Friday, March 23, 2018

NXT In 60 Seconds

[Ironside theme intensifies]
Photo Credit: Some Unemployed Guy's Twitter
Ciampa: comes out
Full Sailors (yes, they're back): hold up Johnny Winkyface signs BOOOOOO!  YOU SUCK!  YOU SUCK!
Ciampa: holds up his index finger and raises the mic
Full Sailors: BOOOOO!  JOHNNY WRESTLING!  clap clap clapclapclap
Ciampa: shakes his head, finally blows it HE'S GONE!  GONE!  
Ciampa: NEWS FLASH: he's not walking down that damn aisle, he's GONE!      
Ciampa: raises the mic again
Ciampa: extends his arms Come At Me Bro style, drops the mic and leaves
Full Sailors: BOOOOOOOOOOOO!  signs up, so many signs
Ciampa: starts ripping the ones he can reach, from a young woman, an old lady, some fan in a mask
Some Fan In A Mask: removes it... you can probably guess
Johnny Wrestling: jumps over the barricade and beats Tomasshole like a rented mule
Full Sailors: RUAHHHHH~!
Security: comes out to break it up and remove the still fired Gargano
Gargano: swears further vengeance to come while being carried away
Full Sailors: Let them fight!  Let them fight!
Nigel McGuiness: He has to abide by the stipulation!  This is professional wrestling; we can't just have chaos ensue!
Ciampa: (screaming off-mic in the ring) He doesn't work here anymore!  He's fired!  He was fired!

Tyler Bate: Unfortunately due to some injuries, I cannot compete, and as such Mustache Mountain will forfeit their position in the Dusty Classic.
Roderick Strong: (via Twitter) Mr. Regal, I've been a model employee.  I haven't asked for much, but I'll ask for something now — the vacated spot in the Dusty Classic.  I'll find a partner, I just want the shot.
Mauro Ranallo: That request has been granted, and we'll find out who Roderick has for a partner... next!

Some Guy, BAY BAY: Unbelievable.
Kyle O'Reilly: He's at it again.
SG, BB: He's at it again!
Bobby Fish: Why?
Kyle: Roddy got into the Classic?  He doesn't belong anywhere near it!
SG, BB: He's not even a tag team guy!
Bobby: He's a loser.  And it doesn't matter who wins the Classic; they just get the honor of having us lay them out.
Adam Cole: Speaking of getting laid out, that's what I'm going to do to Kassius Ohno in the main event tonight.  He's been running his mouth on Twitter so I'm going to shut it.  You guys can take the night off.
Bobby: Really?
Adam: Yes.
Kyle: Much obliged.
Adam: Just like us, this win tonight will be undisputed.  they all flash their hand sign

Oney Lorcan & Danny Burch: come out to pops
Roderick Strong: comes out to a bigger pop
Pete Dunne: guess what
Roddy & Oney: wrestle to a stand still, more or less then tag out
Pete: eventually takes over on Danny thanks to joint manipulation
BruiserStrong: Tandem gourdbuster!  Sandwich chops!
Danny: lays out Pete with a Owen style stiff-legged second rope missile dropkick
Both: tag out
The Man Who Has Arrived For The Intercourse: Flying kick!  Running Euro!  Lariat!  Running blockbuster!
Danny: tags in
Roddy: sends Danny into Oney
Pete: blind tags in Flying second rope stomp to the arm!  X-Plex!
Oney: saves but gets tossed afterwards
Brits: start slapping the uckfay out of each other
Burch: Headbutt!  German release!
Roddy: Save!
Oney: Nope!  half and half suplexes him onto Pete
Referee: Kickout!
Danny: crossfaces Pete
Oney: half crabs Roddy
Roddy: eventually kicks free and sends Oney into the crossface, breaking it up and providing a receipt at the same time
Pete: Step up Owenzuigiri!
Danny: Exploder!
Nigel: He pivoted before he threw it, and he threw him closer to his corner!  Does he realize it?
Roddy: DUDE.  blind tags in Oh, right, he can't hear Nigel from here.
BruiserStrong: Assisted backbreaker!
Roddy: End of Heartache!
Referee: Winners!
Pete: raises Roddy's hand
Roddy: wait what
Pete: shrug I like winning.  shrugs again


Aliyah: comes out
Ember Moon: also comes out
Aliyah: as such, is doomed
Shayna Baszler: comes out to the announce I run this.  They tap, nap or... snap!
Ember: (from the ring) This is for you.  Alley-oop Samoan drop!  War cry!  Handspring avalanche forearm!  Eclipse!  stares down Baszler the whole three count
Referee: Winner!
Ember: yells at Shayna from a turnbuckle while holding up the NXT Women's World Championship
Shayna: jumps on the announce table and yells at her from there

Raul Mendoza: comes out
Andrade "Cien" Almas: throws him off the ramp then issues the following mostly in Spanish Aleister thinks he's smart?  I'm superior, and I deserve respect as the champion — as El Idolo!  You disrespect my wo... business associate, you disrespect me. So I'm calling you out, you piece of (bleep) ((shit))
Everybody: whoa can he do that on WWEN?
Cien: Face me next week and pay for his disrespect. 

Some Guy: comes out
Everyone In The Building Who Isn't On Announce Duties: ADAM COLE, BAY BAY!
Kassius Ohno: is also present
Cole: knocks down Ohno early AC, BB!
Ohno: Boot down the leapfrog attempt!  Togo senton!
Cole: is sent to the apron, hobbles around on the outside
Ohno: reaches between the ropes to get him 
Cole: Enzuigiri!  cackles, gets back in the ring for punching and stomping
Mauro: He's a regular Keyser Soze.
Cole: Cheating!  Backstabber!  I knew I was right earlier when I said this was going to be a
Cole: ...effufe me.  Ware arr my teef?
Ohno: Axe Bomber!  Cyclone Kick!  FOREARM!
Cole: IS THAT ALL YOU GOT!?  Forearm flurry!
Ohno: Bike kick!
Cole: Last Shot!
Referee: Kickout!
Full Sailors: NXT!  NXT!
Ohno: Alley oop into the top rope!  Big right!  High tension forearm!
Cole: spills out
Ohno: gets him back in
Cole: Can't believe that crucifix didn't work.  Superkick!
Ohno: goes down to a knee
Cole: Basement superkick!  Superkick!  Last Shot!  Enzu Shining Wizard!
Referee: Winner!
Cole: Like there was ever a doubt.
Everyone In The Building Who Isn't On Announce Duties Or Just Got Pinned: ADAM COLE, BAY BAY!