Friday, February 10, 2017

NXT In 60 Seconds

Live (to tape) from Full Sail, it's gloating time!
Photo Credit:

Nigel McGuinness: Evening, Yanks.  What sort of technical exhibition will I be privy to first?
Asylum Breach Alert Horns: blaring

SAnitY: raves incoherently except for the new guy
Bollywood Boyz: sing and dance
Super Crazy Eric: New Guy?
Killian Dain: looks in his direction
Killian: Sure.  splat splut GORSH
Bollywood Boyz: ow
Alexander Wolfe: need me to tag in or
S.C.E.: Nah, we're good.
the White Chocolate Cheesecake of Mental Disorder: ASUKA BRING ME ASUKA I WANT ASUKA
S.C.E.: ...hokay.  Tye...come home where you belong. 

Liv Morgan: sup y'all
Billie Kay: Me against LOLIV?  I got this.
Peyton Royce: Of course you do, boo.
Liv: Not if I knock you down and dance on your back!
BK: You sawed off little second gen Carmellabe pummelling commences
Liv: eventually returns fire
BK and PR: Hey, ref!  I/she has the ropes! 
Liv: sends B into R and pins the former
Peyton: Wait, did that says PINS!?
Billie: DID I JUST 
Liv: I should get the hell out of here with my win before the two of them beat up the one of me.  does

10ye: Hell no, I'm not joining the Purge: Full Sail.  I don't know if you know this or not, but I was in the Royal Rumble and it went pretty
SAnitY: beatdown commences from backstage to the ring
10ye: starts whittling down The Damn Numbers Game (c WWE) Hey, maybe I have a shot at
Killian: Getting flying crossbodied so hard it's like you actually got bodied?
10ye: augh
Roderick Strong: Cease your ingress!
No Way Jose: What he said!
10ye: Could've used you guys a couple minutes ago but I'll take what I can get.
SAnitY: rants angrily as they retreat to the back 

Peyton: Mr. Regal, we don't care Tyler Bate is facing his Moustache Mountain partner Trent Seven on next week's show and defending his WWEUK Title for the first time!
Billie: We want NO DEMAND a match v. Liv next week!
Regal: You will get her...and a partner of her choosing.
Team Australia: LOL like she has any friends!  *hop away*

WWE: Guess what, everybody?  Shinsuke's...gonna be Okay!
Crowd: slightly applauds
WWE: But...Shin-suke...oh-kay?  Dammit, that killed in rehearsal...

Tucker Knight and Otis Dozovic: We got a Tron and matching tights!  We're Heavy Machinery now!
Full Sailors: YAY!
the Revival: Spoiler alert: we're still the damn Revival, and this doesn't end well for you land monsters.
Heavy Machinery: But we're very strong!  MUCH stronger than you.
the Revival: ...fair.  But we're very crafty.
Heavy Machinery: Aw, man!  lose
Scott Dawson: As I was saying before those jamokes interrupted us, we're the best tag team in the world, the reigning Tag Team of the Year in NXT.
Full Sailors: say yeah
Dawson: DIY proved it in San Antonio when they got gooified and lost OUR belts! 
Full Sailors: say well I don't know about all that it seems a massive oversimplification of what occurred at best
Dawson: We're the best tag team from here to Zimtok-5, and even the Authors of Pain will be footnotes compared to  the Revival who aw hell they're coming out, aren't they
Paul Ellering: nods sagely, land monsters in tow
the Revival: Oh look at that we left the water on and the stove running byeeeeee
Plath and Kant: stand menacingly in the otherwise empty ramp
Plath and Kant: leave the ring menacingly
Plath and Kant: hold up their belts at the top of the ramp menacingly
Dawson and Wilder: wait until this moment to sneak attack them cunningly because they're still the Revival
Plath and Kant: start to stir
Dawson and Wilder: SCATTER!  do so
Plath and Kant: DO.  NOT.  LIKE. 

God's Production Team: Please enjoy this video package on YOUR WWEUK Champion, Tyler Bate. You'll see him next week!
Bobby Roode: see also
Reverend Lovejoy: ...and it goes on like this.

God's Production Team: Please enjoy this video package on the irreverent yet hard-hitting Trent Seven. You'll see him next week!

Way Perfectly Strong: Cash us ousside the ring before the bell rings, how bow dah?
SAnitY: Ow!  Wait, what the hell?  When's the last time we went ow!?
No Way Jose: Pfft.  Alexander Wolfe.  We got this.
E.Y.: Not anymore.
Roderick Strong: We can power up, too.
Roderick: But I'm the Messiah of the Backbreaker
Killian: And we recognize no God.  splats him
E.Y.: We did it!  Well, I got the pinfall, but it's a team effort.  Even though I got the pinfall! 
Alexander: Huzzah!
Killian: yay
Fellow Lunatics: look at her
Nikki: sighs  Yaaaaayyy.
SAnitY: rant triumphantly 

*this happened verbatim.  Seriously.