Friday, October 27, 2017

NXT In 60 Seconds

"YOU'RE EITHER NE... jk I always wanted to say that.  But join us! We'll have fun."
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Master Regal: Due to extenuating circumstances in her qualifier, Nikki Cross will be entered in tonight's last chance battle royal.  Per her SAnitY associates: the Authors of Pain will get their rematch next week and the non-competing wrestler will be banned from ringside.

Oney Lorcan and Danny Burch: come out individually
Full Sailors: pop for both
Tino Sabotelli and Riddick Moss: come out as a team
Full Sailors: pop for neither
Oney: starts wrecking them and tags out
Danny: ends up in the Bad Part of Town
Full Sailors: clap so that Danny can rally enough to make the tag
Danny: does so
Oney: Chops!  Charging European uppercuts!  Blockbuster!
Team AXE Body Spray: Yeah, enough of this.  fallaway slam into the corner on Oney, get rid of Danny and Gory bulldog combo Oney
Referee: Winners!
Danny: (pulling Oney up) Well, that sucked.  Let's get it right next time.   

Vanessa Borne: I'm winning this battle royale!
Ron Howard Voiceover: She wasn't.
Bianca BelAir: I'm winning this battle royale!
RHV: She...actually that would put two heels against two faces...
Sage Beckett: I'm winning this battle royale!
RHV: Sure you are, Sister Abigail.
Candice LeRae: I'm winning this battle royale!
RHV: She...should but probably won't?
Billie Kay: I'm winning this battle royale!
RHV: Another fatal four-way with Team Australia in it?  Probably not...but it would be perfectly logical...
Nikki Cross: slowly makes her way in, beelines for Taynara Conti, and eliminates her
Everybody Else: fights everybody else 
Conti: sends Nikki into the barrier before refs get rid of her
Peyton Royce, Who Of Course Came Out With Her BFF: shoves Nikki into the steps 
Bianca BelAir: eliminates Zeda and Rhea Ripley
Sage Beckett: after commercial, eliminates Dakota Kai then Aliyah
Nikki: comes back from the dead to lay out everybody with a Crossbody, then eliminates Borne, Sage and Santana Garrett
Abbey Laith: charges
Abbey: is stupid
Abbey: is eliminated
Mercedes Martinez: eliminates Sarah Logan
Candice LeRae: eliminates Lacey Evans
Bianca: PRESS SLAMS Candice out 
RHV: And then there were four.
Bianca: throws Billie over the top
Billie: hangs on by the braid
Full Sailors: applaud
Bianca: DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH A BLACK WOMAN'S HAIR whips her with the braid many times
Full Sailors: oh shit
Nikki: tackles a recovering Billie through the ropes to the floor
Mercedes and Bianca: end up fighting on the apron
Nikki: Fools!  eliminates both
Billie: Fool!  throws Nikki over the top
Peyton: oh no honey what is you doing
Nikki, Who Never Hit the Floor: comes back in and eliminates Billie
Referee: Winner!
Master Regal: holds the NXT Women's World Championship but is otherwise completely ignored
Peyton Royce: yells at Nikki
Nikki: yells back
Ember Moon: comes out and looks imposing
Kairi Sane: comes out and looks adorable but also mildly imposing
God's Production Team: Yes, this will work nicely.

Drew McIntyre: Well, as champion, I do feel a need and honor to represent NXT overseas, never mind, hi Zelina what can't I do you for?
Zelina Vega: Where is our contract?  Who is this fighting champion you keep referring to?
DMC: (sighs) Said it once, and twice, so this is thrice: YOUR.  BOY.  NEEDS.  TO.  DO.  THIS.  FACE.  TO.  FACE.  throws hands in the air and walks off disgustedly
"The Press": tries to ask Zelina questions
Zelina: I AIN'T OUT HERE TO TALK TO YOU PUTOS storms off
 
Aleister Black: comes down to ringside
Velveteen Dream: pops up behind him at the bottom of the ramp like a bad online ad, waits a beat before throwing him into the steps, then ties him up in the ropes SAY MY NAME!  SAY IT!  slaps him
Black: clearly irate, still mute
VD: Say my name!  Say my name!  slaps him again
Black: now more irate and mute, puts the boot up on a charge then almost sends him back to Lake Minnetonka with Black Mass
VD: gets out of the ring and alternately holds up his jaw and makes the "Thiiiiiis close" two finger gesture
Black: still irate and mute

Zelina: My success comes from impatience.  Why is my client waiting a week for a contract to a title match?  Drew will realize the higher up you get — just like last time — the harder it is to breathe.  He's ducking El Idolo because he can't really handle the rarefied air of a champion.
Cien: wrestles
Roderick Strong: counter wrestles
Cien: delivers a dragon backbreaker on, then a reverse facelock elbow drop into the apron
Some Guy In North Carolina: DELIGHTFUL!
Cien: Rope-assisted triangle armbar!
Roddy: Pop-up Malenko gutbuster!  Rope-hung Stronghold! Step up enzuigiri!  Back suplex into the apron!
Cien: Kickout!  Tornado reverse DDT!  Double knee express in the corner!
Roddy: Kickout!
Cien: Spinning back elbows!  Double knee express
Roddy: ANGLE SLAM!  Big corner knee!  Baseball slide!  If I win this, I can get another shot at the belt...I know it...
Cien: Dude, your shoe's untied.
Referee: Good catch. ties it
Zelina: Huh.  Even I missed that.  AH WELL leaps off the apron and ranas Roddy into the steps FINISH HIM!  FINISH HIM NOW!
Full Sailors: applaud way more than boo
Cien: does finish it with the hammerlock DDT to keep it 100
Referee, Both Shoes Tied: Winner!

Zelina: (snatching Mauro's headset like a wig) We'll see your champion face-to-face NEXT WEEK.
Cien: says some derogatory things in Spanish
Both: leave
The Three Of Them: arrive
Everyone: ?!
PA: SHOCK...THE SYSTEM.
Everyone: ohhhhh
the Undisputed Era: enter the ring as Roddy is pulling himself up
Some Guy, Bay Bay: You're not a loser, Roddy; just a guy who lost.  You don't want to keep disappointing your family like this, do you?
Roddy: clearly conflicted and confused
Adam Cole: This is our time.  This is going to be our NXT.  It's our Era, man, it even says so on official shirts and everything.
Full Sailors: seem to be about 3:1 in favor of this
Cole: takes off his armband and extends it towards Roddy
Roddy: after a few beats takes it, looks at it, then looks back at Cole
ACBB: Just a little something to think about.  Say hi to Marina and the little one from us.
Bobby Fish: Roddy...it just makes sense.
tUE: leave
Roddy: stares down at the wristband until the screen goes black