Wednesday, August 15, 2018

The Vanilla Midget Report: Vol. 3, Issue 8

Pictured: A dude who SHOULD be doing restholds to someone good at taking them
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Hey, it's the final edition of WWE's TRUE A-show before SummerSlam. What shenanigans would occur between Cedric Alexander and Drew Gulak this week? And also, what else would go down with the rest of the diverse cast of masc-presenting wrestlers weighing 205 or fewer pounds? As it turns out, quite a bit! The time to review that action is NOW. Welcome to the Vanilla Midget Report, folks.

Uh, Is Tozawa Okay?

So, the follow-up to Lio Rush vs. Akira Tozawa's main event match from a few weeks ago was the show opener this week. That would totally signify SHENANIGANS, right? Well, no, Tozawa took the loss, clean as a sheet after being knocked out of the corner and felled with the Final Hour frogsplash. It felt like the kind of match that happens when the guy losing is on his way out of the company. Of course, the nature of how Tozawa got in position to take the frogsplash might be catalyst for the feud to continue. Remember, 205 Live has a closer read of the rules of wrestling than other WWE shows, so maybe they could continue things by intimating that Rush cheapshotted him off the top. Still, it felt unsettling to see the match end in such declarative fashion. Then again, if Alexander comes out of SummerSlam with the title, Rush then is in good position to receive a one-off title shot (even if the bigger play ends up being Hideo Itami, more on that later).

The match itself was solid as far as 205 Live openers go. It was mostly a display for Rush to show how much of an insufferable little prick he can be, both with his tactics and his ability to switch on a dime and avoid any kind of offense the other guy throws at him. This is the sort of thing that should get him over huge as an antagonist, which is why it's vexing to see that he once again had to work extended resthold spots during the match. I don't so much have a grudge against restholds, per se. For example, later on in the night, Jack Gallagher would enhance his match with Alexander by grinding him to dust, because that's his oeuvre. Rush's should be different, and the fact that the agents can't really find a way to lay a match out that enhances that without him doing a bunch of stuff that would get him over as a face speaks about how bad they are at their jobs. But I digress. The stuff with him throwing his jewelry at Tozawa or giving him the ol' okey-doke on the outside was the kind of thing that he and the agents should explore a lot more. Oh well.

I'm So Tired

So Mustafa Ali doesn't have a concussion; he's just got extreme exhaustion. Honestly, that's a far more encouraging story front, and going deeper, it complements Ali's entire 205 Live narrative. He's the show's Beating Heart, right? Well, with all the iniquity and evil surrounding him, and face it, the heels kinda outnumber the faces at this point, he's gotta be exhausted putting it all on the line every week. WWE may on the whole not deserve the benefit of the doubt with these kinds of stories, but maybe the micronarrative of 205 Live does? I'm confused.

Anyway, the guy who induced that exhaustive bout, Hideo Itami, got the mid-show enhancement match treatment, where he just beat the ever-loving bejeezus out of Southern indies/Carolinas star Tracer X, working under the name Trent Newman. Newman didn't even get in token offense; his rollup attempt was deadlegged. I know that heel vs. heel isn't something WWE does all that often, but I think you could do a lot worse than pitting Itami as a potential first challenger for Drew Gulak should he win at SummerSlam. I mean, the violence would be off the charts, just so much goddamn violence, it would be delicious.

My Neck, My... Uh Neck

Gallagher and Alexander was a perfectly cromulent main event that mostly featured the Gentleman trying to separate the Champ's neck from the rest of his body to try and make his boss' job at SummerSlam easier. Gallagher is so good at working a grimy, grinding style belying his genteel exterior. When he locks in a submission hold, even as simple one like a chinlock, you buy its efficacy because of how he just digs in, unlike a lot of guys who treat the resthold like a chance to rest between the opening portions of the match and the big finish. The match wasn't just submission holds and body-picking. It showcased how much of an all-around wrestler Gallagher is, from his ability to improvise devious actions like going underneath the ring and popping out the other side or his deceptive strength during that deadlift powerbomb spot. It also highlighted how strong Alexander's counter game is, which is what you want from a babyface Champion who will more than likely spend most of the match getting his ass handed to him.

Of course, if you go by reverse-momentum theory, Alexander will retain the title at SummerSlam with the all-hands-on-deck post-match beatdown from Gulak's crew. But the match should be fine unless they preempt a huge chunk of it during the ad for the Network while showing the match on the pre-show. Anyway, see y'all at SummerSlam, and I'll be back next week with the Lucha House Party and the Winstrol Boyz in tornado tag action and, ugh, I guess, TJP vs. Noam Dar.