Friday, July 27, 2018

NXT In 60 Seconds

'Like it or loathe it, it's the truth."
Photo Credit:
Full Sailors: cheer loudly for a smiling man
All: point to themselves with a thumb and go "Boom!"
This Is Only True For One Of You: ADAM COLE, BAY BAY!
Sean Maluta: is like an NPC but one you might vaguely recognize
Adam: Superkick when you fly off the top!  Last Shot 2.0!
Referee: Winner!

Adam: I'm the most buzzworthy superstar on any brand.
Full Sailors: applaud mostly
Adam: It's because of what I do in this ring, and defending this belt worldwide.  That young, hungry upstart who wanted an opportunity tonight?  Given to him by
Everybody, Even You: ADAM COLE, BAY BAY
Adam: So if anyone
Rick, of the O'Sheas: Let me apologize.  You didn't run from your competition.
Full Sailors: ooooooh
Ricochet: Sure it was a non-title match against a guy who's name you can't even remember, but I see you doing your thing.  You've had this massive global success, but Mr. Shock the System has shockingly become a coward...
Full Sailors: oh snap
Ricochet: ...just one man's opinion.  An opinion that could be changed, since you're so good, by proving it in a match
Full Sailors: hey that sounds good
Ricochet: for THAT North American Championship  
Full Sailors: He made the thing I liked even better!
Ricochet: in Brooklyn
Full Sailors: well I'd rather it be here but yeah sure
Ricochet: against me.
Full Sailors: Huzzah!
Ricochet: Unless I was right about you.  BAY BAY.
Adam: I am as good as you said I am, which is why I won't diminish myself by fighting you in Brooklyn.  leaves
Ricochet: Say goodbye to the coward, everybody!
Full Sailors: Coward!  Coward!  Coward!
Adam: seethes, starts heading towards the ring
Ricochet: springboard feint into the superhero landing
Adam: (off mic, yelling at the ring while backing away from it) I don't need to prove anything to you! 
KyleStrong: This guy giving you trouble, boss?
War Raiders: show up
the Undisputed Era: Let's make this sure this side exit is clear of all obstacles in case of a fire.  Hey, it is!  All right, so listen here, you bunch of idiots...
Mustache Mountain: are behind them, then prove it by punching them in the face a few times
Ricochet: (watching all this from the ring) Huh.
War Raiders: remain silent at the apex of the ramp
Full Sailors: Mustache Mountain! 

Shayna Baszler, "Earlier Today": Regal, I don't know why you had to bring up the Mae Young Classic; I've beaten Kairi since then.  I have a killer instinct, she doesn't, which is why I hold the belt and she's living off the glory of the past because she hasn't done anything since.
Kairi: glares and signs the contract 
Master Regal: signs the contract
Kairi: I know.  And you know.  I can beat you.
Shayna: You don't have what it takes, just like every other woman in the division, just like Dakota and Candice. You're nothing but a phony and it's pathetic.
Kairi: I'll beat you in Brooklyn.
Shayna: signs aggressively At the end of our match, you'll hear AND STILL... stomps off
Kairi: I know I can beat her.  And she knows it, too.

Female Sean Maluta: shows up
Lacey Evans: shows off her signatures You have the RIGHT to stay down!
Referee: Winner!

Bianca BelAir: (wearing an unbelievably swank Melanin Monroe shirt) I'm hurt, it is what it is.  But why should I go against three other women when I'm un de fea ted?  Once I'm back I'll get what I'll deserve because I'm un de fea ted (repeat several times)

Candice, Moments Ago: got in Shayna's face

Full Sailors: BOOO!  YOU SUCK!  YOU SUCK!
Full Sailors: cheer over Root of All Evil
Aleister Black: sits midring
Tomasso Ciampa: peers at him
Black: wheels to a standing position and they go nose to nose
Ciampa: holds up one finger and points to the Big X
Aleister: gets in Ciampa's face during his intro and holds it up in Ciampa's face
Full Sailors: Aleister!  Aleister!  Aleister!

