Friday, May 18, 2018

NXT In 60 Seconds

Burch wins!  Burch wins!  Burch wins!
Photo Credit:
Johnny Gargano's Music: fires up
Johnny Gargano: strangely resembles Tommaso Ciampa this week
Full Sailors: this is some bullshit
Tomasshole: Everyone keeps saying your precious Johnny won, but that was just the battle and I won the war. I'm standing here and he's at home in a neck brace I put him in!
Tomasshole: I broke him piece by piece, heart, mind and spirit.  Now that I've destroyed the body as well, he's gone.  I win.
Candice LeRae: What the hell kind of monster are you?  What's broken here is you.
Tomasshole: fake cries
Candice: I don't know what Johnny's future is, but he's still better than you.
Full Sailors: Huzzah!  Johnny's better!  clap clap clapclapclap Johnny's better!  clap clap clapclapclap
Tomasshole: Like that boy you call a husband is half the man I am.
Full Sailors: oh snap
Tomasshole: Otherwise, he would've shown up to confront me; hell, you're more of a man than he is!
Full Sailors: Mess him up, Candice, mess him up!  clap clap
Tomasshole: smiles Yessss.  Mess me up, Candice, mess me up, even though during your wedding was how on Earth could this woman be marrying such a big
Candice: slaps him
Tomasshole: is slightly stunned, then smirks
Full Sailors: One more time!  One more time!
Tomasshole: waves and leaves the ring
Candice: storms her way to the back

Lacey Evans: #MFSGA Time to take out the trash, y'all.  spluts an NPC, finishes her off with a right hand
Referee: Winner!
Lacey: Bye, y'all.
Kairi Sane: HEARD YOU WAS TALKIN SHIT beats her all the way into the ring, sets up The Elbow
Lacey: bails

Aleister Black, Earlier Today: With the championship I've discovered the bigger target on my back, so of course people want title shots.  The Dream?  We've seen what I've done to him.  Ricochet?  If he's the 1 and O, let's find out.  But both men should take heed — once they step in the ring with me, they become a target.

Also Earlier Today, Dakota Kai Fielding Questions From "the Press": I don't know what Nikki Cross was doing last week.  She's crazy, and I don't know what her play is.
"Press Member": dumb blase question
Nikki Cross, Investigative Journalist: When are you going to fight Shayna?!
Kai: flinches
Nikki: Fight her for the gold?!  FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
Nikki: With fear comes opportunity, young Padawan.  Face your fear and fight.  laughs uproariously, then very seriously doesn't and walks off
Kai: goes from rattled to thoughtful

Velveteen Dream: does a pretty good Will Ospreay impersonation
Ricochet: does an awesome Ricochet impersonation
Full Sailors: Man, I, by which I mean we, can't believe we're getting this awesome match FOR FUCK'S SAKES
Lars Sullivan: puts those meesters on their keesters The next NXT champion is right here!
Full Sailors: BOOOOOOOO

Raul Mendoza: comes out to an increasingly positive response
Kona Reeves: comes out to Kona Sucks chants
Raul: sighs
Full Sailors: sigh
Kona: I am the Finest!  Hawaiian drop!
Referee: sighs Winner! 

Ricochet: waits to talk to Master Regal
Dream: walks up to the door
Ricochet: I want Lars.
Dream: ...well, then, that's two of us.
Both: begrudgingly enter the office
Off-camera: Master Regal gives them a handicap match vs. Lars next week

On camera after that: Heavy Machinery and TM61 set up another match for next week

Pete Dunne: starts the match in lieu of Right Porkin'
Roderick Strong: starts off the match LOL NOPE tags in Kyle
Dunne: seethes, then tags in Burch
Both Men: #grapplefuck
Kyle: wins and tags in some guy (bay bay)
Adam: between beatings on Danny You're a joke.  That all you got?!
Roddy: eventually gets in and works over Danny while mocking Pete
Danny: escapes
Pete: tags in  Like the pirate girl said earlier... beats Roddy like a rented goalie
1-2 Bruise: all wishbone the fingers of the Era
the Era: wail and recover on the ramp, then Roddy rolls back in
Pete: sees Adam and Kyle get on the aprons and knocks them down
Roddy: swarms Pete
the Era: take turns beating on the UK Champ
Pete: gets out from under — eventually  and tags Oney
Oney: I got beef!  lays into Roddy and Kyle Half and half suplex!
Roddy: goes splut
Oney: Running blockbuster!
Adam: goes splut
Oney: tags Danny TOPE CON HILO!
Roddy and Kyle: are wiped out on the outside
Roddy: spluts again
Adam: saves
Ludacris: withdrawls
Pete: fivearms Cole
Roddy: sends Oney into Pete, then has Danny set Half nelson backbreaker!  High corner knee!  tags Adam
Adam: Oshigoroshi!  tags Kyle
Kyle: My style is also kick!
Danny: style is kickout.  Barely.
Kyle: Guillotine!
Danny: Nope!  Crossface!
Roddy: You're not gonna
Oney: If I can be serious for a moment....half crab!
Adam: HEY!  You're not gonna
Pete: Bodyscissored double wristlock!
Roddy: squirms until he's free of the half crab; the momentum sends Oney into his teammates and breaks up the trioka of submissions
Full Sailors: dueling chants
Pete: suplex sends him and Adam out
Both Tag Teams: throw hands
the Era: wins
Kyle: Axes Danny
Kyle: ...but also accidentally Smashes Roddy
Oney: Double running blockbuster!
The 1-2 Combo: Wheelbarrow DDT!
Danny: See above, boyos!
Referee: Winners!
the Era: WTF
the 1-2 Combo: talk smack from the ring
Pete: stands next to them and seethes (don't worry, it's his natural state of being)