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| Godspeed, you good boy you Photo Credit: Tiffany Petherbridge |
1. Buddy (Last Week: Not Ranked, But Secretly Number One in My Heart Since 2008) - Yesterday, my wife and I had to put our beloved dog Buddy down. His health had been declining for a few months now, and he had an episode from which the vets said he wouldn't recover. He crossed The Rainbow Bridge at around 5 PM, Eastern Time, at the age of, we think, 13 or 14. We had adopted him right after we got married, within a couple of days of moving into our house in 2008. He was already three or four years old then. I would like to think we gave him a good life for the years he lived with us. He always seemed happy and frisky when my wife or I would pet him, and especially when we or our two children gave him food. He always looked like he had a smile on his face, and he followed my wife around the house constantly.
Becoming a pet owner is an act of emotional bravery. You are bringing an animal into your house not just for cosmetic reasons or because they're cool, but because you aim to make them part of your family. Whether small and cold-blooded or larger, warm-blooded, and seemingly feelings-aware like a cat or dog, you get an attachment to a living creature whom you will almost certainly bury. Unless you are old or infirmed, it is guaranteed that under normal circumstances, you're outliving this animal you are making part of your family. It is guaranteed that you will feel the emotional sting when that member of your family passes. Does the love that animal provide you outweigh the sting that will pierce your soul when they inevitably die?
The answer is yes, absolutely, unequivocally yes. Buddy spent nearly ten years in our home, and I wouldn't trade a single second of it, not even the bad moments, the times he shit on the rug or broke out of the house, the times he bit me in the face (I totally earned them, to be fair) or ate chocolate or paint. The warmth and love that a pet can give to you is exceeded only by that provided by another human being, like your children, especially your children. In fact, these animals become your children. Buddy was the first son I ever had, and I loved him accordingly. I'd like to think he loved me like I was his father. I'd be shocked if he didn't love my wife like she was his actual mother. To the world, he was half-Norwegian elkhound, half-Welsh corgi. To me, he was a part of my heart. Rest well, Buddy. I will always love you. I will always remember you.
2. Braun Strowman (Last Week: 3) - Who cares if he didn't conquer Brock Lesnar? He still gave him the toughest fight of any non-part-time "legend" AND ate both Dean Ambrose and Enzo Amore the next night on RAW. You can't argue with results like that.
3. Factory Donuts (Last Week: Not Ranked OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Northeast Philly has yet another must-visit eatery to go with Blue Duck, Las Margaritas, and Sweet Lucy's Barbecue. Factory Donuts makes its namesake item to order with great toppings and glazes. When I bit into my glazed donut, I was hooked. And the bacon on the other one is real bacon, not nasty bits. The maple glaze on that one was subtle and sweet, not too overpowering with sugar or maple flavor. I can't wait to see how the coffee stacks up. IF it's good, I'll have a new morning go-to spot when I go visit my parents.
4. Celeste Bonin (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The former Kaitlyn was spotted back training for an in-ring return. She's already attained godhood as a thirst trap with her gratuitous selfies. She was improving steadily before leaving WWE, and no matter where she goes, I'll be watching.
5. Nia Jax (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Not only has she been cementing her rep as the biggest bruiser in the WWE women's division since, well, ever, she took some big bumps at No Mercy that would've made Mick Foley proud. Jax started out her career rough, but man, she could end up being a huge thing in short order if she's given a stage to do so.
6. Jake Elliott (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Honestly, the grump in me says the Eagles never should've spotted the Giants 24 points in the fourth quarter after pretty much dominating the first three. The unabashed homer in me, however, IS STILL GOING NUTS OVER ELLIOTT'S TEAM RECORD 61 YARD FIELD GOAL TO GET THE BIG WIN IN THE HOME OPENER YEAH WHOOOOOO FLY EAGLES FLY BAYBAY LET'S DO IT MOTHERFUCKERS.
7. Cesaro (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I get cranky and ornery when I scratch a mosquito bite. Cesaro kept wrestling in the best match on No Mercy long after he had his FUCKING TEETH JAMMED FOUR INCHES INTO HIS GUMS on a spot where he went into the turnbuckle off a lariat. He's not a mortal. Goddammit, he's gotta be Asgardian.
8. Asuka (Last Week: Not Ranked) - It doesn't matter if you now know the date of Asuka's arrival to the RAW brand. YOU ARE NOT READY FOR ASUKA.
9. Anthony Stallard (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Look, I don't care how much out of The Onion his antics sound, but going around graveyards and impersonating a ghost is the most comedically brilliant thing anyone has done in years.
10. Oney Lorcan (Last Week: 10) - Whether by land or sea, Oney Lorcan is always here for porkin'.
