The Wrestling Blog

Guest Post: Why TNA Doesn't Fit in Orlando

2012-02-02T09:15:00.000-05:00

Mike Lortz, aka Jordi Scrubbings, has written before for TWB, and he'll probably write again (he's more than welcome here). As a resident of Central Florida, he's got the catbird's view of Impact Wrestling and their presence in their home base. Here are his thoughts as to why it shouldn't be their home arena anymore.

Not that big a deal anymore to Central FL
Photo Credit: ImpactWrestling.com

TH posted an interesting article recently about Impact’s crowd problem in Orlando. As a Florida wrestling fan, I couldn’t agree more that Universal City Walk is no longer the best place for Impact Wrestling. Here are 5 reasons why Impact should take its show on the road permanently.

Orlando is a saturated market. Central Florida is a pro wrestling fan’s mecca. Seeing pro wrestling of any level isn't big news in Florida. There are no less than 10 wrestling federations spanning the I-4 corridor from Orlando to Tampa. Short of Wed, there is wrestling every day of the week in FL, whether on TV or in person. There is RAW to watch on Monday, Impact taping in Orlando on Tuesday, FCW in Tampa on Thursday, Smackdown to watch on Friday, several indy shows on Saturday, and a couple of indy shows on Sunday. Fans don’t have the energy to be hyped for every show.
Orlando area wrestling fans are spoiled. Back in day, seeing Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, and other greats was a big deal. They only wrestled on occasion at certain big events. That manor of booking and storylines kept the marquee names fresh. Today, Hulk Hogan is nothing special to Central Florida fans. If they aren’t seeing him in the Clearwater area, they are seeing him on commercials, or at Impact every week. Same with the dozens of other big names at Impact. There is no draw power.
Most of the wrestlers live locally, so there is little motivation to hustle. So many of the talent at Impact looks flat. Maybe they aren’t hungry.
The show is free. While free is great for the wallet, there is not the motivation for fans to put as enthusiasm or emotion into a show fans spend their hard earned money on. I can’t guarantee this, but I think fans are more likely to cheer when they have a financial investment in the event.
No one goes to events in Florida. I’m a huge Rays fan and as much as I hate to say this, it’s true. Floridians just don’t go to sporting events. They only pack special events such as Super Bowls and All-Star Games or bowl games. There are several theories on this, from the economy to Southern attitudes to the notion that there is too much entertainment in Florida. Whatever the case, Floridians don’t get hyped over events like people in other regional areas.
No local attachment - Back in the days of Dusty Rhodes, wrestling in Florida was branded as such. It was Championship Wrestling of FLORIDA. Fans associated with the wrestlers and, more importantly, the organization. It represented their state. Impact, on the other hand, suffers locally from its generic name. "Impact" doesn't associate with anywhere, even if a majority of the wrestlers live in Florida. Florida wrestling fans have to share the Impact brand with the world, even though they are the fan representatives of the brand.

Granted, other Florida-attached organizations such as FCW and the minor league baseball teams don't draw based on civic pride, but these
are feeder organizations. Although the pro sports teams often fail to draw, people are proud to be Orlando Magic fans, Tampa Bay Lightning fans, Miami Dolphin fans, etc. Impact might turn off national or global fans by being the "Florida Wrestling Alliance" or something like that, but as long as they perform predominantly in front of Florida fans, a name change that pulls the local heart strings might not be a bad idea.

Disclaimer: Although I have had numerous invites, I have never been to an Impact show. There are several reasons for this:

Between Afa the Wild Samoan’s WXW, FCW in Tampa, and watching RAW, I’m wrestled out.
Impact just isn’t a big enough draw for me. I’m not a fan of old talent and we all know Impact’s problem with promoting their younger, original talent.
Traffic is a bitch. Driving from Tampa to Orlando between 5-7pm is an hour and a half exercise in frustration. Without a high speed rail or other public transportation to move people quickly and efficiently, Impact fans outside of Orlando have to struggle against gridlock to make a show. Not my idea of fun.

TWIOT: The Nightmare Scenario - Super Bowl XLVI Preview

2012-02-02T08:40:00.000-05:00

Yes, he's elite... *groan*
Photo Credit: Getty Images via ESPN.com

The only way this matchup could have been worse is if the Dallas Cowboys had won the NFC. No, scratch that, I'd root for the Legions of Hell against the Cowboys, which is an improvement over the quandary I have right now. I hate the Giants, don't get me wrong. I just don't hate them enough that I feel good about rooting for the Patriots over them. What's worse is that this is a rematch of a game that I didn't want to see four years ago either. OF all the matchups in this year's Super Bowl, this was the one I was dreading the most. Now it's going to happen. Either the most spoiled sports region in America that still somehow seems to have an inferiority complex that brings up shit like Len Bias and Bill Buckner all the time (and I apologize to those whom regional mouthpiece Bill Simmons doesn't speak, but I just can't take him writing about anything but the NBA anymore, ESPECIALLY when he's homing it up for his teams) wins yet another title, or Eli Manning gets his second trophy in five years.

The thing that hurts the most is that I can't even fall back on the trope that Manning fell ass-backwards into this title thanks to his defense either. He's a good quarterback now. The one security blanket I had in hating the Giants was that I could always count on Pey-Pey's little brother to be so deliciously mediocre when the time came, but no, he had to go and back up his words that he was elite this year by throwing for almost 5,000 yards and being downright clutch at times.

Of course, this Super Bowl for me has been the cap on a personal hell for everything that I stand for in football this year. The Eagles shit the bed early, and the fact that they rallied late for naught leaves me with more of a cockteased feeling rather than any sense of accomplishment. No, it was even worse than that, because this season was as good as any for a fresh start in the coaching staff, and yet we're getting the same people back next year. My favorite college football program was exposed as a safehouse for a pedophile. The SEC sent a team to the BCS Championship Game that didn't even win its division, and no one batted an eyelash. The only saving grace was that an exciting young kid from a lesser-pedigreed school won the Heisman.

But enough about me. I just raked Simmons over the coals for the same woe-is-me bullshit, and despite the fact that Boston has won more titles in the last 10 years than my hometown has won in the last 30, no one likes a whiner. So I apologize for the preceding few paragraphs, and welcome everyone who wants to point and laugh to point and laugh. People want to read about the game itself.

But that's the thing, I really don't have a read on this game. Whenever I want to pick the Giants to win, I think that Tom Brady might be able to release and find one of his several slot options for big gains before any one of the G-Men's talented pass rushers get up in his grill. Then when I vacillate back to the Pats, I have visions of Victor Cruz and Hakeem Nicks torching the shit out of New England's overmatched, undermanned secondary with well-placed balls from Manning falling into their arms, while Jason Pierre-Paul, Osi Umeniyora and Justin Tuck take turns teeing off against Brady, whose worst games come when he's getting hit early and often.

So, rather than go through the motions of trying to scientifically pick this game, I'm just going to with the pick I made in the last episode of Outside the Squared Circle, guest Sarah Sprague, and say the Giants win this one 38-34. And I'll be watching at least most of the game, even if I'm gnashing my teeth while doing so.

The Wrestling Podcast, Episode 39: Kate Cann

2012-02-01T23:50:00.000-05:00

Three wrestlers talked positively about on the podcast
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Episode 39: Back in Black Scorpion

Kate Cann joins us from all the way North of the Border for this episode of the podcast. We start out talking about the Royal Rumble, but take a whole lot of detours along the way. Topics include fallout from the Rumble match, Ricardo Rodriguez's awesomeness, The Miz's awful spray tan, David Otunga, TMZ and its effect on wrestling, CM Punk, Dolph Ziggler and his title chances, why Michael Cole should always wear headgear and Canada's fierce patriotism for its homegrown wrestlers. We also touch on why she's not a huge fan of Daniel Bryan, which might be anathema to some, but hey, I welcome all opinions to be heard, no matter how far out they may seem.

