 |
| He's back and ready to go Photo via Eagles Wire |
1. Carson Wentz (Last Poll: 1) - His 2018 season ended in ignominy with a backbreaking loss to the Cowboys, but it turns out that his back literally was broken, although no one really knows when. However, the word dropped that he will have no limitations at organized team activities (which are optional, by the by) this year. Wentz will have a lot of pressure this season since he will have no Big Dick Nick (Foles) security blanket backing him up. Cody Kessler, Nate Sudfeld, and Clayton Thorson don't exactly inspire the fear that Foles did. But I have faith in my quarterback to get the Eagles back where they belong, and that's the Super Bowl, baby.
2. Game of Thrones Viewers (Last Poll: Not Ranked) - It's easy to lose sight of the real heroes from last night, the people who stayed aboard for eight seasons even though the wheels started coming off around, oh, I don't know, season three, episode nine. People will judge them on their complaints, but I mean, look at the last three episodes from this season. Those shitheads David Benioff and DB Weiss packed like two seasons worth of advancement into three episodes. Grey Worm might as well have been put under a spell to go from noble infantry leader to The Co-Inventor of War Crimes! So to all my fellow 73-episode trekkers, I salute you.
3. Orange Cassidy (Last Poll: Not Ranked) - It's hard defending the Independent Wrestling Championship all the time, but especially when noted trickster god Joey Janela dresses up like you and calls himself Tangerine Cassidy to try and sneak the belt off your waist. You have to wake up pretty early in the morning to fool ol' Orange Cassidy, you do.
4. Hiromu Takahashi (Last Poll: Not Ranked) - Look, I don't know what "The D" he's referring to is here, but anything to fuck with that idiot Will Ospreay is okay by me.
5. Bayley (Last Poll: Not Ranked) - Her turn last night winning the briefcase and doing the rare babyface post-match surprise cash-in framed around running in to save Becky Lynch and the crowd roaring in approval in the background shows you really can't hold a shining talent down. I hope that WWE won't punt this in the longer term, but I don't have hope. Still, it's good to have moments, y'know?
6. MizDad (Last Poll: Not Ranked) - He made the list when he did a run-in at Absolute Intense Wrestling, but then when I heard it was a shoot, well, I had to include him with honors. Miz might be a company man, but his dad, whoo, he's a wildman for sure.
7. Everything Bagels (Last Poll: Not Ranked) HOLZERMAN HUNGERS OFFICIALLY-SPONSORED RANKING - They are both the perfect conveyance for sandwiches with the extra flavor on the outside, but they also stand tall on their own with cream cheese, butter, jelly, or whatever you schmear on there. The seasoning is savory to its core, but it pairs well with sweet flavors. Everything bagels, I salute you.
8. People Throwing Milkshakes at Nigel Farage (Last Poll: Not Ranked) - You're doing beautiful, sweetie. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
9. Maisie Williams (Last Poll: Not Ranked) - The actors have voiced latent disappointment with how things have ended, but no one really has given into the fans' point of view like the actress playing Arya Stark, who is just here for the memes. She's doing the work of all Seven Gods, the Lord of Light, and whatever eldritch monstrosity those weirdos in the Iron Islands worship.
10. Otis
