Thursday, March 16, 2017

NXT In 60 Seconds

Same, TAFKA Hero
Photo Credit:
the Ealy Brothers: Our first match!  Maybe this week we can
the Authors of Pain: whatever LOLNOPE is in Samoan, Super Collider, Final Chapter
Paul Ellering: I'm not just molding champions, I'm building a dynasty!  And that statement will lead to no comeuppance, so thanks, everyone for
#DIY: If it wasn't for the Revival, we would've won back the belts in our rematch!
the Revival: Reality check, if it wasn't for us there wouldn't BE a tag division!
Master Regal: All of you will face each other down the road and in a fortnight under elimination rules.  Last team standing wins the prize.
All Six Of Them, Even the Authors: The prize...

DISCLAIMER: Here's the thing.  You may think you're ready for Asuka sitting poolside in a sundress talking about how awesome she is over a vidpac of her many ass-kickings while Baroness plays in the background.

But you are somebody.

And NOBODY is ready for Asuka (not even Ember Moon)!

We now rejoin our program already in progress.

Macey Estrella: I'm new, but I'm Southern, and I've got a legit military background.  I'll kick your ass.
Nikki Cross: Bless your heart, Rule 63 Steve Cutler.  SIX fisherman's neckbreakers later
No Way Jose AND Tye Dillinger: Let's jump all the guys in SAnitY from behind!  What could possibly go wrong?
Ron Howard (voiceover): Shortly thereafter, almost everything went wrong slash as predicted.
E.Y.: Watch this! 
Dain and Wolfe: real good at holding Tye
E.Y.: wheelbarrow neckbreaker on Jose  I didn't do this!  YOU did this!  wheelbarrow neckbreaker on Tye "Their blood is on YOUR hands!"

We Cannot Stress Enough How Much This Isn't Thomas Conclusion: e v e n s o o n e r

Andrade "Cien" Almas, Earlier This Week: Your face is stupid.
Hoho Lun: ???
Oney Lorcan: Stop that.  (now as the episode airs) He's a bully, and I'm not Ho2's friend, but he doesn't deserve that.  If the lower A Double is looking for someone to push around, I'll Be A Star in no time.

Cheerful WWE Voiceover: In addition to another Cien/Lorcan match, No Way But Perfectly Strong will face SAnitY!

Ch, uh, Kassius Ohno: Can't wait to win the Big X in my return match and put all these pesky doubts to rest!
Bobby Roode, Esq.: Can't wait to knock the peyote out of this breathing hairball's skull!
Shinsuke Nakamura, Watching In the Back: silent
Ohno: Flash pins! Right hands!
Roode: Well, I didn't like much of THAT.  Northern Lariat!  Now it is I who has control!  Take these periodic stomps, chokes and to the floor with you!  Glorious restholds!
Shinsuke Nakamura, Watching In the Back: silent
Ohno: I can escape these, eventually!
Roode: Oh, no....oh, THAT'S where that comes from.
Ohno: Cyclone Boot!  Diamond Dust!  ROLLING ELBOW!  I HIT IT!  I--oh, hell, I knocked him out of and not in the middle of the ring.  Must get him back championship...go on to dream match...
Ohno: The irony of my surname at a time like this.
Roode: Ah, hell.  Uh, neck first into the top rope with you!
Ohno: grrk
Roode: GDT!  I hit it!  I win!  Huzzah and hosannas for meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Kassius Ohno, Having Lost Clean In the Center of the Ring: silent 

Bobby Roode, Posing At the Top of the Aisle: silent
Shinsuke Nakamura, Watching In the Back: silent