Direct link for your downloading pleasure

Daniel Bryan Is a Vegan Villain

2012-02-01T14:25:00.000-05:00

No charisma? Try all the charisma.
Photo Credit: WWE.com

In the movie Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, the titular protagonist must face off against Ramona Flowers' seven evil exes in order to claim the chance to be her boyfriend. It's a great movie, and probably the only time I've ever liked Michael Cera, but that's besides the point. One of the exes, played by the supremely underrated Brandon Routh, is a Vegan who happens to currently be dating Scott's ex-girlfriend who broke his heart. In the movie, being Vegan comes with having special super powers, which add to the stereotypical superiority complex that is ascribed to those who follow that diet. It ended with him mindlessly admitting that he'd eaten bacon and chicken parm (thinking they were Vegan friendly) after Pilgrim had tricked him into drinking milk, leading to a police force showing up and stripping him of his Vegan powers. He was on screen for 10 minutes, tops, but it was one of those scene-stealing performances just sticks out in the memory. I'd go so far as to say it was the best portrayal of how society views a militant Vegan in media, "was" being the operative word here.

This past Monday on RAW, Daniel Bryan surpassed Routh's character from Scott Pilgrim with his one appearance. Okay, maybe I'm blinded by both hyperbole and rampant fanboyism, but holy shit, talk about taking the talking point that he had "no charisma", one that even he adopted right after winning the World Heavyweight Championship, and throwing it in the wood chipper. He's been as dynamic out of the ring as he is in the ring, and damn, he's still one of the best, if not the best in the world in it. (In an aside, anyone else think Bryan looked at Dolph Ziggler's 2011, saw it as a personal challenge, and then set out to make his 2012 that much more epic, ESPECIALLY against Punk Monday? No? I am forever alone.) He's the very definition of a dynamic character right now.

Obviously, the kind of heat that Bryan generates for himself is based off a stereotype, one that Vegans usually are militant assholes about their lifestyle. Obviously, he's not running a terribly new kind of character, as the guy he faced off against Monday did the same exact thing, only with his Straight Edge lifestyle. That being said, wrestling as exaggerated theater often times exploits stereotypes to great effect because they can be used to clearly delineate the roles of hero and villain. Bryan's been a Vegan since he came into WWE, but he hasn't been militant about it since Monday. It's refreshing that in the age of us being expected to hate Jinder Mahal because he wears a turban that we're compelled to boo Bryan not because of who he is, but of what he does (i.e. act like an asshole). Wrestling is also not terribly based on originality of character. It's all about execution really. To borrow a phrase from a WWE Hall of Famer, right now, Bryan is showing excellence of execution.

Every time I see someone like Mason Ryan waddle out of the back like his muscles are choking him, it makes me shake my head as to why guys are trotted out for their size only. Performers like Bryan keep proving and proving that it's not the size that matters, but the ability. We all were worried as to how Bryan would perform in WWE, but he's doing just fine. I'm also sure that what he's putting out isn't being ignored either, or else he wouldn't get the stage he's getting every week to do what he's doing. I have to wonder though, is he at such a high level BECAUSE he has Vegan powers? If he didn't show ability like this before when he ate meat in the indies, I'd be inclined to agree, but I had to take this article home to match the beginning of it. I JUST HAD TO.

They Prefer the Term Biologically Codependent Life Partners

2012-02-01T10:45:00.000-05:00

Via Year of Hunico Tumblr

So, WWE has added black comedy to horror to their storytelling tropes in 2012. To be quite honest, I hope they dabble in more different kinds of cinema genres, because it's been working for them on some level so far. Of course, it helps that William Regal's deadpan is fantastic, and Johnny Ace's reaction was just perfect awkward middle manager getting TMI from a coworker.

Your Midweek Links: Super Links

2012-02-01T08:50:00.000-05:00

Dolph will be fine
Photo Credit: WWE.com

It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Self-Shilling:

- This week on Outside the Squared Circle, Sarah Sprague talks food, especially guacamole, the Super Bowl and hockey [Episode 3: Holy Guacamole!]

- My latest Fair to Flair piece, on Sheamus, reacting to spoilers and lazy booking [The Spoiler Culture and Sheamus' Royal Rumble Win]

- Royal Rumble review! Read it! Love it! ["Eve Makes Me Believe"]

Wrestling Links:

- The best Best and Worst in awhile, including a treatise on why all you people bitching about Dolph Ziggler are off-base [With Leather]

- WWE floated an alternate plan for the Rumble that might not have gone over as well as the actual winner. [Camel Clutch Blog]

- Finlay defends the Divas using flawed logic [Ring Belles]

- AIW's Nightmare before Christmas live report [Dirty Dirty Sheets]

- Jamie Dobson interviews Maze [Wrestling911]

- Hulk Hogan done did a spot for American Dad [Cageside Seats]

- New FtF feature, Sunday Afternoon Smackdown! [Fair to Flair]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- The Sixers are a complex, intriguing blue-collar team [The Classical]

- T-Rex trying to do stuff... awesome Tumblr [T-Rex Trying]

- 30 One hit wonders who deserve their own show... related note, while Harvey Danger only has one song that people know, they have two albums that are really fuckin' good [UPROXX]

- A look into the future at the top 25 for 2031. The Giant Bug What Eats People is a blue-chipper, yo. [Every Day Should Be Saturday]

- A plea to Joe Posnanski to stop writing namby-pamby BS about Joe Paterno [Deadspin]

- The five people you meet at every Super Bowl party [SB Nation]

- And now, a tourist's guide to Indianapolis [Sports Pickle]

- The All Choppin' Wood Team, or the guys who did the opposite of help their NFL teams win [Football Outsiders]

- Tim Tebow resists the urge to date noted cleat chaser Kim Kardashian [Off the Bench]

- Dan Levy on why the Pro Bowl should be eschewed for an all-star combine [Wide Left]

- SOPA didn't pass, but here's more of a reason why its creation was bullshit anyway [Matador Network]

- Space Nazis. Argument. Invalid. [Film Drunk]

- YOU SHALL NOT PASS [Imgur Gallery]

- Paul Rudd explains why men love boobs. Also, Paul Rudd is the fucking man. [UPROXX]

The Best Moves Ever: Anaconda Vice

2012-02-01T08:10:00.000-05:00

I hate the Go 2 Sleep. I really do, and I've never made that a secret. I hate when KENTA does it, but I especially hate that it's a WWE finisher for CM Punk when he has two much better moves to end matches with. They're both contained in this video. The first is the flash kick to the head, which is a BEAUTIFUL roundhouse kick, but the main event is the Anaconda Vice. Great submission hold.

Wrestling Six Packs: Potential WrestleMania XXIX Main Events

2012-01-31T20:40:00.000-05:00

Unfinished business to be taken care of at WMXXIX?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

The road to WrestleMania XXVIII has begun, but it's not too early to think about next year's big event. While much can change over the next year or so, I kinda get the feeling where WWE could go from here given the guys in the main event or on the cusp of the main event. Here are six main events that I can totally see closing the show in New York, Dallas, Toronto or wherever 'Mania is next year.

1. John Cena vs. Undertaker, ~~the quest for 20-0~~

Let's assume for a second that Brock Lesnar isn't coming back to WWE just to job to Undertaker. The biggest final sacrifice for Undertaker at WrestleMania would be the franchise, the Champ, the man everyone loves to hate, John Cena. The two have been kept apart for so long that it's almost like they were trying to build to this moment. It would be the last great holy-shit inducing individual match for 'Taker, who will more than likely be done after his 21st WrestleMania match.

