Friday, December 20, 2019

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 285

Caroling is a Christmas thing, but what are the best songs to sing?
Photo Credit: The Courtesy Christmas Matters Holiday Carolers
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 280 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers:

Phrasing of this question makes me believe that you mean the old school church-ass songs. Not every Christmas song is a Christmas carol, but are carols only supposed to be religious? Is "Jingle Bells" a Christmas carol? Is there a line of demarcation in time? Ah who cares about semantics:

"Jingle Bells" - I love this song because it describes things I'll never do on Christmas. It sounds pretty dope though. Riding on a one-horse open sleigh? Hell yeah, I'll do that before the world succumbs to climate change to the point where snow is no longer possible even on the highest mountains.

"God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" - I'm not a religious guy at all anymore, but I just love the self-serious tone of the song.

"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" - I don't know if it counts, but really, it's not just a Christmas song, but it's a good tale on not making fun of people for being different. Two birds, one stone!

To be completely honest, I haven't played as many games as one should to make a list such as this, but I mean, that's never stopped me before from making a list, so...

1. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
2. Hollow Knight
3. Dead Cells
4. Pokémon: Sun and Moon
5. The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds
6. Super Mario Galaxy 2
7. Super Mario Maker
8. Untitled Goose Game
9. Tetris 99
10. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate

Yes, they're all games you can play on a Nintendo system. That's because I have been Nintendo-only almost my whole life. Ah well.

Are backing cameras "elite" still? They really should be standard on every vehicle because they make a routine yet dangerous task like backing so much safer and easier. I've backed and parallel parked without cameras before, but now that my work vehicle and my wife's car have them, well, I can't live without them. No one should, but the fact that not every car has a backing camera right now, or at least new cars, well, it feels like capitalism run amok.

Adonis the Swole Reindeer just wanted to help Santa pull his sleigh, but all the other reindeer were too afraid of him because he looked too mean. However, he had a heart of gold. When Christmas eve came and Lil' Susie Jameson wanted a baby grand piano, no one else could pull the sled. However, Adonis came to the rescue and helped the other nine reindeer pull Santa's sleigh, mainly because Adonis had spent the last week working his traps. They're a very underrated muscle group for hauling. Afterwards, everyone embraced the Swole Reindeer, whom they saw was just as jolly and Christmasy as the other reindeer with poor muscle definition.

1. New commentators - Excalibur is really the only one worth keeping. I like Tony Schiavone, but I feel like he's more suited for control center stuff and sitdown interviews. Jim Ross has to go. Go with Excalibur and Goldenboy in a two-man booth in 2020.

2. Stay the course in the ring - really, new commentary is all I really want or need. Yeah, there are areas where they can improve, but I think they'll right the ship in the ring.

Wrestling is subjective, so it's okay to think Cena may have been better in higher profile matches than Bryan. That being said, it's a hard sell for me to consider Cena over Bryan overall when Bryan had an entire year between WrestleMania XXIX and XXX where he was on television every week having high-end main event matches, sometimes twice, against varied opponents from good wrestlers like Sheamus to the utter dregs of society like Randy Orton. He had incredible matches before then and after his big comeback as well. You're right that Cena is probably even now in his critical renaissance underrated and probably a solid choice for number two BECAUSE of all those matches you listed. That being said, Bryan set the bar so high it's hard for anyone to go over him.

Protected user @earthdog asks:
You have to book a wrestling card using only Star Wars Characters, what are the top matches?
The main event is a hot tag match, featuring Luke Skywalker and his dad Darth Vader against Emperor Sheev Palpatine and that upstart Ben "Kylo Ren" Solo. Sure, Vader is technically dead (and so is Luke), but if Palpatine can come back using the Force, well, why can't death in Star Wars be like retirement in wrestling? Really, that match is all one would need for a hot card, but let's go down the rest of the show:

- The Mandalorian vs. Yoda in a Custody of Baby Yoda Ladder Match
- Han Solo vs. Darth Maul (this will make a lot more sense when you see Solo)
- Q'ira vs. General Leia Organa (again, watch Solo)
- Rey, Finn, and Poe Dameron vs. General Armitage Hux, Captain Phasma, and a half-digested Boba Fett
- Obi-Wan Kenobi vs. Count Dooku
- BATTLE ROYALE TIME BABY - Chewbacca vs. General Grievous vs. Padme Amadala vs. Lando Calrissian vs. Admiral Ackbar vs. Mon Mothma vs. Nien Nunb vs. Greedo vs. Maz Kanata vs. Jyn Erso vs. Orson Krennic vs. Chirrut Imwe vs. Baze Malbus vs. 17 Ewoks

That oughtta draw a full house in Coruscant, Tattooine, or really anyplace in the galaxy.

Danhausen as Darth Teeth, a new Lord of the Sith who is invincible as long as "Tequila" is playing.

Warhorse as Darth Ruleass, the other Sith Lord who can destroy a single Rebel medical ship just by yelling at it.

Effy as a Rebel pilot who finally provides real gay representation in the Star Wars universe and who also has everyone mad at him because he seduced Poe Dameron away from his rightful husband Finn.

Kris Statlander as herself, because she's an alien.

Orange Cassidy as the Jedi Master who has perfected the art of doing the most with putting the least effort in.

The quintessential Philly beverage is the Black Cherry Wishniak soda. Made famous by local soda company Frank's, it has become as synonymous with Philadelphia cuisine as the cheesesteak, the soft pretzel, the roast pork sandwich, and the Tastykake, at least locally. You can get a Canada Dry version probably where you live, but you can get the real thing easily thanks to the Internet.
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