Wrestling Six Packs: Things Braun Strowman Should Survive Next

If Death gets into it with Strowman, Strowman not only wins but shouts "I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU YET!"
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Braun Strowman is pretty much unbreakable. Roman Reigns put him in the back of an ambulance, locked the door, and backed him into a wall at high speeds. He was back within a week. Kane, The Miz, Cesaro, and Sheamus loaded him into the back of a trash truck, and crushed him. He's not back yet, but I'd be shocked if he wasn't at Survivor Series. While Undertaker filled the supernatural niche for WWE characters for nearly three decades, his brand of spooky aura never really fit the company outside of the crazy pre-Attitude Era New Generation days. Strowman's superhuman healing factor and Juggernaut-like invincibility, however, is a far better fit for a fantastical/unrealistic character trait. The following Six Pack explores different ways WWE can "kill" Strowman, only for him to come back angrier and somehow hungrier than ever.

1. Car Explosion - "They" say that it's okay to recycle angles every seven years. I don't know who "they" are; maybe they're the ones who decided to call Leon White "Vader?" No clue. Anyway, more than seven years have elapsed since WWE blew up a car on live television. In fact, Donald Trump was but a rube wondering if Vince McMahon had been killed instead of President of the United States and also Twitter. Strowman should not only be engulfed in a fiery explosion of a motor vehicle, he should show up within two weeks with nothing but a bandage on like his left shoulder and ready to dunk the person who detonated him into a literal basketball net.

2. Pushed Off a Tall Building - The most unbelievable part of this would be believing anyone could push him off an edge with enough force to propel him and just enough force that they can stop before they go off the side. Because outside of maybe Roman Reigns, does anyone on WWE's roster strike you as being able to survive being thrown off a building in kayfabe terms? Maybe Bray Wyatt can like BLERP mid air or something, but why waste Strowman on a feud with him, even if they have history. Anyway, regardless of logistics, you could film Strowman on top of some shattered concrete paving earlier in the day and throw him off a building onto a big inflatable pad. With the right camera work, WWE could make everything come off well, well, except for the part that saw a WWE performer fall to his death in the ring. Maybe this one isn't such a good idea after all...

3. Eaten by a Wild Animal, Maybe Even a Dinosaur - Come to think of it, perhaps a dinosaur is the only animal that could really work outside of a gigantic sea creature like a whale or even a giant squid. And it could work too if McMahon ever decided to throw some money behind either major CGI or genetic reengineering. I mean, he has a T-Rex skull in his office! Besides, if anyone could survive the harsh environment of a dinosaur's stomach for long enough time to crawl out of the intestines or punch out of the side, it's Strowman, right?

4. Engulfed in a Grain Silo - Not only would this provide the hilarious escape of Strowman literally eating all the raw grain to escape, but it would also be an important opportunity for a safety PSA about working in and around grain silos. But basically, I'm just here for Strowman showing up bloated from eating a shitpile of grain and the creative gymnastics it would take to actually put Strowman and his feud partner even in the vicinity of a grain silo.

5. Running Afoul of Ancient Criminal Enterprise, The Hand - Okay, maybe this idea skirts the boundaries of good taste because it would cause WWE to handle intellectual property that has Asian people in a role that plays close to a stereotypical vest. One wrong turn in the writer's room, and McMahon would have them recreate the infamous Kaientai/Val Venis segment from the Attitude Era. Regardless, Strowman could even literally die in this battle, well, not literally die, but kayfabe-die, and still come back because The Hand is all about bringing people back from the dead.

6. Nuclear Detonation - Maybe this is a bit too extreme and a bit too on the nose given that Trump could get us into a thermonuclear pissing match with North Korea any day now. That being said, what better way to overpower Strowman than by exposing him to several petajoules of energy? Maybe this one would be better suited for the WWE comic book, but hey, if McMahon can budget for a mock nuclear explosion, he should goddamn take that risk for his audience's entertainment, goddammit.