2. CM Punk vs. Steve Austin

Much in the same way that Rock and Cena is the dream match this year, Punk and Austin is the next one in the fans' wrestling spank bank. They've been teasing it for over a year, so it's natural that they both want it to happen. Austin, who seems to be fully recovered from the neck injuries that made him retire initially, has said he has at least one match left in him. Why not make it against his heir apparent?

3. John Cena vs. CM Punk

Am I the only person who noticed that their feud just kinda ended abruptly after SummerSlam? Cena was a biiiiit too easygoing after he lost the title with his foot on the ropes, and I feel like there's way too much unexplored territory here. Punk is such a dynamic personality, and Cena brought out the best in him. The build for Money in the Bank and SummerSlam was great. How awesome would a program between the two be with a full road to WrestleMania build behind it?

4. Sheamus vs. Undertaker

If Undertaker retires with his streak, Cena is the opponent. However, titles are made to be lost. Streaks are meant to be broken. Torches are meant to be passed. So, if he's going to lose, it has to be Sheamus. Before, it was a possibility. With Sheamus winning the Rumble and potentially getting a WrestleMania moment this year, the only next step would be getting into a nuclear war with the Dead Man.

5. Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz

One of these guys is going to be a good guy within the next year. The other guy is going to be firmly entrenched as a top villain. While this might not seem like a match that closes WrestleMania, I've seen the point made on Twitter (by KSP? I think it was KSP) that the whole event is the main event of the year, and the top matches are all sort of main events. Anyway, I'm not sure it would matter which one was the good guy and which one was the bad guy here. I get the feeling that they can draw the personality out of each other, and hey, maybe Ziggler will finally help Miz go from good to great in the ring.

6. The Rock vs. CM Punk

For as many barbs as Cena shot in Rock's direction before The Great One fired back when he came back, Punk has been nearly relentless with the volume and the vitriol of his. I can't even begin to fathom the notion that Punk is shooting on Rocky, especially given everything that's gone down with his character and WWE's pushing of Twitter to push feuds. If by some chance Austin isn't ready to come back and Cena is occupied with, say, Taker, then holy shit, what a fallback match this would be. Of course, it might be a whole bunch of dick and gay jokes, but hey, at least they'd be doing them to each other. Plus, well, they're two of the best mic men ever. And fine wrestlers too. Holy shit, why isn't this number one?

Allysin Kay Got Some Amateur Work Done

2012-01-31T10:35:00.000-05:00

Photo via @allysin_kay

Allysin Kay was supposed to wrestle Cherry Bomb at Girls' Night Out 5, but Ms. Bomb couldn't make it. So, what did Kay do? She picked a fight with fellow Flexor Industries femme fatale Mia Yim after she lost to Marti Belle. Turns out that was a bad idea. As can be seen here, Yim had a bit of trouble pulling her punches. File this under "shit happens", I guess. Kudos on Kay for wearing it like a badge of honor though. I just hope people remember this picture when watching a shitty Divas match and using it as a proxy to cover for ALL women's wrestling.

Mike Tyson, Forgiveness and the Hall of Fame

2012-01-31T09:10:00.000-05:00

Mike Tyson did some terrible things in his life. Even if one would discount the rape conviction stemming from an incident in an Indianapolis hotel room in the early '90s due to race-baiting by the prosecution (a questionable accusation to levy on the state), there's the troubling and harrowing fact that he beat and allegedly raped his ex-wife, Robin Givens. When he got out of prison, out of the frustration of losing a boxing match, he bit the ear off another competitor. There is no denying his past nor condoning the things he did. However, how long must a man do penance to make up for his past misdeeds?

How much can the average person forgive?

The basis of most religions is forgiveness, that no bad deed can go eternally condemned if the person who committed it is truly sorry and has done penance. The basis of the criminal justice system is that most criminals can be rehabilitated into functional members of society. Those two things should be enough to give people basis to see that Tyson has changed, but the court of public opinion usually doesn't operate by those maxims. Therefore, it really shouldn't be surprising that Tyson's induction into the celebrity wing of the WWE Hall of Fame is being met with such resistance.

The truth is, I kinda understand where people are coming from here. Even though I'm as big a Tyson fanboy as anyone, it can be argued that rape is a far, far more damaging and worse crime than murder is, mainly because the victim usually has to live with it for the rest of his or her life. That alone is something that gives me the most pause whenever I think wistfully back to the time when I thought he should've been a part of WWE full-time or when I play Mike Tyson's Punchout or when I see him in The Hangover or on Funny or Die. Rape is not funny, and it's not to be trifled with.

That being said, if anyone has paid the price for his crimes and done enough rehabilitate himself, it's Tyson. He's been to prison twice, admitted he was a drug user, got clean, found religion (and whether anyone wants to debate the merits of whether religion is a good thing overall, it's done Tyson a lot of good), admitted he's had problems to the world and suffered through the harrowing tragedy of losing his daughter to a freak accident. The man has done penance, and if people want to forgive him, then I feel like they're well within their rights to do so.

The converse is true, if not a bit disconcerting. While I have forgiven Tyson, I don't begrudge anyone the right not to forgive him. Again, rape is traumatic for the victim, and I still think it's comically underestimated by the legal system and by society at large. That being said, all I'd really ask for is that people respect the decisions of those to forgive Tyson (and again, forgiveness doesn't equal condoning or ignoring the acts he committed). He seems like a guy who really has learned a lesson. If anything, folks should be mad at WWE not for inducting him into the Hall of Fame now, but for bringing him aboard before he learned those lessons.

It would be great if wrestling, whether discussion of the current product or the people companies bring in to help promote stories within their shows, would center just on the storylines and matches, and not on the out-of-ring stuff that the competitors and guest stars mar their own personal lives with. That being said, as much as Tyson fucked up in his life, I think as reprehensible as his past misdeeds are is as incredible as his personal redemption story is. When the landscape of this world is pock-marked with so many stories of recidivists and broken trust, it's amazing to see the exception to that rule apparently turn his life around.

Cornette Face Sighting!

2012-01-31T07:45:00.000-05:00

I love memes as wrestling signs. Every time there's a Troll Gaze sign in the crowd, I smile and laugh and do a little fist pump. Last night though, some enterprising fan took it to a whole new level, putting the ultimate wrestling meme on cardboard. The Cornette Face.

It's a still shot of legendary wrestling manager and dipshit booker Jim Cornette, and it's often used to personify his hotheadedness and propensity to quit companies in the grandest fashion ever, accompanied with the phrase "Fuck this company". Well, apparently, someone in the crowd last night wanted to say "Fuck this company" to WWE without using those exact words, although I'm not sure whether paying for bottom level tickets is the best way to show that rage against the corporate machine there, eh? Either way, great sign.

Screen Grab Credit: Mike Tunison (@xmasape)

Kharma Gave Birth New Year's Eve, Inspired Terrible TMZ Headline Last Night

2012-01-31T07:10:00.000-05:00

Photo Credit: WWE.com

Via TMZ

Worry not, wrestle fans. Our assumptions were correct in that Kharma gave birth to a healthy baby boy before entering the Royal Rumble match Sunday. The date of birth was 12/31, and it was a boy named Jamie. Awesome. I reiterate my warmest wishes for Kharma, her beau and the baby, because having a kid rocks. I can tell you from experience, even if I'm kinda sleep-deprived.

As for the news story, yes, the headline REALLY is "I Dropped a Few Pounds... Out of My Uterus". Oh TMZ, never change. Never ever change.

Instant Feedback: Daniel Bryan Is a Role Model, Dammit

2012-01-30T23:25:00.000-05:00

Daniel Bryan claimed tonight that he was a role model. He was right. No, he's not a role model to those to be a Vegan. That is an admirable lifestyle choice, but it's not for everyone. No, he serves as a role model for all the wrestlers. Well, he and Dolph Ziggler, that is. On a night where the wrestling match was the unofficial king, it was Bryan and Ziggler and even CM Punk showing the way of how to be a great wrestler. They all took big bumps and sold for their opponents. Both of those matches were instrumental in capping off an unusually strong first month of the year in terms of match quality. Ziggler and Randy Orton set the table. Hell, Ziggler took an epic, full-on bump off a shoulder block early in the match. How dedicated does a guy have to be to do that? Holy shit.

