Monday, March 19, 2018

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings for March 19, 2018

DuVernay did well with A Wrinkle in Time
Photo Credit: Joe Pugliese
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Ava DuVernay (Last Week: 3) - I actually saw A Wrinkle in Time on Friday with my son, who wanted to see it, and it was actually really good. I had my problems with it (glossed over some things a bit too fast, didn't really dig Levi Miller's or Mindy Kaling's performances), but overall, it was stunning. It was colorful, bright, hopeful, all things that modern blockbusters seem to want to eschew nowadays. DuVernay really should be proud of this film. It's no Selma obviously, but I mean, the movie marketplace has places for well-crafted blockbusters from directors who give a shit about their art as well as the important indie films that speak truth to power. AWIT is definitely safely in the former, and honestly, it should be looked upon as a success no matter what the critical aggregate is or how much money it's made or will make.

2. Mark Henry (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Look, you know that I don't put a whole lot of stock into Vince McMahon's crony-ass Hall of Fame and everything, but it means so much to the performers themselves. Mark Henry is someone who deserves to feel that warmth and acceptance from the crowd, the fans, and his bosses, bosses who more often than not before 2011 put him in racist and demeaning gimmicks that in part may have been meant to get him to break the massively long contract he signed way back when he first started in the company. Henry broke through a lot of those constraints to show signs of growth and entertaining performance, culminating in a run from 2011 through 2013 where he was bar none one of the greatest pro wrestlers in the world. Imagine watching him in 2011 during the Hall of Pain run and not being wowed at what he was doing. Imagine revisiting his retirement swerve and subsequent punking of John Cena right before Money in the Bank 2013 and not getting goosebumps. Henry was parked on this list in a prior incarnation for a reason, and you're damn right he should be honored with the best in the business' history, regardless of how much stock the hall around him holds.

3. Braun Strowman (Last Week: 1) - Honestly, I hope he wins the Tag Team Championships by himself just so he can yell at both Kane and Daniel Bryan that "I AM THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS." Not that I have any lingering hatred for Bryan, but it would just be funny and awesome at the same time.

4. Asuka (Last Week: 6) - Really, I may have to start making shit up about Asuka to keep her on here if I continue my blackout of Smackdown. It's a shame too, because really, Asuka/Charlotte Flair should be one of those feuds that gets a great build, and instead it's in the hands of the goddamn Road Dogg and his racist sidekick Michael PS Hayes.

5. Joel Embiid (Last Week: 5) - The Sixers are still in striking distance of getting into homecourt advantage for the first round of the playoffs. Of course, the flagging Wizards aren't the only obstacle, but honestly, this year's been a success regardless. They're ahead of schedule if they make it the top four in the conference.

6. The Guy Behind UMBC's Twitter Account (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The University of Maryland-Baltimore County men's basketball team made HISTORY (not WWE making history, but real history) by becoming the first ever team in the men's NCAA Basketball Championship tournament to score the 16th seed over one seed upset when they took out the top ranked seed in the whole thing, Virginia. Honestly though, for as anomalous as the kind of win it was (they won by 20... no one could have seen that coming, even with Virginia's top scorer out), the real star was the man behind the Twitter account, who gained followers and respect for his tweeting Friday night. Sometimes, the little guy does do well.

7. Bacon (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - I hate how The Chive and MAN INTERNET (Man-ternet?) have oversaturated hype around bacon and thus made it a joke, because it really is a top-flight breakfast meat. I reminded myself of that Sunday morning when I made a pound of double-smoked, thick-sliced bacon for me and the kids for breakfast. Folks, if you can go to a butcher and get the good stuff, do it. Bonus points if you're near some Amish folks and can have them butcher it for you.

8. Kimber Lee (Last Week: 7) - She'll be back in Chikara at the very latest at King of Trios, where she and Los Ice Creams will take up their Challenge of the Immortals winning team to attempt to win the biggest tourney in all of indie wrestling. The Princess who can save herself hopefully will have more than just a few adventures in Chikara-land, because the young fanbase could use someone like her to look up to.

9. Ilja Dragunov (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Please grant me a late-slip on this one, because Westside Xtreme Wrestling's 16 Carat Tournament happened last weekend, not this past one, but Dragunov, the Soviet superstar who thought he had to retire came roaring back and captured the WXW Unified World Championship in his big return to the company. I've never seen him work, but all the people whom I trust are relishing his comeback, and he seems like a really ace dude too, so hey, why not?

10. Oney Lorcan (Last Week: 10) - For the low price of $9.99 a month, you too can be porkin' just like Oney Lorcan!