Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Pro Wrestling SKOOPZ on The Wrestling Blog: Vol. 4, Issue 7

Photo Credit:
Today is the most important day of the week. Why? Valentine's Day? NO, that's just a day invented by WWE to honor Greg The Hammer. Ash Wednesday? Pfft, Jesus Christ was a mark. No, it's HORB NEWSLETTER DAY. That's right, PRO WRESTLING SKOOPZ is back with your man HORB FLERBMINBER bringing you the high heat on takes and all the fresh news. Who has the better handle on news? Not Bruce Mitchell, that's for damn sure. HE SPENDS MOST OF HIS TIME ON REDDIT BEING SHOCKED AT KENNY OMEGA'S SEXUALITY.

You can just read the newsletter, but why would you just want to read the newsletter? That'd be like going to a Brazilian steakhouse and not wanting to fuck the meat. IT FEELS GOOD AGAINST YOUR GENITALS. You should want to get the FULL HORB EXPERIENCE. First, follow me @HorbFlerbminber on Twitter. If you don't follow me on Twitter, how will you know when news breaks? Hell, how will you know when wind breaks at Titan Towers? VINCE MCMAHON FUCKIN LOVES BEANS. You can also get some prior issues of the newsletter. Do you want to read the straight dope and not have to sift through six hours of podcast to get it? THEN ORDER OLD NEWSLETTERS, especially these issues:
  • A little bit of Monica in my life
  • A little bit of Erica by my side
  • A little bit of Rita is all I need
  • A little bit of Tina is what I see
  • A little bit of Sandra in the sun
  • A little bit of Mary all night long
  • A little bit of Jessica here I am
  • A little bit of you makes me your man
And now, the news!

- Ronda Rousey will officially sign her WWE contract at Elimination Chamber if she can just take her finger away from pointing at the WrestleMania sign for one goddamn second.

- RAW filled the final slot in its Elimination Chamber match with two wrestlers. As a response, Smackdown made its WWE Championship match a mandatory open challenge to the entire roster, living or dead, except for Rusev.

- Ivory was the latest inductee to the WWE Hall of Fame announced. However, ESPN, who was given the news to "break," accidentally posted a picture of Bull Buchanan instead.

- Jason Jordan will miss WrestleMania thanks to a neck injury, further solidifying his status as an emerging heel on RAW by not working hurt.

- KOTA IBUSHI AND KENNY OMEGA HAVE REFORMED THE GOLDEN LOVERS, BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I asked Reddit, and holy shit, I immediately regretted it.

- Buddy Murphy will debut in the tournament to crown a new Cruiserweight Champion on 205 Live. Sources say the spot was originally slated to go to Lio Rush, but it was reconsidered when Rush tweeted "Man, so happy to get the opportunity to be on 205 Live so I can show Triple H he's a real piece of shit by keeping me on the bench so long."

- Tenille Dashwood, formerly known as Emma, was announced to compete in the Women of Honor Championship tournament. Upon hearing the news, Lio Rush tweeted "Fuck ROH, only hiring Emma as a way to get back at me for leaving."

- Powerbomb TV fired co-founder Adam Lash when he publicly showed opposition to the platform airing live Michael Elgin's return to IWA Mid-South. Just in case you thought anything you spent money on wrestling wouldn't make you feel like shit...

- Jeff Hardy sat behind the University of North Carolina men's basketball team bench Monday night INSTEAD OF WATCHING RAW FOR HIS BROTHER'S STUNNING PERFORMANCES. WAY TO SUPPORT THE COMPANY, BROTHER NERO.

- Jeff Jarrett was briefly rumored as a candidate for the WWE Hall of Fame when Vince McMahon accidentally gave the designated fake news designed to smoke out leaks to everyone in the know, not just the suspected leak.

- Mojo Rawley indicated that Rob Gronkowski is not a question of if but when he would join WWE. However, this was before Vince McMahon was finally informed of the Super Bowl score and revoked his interest.

Last week's poll results are in, and a whopping 110 percent of you would like to see Kenny Omega and Kota Ibushi reform. That's mathematically impossible. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING. Anyway, this week's poll:

I said poll, not POLE. Wait, did I already do this gag? Ah, I don't fuckin' care. Fuck you.