Then there was Punk/Bryan, which was one of the best matches I've ever seen on Monday Night RAW. Seriously, both men bumped their asses off, although Bryan did more so than Punk. There was arm work. They scrapped and they countered. It was great, up until the end with Chris Jericho's interference. That being said, it was the perfect ending to the match. It was a first-time thing, and we'll see matches between the two in the future that will go to finish. Plus, now the hand is tipped and Jericho and Punk can begin their build to WrestleMania, or at the very least, Elimination Chamber *sigh*. Good stuff.

(By the way, the fan in the Burger King crown marking out at the buzzsaw kick to Punk's head? BEST FAN EVER)

And as good as Bryan was in the ring, he continued to prove that he has the chops to hold his own on the microphone. That was a major question by those who didn't know any better, but for those of us who knew what he could do in character, it was vindication. Seriously, he is the best heel in the company by far. BY FAR. The sanctimony was so earnest. The celebrations so transparent. And it's all coming in WrestleMania season, when the most eyes are on the show. Yeah.

For as much as the meat of the show as about the wrestling though, it was all about Johnny Ace in the bread portion of the sandwich. His gladhanding all night was more of the personification of his perfected middle management character. Again, the genius of his character is that it's so hard to tell whether he's acting or whether he's really that inept, but it comes off so well. Hopefully, Undertaker coming out at the end when Trips was about to fire him meant that Laurinaitis' job was spared. Given that the rationale behind Ace losing his job was that he couldn't put his personal issues behind him but Trips could, Taker appearing is the personification of his personal issues. I'd much rather see him in charge than Triple H.

But yeah, anyone who says there's no wrestling on RAW anymore should watch this show, and if they still think there's no action on RAW, they can sit on a railroad spike. Two MOTY candidates and another solid Kofi Kingston/Miz match, and the wrestling was there. Good stuff.

What's the Point of Having a Deep Roster If It's Not Utilized?

2012-01-30T16:05:00.000-05:00

He should've been built better to be in the Rumble
Photo Credit: WWE.com

I heard rumblings last night both in my living room and on Twitter that there were too many stunt castings in the Royal Rumble last night. I didn't mind them, but there were people who had major problems with all three announcers, Ricardo Rodriguez, Great Khali, Kharma, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Mick Foley and the Road Dogg all being included in the Rumble match while a bunch of "regulars" as far ranging as Kane and Mark Henry to Curt Hawkins and Yoshi Tatsu were all left out. While it didn't bother me, I saw their point. That being said, I also saw why WWE went with the immense amount of guests rather than shuffling in the lower card. It's all about crowd reaction.

This isn't a blog that sets out to blame folks like Tatsu or Hawkins or the rest of their lower card ilk (I have no idea why Kane or even Bryan or Punk didn't make appearances... Henry's hurting so I can see why he might not have) for their lack of emotional equity. Honestly, the WWE right now has so many guys that are talented enough that they can get reactions and be "over" so to speak. I feel like there's a disconnect between the roster and the people giving the roster time and material, and that is all on the guys in charge.

I could go on for paragraphs and paragraphs on the reasons why WWE Creative fails their talent, but I've spent so much bandwidth on that in the past that it'd be less beating a dead horse and more kicking around horse dust. Instead, I'll ask this question. Why is WWE so intent on having warm bodies on the roster if they're content not to do anything meaningful with them? Obviously, they can't push everyone all the time, but at the same time, there is an insane amount of time spent producing segments that try to convince the audience that WWE is a great, socially active company (or are they trying to convince themselves?). There are recaps of recaps. There are puff pieces to actors who are off making movies and who show up once every six months for a match. If a fraction of this time was spent building up a feud between, say, Tatsu and Hawkins or whomever, then maybe their natural talent would be able to win the crowds over. But it's clearly not. So why pay the guys to take up space? Is Superstars that important a priority?

I don't want to be that guy who begs for people to be released (read, fired). The thing is, it's an eternal struggle for wrestlers when they weigh getting paid steadily to be creatively stifled in WWE against having artistic freedom with economic instability on the indies, and I have no idea how that is because I'm not a wrestler. That being said, as a fan, it sucks that guys that I generally like don't get the stage they should be getting because the WWE feels the need to fellate The Rock via video tribute. What can they do to get the best of both worlds? Well, there's one example.

Zack Ryder wasn't getting the TV time he needed, and he was able to wrest attention from the office through a grassroots campaign, but that's only one man doing something unique. Even if everyone tried doing that, it would lose its effect pretty quick. Plus, Hawkins and Tyler Reks did start doing their own web-based thing, and apparently, it fucking sucks. Even if it was good though, why should they have to make it on their own when there are people with jobs who should be doing that for them? There has to be some happy medium at least. Maybe they should run angles on Superstars and push harder to get it back on TV. Maybe they shouldn't run so many recaps and let guys get meaningful promo time. Who the hell knows at this point?

What I do know is that extreme stunt casting of the Rumble wouldn't be necessary for having great reactions throughout if they did a better job at showcasing guys. Not everyone has to be a main eventer to get a reaction. At worst, the company has three healthy tiers of wrestlers that all come together every January with some guests and returns sprinkled in to make each act of the Rumble match as boisterous and loud as the best ones.

Ophidian's New Groove

2012-01-30T14:25:00.000-05:00

Via Ophidian's Tumblr

There was a lot more wrestling that went down this weekend than the Royal Rumble... a lot more wrestling. AAW, AIW, PWG and DGUSA all held shows, but obviously, the one that was dearest to my heart was Chikara. Their season 11 premiere, the Thirteenth Hat, took place in Easton (as they search for a Philadelphia venue), and it featured Gregory Iron causing a double countout between Icarus and Gran Akuma as well as Green Ant getting an elusive win over his mentor Mike Quackenbush. Mr. Touchdown made his debut as well. Most notably though, it featured Ophidian's new look. It's a lot less "snake" and a lot more "stylized Lin Kuei*". It takes a little getting used to, but when the guy turns his back on his former partners and goes ronin to show the world that snakes shan't be trusted, well, I guess he has to go and change his look drastically.

* - Lin Kuei is the order of ninja from the Mortal Kombat series that Scorpion, Sub-Zero, Reptile etc. all came from.

Ring Ka King and Why TNA Needs to Move Out of Orlando Permanently

2012-01-30T12:40:00.000-05:00

TNA's Indian side-project promotion, Ring Ka King, debuted this past week with its first two episodes available on the Internet for American audiences. I haven't seen any of it yet, and I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to carve out the time in my busy schedule to do so. That being said, all I'm hearing are rave reviews for it so far from the limited amount of people I know who've seen it. Among other things, the consensus seems to be that the crowd is way livelier than the collection of mutants that gathers at the Impact Zone. In fact, one such commenter noted that they were going bonkers for stuff aired from the American version of Impact that the crowd there was silent for.

Honestly, I don't see how this is a function of a new audience that is getting top-line pro wrestling featuring the best American talent mixed with their own natives for the first time ever, either. As I've noted on here before, episodes of Impact taped in front of audiences outside of the Impact Zone in Orlando have come off so much better than the normal because the crowds are that much livelier. If the domestic events aren't a sign to Impact that the product is so much better in front of a crowd that doesn't show up out of habit, maybe looking at the project that they're doing overseas and probably spending a good bit of coin on will?

