Monday, January 15, 2018

NXT In 60 Seconds

Yeah yeah yeah, it's the year to be (mostly) hated
Photo Credit:
Some Guy, BAY BAY: Welcome to 2018 — the year of the Undisputed Era.
Robert Pescador, Esq.: Of course, we started early by gathering these shiny World Tag Title belts at the tail end of last year, thus making us the baddest team on the planet.
Kyle O'Reilly, MMA Enthusiast: Not bad meaning bad, but bad meaning good.
RPE: There it is.
KOR MMA: This — tonight — is the night to end SAnitY.
Adam Cole: And on any night, any one who stands betwixt me and becoming the next NXT World Champion will be destroyed.  smiles  Enjoy the show.

Shayna Baszler, On Last Week's "Ghost In 60 Seconds": teaches some submissions by choking out an NPC
Dakota Kai: points to the sky
Baszler: stares blankly that where the hospital I'm about to send you to is?  joint manipulations, stomps on and "breaks" Not Evie's elbow
Center Stagers: BOO!
Referee: GAH.  I mean, uhhh.... winner!  alsolet'sgetthemedicsouthere
Announce Watching The Replays: GAH!
Shayna: laughs and chokes Kai out with the rear naked choke
Ember Moon: comes out for the save, talks smack
Shayna: talks smack back but leaves of her own volition
Master Regal, A Few Moments Later: I've been around 35 years; whatever games you're playing, I see right through them.  And it won't get you a title shot.
Shayna: scoffing Are we done here?  walks off

Authors of Pain: We're the most brutal force in NXT!  Lots of yelling in presumably Samoan!
Paul Ellering: Whoever wins tonight's main event will know the Pyrrhic meaning of the term.  It does not matter when or where — we want our titles.

Kassius Ohno: proffers the heroic Code of Honor handshake to start
Raul Mendoza: shakes it back in kind  Hey, I was thinking...
KO1.0: No.
Raul: But but but but look!  I'm fast!  Springboard corkscrew armdrag!  Springboard roundhouse!
K.O.1.0: Again — Electric Chair Stun Gun, kick in the face, Northern Forearm — no.
Referee: Winner!

Zelina Vega: Now more than ever, The Champ and I are on the same page.  He will leave Philadelphia The Champ.  Johnny got lucky; he's just an opportunist who took advantage of the right man at the right time.  Hell, we've already beaten him twice.  Johnny Wrestling is a lie, and Andrade "Cien" Almas is reality.
Faceless Media Drone: So what would it take to beat him a third time?
Zelina: Bitch, tape is rolling!  I ain't giving away my championship garnering managerial secrets!  I assure you Cien is ready, Johnny isn't worth the sweat off our back, and there's no running from The Champ.

Christy St. Cloud: I'm here with our new number contender--
Johnathon Grapples: A lot of people thought I didn't have a chance is suddenly distracted — no, not by HIM
Velveteen Dream: Say it.  Not my name.  But thank you.
Johnny Gargano: Why?
VD: Because you got lucky.  You beat Ohno, who doesn't look like a superstar -- I could've done in 30 seconds what it took you 20 minutes to do -- and you got lucky pinning Black.  You won't win in Philadelphia, and you know you didn't earn your spot.  I deserve it.  You know it, too.  walks off
JG: looks pensive

Street Profits: dap up some NPCs in the back Regal's office.  Gotta come correct.  straighten themselves up and enter
Master Regal: Gentlemen, welcome.  What's the nature of your inquiry?
Street Profits: We're just sayin', we want to bring the gold to the streets and we are undefeated.  So when's our turn at bat?
Master Regal: You gentlemen are undefeated, so I offer you this -- a number one contenders' match next week...against the Authors of Pain.
Street Profits: are psyched  That's that swag we been talkin' 'bout, man!
William Regal: dances a bit as is his occasional wont
Street Profits: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA that's that sh---that's that good good right there!  We won't let you down, boss.  We won't.  leave happily

Lio Rush: appears
Center Stagers: are excited Who's he going to face?  music starts ...oh, he ded.
Lars Sullivan: You people can't even spell dead right.  Abominable.
Lio: ducks, dips, dives
Lars: You failed to dodge.  LARIAT.  Freak Accident
Referee: Winner!
Lars: I have faced a multitude of opposition, including a series of handicap matches.  All have fallen by my hands.  I think about this force I never felt before a few weeks ago, but I think about it more now since I deign to destroy it.  This it is a him, in actuality, and I wish to eradicate YOU,..Killian Dain.
Center Stagers: ohhhhhh
Certain Overlords Of This Website: ...this is the dictionary definition of my shit.
Lars: pulls up Lio and hits him with an Avalanche Freak Accident
Center Stagers: jesus h vishnu
Lio: I feel like Ron Howard's been doing the voiceover on my nXt career.   

the Undisputed Era: jump SAnitY in the back, laugh about leaving them laying, then come out to explain the plot for the live audience... but first, obviously
Some Guy/Some Center Stagers: ADAM COLE, BAY BAY! 
Somehow Not ReDragon: Something's missing... oh, right!  It's our opponents!
Bob Vigoda: Perhaps they forgot!
Adam Cole: Or perhaps we kicked the crap out of them in the back.
All Of Them: It's the second one.  The thing Adam/I just said.  It was fun, too.
Nikki Cross: comes out on the ramp ranting and raving, must be restrained by several referees
the Era: is highly amused
Center Stagers: Nikki Cross!  Nikki Cross!
the Era: Now, before we were so rudely interrupted — Blackpool Death March begins
Master Regal: Unlike my dance skills, this is the bad kind of ridiculous.  You WILL be defending your titles tonight...
Roderick Strong: Sounds like fun.  I'm in.
the Era: Hey, wait a minute, this isn't right--
Incendiary: No man is ever truly good!  No man is ever truly E VIL!
Aleister Black: I don't know about fun.  But I know I'm in.
Strong Black: hit the ring and whale on the champs, quickly clearing the ring after their arrival via their offense 
Black: controls Act I until Fish chop blocks him and sends him into the apron as a result
Center Stagers: BOO!
Not ReDragon, Dammit: quick tags, each man landing escalating blows until Fish Explodes Black, who might've opened for Incendiary once
Strong: makes the save
Black: lands a big knee on Fish as a means of reset button
Tags: made
Roddy: beats on them both, suplexes Fish onto O'Reilly, then lands a leaping knee on Kyle
Black: kicks Fish on the outside
Adam: gets involved on his friends' behalves
Black: glares at him
Adam: regrets everything and flees through the crowd
ReDragon: Would you look at that.  Totally Eliminate Strong
Referee: Winners!

Black: wait what
Adam: wait what laughs widely 
Black: heads back to the ring
Adam: waits until after NRD get laid out then sends Black into the post You can't beat us!
NRD: Totally Eliminate Black
Adam: oshigoroshis him onto a chair, stands on Black's chest as seen There will be no comeuppance!  You hear me?!  NO...
Blackpool Death March: starts up again
Master Regal: (irate) Philadelphia has an extreme history; as such, your match against Aleister is Extreme Rules.
Center Stagers: love that shit
Adam: gets in William's face
William: remains unmoved and irate
Center Stagers: NXT!  NXT!  NXT!  NXT!
Adam: holds his glare a few beats longer before leaving with his associates, all of whom talk smack on their way out of the episode