Friday, June 1, 2018

NXT In 150 Seconds (Ricochet Gets 90 This Week By Default)

It went from 6 to midnight REAL QUICK
all GIFs courtesy of Total Divas Episodes
Aleister Black: Being the champion has been a life-changing trip since I won the belt, and I don't know who I'll face in Chicago.  But I only need one shot to make my opponent Fade To Black.
Lars Sullivan: Who'll you face is me.  And you've never faced anyone with my strength, size or dominance.  Ignore your emotions all you want, but you can't ignore reality, in Chicago, I take everything you work for and become the next NXT Champion.  And you know you can't do anything about it.
Black: Sure, I can't.  Forearm!  Black Mass!
Lars: catches it
Black: ...Black Mass?
Lars: Nah.  Freak Not Remotely An Accident!  Who's the man!?  holds up the Big X

Candice's Tweet Machine:
War Raiders: do everything but yell HUSS
NPCs: ...well, we know where this is going.
War Raiders: splut splat GORSH Fallout!
Referee: Winners!
Full Sailors: (also throwing up devil horns) War!  War! War!  War! 

Lacey Evans: Last week, I beat Kairi.  Next week in our rubber match, I'll do it again.  It's my Right.
   
EC3: comes out
Full Sailors: NX3!  NX3!  NX3!  many hold up signs saying this as well
Fabian Aichner: Maybe Raul Mendoza and I should form a team.  Ah, well.  Gutwrench suplex!  And
Johnny Gargano: comes out from the crowd, bypassing the match This is a contract for a Chicago street fight!  marches to the announce table facade and signs it emphatically And I'm going to beat the crap out of that Tomasshole!  what he did but in reverse
EC3: looks irked
Full Sailors: Yay!  Wait, what about the...
Aichner: Springboard Steamboat suicida! 
EC3: kicks out yeahno.  Takedown!  3KO!
Referee: Winner!
EC3: still looks salty even if he denies it afterwards 
  
God's Production Team: (DJ Khaled voice) ANOTHER ONE (/)



Ricochet: comes out to a pop
"Chris" Dijak: makes his debut
Ricochet: Right hands!  Rolling shotgun dropkick!  Tope!
Dijak: If by tope you mean CHOKESLAM INTO THE APRON, then sure.  Springboard elbow!
Ricochet: Kickout!
Dijak: Moonsault!
Ricochet: Ole!  Rolling elbow!  Axe kick!   Suplex rolled through to the delayed suplex!  And would you look at that, it's 6:30. 
Referee: Winner!
Ricochet: Dream likes the spotlight, I get it.  And he kinda deserves it. He's one of the most entertaining superstars in NXT history.  He can basically do it all.
Full Sailors: applaud, chant Velveteen
Ricochet: Here's the thing about the spotlight: it shows how good you are, and your flaws.  Last week's attack showed that he's a punk, and in Chicago...
Velveteen Dream: Punk?  Okay, that's fair.  Tonight the spotlight is yours.  Last week was our spotlight.  You're incredible, but the Dream showed anything you can do, I can do better.
Ricochet: Is that what you think?  All you're doing is standing on the stage showing everybody how big a coward you are.  The spotlight's in the ring.  Come take it, homeboy.
Velveteen: walks to ringside, pauses You and me would be epic...
A Thousand Tumblrs And A Million Fanfics: are launched in response
Velveteen: ...but the only spotlight big enough for them is Takeover.  The Dream will see you in Chicago.  And when the spotlight hits your beautiful face...
Young Me: nods in the ring, it's true, he knows it, we all know it
Velveteen: ...you'll truly know anything you can do, the Dream can do better. 

THEN

THIS 

HAPPENED



Me For the REST. OF. MY LIFE. Every Time I Think About That: ...holy SHIT, dude.

And Also This:


Kayla Braxton: The following contest is scheduled for one fall...
Full Sailors: ...ONE FALL!
KB: ...and is for the NXT World Women's Championship!
Shayna Baszler: backs Kai into a corner, low kicks at the knee, makes her flinch in another corner and does it again before following it up with facerakes
A Drake Having A Much Better Week Than The Famous One: Get her out of the corner!
Dakota: wheels Shayna around
Shayna: punches her in the gut, then hits a bunch of rapid fire stomps to the leg
Some Full Sailors: Shayna's gonna kill you!   Shayna's gonna kill you!
Shayna: kneebar and then does to the ankle what she did to the arm in the first match Aren't you the captain of Team Kick?  You gonna kick me, huh?
Dakota: lands a weak slap
Shayna: beats her like a rented goalie, puts on an anklelock
Dakota: crawls for the ropes
Shayna: pulls her back to center
Dakota: crawls for the ropes again but gets them this time
Shayna: Feh.  kicks the arm she broke the hold with and puts it on again
Dakota: Owenzuigiri!  Forearms!  Bicycle kick!   Around the horn Yakuza!  Basement facewash!  Sunset lungblow
Shayna: Oh, that's not happening chokes her out
(Not That) Drake: Winner! 

Shayna: reKurifidas Kai
Nikki Cross: runs in for the save Come on!
Shayna: recovering in a corner, clearly perturbed
Full Sailors: Nikki!  Nikki!  Nikki!
Shayna: grabs her belt
Some Full Sailors: Nikki's gonna kill you!  Nikki's gonna kill you!
Shayna: leaves
Nikki: follows YOINK! runs back with the title to the center of the ring
Full Sailors: Nikki!  Nikki!  Nikki!
Nikki: sets the belt down and waves Shayna in
Shayna: slowly gets in the ring and reaches for the title
Nikki: YOINK II: THE YOINKINING! You!  Me!  This!  Tonight!  You!  Me!  This!  Tonight!  Yes!  Dakota!  DAKOTA!  DAKOTAAAAAA
Dakota: ...yes?
Nikki: You!  Ref!
Full Sailors: D-Bry chant
Dakota: looks confused, slowly holds up the title and puts it in a corner
Shayna: goes after Dakota for a third time
Nikki: lays Shayna out and delivers the Purge unto her
Dakota: makes a very unbiased three count (seriously) 
Nikki: AHAHAHAHAHAHA YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY celebrates in the crowd then on the ramp
Announce Team: We just... we cannot stress enough how much that was not a title change.
Shayna: (recovering in the ring) Dakota's not a ref!

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