Either way, the Impact Zone has been such a misfit for that company for such a long time that it's baffling that they haven't moved out years ago when Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff came in, looking to make a fresh start (try to hold back laughter on that, please). Then again, this is the same company that has kept Vince Russo on the payroll for far longer than he deserved to be there. Either way, the folks at headquarters in Nashville should look at the kind of reactions Ring Ka King is getting, both in the arena as well as critically. While Impact has improved lately, it's still not nearly in the place it needs to be for me to be considered as must watch every week. The booking has a lot to do with that, but so do the crowds. Great crowds no longer are found in Orlando, so it's high time they take their act on the road.

But then again, if they didn't listen to people like me before they started Ring Ka King, what makes anyone think they'll do it now?

Handicapping Sheamus' WrestleMania Match

2012-01-30T10:10:00.000-05:00

He's going to WrestleMania, fella
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Yes, we're fewer than 12 hours removed from the ending of the Royal Rumble, but it's totally not too early to think about where the winner, Sheamus, is going to end up at WrestleMania. By ruminating on this now, I guarantee I'm putting the first and maybe even the best effort into thinking about this, given how last-minute everything in WWE seems right now (including having Sheamus win in the first place). So, here are some likely title matches for Sheamus at WrestleMania, rated by probability and watchability.

vs. Daniel Bryan for the World Heavyweight Championship

Ah yes, the match we were deprived of last year for the United States Championship now has real possibility to be the World Championship match this year. These two have had really good matches against each other, and why not? Sheamus is one of the best brawling big men wrestlers, and Bryan has proven that he's willing to bump and bump big. The only reason to think that this match wouldn't happen would be that WWE might not think either guy is "over" enough, but even if that is the case (hint, I don't think it's the case whatsoever), this is the perfect year to have it with Rock/Cena, Trips/Taker and Shaq/Show as the confirmed/most likely matches and a Punk/Jericho match waiting in the wings.

Probability: 5 to 1
Watchability: 8 out of 10

vs. CM Punk for the WWE Championship

The other incumbent World-level Champ would be an enticing option to say the least. Again, Sheamus is big enough that most people on the roster would end up looking small in comparison, and luckily for him, Punk is one of those guys who'll take a big bump here and there to make a match memorable. He's also not too small that he'd be able to fire believable volleys back at Sheamus without the big guy looking foolish taking most of his offense. That being said, Punk is too entangled with other feuds for this match to be a likely occurrence. Maybe next year.

Probability: 35 to 1
Watchability: 8.5 out of 10

vs. Mark Henry for the World Heavyweight Championship

HOSS FIGHT 2K11~! was the second best match at SummerSlam after the Punk/Cena main event. I'm not sure this is an arguable point, although some might argue that the Christian/Orton match was better. I think not. Anyway, this match has a built-in story as Sheamus never really got back at Henry for that loss. He's still got something to prove. This would presuppose that Henry would win the title back, and while I hate going on dirtsheet chatter, there seems to be a lot of it stating that Vince McMahon doesn't think Henry is a team player because he wanted to sit out with a hurt groin. I can believe it only because McMahon is insane and possibly racist.

Probability: 20 to 1
Watchability: 8.5 out of 10

vs. Randy Orton for the World Heavyweight Championship

Obviously, any time there is a title match at WrestleMania, Orton is in play to be involved. If they really wanted to crown Sheamus here, Orton would be the best guy to put him over. Orton also really has upped his game in the ring in the last year or so. Sheamus is one of the better wrestlers period on WWE's roster (there, I said it haters), so Orton wouldn't be called upon to do heavy lifting. I don't think it would be his best match, but it wouldn't stink.

Probability: 4 to 1
Watchability: 6 out of 10

vs. Wade Barrett for the World Heavyweight Championship

There's a budding rivalry between the two big men from across the pond on Smackdown. If folks ignore the nuisance interjection of Jinder Mahal in the story, then this feud has potential to be at a bigtime WrestleMania-level. The problem here is that Barrett would be a first-time Champion needing to win in the lead-up to WrestleMania, and as with the Bryan scenario, it would feature two less-than-established guys in a main event level match. Still, it's an intriguing, if unlikely, possibility.

Probability: 40 to 1
Watchability: 7 out of 10

vs. Chris Jericho for either Championship

If people buy that the Rumble can sometimes be a preview for what's happening at WrestleMania, could the extended sequence between these two guys at the end of the match be a clue as to where the title match may go? Jericho has been linked strongly to Punk and to a lesser extent Undertaker, but at the same time, as noted above, plans change on a moment's notice in WWE. I thought they meshed together quite well in that extended run, and I'd love to see what they could do given 12-20 minutes at the biggest show of the year. However, again, the call of Punk or Taker is probably too strong for the office to resist placing Jericho there rather than in a title match against Sheamus.

Probability: 50 to 1
Watchability: 8 out of 10

in a Triple Threat for the World Heavyweight Championship featuring any combination of Mark Henry, Daniel Bryan, Randy Orton and/or Wade Barrett

Triple threats rarely ever work out to be excellent matches, no matter who the participants are. All four potential opponents for Sheamus going into a match like this are more than capable, but at the same time, it feels like a great triple threat comes once a year, and it's usually in a spot where the pressure isn't at WM levels (like that Mysterio/Punk/del Rio one on RAW last year that happened before Punk dropped his first pipe bomb). Regardless of what the quality would be in my view, I feel like this is the most likely scenario to happen. The Rock, Shaquille O'Neal, Undertaker, Triple H and Chris Jericho are all going to appear on this card, and they really haven't been WWE PPV stalwarts for a long time, or in O'Neal's case, ever. There's going to be a mad rush to get as many guys on the card as possible, so there are going to be more than a few multi-man matches possible. I feel like this one is more than likely going to be one of them.

Probability: 2 to 1
Watchability: 5 out of 10

vs. Dolph Ziggler for the WWE Championship

This is pretty much here for posterity. I don't think this will happen for the same reasons that Sheamus/Bryan or Sheamus/Barrett seem unlikely to happen. That being said, wouldn't it be awesome to see the best bumper and possible best overall wrestler in WWE take on Sheamus, a guy whose power moves provide the best opportunities for big bumps? Yeah, I think so too.

Probability: 100 to 1
Watchability: 9 out of 10

Ricardo!

2012-01-30T08:30:00.000-05:00

Photo Credit: WWE.com

Who knew the best part of the Rumble last night would've been Ricardo Rodriguez's ride and ring entrance? The more I think about it, the more I think he's the best part of Alberto del Rio's act, and when the inevitable split happens, del Rio's just not going to be the same. At all.

"Eve Makes Me Believe": 2012 Royal Rumble Review

2012-01-30T00:05:00.000-05:00

In the new format.

Highlights

Daniel Bryan's heel turn did not faze the St. Louis crowds, as he was getting the most audible chants out of all three competitors in his match.
Bryan retained his World Heavyweight Championship by slipping out of Big Show's clutch while hanging from the cage and falling to the floor.
Beth Phoenix pinned somebody in a fluff Divas 8-woman tag.
John Cena and Kane battled to a double countout.
Zack Ryder got stretchered out again after Kane assaulted him in his private dressing room.
Brodus Clay squashed Drew McIntyre.
John Laurinaitis gave up his special guest referee spot before the WWE Championship match.
CM Punk beat Dolph Ziggler three times during a ref bump while Laurinaitis found ways not to make counts or replace the ref in the ring. The fourth time was the charm as he left St. Louis with his title.
Ricardo Rodriguez made his in-ring WWE debut by driving a hoopdy to the ring and mimicking his mentor's ring entrance in the Royal Rumble match.
All three announcers made appearances in the Rumble, although not at the same time.
Kharma made her in-ring return, clotheslining Michael Cole, eliminating Hunico and giving the Implant Buster to Dolph Ziggler before Ziggler ultimately tossed her.
Road Dogg and Hacksaw Jim Duggan were your two surprise legends entries.
Sheamus eliminated Chris Jericho with a Brogue Kick to win the 2012 Royal Rumble and earn a title match at WrestleMania.

