Thursday, February 13, 2020

The Black and Gold Standard Preview for Takeover: Portland (Episode 20-22 Apologia)

This Sunday, the boom goes off
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Febutchary hit some of us (my liver) harder than others, but the crown jewel in the chosen month is happening this Sunday from the PDX. It seems like every time a new Takeover rolls around, everyone wonders if this is going to the best one ever, the most loaded one ever, the one that eradicates constellations because us fanboys need to yank them out of the sky in order to rave about TEH BEST MATCHES EVA!~~~~!1!1111

Sure, hyperbole in the Internet age. Original.

That said: have you seen this card? Two grudge matches on the undercard, four title matches that have been percolating for weeks if not months. Not only is there not a weak match on paper to be had, there's a sixth match where we usually only get five, and any single one of them on the card could possibly walk away with MOTN honors. And no one would be surprised if we got a or multiple MOTY candidates.

So, in case you're looking for your late pass? Well, I know a little something about lateness. But fret not; we'll take this ride to the fireworks factory together.

{street fight} Dakota Kai v. Tegan Nox
Born of the Kiwi's sudden turn on her then best friend at WarGames, this further got goosed in a contentious match on the January 29th NXTV episode where a justifiably irate Nox and Kai had a sprint that ended with a Candice LeRae distraction, Nox uppercutting Kai with her brace and then falling her with the Shiniest Wizard. On this week's episode, Kai got a flash pinfall win over LeRae and then her and Tegan fought some more with NPCs having to separate them.

I WANT: Since the first match lasted less time than a round of the Dunk Contest and its both their actual TO debuts, double digits of hard hitting action is all I need here, and I suspect that'll come real easy.


I THINK: Dakota has to win here. Mia almost crippled her, and Tegan (yes, shadily, insert Raiders catchphrase) has gone over her which is bizarre given the level of vitriol that came with her heel turn. She loses here and she has pretty much nothing, plus it can be the catalyst for a final rubber match. Maybe a second Last Woman's Standing brawl coming to a USA network near you?


Finn Bálor v. Johnny Gargano
Again: this card is so fucking bonkers that two former NXT World Champions in a heated rivalry is on the undercard even though it could deliver main event level stuff. Finn's return to the Prince has made him more compelling than he's been in years, and Gargano's been more than willing to let some of what the wars with Ciampa rub off on him in snuffing the man who made him miss WarGames. Finn was merciless in tearing apart Trent VII on the last episode in January, then on the 5th in their satellite interviews Gargano swore if "the guy who lost to Lashley 17 weeks in a row" showed up in Portland, he was going to tear him apart and on this week's show bested Cameron Grimes.


I WANT: This may be the match I have the least amount of feel for, which means in a lot of ways it interests me the most. It seems anything outside of a ridiculously unlikely Gargano squash is on the table. Anyone have any complaints about a great match where no one gets legitimately injured? No?


I THINK: Well...that ties into the main event. Elucidation to come, but Gargano gets a flash rollup to win and bails before Finn can try to shave another couple of inches off of his head. 


[NXT WORLD] Bianca BelAir v. Rhea Ripley (C)
Bianca won a #1 contendership battle royale, and Rhea's been taking her 2019 momentum, seeing it and raising it by regular appearances on RAW in an attempt to goad Charlotte into using her Royal Rumble victory marker on her. While they briefly aligned to lay Charlotte out when the Queen returned to Full Sail on the 5th, they don't like each other, and Bianca laid out Rhea on tonight's show which means she is Doomed like my cousin Reed and Damn Simmons.

I WANT: Rhea to bench press me into the Mariana Trench.


I THINK: I have a better chance of being bench pressed into the Mariana Trench than Bianca does of beating her for the title with the likelihood of Rhea/Charlotte at WrestleMania happening.

[NXT WORLD TAG] the Broserweights v. the Undisputed Era (Fish/O'Reilly) (C)
If I'm remembering my Nick and Nite correctly, Pete Dunne is the Tony Randall to Matt Riddle's Jack Klugman, and since more than half the time these mismatched tag teams end up hoisting up the bronzed boots of the American Dream overhead they pulled off this year's win in the Dusty Classic. Congratulations! You now get to face the most dominant NXT Tag Team Champions of all time!

I WANT: Even amongst the deep water provided from the rest of the card, this seems to have the biggest potential for show stealer, instant classic, and all the rest of the accolades. Not ReDragon makes putting four stars on the board easier than Sunday morning and Pete & Matt have shown instant chemistry together as a unit. The only question this match needs to answer is if it's going to be great, Great, GREAT or GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAT (probably need to secure an endorsement deal for that last one)?


I THINK: This has shady-ass Era win all over it, possibly thanks to the otherwise-missing-from-the-card Roddy Strong. They can always run this back at Takeover: Tampa and have the babies go over there, even though as long as the BWs exists the Dexter Morgan in my head is clamoring for Pete to do to Matt what Roddy did to him.

[NORTH AMERICAN] Dominik Dijakovic v. Keith Lee (C) 
Mothra v. King Kong with workrate. This is the rubber match of their rivalry, with the first two matches occurring months apart on NXTV and firing both these land monsters into the rarefied air of Full Sail where they belong. Nobody reading this needs to be hyped on this, and hopefully at least a couple of you have used this as a thin excuse to watch the September 25th and/or October 19th matches for a refresher. If not, let 'em know, Mark.


I WANT: You ever see Captain Raymond Holt eat a marshed mallow? That's the reaction I'm expecting to get from this match.


I THINK: I get what I want, Keith retains, and the seeds of a Dijakovic heel turn get planted during and/or after the match, Look, kids! It's another instant classic! Make a wish!


[NXT WORLD] Tommaso Ciampa v. Adam Cole (C) 
(inhales deeply) Oh, yeah, that's the stuff. The babyface with a heart of black out to recapture what he never lost, the man who won WarGames and came back from wrestling death in record time consumed by the love of the title, which his opponent took from his best friend last summer and has held on to for nearly 300 days since beating everyone from Daniel Bryan to KUSHIDA this week and every point in between. He's got the backup; Ciampa might even though it doesn't exactly measure up to Cole's (keeping in mind two of his WarGames teammates are fighting each other lower down the totem pole and the other was Special Guest Star Kevin Owens) and damn sure is fine fighting without it.  Is his indomitable will going to get Goldie back in his arms, or is Cole the ultimate 2020 model merger of skill and sleaze to roll into WrestleMania weeked...let's just say it...the best NXT World Champion in history outside of Asuka?


That's just some of what's on the line here, so yeah, it oughta be doper than Marion Berry and fresher than your gradmamma's fried chicken recipe.


I WANT: Well, since this is the irrational fantasy booking part of the column, Cole to retain then Keith beats him in Tampa and goes Black Naito. Then again, I want Rhea Ripley to bench press me into the sun, and that's not happening either. So I think the safer bet to go with here...but yet again, why be safe?


I THINK: Ciampa wins. The Era swarm him afterwards and he gets help from some ineffectual babyfaces before Johnny helps him clean house.  #DIY celebrates, the credits come up...and the circle closes as behind Ciampa we see Johnny point two finger guns behind the former champ before throwing him into the Tron.

We didn't get the end of the Johnny Brasco storyline. But they've got an opportunity to defibrillate that whole thing and do this WrestleMania weekend what they couldn't last year, so why not?

And with that - see you next week for the Best Coast Bias review of Takeover: Dame's Town. Expect a lot of italics and bold.