Monday, March 2, 2020

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings for March 2, 2020

WINNER
Photo Credit: AllEliteWrestling.com
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Jon Moxley (Last Week: 1) - He did it; he ascended the top of the mountain in All Elite Wrestling at Revolution by dethroning Chris Jericho. What did he do when he got out of the arena? Hopefully, it was sniffing out that rat punk Zack Sabre, Jr. and cracking him upside his head with both his championship belts. Not all socialists are nice, you know.

2. Maki Itoh (Last Week: 3) - Now that she has learned the Wet Willy, what other moves will she add to her arsenal? Could the Dreaded Rear Admiral be next?

3. Orange Cassidy (Last Week: 5) - Big deal, got the biggest pop on pay-per-view. Pfft.

4. Travis Konecny (Last Week: 7) - The Flyers now have the best odds to win the Stanley Cup after thrashing the Rangers twice this past weekend, lighting them up during a home-and-home with five goals in both games. Konecny living up to his draft hype is a big reason. The NHL Playoffs are the most volatile; the last time the Flyers made the finals, they were a seventh seed playing the eighth seeded Montreal Canadiens. Still, it's good to be playing your best hockey as the season winds down.

5. Cheeseburgers OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED ENTRY - There's a reason fast food has settled behind the cheeseburger, but really, you can make them so much better at home. The other upside is that you can put your own condiments on them that McDonald's or Wendy's don't have.

6. Shake Milton (Last Week: Not Ranked) - So the Sixers lost to the Clippers last night, but Milton stepped up in a big way, providing a career-high 39 points in the loss. With Joel Embiid and Ben Simmons out with injuries and Al Horford not living up to his contract, the team needs someone to complement Tobias Harris until the dynamic duo comes back. Even when they do, Milton can provide burst off the bench later in the season and in the playoffs.

7. Colt Cabana (Last Week: Not Ranked) - It was not only a genuine surprise to hear his entrance music to see him help out SCU during The Buy In, but it was a legitimate delight to see him with a big smile on his face finally get a shot on big television that wasn't just getting his ass kicked by the Undertaker. "Deserve" is such a loaded word to throw out in wrestling, but Cabana deserves at least one run on TV where people can love him the way indie crowds have for almost two decades.

8. Bernie Sanders (Last Week: Not Ranked) - He was never winning in South Carolina, but that's alright given that's the only state where Joe Biden has tried so far. With Super Tuesday looming tomorrow, Sanders is in prime position to put distance between himself and the only real threat to his nomination left since Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobuchar have dropped out. With any luck, Michael Bloomberg will leach Biden's support, and Bernie can come out squeaky clean, especially with Elizabeth Warren's support fading like a Zack Ryder push.

9. Hangman Page (Last Week: Not Ranked) - It's so funny how over he is just by saying "Cowboy Shit," drinking on shows, and wrecking shit every Wednesday. It's almost like getting over really isn't that much of an art as it might be a science.

10. Tony Schiavone (Last Week: 10) - Well wrestle fans, Revolution was quite the hoot. So much so that I brought back one my most famous phrases. No, not "go f..." well look at the time folks. Tune in next week for The Best in the World rankings!