Friday, May 12, 2017

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 186

P'unk Burger is one of many reasons why Philly is a great burger town
Photo Credit: TH
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers:

I try not to fuck with the terms "overrated" and "underrated" anymore either because who knows what the sample audience is and what are the standards. However, I will take this opportunity to stump for my home state of Pennsylvania, because perception seems that it's either cheesesteaks in the eastern part of the state or fries and cole slaw on sandwiches in the west, and the rest is garbage gas station food. This perception could not be further from the truth. For one, the "gas station" food is actually good, at least at Wawa, which started out without gas. Sheetz, well, I have a reputation to uphold, but *whispers* it's actually not that bad, just not nearly as good as Wawa.

Second, regardless of what one thinks about "hurrr CHEEZSTEAX! PREMANTEE BRODDAS!" the state's food offerings are a lot more diverse than just the sandwich shop avatars. For example, Philadelphia shouldn't just be known as a cheesesteak city, but as a preeminent sandwich city in the country, if not world. In addition to the flagship sandwich, it has the Italian roast pork sandwich, which has a local reputation that meets or exceeds that of the cheesesteak. It's also one of the best burger cities I've been to, in addition to offering the best in things like roast beef, Italian hoagies, and even breakfast sandwiches. While I can't speak for Pittsburgh on the whole, that area has given the rest of the state, and I guess Ohio too, the glory of Quaker Steak and Lube, which has some of the best wings I've ever had. That's not even taking into account other parts of the state, the best of which is Lancaster County. Firstly, them Amish people make the best fried chicken I've ever had. Then you have shoo-fly pie and their take on pot pie and all the other goodies they put on mega-buffets called smorgasbords. Honestly, Pennsylvania might not pack the depth of a, say, Texas or California, but it's certainly not just cliche sandwiches and gas station food like you've been led to believe.

I don't have a favorite for content, mainly because these ordeals are tedious and annoying. I kinda wish outsiders would just stop trying to "own" wrestling fans and instead leave the community alone. That being said, my favorite antagonist to dunk on is always Colin Cowherd because dunking on shitty shock sports jocks whose relevance is tied to being racist towards John Wall is never out of style.

*extremely Brooklyn culturally appropriating voice* Uh, it's Korean duh.

Seriously though, while all kinds of BBQ are good in their own way, one region has a superior edge over the rest, and surprise surprise, it's Texas. Sorry if this offends, pork-smokin' regions, but I find nothing better than a good Texas brisket. Beef is the king. That being said, it's not like Memphis, North Carolina, Kansas City, or [insert region here] is bad. The pig is also an extremely good animal to harvest meats for slow cooking from. The only bad barbecue is the one you don't make. And also any barbecue that is covered in Alabama mayonnaise-based barbecue sauce. WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO MAKE A BARBECUE SAUCE OUT OF FUCKING MAYONNAISE? SHOW YOURSELVES! SHOW YOURSELVES, COWARDS!

It's a buy after careful consideration between him and Roddy Piper. Honestly, Batista might be getting the big roles now, but forget They Live for a second. Does Big Dave have any role that has the bang for its buck comedically or is as endearing as that Piper had as Da Maniac on It's Always in Philadelphia? I mean, Batista is still a buy for sheer volume (and Drax is the best part of the GOTG films, by far), but it's closer between him and Piper than you might think. The Rock is a distant third. Fuck Hulk Hogan.

So, four titles are on the line at Takeover: Chicago. I will attempt to forecast which ones will change hands:

  • NXT World Championship: Bobby Roode defends against Hideo Itami here. As much as my heart screams to forecast a title change, I give Roode an 85 percent shot of keeping the strap here, which means it's a 15 percent chance of a title change. NXT didn't just invest all that promotional time in Roderick Strong to give his big Takeover: Brooklyn III win the hot potato treatment (three title changes in four Takeovers).
  • NXT World Women's Championship: The tea leaves seem to suggest that Asuka should be a lock to win since her biggest competitor, Ember Moon, is out of the match due to injury, or, if you believe @badboicasey's speculation, her "injury." I can see Asuka losing the title without getting pinned, killing two birds with one stone (taking the strap off her, preserving her undefeated streak for the main roster), but it doesn't feel like NXT's thing to do the chickenshit "Champion loses without getting pinned" thing. I'll give it a 50/50 chance of a change.
  • NXT Tag Team Championships: This match is exceedingly hard to forecast just because of the stipulation. A ladder match seems tailor made for #DIY to recapture the titles, right? And yet what else do they have to do in NXT? I don't know. I'm flipping a coin on this one too, 50/50 on #DIY getting a second reign with the titles.
  • WWE United Kingdom Championship: I feel confident that Pete Dunne is gonna steamroll Tyler Bate here. Bate was a nice feelgood story to win the title, but the time has come for the evil boarding school bully to win the title and set up to reign over the WWE UK weekly show. I got Dunne at 95 percent likelihood to win here. Sorry if this offends.
So in closing, you'll probably have at least one title change, and it may not be any of the regular NXT titles. Have fun!

