Friday, September 21, 2018

NXT In 60 Seconds

You know what time it is
Photo Credit: Total Divas Eps Twitter
"TONIGHT": "The biggest match in NXT history — champion v. champion — all the components for an instant classic."

Lacey Evans: tries to handle Deonna Purrazzo on the mat, briefly succeeds
Deonna Purrazzo: the same but the inverse
Lacey: kicks her, then tags in Aliyah for some tandem offense
Aliyah: lands some kicks and taunts Deanna's partner, the captain of Team Kick
Deonna: lands a kick and tags out
Dakota Kai: lands some kicks and tags back out
Aliyah: pulls Deanna's hair to her corner and tags out
The Heels: cut the ring into a quarter and take turns beating on her in their section
Deonna: finally gets out from under and tags in her Captain
Aliyah: Oh, fish
Dakota: Forearms!  Front kick!  Bike kick!  YAKUZAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  Basement facewash!  Cover!
Lacey: Save!
Dakota: Push into the ropes for the O'Connor
Lacey: shh blind tag
Referee: gotcha
Dakota: Roll!  Hey, where's the count
Lacey: TAG!  I mean, RIGHT that I tag you with!  Count!
Referee: Winners!
Lacey: I am, unquestionably, the smartest woman who has ever or will ever live.
Aliyah: Holy crap, is that what winning is like?
Deonna: :(
Dakota: OW

Velveteen Dream Talking to "The Press" "Earlier Today": I'm the man who steals the show.  I beat NXT's Golden Boy — Johnny Gargano, or as I like to call him, Johnny Failure.
"The Press": What did you tell Mr. Regal about the investigation into Aleister Black?
Dream: You have the Velveteen Dream in front of you and you're asking questions about somebody else?  Get a clue.  leaves

Montez Ford (with Angelo Dawkins occasionally saying "Yeah!" and the like in the background): We out here doing it for the culture!  Those chains the Mighty stole?  Yeah, they ain't just chains; they're symbols of our struggle to get success, symbols that we made it, that yeah, we get knocked down but we get back on up and keep getting higher up after!  So, no, they're not "just chains".

Bianca BelAir After Last Week's Main Event, Coincidentally Enough: Nikki's crazy.  She took it to a whole nother level that I wasn't expecting.  But I ain't out here selling woof tickets.  I show up, I show out, because I'm the EST of NXT and I'm un de fea ted.

Humberto Carrilo: is making his NXT debut
Jaxson Ryker: is also making his NXT debut but is getting a push and gunning for the spotlight You're done.
Humberto: But I
Ryker: Power power power! Slingshot release powerbomb!
Referee: Winner!

Candice LeRae: Well, Mr. Regal, I was with Kairi and Kassius.  I didn't see what happened, none of us did.  But a cowardly attack...showing disregard for authority... and an attempt to ruin somebody's life. Does that sound familiar to you?
Master Regal: Well, I have already interviewed Tommaso Ciampa, and despite all of that, there's no evidence of his culpability.  But given his mental state in the recent past, do you know where Johnny was when the attack went down?
Candice: Well, despite us trying to keep our professional and personal lives separate as of late, I was with him that night.  You had just announced the triple threat match.  He came to the locker room to change, then we drove home together.
What Several Of You Might Be Thinking: Hey, wasn't Johnny walking into the arena and passed Regal going out to the parking lot?
Master Regal: Thank you very much.  If we need to talk to you again, we'll be in touch.