General Impressions

I saw two James Laurinaitis jerseys. I almost thought he would come out and mess with his uncle during the Punk/Ziggler match.
I could barely hear above the din of my guests. IN fact, my house was pretty crowded for the biggest PPV audience at the Holzerman household ever, narrowly edging out last year's Money in the Bank.
Daniel Bryan's antics before and after the match were the stuff of legends. They really need to drop the whole "no charisma" stuff, because every week, he shows the most natural personality out of everyone not named Santino on Smackdown.
Bryan bumped his ass off during this match.
It was funny seeing the hole they cut out of the cage for Show's footing for the finish. I usually don't like to look for stuff like that, but it was right there, staring all of us in my living room in the face.
Glad to see WWE getting the advertising out there for two of its next PPVs with about 7/8s of the current one still left to go.
I seriously gave negative fucks about that Divas atomico, although I will say that it was refreshing to see a Divas match go more than the combined entrance times.
Eve seriously made up a word during her rant to Laurinaitis backstage.
Did Ryder get his chest protector from Bret Hart's WCW stash?
The John Cena/Kane dark match from the RAW I went to was better than their match tonight.
I will say this though, Cena was trolling his haters with the new moves for him he broke out tonight (Crippler Crossface, top rope 5 Knuckle Shuffle).
Double countout finish on PPV? Hey, it's 1988 all over again!
One of the comments made by one of my guests tonight about Zack Ryder "He's going to be like Kenny from South Park." Honestly, I wouldn't be opposed to that, especially if each week, he came back with more and more medical apparatus on his person.
Unintentionally hilarious sign of the night: "Eve Makes Me Believe". And it was being held by a teenage boy. I think he was totally serious about it. I have to wonder, what did Eve make him believe in? Atheism?
I'd seriously ask what Drew McIntyre did wrong to get the treatment he's getting, but he's getting paid good money to work in the most popular wrestling company in the world. Unless he's getting fired soon, I'm not sure anyone who was watching the Rumble should feel sorry for him.
Laurinaitis doing all the good guy things to help him save his job during the match were epic. Seriously, he is such the perfect middle manager that it's not even funny.
Punk and Ziggler had the "rough" vibe going through the whole match. I love it when matches have that, it helps skip up matches where the action is supposed to be realistic.
Each guy took a pretty nasty bump on two consecutive spots during this match. That slingshot suplex Punk gave to Ziggler looked rough, and Ziggler paid him right back with that heel sweep on the top rope. Big match feel.
Ziggler maybe made the best counter to the Go 2 Sleep ever with that Rocker Dropper.
The funniest visual of the whole night was Alex Riley pointing to the WrestleMania sign. Yeah, like he ever has a chance of going to WM as more than a warm body for Money in the Bank.
This just in, Eve made that kid in the front row believe that Riley wasn't getting eliminated before entrant #3 came out.
Ricardo Rodriguez had better get ALL the bests from Brandon Stroud on his inevitable Best and Worst of the Royal Rumble tomorrow or else I'm staging a coup at With Leather and installing Burnsy as the puppet editor until it's safe for me to emerge as Uproxx's Fidel Castro.
No, seriously, that fucking car and the whole aping of Alberto del Rio's entrance was awesome.
The Foley/Santino/Ricardo stuff was my favorite part of the Rumble, by far. Hunico should've brought a boom box down to the ring and played "Duel of the Fates" while Santino and Foley were engaged in mortal combat between Socko and the Cobra.
Y'know, I can totally buy that Michael Cole didn't even notice that Booker wasn't wearing pants all night during commentary. Sometimes, people just don't notice the details, and Cole, the character that is, seems to me to be the kind of person who is so wrapped up in himself that he wouldn't even bother to notice Booker was in his gear from the waist down.
Give it up to Dolph Ziggler for taking that Implant Buster. No way gender equity in WWE comes from the top down. It's gotta come from the bottom up.
Congratulations to Kharma for the successful delivery of her baby, since she totally wouldn't have taken that tumble to the outside if she was still pregnant.
Sheamus doing his chest-club in the ropes going right into the countdown was one of the coolest-timed visuals of the night.
I thought the Rumble match was going to come down to Jericho and Orton until Jericho unceremoniously dumped Orton on his head. Didn't see that coming at all.
It was totally refreshing to see an extended final two sequence like we saw tonight.
I was only bummed Jericho didn't win from a total, pure childish fan, guy whose favorite wrestler is Jericho standpoint. Sheamus was just as satisfying a winner, and I'm glad he'll get a title match at WrestleMania.

Match of the Night: I don't think it's even close, that even with the slightly overdone finish, CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler was the best match of the evening. Two of the best wrestlers in the world going at it on a big stage, showing everyone how it's done. I'm really impressed with how far Ziggler has come specifically. He's always been a tremendous wrestler in the ring, but there are times when a great midcard wrestler doesn't translate into the main event, but I think Ziggler has evolved to the point where he's far better in a leading role than the guy he's compared to most often, Mr. Perfect, ever was.

Where this match shone brightest was in its pace. It had a "rough" feel in that the moves weren't hit crisply or fluidly. There was a lot of struggling, and thus it felt more like a schoolyard scrap than a sports entertainment tilt. I love when a match takes on that character, because it adds to the realism. Yeah, I know, I love comedy, and my favorite part of the Rumble match itself was the stuff with Santino, Ricardo and Foley. That being said, I guess one can call me a buffet-style wrestling fan. No, it's not because I'm fat (even though I'm still overweight); it's because I like everything. When something is supposed to be serious, I like them to go all the way with it.

Both guys took big bumps too. Punk draped Ziggler over the top rope hard, while Ziggler made sure Punk had an unpleasant landing on the top with that heel sweep. Punk brought his submission game to town too. In a way, they did the overwrought, super-sports entertainment-y finish well enough as well. I think everyone knew that when the plain ref was announced before it had begun that he was going to eat turnbuckle. Laurinaitis' inaction, whether intentional or not, played into his character perfectly. He was the middle manager scared for his job, and rather than act while Punk had the match won three times, he was tentative. Whether it was out of spite or fear that his actions might have rocked the boat more than what his position called for is still somewhat in question (although we're led to believe it was totally the former). The best cap for the whole thing was Laurinaitis coming into the ring and counting simultaneously with the regular ref just so he could put the feather of doing the right thing in his cap. Just a great match, but with the caliber of performer in the match, it was almost expected to be that good.

Overall Thoughts: Talk about a show that took awhile to get started. After the cage match, which was an admirable effort by an injured Henry and a Herculean one by Bryan, the show sputtered into a holding pattern with boring action, commercials and puff pieces, especially an egregious one for The Rock. Like I really needed to see them tongue bathe his strudel for work on middling action movies. Thankfully, once the Punk/Ziggler match got underway, things picked up.

The biggest thing going against the Rumble match itself this year was the fact that the last two years gave it so much to live up to. In a way, it almost felt like Austin Powers 3, only much more entertaining. They recycled a lot of spots (Morrison's parkour into Kingston's hand-walking, Phoenix's appearance into Kharma's), and they had some pretty bad casting choices (Mahal and Khali over Brodus Clay and ~~Mason Ryan~~ Mark Henry?). That being said, there were still more than a few really fun moments during the match.

In the end, I felt like a right person won. I'm not going to lie; Sheamus was not in the front of my mind as a winner at all until it came down to just him and Jericho. That being said, if Jericho wasn't going to win, then why not Sheamus? He's popular, he's talented, he's got great presence, and he's the kind of guy who's going to be around for the next 10 years as a stalwart on the programming. This is the kind of signature event that is going to be a much better feather in his cap than it would've been for Jericho, who really has done everything and doesn't need the Rumble to get into a tussle with Punk (if that's even the route they're going to go).

