Monday, December 2, 2019

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings for December 2, 2019

Jericho selling people THE BUBBLAY is genius level getting over
Screenshot via AEW YouTube
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Chris Jericho (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I think it's time to start discussing Jericho as the best ever to do it. He's gotten so much random shit over in his 20+ year career and even now is still at least a decent wrestler. I mean, he sold 10,000 bottles of cheap hooch he slapped his image on in a week. That's impressive. Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I'm not even sure it's close. I don't give a shit about drawing metrics or whatever. He's gotten over and stayed over for a long time changing his act when he saw it fit. Ric Flair being Ric Flair for four decades and staying prominent is impressive no doubt, but when a simple gimmick change sinks a wrestler, you have to give it to Jericho who kept changing and stayed not only excellent, but over during his whole time.

2. Orange Cassidy (Last Week: 7) - So what, he dressed up as a turkey and still did his hands in his pockets plancha to the outside? No big deal, man. No big deal at all.

3. Maki Itoh (Last Week: 5) - Will anyone dethrone Itoh as Princess of Joshi Champion? My sources say no, she shall be Champion until the Earth burns up thanks to climate change and only becomes inhabitable for the 0.0001 percent. So, until August 2021.

4. Turkey (Last Week: 1) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - How many people are still eating leftover turkey today, on the holiest of holidays Cyber Monday? My guess is at least 35 percent of all households are. Plus, the real roasted turkey is way better on sandwiches than that slimy lunchmeat shit. The noble bird is the king of the holidays.

5. Deshaun Watson (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Watson became the second Black quarterback to lead his team to a Sunday Night Football victory over the Patriots last night, throwing for three touchdowns and catching another. His Texans may have gotten clobbered in the regular season matchup with the Ravens this season, but wouldn't it be nice if he got another shot to take on Baltimore in the AFC Championship Game or at least the Divisional Playoff round, depending on seeding?

6. Joel Embiid (Last Week: Not Ranked) - After getting shut out by the Raptors last Monday, Embiid went on a tear averaging over 30 points over the next three games against the Kings, Pacers, and Knicks. The Sixers are 14-6 after 20 games, fifth in the Eastern Conference. The season is still young, but Embiid is a big reason why they can still climb and get into the top half of their playoff bracket.

7. Martin Scorsese (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The Irishman, which has been in theaters for a few weeks before making the jump to Netflix, has been making the worst people online lose their minds. Scorsese's comments about the Marvel Cinematic Universe have rankled them pretty good because they conflate criticism of the things they like with critiques of their personalities. It's awful. I say this as a fan of the MCU movies, but Scorsese is 100 percent correct. I might go out of my way to sit down and watch the movie. I mean, hey, I'm gonna plunker down and watch all 10 hours of the two Tokyo Dome shows for New Japan. I'm used to that kind of long action.

8. Baby Yoda (Last Week: 4) - Gina Carano saved Baby Yoda's life this past week on The Mandalorian! I bet Ronda Rousey wouldn't have.

9. Dana Brooke (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Brooke trying to fuck Dave Batista is the only good storyline involving someone in WWE right now, and it's real life. It's not a celebration of the potentially earth-shattering fucking that is going to happen between the two as much as it is Brooke shooting her shot. Basically, she has been just as enthusiastic at chasing Big Dave the Movie Star as he's been thirsty for her. I see this as her being a role model, to be honeest.

10. Tony Schiavone (Last Week: 10) - Well Blog Fans, TH may not have a review for last week's Dynamite, but he will this week. And boy, it's gonna be a dandy of a show. Why I have the script and... well look at that, we're out of time this week! Check back next week for more Best in the World Rankings!