Ciampa: gets a quick nearfall off and laughs at how close he was to winning, dodges a Mass attempt
Black: dodges the Orton DDT My style is kick!  Kick!  Kick!
Ciampa: tries to use Drake as a shield but gets kicked to the floor
Black: springboard feint and a wave
Full Sailors: Aleister!  Aleister!  Aleister!
Ciampa: slows it down, then shoves Black to the floor and in quick order shoves him back first into the barrier, the apron, and the steps, then sits down on the top stair and waves
Full Sailors: BOO!
Ciampa: Basement dropkick!  Bret backbreaker!  Abdominal stretch!  Ah, what the hell.  pulls on the top rope with the hold on
Drake: Break the hold!
Ciampa: I will.  waits until 4.6 to do so Cloverleaf!
Black: crawls for and then gets the ropes, out to the apron My style is kick!  Kick!  Kick!
Full Sailors: applaud heartily
Black: Strike party!  Short range Knee Trembler!
Drake: Kickout!
Black: Tweet about this! My style is kick!  Kick!  Kick!
Ciampa: rolls out to the floor My style is undercut your knees and send you backfirst into the apron!
Black: grrrrgh
Ciampa: Second rope flying DDT!
Drake: Kickout!
Ciampa: poses in the corner
Full Sailors: BOO!
Ciampa: Knee Trembler!
Black: Nope!  Roundhouse!
Ciampa: Nope!  LARIAT!
Drake: Kickout!
Ciampa: exposes the knee

Drake: Kickout!
Full Sailors: NXT!  NXT!  NXT!  This is awesome!  clap clap clapclapclap  This is awesome!  clap clap clapclapclap  
Black: MASS!
Ciampa: Nope!  Rollup with the fabric!

Drake: Kickout!
Black: All right, enough of this.  Second rope Meteora!  Crocop kick!  German suplex to the bridge!
Drake: Kickout!
Black: ...uhhh...
Ciampa: sluices to the outside
Full Sailors: give a standing O
Black: Triangle moonsault!
Ciampa: Dodge!  shoves him into a cameraman
Drake: Buddy, you okay?
Ciampa: pulls his crutch from under the ring and slams it into Black's head
Full Sailors: OH FUCK NO
Drake: One!  Two!  ThreKICKOUT!
Ciampa: seethes
Black: sends Ciampa to the floor Tope con hilo! And now to
Ciampa: Orton DDT!
Drake: One!
Drake: Two!
Drake: ThreKICKOUT!
Full Sailors: thank fuck for that jesus 
Full Sailors, Including Handful Of Greyhairs In the Front Row: NXT!  NXT!  NXT!
Ciampa: rolls out and lifts up some padding
Drake: Hey!  Get it back into the ring!
Black: slams into Ciampa
Ciampa: slams into Drake
Drake: slams into the exposed concrete
Black: Mass!
Full Sailors: One! 
Full Sailors: Two! 
Full Sailors: Three! 
Full Sailors: Four! 
Full Sailors: Five! 
Full Sailors: Six! 
Full Sailors: Seven!
Aleister: Oh, come ON!  checks on Drake You gotta get up, man!
Ciampa: rakes Aleister's eyes and goes for the belt
Johnny Gargano: Not on my watch!  superkicks Ciampa
Full Sailors: HUZZAH!
Ciampa: doesn't let go of the belt, even on his knees
Johnny: I said no you don't!
Ciampa: I said I don't.  I say you do.  lets go
Johnny: staggers backwards with the belt
Black: as these things tend to happen, blocks it with his face
Johnny: ...what the
Ciampa: byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!  tosses him  Devil's Wings!  Drake, count this shit!
Drake: One!
Drake: Two!
Drake: Three!
Full Sailors: 
Full Sailors: 
Izzy and Her Family: livid
Greyhaired Front Row Mafia: jeer with every ounce of air in their septuaganarian lungs
Surrender Cobras: are out in force
Ciampa: gets on a buckle with the belt and cradles it against his face, then laughs riotously before leaving the ring 
Mauro: ...becoming the 14th man to hold the NXT Championship!  I just can't believe
Ciampa: holds up the belt Hey, Drake!  Make yourself useful and put this ti... MY title around my waist!
Drake: does so
Ciampa: I won!  Raise my hand!
Drake: begrudgingly does so
Full Sailors: going full LeBron after he found out J.R. didn't know they had a timeout left
Ciampa: I'm the champion!  I'M THE CHAMPION!  Do it again, Drake!
Drake: does so, increasingly disgusted