All in all, if I'm going to convey malaise with this event, it's going to be with everything between Bryan's "YES YES YES" and the intro to Punk/Ziggler, not the Rumble match. They've certainly done better events all told, but this was fun and worth it for the three big matches, and I'm interested in seeing where Sheamus and the rest of the main event players go from here.

Results:

Daniel Bryan d. Big Show and Mark Henry via cage escape, retains World Heavyweight Championship
Beth Phoenix's team d. Kelly Kelly's team in a Divas Atomico
John Cena and Kane battled to a double countout
Brodus Clay d. Drew McIntyre
CM Punk d. Dolph Ziggler, retains WWE Championship
Sheamus eliminated Chris Jericho last to win the 2012 Royal Rumble

So, About Money in the Bank

2012-01-29T13:50:00.000-05:00

The nature of the briefcase may be changing
Photo Credit: WWE.com

The Royal Rumble is today. As a spectacle, it is definitely one of the best events on the calendar, but its meaning has been diminished thanks to the last four winners failing to capitalize on their WrestleMania Championship opportunity. Well, that in and of itself isn't the only thing that has knocked the Rumble down a peg or two. A string of Rumble failures (especially by those who are already established, like John Cena and Randy Orton) can set up a tailor made story for a new guy to break the streak and be the first to win their title match in x-amount of years. The other part of that equation is that guys are sneaking into the title picture with another trope, Money in the Bank.

I love the concept of Money in the Bank, I love the matches and I love the storytelling potential that comes with a briefcase, even if that potential is really never ever explored past the "sneaky cash-in" trope. It's really not debatable that the 100% success rate of the briefcase, the fact that it's only up-and-comers winning it and the recent failure rate of the Rumble winners has caused a little luster to be lost, and allowed Alberto del Rio to go from the "main event" slot of the Rumble to jerking the curtain and losing without really any consequence. The proliferation of the briefcase after the event was given its own pay-per-view stage has almost cemented the fact that the Rumble is really there for show anymore. K. Sawyer Paul even wrote about it for Fair to Flair.

So, with that being said, has WWE realized this? There are rumblings that Money in the Bank is going to be taken off the slate as a pay-per-view and put back at WrestleMania. Obviously, last year's show was a watershed event, but it was for reasons other than the actual ladder matches. It would be the only reason why WWE would consider removing it from the schedule, that they realize they're not getting another Punk-leaving-WWE story to carry it again. So, in that light, it would make sense.

This year might not be the best year to reclaim the Rumble though. It was rendered moot the day after WrestleMania last year, when John Cena challenged The Rock. That being said, putting the Money match back at WrestleMania would be the best way to start. Too much of a good thing can be bad, and two briefcases, limited to the brand they were won no, to me seems like too much of a good thing. So if this is the case, and they do ditch MitB as a PPV, then I won't be all too broken up about it.

And if that all leads to more enjoyment derived from the Rumble in future years? It'll be a win.

David Otunga's Good Deed for Thursday Kinda Ruled

2012-01-28T23:25:00.000-05:00

Photo Credit: TMZ

Via TMZ

David Otunga put his law degree from Harvard to work Thursday when he represented a client pro bono (read, for free) in front of the New York State Labor Board. Otunga's client was suing for unlawful termination, and Otunga won the case. I love reading stuff like that. I always figured that pro wrestling was one of the fan-friendliest mediums of entertainment, but Otunga took that to a different level. How surreal must it have been for any wrestling fans in that courtroom? I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall there.

The best part about this story? Look at the TMZ picture graphic above. They totally used a WWE stock photo for his "Lawyer" shot. The infamous travel coffee mug is an inescapable part of his look now. I love it. I love it all.

So, Chyna Won an AVN

2012-01-28T12:40:00.000-05:00

In better times...
Photo Credit: WWE.com

So, for those who don't know, pornography isn't just there for our masturbatory needs. They actually treat it like art and have awards. Last week, those awards, the AVNs, took place, and apparently, everyone's favorite wrestling hermaphrodite Chyna took home the award for Best Celebrity Tape. I haven't seen any of the tapes involved - if I were the type who would look at porn on the Internet, it would be through free, Youtube style sites - but really, I wasn't all that jazzed for Chyna when she was "attractive" and in Playboy. What would make anyone think I'd want to see her get rammed in the brown eye NOW? Then again, people's perversions are different, and what someone is attracted to is their own business.

That being said, I'm surprised she remembered winning, since apparently, she was a hot mess on the red carpet. Blog bro Burnsy had the 411 on her antics earlier in the week, so check it out if you haven't already. Either way, at least she's excelling in one area of her life, I guess. I don't know what's harder on the body, porn or wrestling, but given her choices, I'd be willing to bet Vivid treats their workers a little better than TNA does.

Customer Service

2012-01-27T21:00:00.001-05:00

The customer is always right.

That maxim is a stereotypical statement made by some in management at retail places, but it's not entirely correct. As someone who worked in retail for the better part of four years at the end of college and before I got into my career, I've seen customer behavior that was less than optimal. That being said, I was also terrible at that job. I really wasn't suited to help people find every day things like their size pants or style of socks. Granted, maybe if I were in a medium where I actually gave a shit about what I was selling, like, say, wrestling, I'd have been a lot better.

Oh, one can't sell wrestling, right? Nope, wrong. Wrestling, like any other form of entertainment, is customer service. It doesn't exist without the fans, so the fans should be treated with respect. So, when stuff happens like the Lenny Leonard flap from last week, it really just saddens me. While I doubt Leonard speaks for DGUSA/EVOLVE, it's still not good when a voice of the company lashes out at fans like that. It's not even the discourse about what the show was marketed to. I can understand when they have to deal with fans who think they know better than the promoters all the time. Granted, I feel like I had a point, but then again, I've never booked a wrestling show before. It's hard, and it's something I probably won't know. But to call customers a "shit" crowd because they booed the crap out of a match, and that they're always a shit crowd because of a function of where they're at is pretty low.

So maybe I shouldn't be surprised that he got into another tiff with another Tweeter, TJ Hawke of 411 Wrestling, over the release of the Jeff Petersen Cup. I can't really repost it here because Leonard has since protected his tweets, but it got pretty heated, and the DGUSA ring announcer pretty much told Hawke off because he was tired of hearing the complaints about the show being delayed. Hawke wanted to give them his money, and a representative of the company berated him for it.

Maybe it's a good think Leonard turned off his public tweets, because he's not the kind of person who should be representing a company. The thing is that Gabe Sapolsky in the past has been very fan friendly, very customer savvy. There's a way to deal with customers and a way not to. Early in 2011, I ordered DDT4 from PWG. I waited and waited, and a month passed and I didn't get it. So, I e-mailed PWG and asked them if it had shipped yet. They totally forgot, and without any further correspondence, they offered to send me Card Subject to Change III. They didn't have to, but they did, unsolicited. THAT's great customer service. That's being proactive to keep the person who wants to give their hard-earned money over so that they're happy with more than just the thing they're buying.

There's a difference between being a confident, smart business and being a shithead to people who would otherwise hand over their money. Even if those companies generally are run by people who do right by the fans, a few people with their own strong, antisocial opinions can ruin the whole thing.

Surprise! Who Could Unexpectedly Enter the Rumble This Year?

