|Braun Strowman has become Death, Destroyer of Chambers|
Photo Credit: WWE.com
1. Braun Strowman (Last Week: 1) - Strowman didn't win the Chamber match but he pretty much made Roman Reigns' job easy for him. I mean, he eliminated an entire normal Elimination Chamber's worth of competitors last night. Technically, he should be given some kind of win, but you know the Monster Among Men isn't content taking technicalities. My guess is he'll go and level North Henderson tonight in retaliation. Or maybe just kick Reigns across the arena again. It's an either/or proposition.
2. Asuka (Last Week: 6) - Asuka's win over Nia Jax was less dominant than Strowman's losing effort, but still, man, that was one of the most unique matches I've seen in WWE in awhile. The Four Horsewomen get all the credit, but the division is going to evolve and grow with Asuka, because she's got the power to make that happen.
3. Joel Embiid (Last Week: 2) - The Sixers haven't lost since the Super Bowl still. Embiid is still pretty much destroying people in one-on-one matchups. I know none of this can last forever, but man, wouldn't it be sweet to see Embiid reach his limit break and just will the Sixers to an upset in the first round of the playoffs over a higher seed? It'd be most delicious if it were the Celtics.
4. Fred Yehi (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Yehi has declined to sign an extension with WWN Live, which many consider to be a sign he's going to WWE. But I prefer to think of him as using his time to teach grappling to underprivileged victims of bullying. It all starts out with a good shriek of "YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE!" anyway.
5. John Shuster (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The United States took home the gold in curling thanks to Shuster's direction. Curling has a cult following, and why not? You push a rock across ice and prepare its path with brooms. Gotta love it.
6. Chuck Taylor (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Taylor was announced for the New Japan Cup, which is exciting because someone weird always wins that, and Taylor qualifies as, well, a weird choice. Also, he selflessly offered to wrestle in a "bra and panties match" with another dude in Beyond Wrestling, not to make fun of those who have wrestled in one before, but to show solidarity with them. What a guy!
7. Nick Gage (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Joey Janela threw a chair at his head during their Beyond Wrestling match Saturday, and Gage still posed for a picture with him because well, game respect game. Janela also wasn't really wearing much of anything on his bottom, which made it all the more poignant, I suppose.
8. Wawa Breakfast Burritos (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Wawa has a good made-to-order game, and it's part of the reason why I love my city. You can also get sundried tomato pesto spread on them, and folks, that's a game-changer.
9. These Two Kids Trying to Sneak Into Black Panther (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I can't hate on these kids for pulling the old Vincent Adultman gag from Bojack Horseman. They just wanted to see the hottest movie this side of the Sun.
10. Oney Lorcan (Last Week: 10) - Lorcan Man. Lorcan Man. Does whatever porkin he can.