Friday, September 7, 2018

NXT In 60 Seconds

Dream's mind games paid off big in the main event
Photo Credit:
Old Man Hero: comes out grumpy but focused
Kona Reeves: is neither of those things This is going to be a beating, old man.
Ohno: It sure is. Cravate! RIGHT HAND!
Kona: wait uh
Ohno: Kneedrop! Rolling elbow!
Referee: Winner!
Ohno: When I came back to NXT, there was so much buzz until, well, there wasn't. I became an afterthought and it used to tear me up trying to figure it out, but now I get it: there's always going to be someone new, someone fresh, and whoever the next guy with buzz is? Hey, I ain't going anywhere.
Full Sailors: Huzzah!
Ohno: I'll be right here, the first to welcome them and to knock them to the back of the line.

Forgotten Sons: because Hey, That Guy Looks Kinda Familiar is too long a name for a tag team
Street Profits: swag out Double dropkick! Tope con hilo! Work the arm!
Hey, Remember Wesley Blake?: Lariat!
Sons of Purgatory: Tandem straightjacket neckbreaker! continue to work over Montez's neck and employ quick tags, which works until it doesn't
Dawkins: Body shots! Stun Gun! Discus avalanche! tags
Hey, Remember Steve Cutler?: throws Dawkins into the steps
Montez: Floatover DDT! What the hell?
Two Masked Men: are trying to scamper off with his jewels
Montez: unmasks the one who isn't handed them and running away
Said Man: is somehow Shane Thorne
Third Forgotten Son: hits heavy lariat and then throws Ford back in
Legal Sons: Kneedrop + inverted DDT!
Referee: Winners!

Master Regal: is in the back continuing his investigation
Otis Dozovic: goes full Matt Foley revealing a coffee addiction that ruined the toilet in the PC

A Treasure Chest: is on stage
Kairi Sane: comes out, reveals her newly won NXT Women's World Championship from it, and throws some coins to the Sailors
Trish Adora: probably misses Wakanda right now but who doesn't
Kairi: Blockbuster! Blockbuster! Stretch Muffler! URAKEN! Sliding K! Would you look at that, it's Elbow O'Clock already!
Referee: Winner!
Kairi: does her celebratory post match dance
Shayna Baszler: comes out and knocks over the chest because of course she does Enjoy it while you can, because reality is going to hit like a cannonball once I get my rematch. But tonight (entering the ring ) let's see if this pirate can swim.
Both: throw hands
Shayna: LARIAT! cackles It's just like I said! It's just like I told all of you! Your precious little "champion" is
Kairi: beats Shayna like a rented goalie with both hands URAKEN! Interceptor!
Shayna: is perturbed, angry, and now retreating from the ring
Death Kairi: activated

#14: Why haven't I been in front of the audience since TO: BKIV? Why would I: I don't have a #1c with Aleister and Johnny gone. I truly am the Last Man Standing, the main event, the champ, and the greatest sports entertainer of all time. I film these little vignettes on my time because the top of the food chain doesn't need to hear the voices of sheep. The entire world hears me, but only a few truly hear me. Follow the lead of YOUR NXT World Heavyweight Champion. ends transmission

Lars Sullivan: Mr. Regal, I am medically cleared, and I was going to find Black since I owed him a jaw bre – ahem – visit, but I heard him scream and by the time I arrived he was laid out already and you were checking on him. Besides, ask EC3 if I'm the sort of man who runs and hides after I lay someone out.
Master Regal: I would, but he isn't cleared. However, you also attacked Raul Mendoza, he is cleared, and you will face off next week. Confine your brutality to the ring, if you would.
Lars: (smiling) Absolutely.

Velveteen Dream: comes out to a pop wearing a self-made Johnny Failure cutoff
Johnny Gargano: comes out looking mildly rattled but focuses on a young front row fan's Johnny Freaking Wrestling sign, then tries to get in Dream's face twice before the bell
Dream: throws the cutoff in his face
Bell: rings
Both: talk smack
Johnny: controls Dream on the mat
Full Sailors: have dueling chants, which is noted by Mauro
Johnny: piefaces (!) Dream, stomps away, and baseball slides him
Dream: Stun Gun! Receipt stomps! Rude Awakening! corner pose DreamDT!
Johnny: Nope! Reverse facelock elbow drop! Rana! Step up Owenzugiri! Superman spear!
Dream: Kickout!
Johnny: Superkick from the apron! Cannonball!
Full Sailors: (dueling chants)
Johnny: Rollthru kick!
Dream: Nope! Fameasser!
Johnny: Kickout! Basement superkick!
Dream: Big boot, brother!
Johnny: Discus lariat! Cover!
Dream: Kickout! Cover!
Johnny: Kickout!
Full Sailors: This is awesome! clap clap clapclapclap This is awesome! clap clap clapclapclap
Both: fight on the apron
Johnny: tweaks his knee
Guy In the Front Row: His knee! Get his knee!
Dream: shoves Johnny into the steps
Johnny: goes full Foley over them
Dream: DreamDT!
Johnny: ...kickout.
Full Sailors: NXT! NXT! NXT!
Dream: goes after the knee
Johnny: Gamengiri!
Dream: Superkick! Apron Purple Rainmaker!
Johnny: Ole! Tope! Gargano Escape! I'm Very Fine Mentally Right Now!
Referee: makes the count
Johnny: snaps to at five, gets in at seven
Dream: ...there's still half a second left, I made it.
Johnny: looks like he's going to hit a vintage DDT but decides against it Superkick! looks like he's going to hit a vintage DDT to the floor, and is giddy, then confused, then sad, then throws Dream back in and apologizes to the kid in the front row before pulling up the kneepad
Dream: You're a failure! You're a disappointment!
Johnny: looks irate, lowers the kneepad
Dream: subtly waves him in
Johnny: Knee Trembler!
Referee: Three!
Dream: chuckles on the mat then gets his hand raised Oh, baby, you're so talented. And they are so dumb! leaves
Johnny: has the look of a man who knows what his own petard feels like
Full Sailors: Johnny Wrestling!
Other Full Sailors: Johnny Failure!
Johnny: looks at the kid in the front row, then looks away
God's Production Team: sees some white on black background hybrid Venomized Johnny Wrestling signs and makes sure we see them too
Johnny: leaves through the crowd and by the announce but is probably fine
(Most) Full Sailors: Johnny! Johnny! Johnny!
"Moments Later":