Monday, July 9, 2018

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings for July 9, 2018

The potato and corn were good too, but that chicken...
Photo Credit: TH
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Medieval Times Chicken (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - Medieval Times has been around for awhile, at least since the mid-'90s since it was an important part of Jim Carrey's post-The Mask vehicle The Cable Guy, but it never really crossed my mind as something to do until my wife decided to take advantage of a Groupon for discounted tickets. We took the kids, and even though no one paid extra money to go out into the pit to do battle, well, the action was really good. That being said, I didn't expect much from the food, but it was incredible. The chicken especially, being the main course, felt like a main event attraction. It was moist and flavorful, and I felt some kind of freedom eating it with my hands. While it's not something that you do every year let alone every weekend, I'd wholly endorse going to Medieval Times at least once in your life.

2. Saraya Knight (Last Week: Not Ranked) - So the RISE event that got streamed on Impact Wrestling's Twitch Saturday night got really wild. Knight didn't emerge from her quest to take the Knockouts Championship from Su Yung victorious, and in fact she bled buckets in her futility. However, she did get to hang Yung during the match. Of course, when asked about her mom's exploits, Paige was pretty unsurprised, which I guess is why her life got the WWE Films treatment.

3. Minoru Suzuki (Last Week: 2) - He's so good at this wrestling thing that he's even usurped Zack Sabre, Jr.'s identity.

4. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 1) - WWE announced its return to Madison Square Garden Saturday during the latest show there for December, and Bryan, whose contract apparently runs out in September, is advertised to wrestle The Miz. Is that a bit of hopeful advertising on behalf of WWE, or has Bryan signed on the dotted line? It'll be interesting to see how the next couple of months play out. Apparently, Bryan was only shunted into a program with Big Cass because he was hesitant in re-upping his contract and WWE didn't want to put him in big programs if he's leaving. That begs the question... are the Smackdown Tag Team Championships and a reunion of Team Hell No more Big Cass-level of unimportance, or are they a sign that he's back in the fold? Keep your eyes on this space for more RAMPANT SPECULATION.

5. Aaron Nola (Last Week: 6) - On the downside, Odubel Herrera was SNUBBED from the All-Star Game, but on the upside, Nola was recognized for his absolutely filthy season so far. While he probably won't pitch in the game because he has a start so close to All-Star weekend, the nod is recognition enough.

6. Hiromu Takahashi (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I know it's a serious injury, but at least he went out looking cool. Sliding on the mat on the top of your head? If you're gonna get hurt, you might as well get hurt lookin' like a goddamn G.

7. Arkangel Divino (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Holy shit, look at this fuckin' step-up rana. Just look at it. Fuck.

8. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (Last Week: 5) - What do you do when you win the most momentous primary election in recent memory? Most people prepare for their opponents in the general no matter how pathetic they are. Ocasio-Cortez, however, is taking some time out to help out other candidates that are part of her DSA wave like Julia Salazar, who is running for New York State Senate. This revolution won't happen without solidarity and support, and with Ocasio-Cortez leading the way, anything is possible.

9. Kagetsu (Last Week: 3) - Do you think the disruption in the British government, with the entire Brexit cabinet resigning and throwing the Tory coalition government into danger of facing a no-confidence vote, just happened out of happenstance? Oh no, agents of Oedo Tai have been disrupting shit so they could destabilize and take over another country, already having the Glorious People's Republic of STARDOM in tow. I expect Kagetsu to launch a joint attack along with aid from Suzuki-Gun forces and internal expediting from sleeper agent Jeremy Corbyn to install Kagetsu as Prime Minister and continue to exert the power and influence of Oedo Tai WORLDWIDE.

10. Oney Lorcan (Last Week: 10) - Oney Lorcan is here for porkin', even if his head's broke.