Friday, July 6, 2018

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 242

Pictured, one of the greatest commentators of all time, and Jim Ross
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers:

Schiavone got a terrible rap because he was the guinea pig for commentating while some grandiose corporate douchebag was chirping in his ear. Listen to him calling matches for pre-Nitro World Championship Wrestling or in WWE or whatever place he was calling the action before the New World Order came along and tell me that it was his idea to yell "THIS IS THE GREATEST NIGHT IN THE HISTORY OF OUR SPORT" every week. WCW was the model for absolute excess that WWE is currently learning all the wrong lessons from, and Schiavone was unprepared for the shock he would undergo having Eric Bischoff basically narrating the talking points to him. His talent is leagues greater than what it'll be remembered for.

Don't wear a wrestling shirt at all. I would suggest wearing a shirt that'll make you stand out in a good way. Everyone's gonna wear a wrestling shirt. It's kinda like the High Fidelity theory behind not wearing the shirt of the band you're going to see, except less gatekeepery and more a "be an iconoclast." For example, I'm gonna wear this to the next wrestling show I go to:

I'm not bringing the mug though
Photo Credit: TH
Be bold!

Naming the Revival would be cheating and judging by how they've been booked on RAW lately, may just end up being inaccurate to say they're underutilized. Therefore, I will go with Zack Ryder. He engages with the crowd and gets over on his own, and those are things that past bookers and promoters seemed to value. Less work they had to do, more money in their pockets and so on and so forth. He's actually a pretty good worker too, especially when you judge by things like timing, crowd engagement, and feel for big spots. I could see him as a popular challenger for the traveling National Wrestling Alliance Champion in a coastal territory. He wouldn't be able to play up his Long Island-ness because that territory was dominated by the then-World Wide Wrestling Federation, but transplant him to the West Coast in Portland or Los Angeles, and he'd have star written all over him.

The best RPG I've ever played was Chrono Trigger. It had the best combination of gameplay, story, and uniqueness, plus the score totally slaps. The worst one, well, it's hard to say because I'm not really a gamer, so I don't really play games for the sake of playing them. Like, I'll watch any wrestling you put in front of me and judge it for what it is, even if I know going in it's gonna be terrible (which explains why I stayed aboard watching Smackdown every week for so long, OH). But with games, like if it's bad, I'll put it down immediately and forget I even played it. That being said, while I liked it a good bit, I'll say Final Fantasy VII is the worst, or at least the most overrated, game because people hold it up like it's THE arch-RPG, and it's not even in the top three in its series.

Ronathan Jimothy Btamdo.

I would say you have to delay the payoff to make it sweeter, but man, Asuka has been delayed since Wrestle-fuckin'-Mania, right? I say make their Extreme Rules match a no-DQ contest, have Asuka knock James Ellsworth the fuck out, and use him as a weapon to beat the holy Christ out of Carmella so she can rule Smackdown as the Empress of Tomorrow as she rightfully should be.

As a warning, I kinda like all the judges on Triple G, which is almost the exact opposite of Chopped where all the judges are the bane of existence.

Aarti Sequeria - I have a soft spot for Ms. Aarti Party because she won one of the last seasons of Last Food Network Star I watched and enjoyed. I like that she can take the heat while everyone else will cry at the mere sprinkle of cayenne pepper in their food

Damaris Phillips - She's very charming and homespun, and just an engaging personality, which is all you can ask for.

Madison Cowan - I just like the way he says "proper."

Beau MacMillan - I kinda feel bad for him, because Food Network just kinda brushed him to the side when it realized he looked like he had gazed at the Ark of the Covenant for three seconds before turning away. But he's really affable and knowledgeable about food.

But really, I like all the judges. So sue me.

Basically, that everything's a work except most things involving the Hart Family post-1997. Also, never trust a promoter, and also be prepared for your favorite wrestler to be a flaming garbage heap of a human being outside of the ring.
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