Friday, June 30, 2017

NXT In 60 Seconds

A violent end to Stamford's historic 72 hour TV run
Photo Credit:
Nigel McGuiness: Last Woman Standing for the NXT Women's World Championship tonight in the main event!  You picked a good show to debut on, mate.
Mauro Ranallo: Concur, but let's put the focus where it belongs, in the ring.

Velveteen Dream: gyrates frequently while radiating sexual fluidity, as do most other 21-year-olds from what the news tells me
Ho Ho Lun: is much smaller and still moves haltingly
TAFKAPC: Why don't you bathe yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka?  big boot, delayed Jackhammer, Savage elbow
Referee: Winner! 

Master Regal: In two weeks' time, Heavy Machinery will face the Authors of Pain for the NXT World Tag Team Championships.
Otis: Shakaloo!
Paul Ellering: stares, nods in acceptance, leaves with his brood

Hideo Itami: silent
Oney Lorcan, due to their previous match: violent CHARGING EURO AT THE BELL!  CHOPS!  ANOTHER EURO! I'M GONNA...
Ref: Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.  checks Hideo's nose, which is spewing blood Trainers!
Trainers: join the referee, trying in vain to stem the bleeding
Ref: So this just happened. rings the bell
Oney: frustrated
Hideo: yelling in Japanese before throwing down his bloody towel and leaving to the back

God's Production Team: Oh, shit. Uhhhh... here?  It is happening next week on our historic 400th episode.

Hideo: stomps back out with cotton in both nostrils
Full Sailors: stand and applaud
Mauro: Look at Hideo's bushido, what the Japanese call fighting spirit...
Every NXT Viewer Of Age Who Stayed In School, Kids: drinks
Oney: stomps back out since he doesn't really have a variant in his walk
Hideo: Gangsta shit it is, then.  YAKUZA kick at the bell, diving enzui knee, shoves Oney to the floor for daring to try it
Oney: Unfortunately for you, I don't care since I'm already ugly.  euro, EURO, running Blockbuster
Hideo: probably thinking the Japanese equivalent of "#tmfrh", tornado hangman, flying lariat
Oney: Yeah, my knee is hurt.  No, I don't give a damn.
Hideo: points to his head You can't feel pain if you're unconscious.  Go To Sleep, Southie.
Oney: does
Ref: Winner!
Hideo: now the most over he's ever been in nXt I'd like Kassius Ohno to come out.  Please.
Ohno: does so
Hideo: proffers the Hand of Friendship
Ohno: looks askance at it
Hideo: looks over at Nikki Cross?
Ohno: same
Nikki: :)
Ohno: Is the main event starting early or
Killian Dain and Alexander Wolfe: make this a four player game
Everybody: Ohhhhhh.    Oh, right!  BOOOOO!
HideOhno: laid out
Wolfe: Forget these false friendships and pageantries.  Remember chaos.  Remember this as our first night of dominance as Nikki does what no other woman could!   
Asuka: That's not true.  Dozens of women have lost to me, and hundreds more will in the future.

Nikki: Hey!  It's Nikki!  Big fan.
Asuka: stares malevolently
Nikki: forearms while Asuka's in the apron
A Man In Belfast Having A Pint: smiles, showing a gap in his teeth
Chairs: piled up by Cross outside of the ring
Both: take turns eating the steps
Asuka: series of knees, sets up a chair pile in the ring
Nikki: Christian DDTs her into the apron
Asuka: throws her off the top into the in-ring chair pile
Nikki: back suplexes her into it by way of recovery
Full Sailors: THIS IS AWE SOME clap clap clapclapclap
Both: up around 7
Axl: gets out of bed around 9
Nikki: laughing as she's getting kicked in the chest
Asuka: "Oh, yeah?!"
Nikki: reverses a uraken into a straightjacket neckbreaker, then four spinning fisherwoman's neckbreakers
Ref: Seven!  Eight!  Nine!  T... she's up!
Asuka: CROCOP kick over the attempted belt shot, roundhouse a la Purrazzo connects
Ref: Six!  Seven!  Eight!  She's up (7 point font) using the ropes but still w/e (/)
Nikki: counters a shot and powerbombs Asuka into the chair pile on the floor
Full Sailors: NXT!  NXT!  NXT!  NXT!
Ref: Seven!  Eight!  Nine!  Te... she's up!
Full Sailors: Asuka!  Asuka!  Asuka!  Asuka!
Asuka: diving hip attack off the ramp, misses a kick and hits a spotlight
Nikki: cackling while Asuka fights off the count Mine.  barrier hung spinning neckbreaker, more cackling
Ref: Eight!  Nine!  TE... NO!  She's up!  

Asuka: uraken to the face
Nikki: ladder to the guts, sets her up on a table pver by announce by bouncing her face off of it first a few times
Asuka: pulls her leg to slow her down 
Announce Team: flees like real men
Both: go through the announce table off a superplex
Announce Team: almost invent a portmanteau of freak out and mark out
Ref: jfc ... uhhh... just pretend everything's normal ... EIGHT!  NINE!  She's up!  TEN!  Winner! 
Announcer: AND STILL...
Full Sailors: cheer wildly
Asuka: falls on her hands and knees happily pounding what's left of the table, is on the ramp holding the belt up like Liberty Belle after the replays
Nikki: smiles though she isn't moving
Credits: roll
Mauro: Decent first night.  Solid 8.