Ricochet: comes out
Full Sailors: Hey!  I love this guy!  Ric o chet!  Ric o chet!  Ric o chet!
Pete Dunne: comes out
Full Sailors: Hey!  I love this guy!  Bruiserweight!  Bruiserweight!  Bruiserweight!
Bell: rings
Champions: mat wrestle and alternate having the advantage then nip up and get in each others' faces
Full Sailors: Both these guys!  Both these guys!  Both these guys!
Pete: starts focusing in on the left hand with his signature joint manipulation but also goes after the right a few times Surfboard!
Full Sailors: are busy chanting for one, the other, or both
Ricochet: starts to focus attempts on Pete's shoulder
Pete: gets the ropes
Referee: Gotta break the hold!
Ricochet: does
Pete: FOREARM!  smirks
Ricochet: Big chops!  Headscissors!  Dropkick!
Pete: I'm better off out here.
Plurality Of Full Sailors: Ricochet!  Ricochet!  Ricochet!
Ricochet: Wrong!  TOPE!
Nigel McGuinness: This time there can be no doubt: Ricochet meant to hit Dunne with that one!
Pete: catches another headscissors attempt and PKs Ric in the chest and back
Nigel: You know, I once wrestled — I believe you call him Daniel Bryan — in a champion v. champion match?  True story.
Pete: Single leg crab!
Ricochet: escapes
Pete: or DID you joint manipulation!  Another PK!  Arm control kicks to the face!
Ricochet: Palm strike!  Rolling Thunder line!
Full Sailors: NXT!  NXT!  NXT!
Ricochet: Charging corner Eurocut!  619!  Springboard Eurocut!
Pete: Kickout!  Dodge!
Ricochet: I also dodge!
Pete: Step up Owenzuigiri!  X-Plex!
Ricochet: I SAID I ALSO DODGE running Shooting Star Press to the back!
Pete: Kickout!
Full Sailors: Fight forever!  This is awesome!  Fight forever!  This is awesome!  Fight forever!  This is awesome!
Ricochet: Standing moonsault!
Pete: But I can also dodge!  You DUNNE fucked up now!  stands on his right arm and stomps the crap out of it, then smirks
Ricochet: Short range knee strike!
Ricochet: Kickout!

Full Sailors: NXT!  NXT!  NXT!
Pete: Bitter End!
Ricochet: Nope!  German suplex!
Pete: Double nope!  ENZUI PK!
Ricochet: Step up Owenzuigiri!
Pete: And here I am on the floor again...
Ricochet: Incoming!
Ricochet: Fuck that, triangle moonsault!
Pete: Fuck that, another big-ass forearm!  X-Plex into the apron!
Ricochet: geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoddamn that sucked
Pete: And now, the Bitter End!
Ricochet: By Bitter End did you mean BIG-ASS REWIND RANA?!  'Cause that's what I got!
Referee: ...KICKOUT!
Full Sailors: This is awesome!  Fight forever!  This is awesome!  Fight forever!  This is awesome!  Fight forever!
Pete: Stomp the hands again!  PK to the dome!
Ricochet: Step up knee strike!
Pete: Step Up II the Streets s Owenzuigiri!  LARIATOOOOOO!  Let's finish this!
Ricochet: I will!  HANDSPRING AROUND THE HORN DDT!  Count that man down!
Referee: It is my job.  One!  Two!  Thre... kickout!
Full Sailors: NXT!  NXT!  NXT!
Riochet: Oh, would you look at that.  Looks like 6:30 to me!
Pete: Not I!
Ricochet: know what?  I concur.
Pete: Oh, good hey wait a second
Pete: ...well, that fuck ing suuuuuuucked
Ricochet: Axe kick!  Leaping Flatliner!
Pete: ...kickout?  I think I kicked out...
Several Full Sailors: are seen laughing and clapping
Full Sailors In Toto: refuse to hold the line and chant for one or the other again, or maybe both
Announce: essentially stop their own laughing and clapping Hard to tell who they're rooting for here; it's almost like they're blending into the same chant!
Ricochet: Springboard 450!
Pete: Right into my triangle!  Joint manipulation bonus!
Ricochet: desperately crawling for the ropes 
Pete: No, you don't!  crawls his body back towards mid ring
Ricochet: gaaa
Pete: NOOO
Ricochet: gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Ricochet: POWERBOMB!  Oh!  GOD!  That took everything out of me!
Pete: (on the apron, gasping) ...well, almost.  reaches forward and snaps a couple fingers on the left hand
Pete: Double wristlock!
Full Sailors: NXT!  NXT!  NXT!
Pete: almost out on the mat, glares at Ricochet
Ricochet: almost out on the mat, glares at Pete
Some Guy In The Back: This isn't about me.  I don't like it.
Familiar Looking Champions: Let's get them, then, boss.
Some Guy, BAY BAY: You know what?  Yes.  SWARM!
The Undisputed Era, To The Surprise Of--Somebody?: swarm
Bell: rings
Full Sailors: This is some ol' bullshit!
War Raiders: We concur.  run out
the Undisputed Era: Is it Wednesday already!  We're late for donating blood at the local youth center!  flee
War Raiders: chase them
Kayla, Sup Girl: This match has been ruled a no-contest.
Full Sailors: standing O Both these guys!  Both these guys!  Both these guys!
Ricochet: recovers in a corner, holding his belt, looking at Pete with exhaustion, anger, that...
Pete: recovering in an opposite corner, holding his belt, looking at Ricochet with anger, exhaustion, that...respect???!
Full Sailors: NXT!  NXT!  NXT!  NXT!