Monday, November 27, 2017

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings for November 27. 2017

Photo Credit: TH
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. PUPPY!!!!! (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Look, the house felt empty without a dog, okay? That's the short of it. The long of it is, the house felt very empty without a dog. We had no real way of replicating what Buddy brought to our lives, because he was a one of a kind dog for a one of a kind family. However, the holes in all our hearts was so big that we had to try and fill it. So we went out and got Zoey, a part border collie, part retriever puppy. She is eight weeks old and so tiny yet so cute. I still miss Buddy. I suspect that I will miss him for a long, long time. But Zoey brings warmth into our home, and she allows us to shower love on a pet again, which is an awesome feeling. I highly recommend it, even if she can be a vicious attack dog sometimes.

2. Asuka (Last Week: 2) - The annihilation of the RAW roster is nigh. Dana Brooke was only the first sacrifice to the altar of the Empress of Tomorrow. Will Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville save Paige from being next somewhere down the line? I think not.

3. Leftovers Sandwiches (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Thanksgiving dinner is tremendous, but you know what's better? Putting everything left over on a sandwich either later that night or the next day. I don't know what it is about delayed eating, but everything's better later on. Capriotti's, a sandwich chain that emanates originally from Delaware but that has gone nationwide, has The Bobbie, which is something like the leftovers sandwich that you can get year-round, but it's just not the same, man. Not the same, even if it is damn good.

4. Ben Simmons (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Look, he's a bit banged up, but the fact that he got himself ready to come back tonight and face LeBron James and the Cavaliers is the sign of a true winner and gladiator, man.

5. Brandon Graham (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I know the Bears have the offensive firepower of a water pistol, but still, the Eagles defense put the goddamn clamps down on them yesterday, led by Graham and his never-stopping motor. Graham's selection in the 2010 draft was maligned because Earl Thomas and Jason Pierre-Paul were taken right after him and made more immediate impacts in the NFL. However, the way he's developed over the years, he's become a better player than both. I don't care if you think I'm a homer or I'm crazy, but he's one of the straws that stirs the drink of that pass rush.

6. Braun Strowman (Last Week: 1) - I hate docking him for this Kane shit, because c'mon, I'm sure he's not clamoring to get owned by the libertarian candidate for mayor in Knox County, TN. But man, having Kane bother you is like the wrestling equivalent of getting herpes. It never really goes away, even if it only flares up every once in awhile.

7. Stokely Hathaway (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Hathaway can do it all: manage, promo, interfere, and give a good talk show interview. He was the low-key best part of This Very Second with Bryce Remsburg (Orange Cassidy being the high-key best part), and honestly, if he's not a recurring guest, I'm going to have a few things to say.

8. Tessa Thompson (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Okay, okay, this ranking should be retroactive back to when Thor: Ragnarok came out, but forgive me, I'm a father to two small children and can't get to the movies when all you young people, empty nesters, and non-kid-havers can, okay? Anyway, she was the absolute best part of one of the best movies in the MCU to date, which is saying something when the movie also included tremendously funny improv from a cast that was adept at handling it, Jeff Goldblum, and the Incredible Hulk suplexing a giant dog. Okay, so it wasn't just a dog, it was Fenris, the Norse wolf of mythology, but still, does that make it any less impressive? Anyway, Thompson's turn as the hard-drinking, dry-witted, ass-kicking Valkyrie was the shot in the arm that a cinematic universe lacking in big female heavy hitters needed. Hopefully, she gets to suplex a dog in Avengers: Infinity War or something.

9. Toni Storm (Last Week: 6) - I think I'm going to ask for a Toni Storm-branded Tiny Hat for Christmas. What about you?

10. Oney Lorcan (Last Week: 10) - I must confess I've missed the last three weekly NXT shows and Takeover: War Games, so now I must flog myself for missing out on any potential Oney Lorcan-related porkin'.