As a Republican? I'd put it at 20 to one. Wait, what do you mean he wouldn't run as a Republican? You think just because he's multiracial and a movie star that he couldn't be conservative? Buddy, just because he doesn't wear his beliefs on his sleeve doesn't mean he represents a slightly more gregarious wing of American rightist politics. He's known to be anti-choice and loves him some military. But he'd also be a far more palatable choice for both voters and less fascist Republicans. The problem is if he'd be able to take out Trump in the primaries. Primarying an incumbent President has little recent precedent. Trump would feel like the first one to get a strong challenge within his own party, but it feels too foreign.

If he were to switch over to Democratic registration, I put the odds at even money. No one on the Democratic roster could challenge him in terms of both popularity and viability. The country is sick of the Hillary Clinton wing, and no one is viable enough to take up Bernie Sanders' mantel right now on the left part. If he were to run as an independent, I'd shuffle his chances back to like four-to-one if just because a third party still feels out of reach. Still, he'd have a great shot to win outside the parties.

But does the country really want President The Rock? Deep down, I don't think it does.

I've never made the connection until I saw this Tweet-question, but it makes all the sense in the world. Basically, it's huge nerds (and I say that lovingly) spending money to see pro wrestling they would normally miss thanks to distance and availability. Instead of it being Japanese and Mexican promotions on grainy video tape, it's grimy American indies in questionable venues. However, both forms require(d) a lot money to really get into, and the buzz gets generated via word of mouth or through channels most mainstream WWE fans might not utilize. The biggest difference, however, is the amount of sociability making towns requires, which may actually make it better. Anyone can shell out money for postage to get rare wrestling tapes from across the sea, but nothing beats live wrestling in a place where you can sample local flavors. Either way though, it's an accurate if not completely lined-up comparison.

My non-serious answer was already taken by the illustrious Tweet-master himself, Garbage McFart about inviting Rude Boy Riley over. Anyway, my serious answer would probably be smoking a brisket for Mark Henry. Why? Eh, he seems like a chill Texas dude who'd appreciate the fact someone smoked a brisket for him. Just as long as he comes over wearing something other than his salmon suit...

Honestly, I don't have any desire to watch people stream video games outside of one macabre example: Pokemon. I used to not be able to get enough of watching people stream their Nintendo DS-era Pokemon battles (Diamond/Pearl/HeartGold/SoulSilver) on YouTube. I don't know, maybe it was learning strategy, or maybe it was just the sheer being able to identify with playing it competitively. Either way though, while I don't necessarily have interest in it, I can see why people would, and hey, anything people do to get themselves through the daily pain of life, right?

I feel like I've done this before, but I will keep fantasy booking tournaments until my eyes bleed because folks, tournaments are good.
  • The Shield (Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, Seth Rollins)
  • New Day (Big E, Kofi Kingston, Xavier Woods)
  • SANitY (Eric Young, Alexander Wolfe, Killian Dain)
  • The Club (AJ Styles, Karl Anderson, Luke Gallows)
  • Team India (Jinder Mahal, the Singh Bros.)
  • Kings of Wrestling (Cesaro, Sheamus, Kassius Ohno)
  • Triple H Posse (Kevin Owens, Samoa Joe, Pete Dunne)
  • The King and His Court (Neville, TJ Perkins, Drew McIntyre)
  • Best Buddies (Apollo Crews, Akira Tozawa, Rich Swann unless Ricochet becomes available)
  • Team Angle 2K18 (Kurt Angle, Chad Gable, Jason Jordan)
  • Day One Ish (Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, Sean Maluta)
  • Moustache Mountain (Tyler Bate, Trent Seven, Gentleman Jack Gallagher)
  • Gulak for a Better WWE (Drew Gulak, Oney Lorcan, ugh, I guess Dolph Ziggler)
  • Three Chubby White Guys (Tucker Knight, Otis Dozovic, Sami Zayn)
  • The Artists of Pain (Aiden English, Akam, Rezar)
  • Fashion Forward (Tyler Breeze, Fandango, Patrick Clark)
I won't book the whole tournament, but the final would almost have to be The Shield vs. The Club if just for how the narratives of wrestling have played out in the last five years total.

Ten bucks? Okay, let me have at it. I'm using the prices from ShopRite's online grocery ordering to make chili. My list of ingredients are as follows:
  • Fresh 80 percent lean ground beef, one pound ($3.69)
  • ShopRite brand crushed tomatoes 29 ounce can ($1.19)
  • ShopRite brand dark red kidney beans, 15 ounce can ($0.79)
  • Medium red bell pepper, five ounces apiece, two ($1.24)
  • Jalapeno pepper, four ounces apiece, two ($1.00)
  • Shallots, one ounce apiece, three ($0.36)
  • Spice Classics brand chili powder ($1.25)
And you have 48 cents leftover to buy, I don't know, what costs 50 cents or so nowadays? Whatever. Assuming you only need to spend ten bucks on ingredients and you have salt and pepper (and running water, which nowadays isn't a sure thing) at home, you can make a simple yet hearty chili that will serve a family of four for ten bucks or less.