Friday, September 22, 2017

NXT In 60 Seconds

SURprisE
Photo Credit: WWE.com
then

now

the brain, forever.

Mauro Ranallo: Fans and humanoids alike, we've got another great hour from Full Sail for you tonight.  In the main event, Moustache Mountain goes up against Not reDRagon and Aleister Black finally speaks!

Full Sailors: cheer loudly for Jonathan Grapples once again
Tino Sabatelli: You kiddin' me?  Him!?  taunts and facewashes
Johnny Gargano: clearly mumbling to himself
Tino: nice dropkick, right hands He ain't got nuthin' on me, boy.  chinlock
Full Sailors: clap to rally
Johnny: No.
Tino: No?  No what?
Johnny: ...

NO.  beats the crap out of him, step up enzuigiri, superkick, Gargano Escape
Referee: Winner!

Roderick Strong: Mr. Regal, I think my resume speaks for itself at this point.  I would like another title opportunity.
Master Regal: Very well, lad.  In a fortnight, you will face Drew McIntyre for the NXT Championship.
Both: shake hands   

Sonya Deville: Asuka was scared of me...
Everybody Everywhere Ever: LOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLL
Blatant Liar: ...so the belt's going to be mine.  And if anyone's got a problem with that, #PYHU and SU

Lacey Evans: I can't believe what Crazy McGoo said, y'all.  I'm the one up next.
Bianca BelAir: Did you see me in the Mae Young?  I'M up next.
Lacey: glares
Bianca: same
Lacey: Legsweep!
Bianca: Oh, you done messed up, now.  hairpull throwdown, elevated double chickenwing, rope-assisted bow and arrow
Lacey: I'm fine! (sotto voce) ish (/) Slingshot elbow drop!  Shotei!  Handstand splash!
Bianca: And this, Liberty Belle, is where we part ways.  Stun Gun!  whips her with her hair
Everybody In The Arena: I said godDAMN!
Willow Smith: applauds
Bianca: Overhead powerbomb!
Referee: Winner!
Bianca: Well, obvs.  Stupid little Japanese pirates getting in my way...

Aleister Black...no, seriously: 15 years ago I started a journey that led me here.  And in that time I traveled the globe.  I saw and experienced a lot, which I put on my skin with these scars from the heart on my throat to the devil on my back.  But my journey here is far from done, and I know what I need to do...
Velveteen Dream: ...get interrupted by me.  All that fades to black must come into the light.  All I see is a hurt man in pain with lies scribbled on his skin.  Your biggest problem is fear — afraid to show emotion and afraid of my light.  You have a heart...it's just in the wrong place.
Black: Masses the microphone out of his hand, sits
VD: hits his knees in front of Black
Large Subset Of The Crowd: OMG THEY'RE GONNA MAKE OUT
VD: slithers out of the ring backwards

Dakota Kai: If you saw me in the Mae Young Classic, then you know how good I am.  I'm the captain of Team Kick — I'll do it to anyone who stands in my way — and I Want The Belt.

No Way Jose: tries everything a Lawful Good would
Lars Sullivan: beats him up like he owes him money, diving headbutt, modified slam
Referee: Winner!
Everyone: Yeesh.

Moustache Mountain: wave and groom at the Full Sailors
Full Sailors: wave and groom back
Not ReDragon: get the advantage quickly, throw a lot of knees at Trent and boot Tyler to keep him from tagging in 
Some Guy: jumps on the apron
Bobby Fish: trucks Seven into the barrier
Trent VII: hits a desperation Seven Stars Lariat
Tags: made
Tyler Bate Tyler Tyler Bate: Flashpoint!  Delayed Exploder!  Running Shooting Star Press!
Fish: makes the save
TVII: tosses and topes him, then gets sent into the steps
NReDragon: Not Chasing The Dragon!
Tyler: Foot on the ropes!  sends Kyle into Bobby and tags out again
TVII: gets a half crab in the ring
Tyler: gets superkicked by Some Guy bay bay outside of it
NReDragon: Sandwich roundhouses!  Not Total Elimination!
Referee: Winners! 
the Undisputed Era: And there will be no comeuppance!
Drew McIntyre's Music: hits
DMC: hits the ring
UE: bail and laugh As we said before, there will be no comeuppance.
SAnitY: Do tEll.  beat them around the arena until a low level of comeuppance is reached
Nigel McGuiness: I can't believe those cowards jumped them from behind unprovoked!
Mauro Ranallo: WILL YOU STOP