|Cox, right, along with Derek Barnett, helped lift the Eagles into the Super Bowl|
Photo Credit: Mitchell Leff/Getty Images
1. Fletcher Cox (Last Week: 4) - The Eagles are going to the Super Bowl, which I'm still trying to process, mainly because the defense once again came up huge. Cox helped lead a gigantic pass rush that rebounded after the Vikings marched down the field on its first drive and held them to zero points the rest of the game. Cox was a monster, breaking through double teams, swallowing up the running backs, and chasing Case Keenum around the pocket. He'll be a big reason why the Eagles will have a chance in the Super Bowl. Does the wait have to be two weeks?
2. Braun Strowman (Last Week: 5) - I regret not watching him rampage over RAW last week, but WWE did this to me. Either way though, he should rampage more often, and always stop for chocolate cake.
3. Asuka (Last Week: 3) - The anticipation for the Mixed Match Challenge for Asuka is unbearable. She continues to kill it on videos with the Miz, and she's been retweeting pictures of her wrestling men in Japan, like Minoru Suzuki. If she can hang with a bona fide human weapon like Suzuki, then she can bump, sell, and of course murk even the manliest men on the WWE roster.
4. Toni Storm (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Storm conquered yet another country's women's division this weekend, taking the Westside Xtreme Wrestling Women's Championship. Scientists estimate that she'll have converted the entire world to wearing tiny hats by 2022 at the very latest.
5. Joel Embiid (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Embiid was voted an all-star starter, and immediately, he rescinded his request to date Rihanna that he made back at the lottery a few years back when she said he had to be one to date her. Power move.
6. Queso (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Whoever decided it was prudent to melt cheese and make a dip out of it should be canonized. Props to the Mexicans or the Mexican-Americans who have seemingly perfected it and served it with the best accompaniment, the tortilla chip.
7. Rob McElhenny (Last Week: Not Ranked) - McElhenny is the one guy from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia who's actually from the area, so of course he's getting geeked for the Eagles. Sunny is on hiatus right now, which sucks because the last two or three seasons have been among the show's best. Selfishly, the Eagles going to the Super Bowl is great because maybe, maybe it'll get them all off their asses and do another season just for the Super Bowl episode that will ensue.
8. Chuck Taylor (Last Week: 6) - CHUCKIE T IS ANTIFA.
9. Nick Foles (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Look, I've maligned Foles as much as anyone, and I don't think these last two games, or more like one-and-a-half games, are indication of his true talent. He's not as bad as his worst, but he's not as good as what he is now. But fuck it, if it gets the Eagles a Super Bowl, I will take back everything I've ever said about him bad and lead his bandwagon during the parade. He straight up balled out in the NFC Championship game, and he wasn't just getting lucky throws either. I mean, did you see him sense pressure and take a step up in the pocket on the first Alshon Jeffrey touchdown pass? That was Carson Wentz shit right there. Keep that magic going.
10. Oney Lorcan (Last Week: 10) - It's too bad that if he is a football fan, he'd go for the Patriots I'd guess, because the Eagles are gonna give them all the porkin'.