physicality here.  I wouldn't dream of ruining the biggest money match in NXT history.  Yeah, I've been targeting you since Day One, but c'mon.   You're the King of Strong Style, and you've got no style.  You got half a haircut...
Shinsuke Nakamura: laughs
Roode: You look like you're in Thriller! 
Nakamura: laughs
Roode: You do whatever the hell this is something vaguely approximating the signature cross-handed spazout
Nakamura: laughs
Full Sail: laughs
Nakamura: Bobby-San, I knew our paths would cross.  P.S., you look like a Shiba Inu.
Full Sail: laughs even louder SHIBA INU! clap clap clapclapclap SHIBA INU! clap clap clapclapclap
Roode: Wow.  Such disrespect.  Much undermining.  Wow.  Understand me, this is America where wrestlers have real talent and I'm the biggest draw in the world.  I'M THE IT FACTOR, DAMNIT!  I'm going to make Full Sail Great Again, and the last step in my changing this place for the better culminates in me winning the Big X in San Antonio.  signs the contract And it will be GLORIO
Nakamura: hand to the face Rock-style, cutting him off
Full Sail: wait whaaaaaaaaaat he did that?  Can he even do that?  Holy crap
Nakamura: You look great.  You're one of the best in the world.  But you're not taking this belt.  signs the contract Come next Saturday, I'm gonna kick your head off.  And it will be spazzing out
Roode: You don't do that!  That's MY thing!  That's MY thing that I DO!
Full Sail: GLORIOUS!
Regal: barely stifling his laughter in the background
Roode: glaring How dare literally everyone in the history of mankind who isn't me.  Good day.  leaves
Nakamura: holds up the Big X