Friday, December 22, 2017

NXT In 120 Seconds

Instant Classic, Part the Third
Photo Credit:
Killian Dain: is there
The Artists Formerly Known As ReDragon: quick tag in and out, land blows to little or no effect then regroup on the floor
Eric Young: tags in, executes a falling forearm Demolition Decapitation
Bobby Fish: clotheslines his feet from the floor to sweep him into the apron 
TAFKARD: try their quick tags and strikes against the smaller opponent far more successfully
E.Y.: gets a desperation neckbreaker on O'Reilly
Fish: tags in and tags Killian, drawing him into the ring  Hey, ref!  Chicanery!  Attempted chicanery!
Referee: Big man!  Back on the apron!  Come on, you know the rules.
E.Y.: low bridges Fish out after booting him in the face, eventually orients himself and goes for the tag
Kyle O'Reilly: NOPE!  picks the ankle
E.Y.: kicks him away YUP!  tags out
K.O.R.: Oh, mittens.
KD: Avalanches!  Running senton/shotgun dropkick combo!  Michinoku one onto the other!
Fish, the Other: Barely saving still counts as a save.
E.Y.: Out of the way, you!  powerbombs Kyle and goes up for the Savage elbow
Some Guy: crotches him
Kyle: Axe (kick)!  (forearm) Smash!
Referee: Kickout!
Some Guy, BAY BAY: Oh, come on ref!  How was that not a AHHHH OH GOD MY FACE
Nikki Cross: runs in from the crowd, dives off the apron with her +body, then swings away
Other Referees: come from the back and gradually manage to take her with them
Adam Cole: Get her out of here!
Full Sailors: Let them fight!  Let them fight! 
E.Y.: drops both Dragons
KD: goes after Cole
ACBB: shoves Dain into the post
E.Y.: Crap.  topes Cole And now back into the ring, where
TAFKARD: Totally Eliminate him
Referee: Winners and new tag team champions!

Heavy Machinery, Tino Sabotelli and Riddick Moss: call each other pal, guy, friend, and chief without meaning any of those words
Mossotelli: drive off in their Maserati

Roderick Strong: attacks
Lars Sullivan: swats him away
Roddy: attacks
Lars: swats him away
Roddy: attacks
Roddy: that you mention it, I may be bleeding inside of my chest.
Lars: I will END YOU!
Roddy: Huge dropkick!  Enzuigiri!  Superplex!
Lars: kicks out at one
Everybody Ever, Even You: oh he is fucked
Roddy: But...but my Angle Slam...
Lars: Pop up powerslam Freak Accident sit DOWN Malenkbro
Referee: Winner! 

Tyler Bate: Tonight is my night.  Tonight I regain the WWEUK title.
Full Sailors: pop for him
Some Full Sailors, Moments After That: TYLER BATE!  TYLER BATE!  TYLER BATE!  TYLER BATE!
Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall...
Full Sailors: One fall!
Announcer: ...and is for the WWE United!  Kingdom!  Championship!
What He Should've Said Instead:

Pete Dunne: wrestles with plenty of joint manipulation, as is his wont
Tyler: counters eventually, working to get out of a headscissors, then waves at Pete
Mauro Ranallo: (quieter than usual but obviously pleased) A pleasure to watch.
Nigel McGuiness: (same) Yeah.
Dunne: continues advancing his earlier work but now with occasional paintbrush jobs
Full Sailors: clap to rally
Tyler: reverses and dropkicks Dunne to the corner
Nigel?  Mauro?:  Shades of Johnny Saint there.
Dunne: gets Tyler to the mat and in addition to joint manipulation adds a few nose fishhooks, sweeps out his bridge attempts then backs between the ropes when Tyler wants to fight him before smirking
Tyler: bop BANG
Referee: Kickout!

Dunne: lands a couple big forearms and suplexes Bate off the steps
Tyler: gets beat on back inside the ring and manages to get the ropes
Dunne: stomps on his hand as retribution so badly it dislocates a finger
Tyler: takes a few beats popping it into place
God's Production Team: sure didn't miss any of that
Tyler: takes a further beating until he decides gradually to eff that ess and Explodes Pete, charging European uppercuts, standing Shooting Star Press, deadlift suplex with a bridge
Referee: Kickout!
Dunne: sells his shoulder
Tyler: Rolling koppu kick!  Tyler Driver '97!
Dunne: NOOOOPE reverses to a triangle
Tyler: crap crap crap crap crap powerbombs Pete
Dunne: keeps the hold on
Tyler: Oh, for the love of crumb cake...slowly powers Dunne up again, then slingshots him into the top rope to break
Mauro?  Nigel?: We're past the hour mark now, but ain't no way we're leaving this.
Tyler: Airplane spin!  Same but reverse!   And back to the first with some sauce on it!
Referee: Kickout!
Dunne: crawls to the apron while looking like he's about to vomit
Tyler: cinches him up from the apron while standing in the middle of the second rope and Explodes him even worse
Referee: Kickout!
Everybody: whoa
Dunne: grabs the arm and lays in a dozen vicious kicks
Tyler: does the same right back asap
Dunne: Bitter End!  Count it!
Referee: Kickout!
Everybody: oooooooh  UK!  clap clap  UK!  clap clap  UK!  clap clap  UK!  clap clap
Tyler: Rebound lariat!
Both: momentarily dead

Both, A Few Seconds Later: fight all the way up from their knees to fully upright
Everybody Ever, Even You: OH CRAP  
Tyler: You aren't escaping from me on the apron!  BOP BANG!  ROLLING KOPPU KICK!  And now I will
Tyler: Gghhghg
Referee: Kickout!
Everybody Ever, Even You: whaHAAAAAAAAaTTTttt
Tyler: sluices out to the floor
Dunne: goes to get him back in
Referee: ONE!  TWO!  THREkickout!
Mauro: ...oh, my GOD.

Tyler: SPIRAL TAP SENTON BOMB ah hell I didn't get all of it

Referee: Kickout! 
Mauro and Nigel: If he had gotten all of it, Dunne wouldn't be champion right now.  But he is, this match somehow continues, and I would be fine with it lasting the rest of the year.
Tyler: sets up Pete on the top rope facing the crowd AVALANCHE RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX!
Dunne: lands on his feet Fuck all that.  BITTER.  FUCKING.  END.  And for fuck's sake, count. 
Referee: ONE!  TWO!  THREE!
Everybody Ever (With The Exception Of Tyler), Especially You: applauds through 90 seconds of replays
Mauro: A three seg instant classic with no commercial breaks.  Bradshaw can eat all the hobo dicks.
Nigel: What'd you just say?
Mauro: clears throat "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!