Monday, April 9, 2018

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings for April 9, 2018

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Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 1) - It wasn't a bloodbath like against Takeshi Morishima or a five-star technical classic against Nigel McGuinness or an emotion-soaked underdog battle like against Triple H, but by god, Daniel Bryan back in a pro wrestling ring just felt right. It was like he didn't miss a beat at all. God bless.

2. Ben Simmons (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Joel Embiid out with a concussion? No fear, Ben Simmons is here to lead the way. The Sixers continued their winning ways thanks to the first-year player's historic run, reaching 50 wins and clinching a playoff berth. With Simmons dishing the ball and making things happen, the Sixers will be dangerous against any team in the East and who knows, maybe a few teams out West too.

3. Toni Storm (Last Week: Not Ranked) - While I regret to inform you all that Storm didn't show up at SHIMMER 100 with a tiny hat, she did show up with her working boots on, taking on Nicole Matthews in an instant classic. She did end up winning, but would she have ended up winning even more impressively had she opted for the tiny hat? Of course not you idiots, it's a work, and she's a consummate professional.

4. Braun Strowman (Last Week: 6) - Was his choice of tag partner disappointing? Only because he didn't choose my kid to team with him. Still though, how fuckin' cool is that he picked a kid, even if it was a plant for all intents and purposes? You say it's a disgrace to wrestling, but I say that it's the essence of wrestling, to be anything, that a monstrous human being could still have a heart enough of gold to win a title with the demographic audience for pro wrestling.

5. Nick Gage (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Gage may not have had the surprise buzz match Mania weekend like PCO did with WALTER, but man, he certainly brought the MDK. He vs. Thatcher was the best match on Bloodsport, and he had a really fun, violent brawl with Penta El Zero M at Spring Break. Gotta give credit where it's due; Nick Gage is a special wrestler.

6. Shohei Ohtani (Last Week: 9) - Last week, he wowed with his arm. This past week, he started hitting dingers. I predict this coming week, he'll do a hostile takeover of Rob Manfred's office and institute beer league softball rules at the stadium. Or not. I don't know. Either way, he's pretty much all that was advertised and then some.

7. Asuka (Last Week: 4) - So what, she lost her streak at Mania. I mean, Undertaker lost his streak at Mania a couple of years ago, and he got to appear via lightning and beat the piss out of John Cena. Asuka still is rad as hell, and she's gonna have a whole new world of opportunities ahead of her now that the streak doesn't define her. Also, at least she didn't lose via cattle prod only to see the one who beat her do a contrived fingerpoke double cross the next night. Or have to lose it to Ronda Rousey in her first match.

8. Bacon Cheeseburger (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Nifty Fifty's is a Delco/Philly area staple, and they have lots of good stuff on the menu. Sometimes though, I just want a bacon by god cheeseburger, and boy was it good.

9. Spyder Nate Webb (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Look, he might look like he's knock knock knockin' on death's door, but the man still had enough energy and enthusiasm to tour the ENTIRE Pontchartrain Center and lead a packed house in singing "Teenage Dirtbag" before helping sew up the end of the Clusterfuck. I gotta respect that man. I just got to.

10. Oney Lorcan (Last Week: 10) - Oney Lorcan (and Danny Burch) made sure Axxess was here for porkin'.