2012-01-27T14:45:00.000-05:00

Will he be a surprise entrant this year?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

One of the staples of any Royal Rumble is the surprise entrant. Each year, there's at least one wrestler, be it a return or a one-night-only blast from the past, who comes in and becomes a tasty Easter egg for the fans at the arena and at home. Last year it was Kevin Nash and Booker T. Two years ago, it was Beth Phoenix and a returning Edge. A vast array of wrestlers have made their comebacks at the Rumble (like Goldust) or just had one last hurrah (like Mr. Perfect), and with thirty (or last year, forty) slots available, it's the perfect time to give the fans a familiar or cool face. Nearly everyone loves the idea of the surprise except for those militant WWE low card devotees who'd rather see Trent Barretta, but hey, there's never a unanimous consensus for anything.

So, who might be coming back this year? Well, we already know Mick Foley is a nostalgia entry. It would be disingenuous to call him a surprise because we already know he's there. Who will join him, if anyone?

Injury Returnees: There are six names I could see coming back in this year's Rumble, with four of them being plausible and the other one kinda out there in leftfield. The outside shot return to me is Kharma, who would be cool as all get out if she came back, partially because she's Kharma, partially because she'd be only the third woman to compete in the Rumble ever. That being said, there has been no word on whether she's had her baby yet, which means she's probably still expecting right now. Plus, if she competed pregnant, she'd be taking up two spots and I doubt anyone would want to see that... hey, why is no one laughing? Assholes.

He's due back soon
Photo Credit: WWE.com

That leaves us with a quintet of guys who remain candidates to make big returns in the Rumble match. The first is Nash, who I doubt will get as good a reaction as he did last year, thanks to his POOPIES FACE MAEKINGS all over the RAW main event scene in the last third of 2011. Next up would be last year's winner, Alberto del Rio. Ricardo Rodriguez has said that del Rio won't be coming back, but who the hell knows if he's working people or not. The third guy would be Rey Mysterio, who has said he wanted to come back in time for a WrestleMania match. That would be hella cool, actually, and I think we might just see the diminutive former Champion back. Another likely comebacker would be Christian, who's been sidelined since the fall. It would be interesting to see how he'd return and how the fans react to him, but hey, any Christian is good Christian. Besides, if he got his ONE MORE MATCH against Daniel Bryan? HOLY SHIT, that would be epic, but let's not get too ahead of ourselves here.

However, the lock to be a return this year is Randy Orton. When it was first reported that he was injured, the prognosis was up to half a year on the shelf, but that was a gross overestimation on the doc's part. He's reportedly ready to make his return at any time, and hoo boy, wouldn't it be something if he came back and made Wade Barrett make the "OH SHIT" face like Chris Jericho did in 2010 with Edge's big comeback? I would bet my life on Orton coming back, but fortunately, I don't even bet on legitimate sport, so I'm safe just in case he happens not to show up.

Legends: Last year, when Nash and Booker showed up, it was out of the blue until about 24 hours before the event, when word of their arrivals in Boston leaked and Twitter ASPLODED over talk of spoilers and having their Rumble ruined. Keeping out of that debate, there's a reason why those deets didn't leak until Rumble weekend... there's almost no way to telegraph which legends will show up. That being said, I have a good idea as to two that have a slim chance of being there.

Rumble = Da Muddaship?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

The first is Dusty Rhodes. Big Dust has made a few appearances on WWE TV in the last couple of years to give a hand to his younger son Cody, and again, Cody would play a big role in why Daddy would be there this time. There has been a groundswell of support to see a Cody/Goldust match at WrestleMania this year, and what better way would that be kick-started by having Cody eliminate Big Dust in his attempt to unsully the good name of the Rhodes family, then by having Dustin go apeshit and eliminate Cody. If WrestleMania weren't so frontloaded this year, and if there wasn't this sinking feeling that they are going to try and shoehorn some bullshit Divas "action" in there at the expense of guys who are, y'know, actually good, then I'd say this was a perfect venue for the Rhodes family feud. Still, there's always the chance this happens and the match occurs at, say, Extreme Rules.

The second one I had in mind would be Rikishi. They just debuted another big dancing fool type character in Brodus Clay, and I think there would be a very cool moment to be had with the two dancing together in rhythm before the Funkasaurus dumped him over the top rope. Outside of those two, the field to me is wide open. Maybe Tully Blanchard or Arn Anderson make an appearance to help hype the Horsemen's induction into the Hall of Fame. Roddy Piper seems to be a standby every year (Although apparently he made a threat to cause bodily harm to Vince McMahon, so this year could be out of the question). Who knows.

Others: Rob Van Dam has been heavily rumored to be making an appearance at the Rumble. While some might find this cool, I'm in huge DO NOT WANT territory for burnt out former ECW stalwart. I don't know what the problem is with him, if any, but he just seems so uninspired and lazy to me any more. Plus, I don't need to see the contrived-ass moves in a WWE ring again. I thought we were upping our game here.

Other than RVD, the rest of the pool probably consists of guys WWE future endeavored over the last couple of years. Those names range from inspiring (Chris Masters, Mike Knox, MVP) to meh-inducing (nearly everyone else). Jason Mann floated Carlito as an option, and that could be cool given that his brother and cousin are now Tag Team Champions. I'd be remiss if I didn't say that ZOMG BROCK LESNAR OR GOLDBERG OR STEVE AUSTIN could return here. Yes, they could, but I doubt any of them would.

Debuts: People rarely if ever debut at the Rumble, but I feel like I should cover my bases and at least mention that yes, Antonio Cesaro, Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose all have made dark match appearances in the last couple of weeks, and yes, there's always that outside shot the Rumble is where they make their first splash.

I think I got everything. Now watch as none of these people I mentioned make surprise appearances at all. Then again, that's why they call 'em surprises.

Future Endeavors 1/26 Power Poll: Oops Again

2012-01-27T10:50:00.000-05:00

Welcome to yet another edition of the Future Endeavors Power Poll, a poll ranking wrestlers on a weekly basis based on how awesomely they performed or were portrayed on a Tuesday-to-Monday cycle. It is voted by a who's-who of wrestling bloggers, including my blogging Natalie Im-bro-lia PizzaBodySlam. I will list the top ten, and then post and comment on my ballot. Here goes:

1. Chris Jericho (Last week: 1)
2. Brodus Clay (4)
3. Daniel Bryan (2)
4. CM Punk (3)
5. Kane (7)
6. John Cena (8)
7. Dolph Ziggler (Not rated)
8. R-Truth (9)
9. Sheamus (10)
10. Cody Rhodes (NR)

And again, like an asshole, I forgot to submit a ballot again. Here's what my ballot would've looked like.

1. Jigsaw and Hallowicked - To compare how the reaction changed during this match from an exclusively Briscoes crowd to a surprisingly pro-Chikara group, it'd be like if somehow, they showed up to a NASCAR race, starting putting on a production of The King and I and got everyone to cheer for that over Left Turn Mayhem.

2. Chris Jericho - He actually said something!

3. Dolph Ziggler - I think someone watched the 2001-02 run to the Super Bowl by the Patriots and thought "Someone should make a run to the title with that kind of squeak-by streak". For reference, the "tuck rule" game was probably the 1/2 match for Ziggles.

4. Davey Richards - That ROH main event was like expecting a kick to the nuts and getting a hand job.

5. Daniel Bryan - William Regal asks for a World Title match, Bryan calls him out on his dancing. Bad form, Bryan, because Regal dancing is AWESOME.

6. Adam Cole - Who said a staph infection was always a bad thing?

7. R-Truth - He would've been higher if he dressed in drag and tried to woo Miz.

8. Johnny Ace - Next week, Johnny Ace will save his job and celebrate with a quiet fist bump and a sandwich with pepper ham and cheese, because that's how Mr. Excitement rolls.

9. Kevin Steen - He'll be higher next week on account of his tapir ownership.

10. Robert Roode - I feel bad for TNA. They've got great talent but worse captaining than the Costa Concordia... oh, too soon?

We Almost Had "Real American" On the Black Album, Brother Wanking Motion

2012-01-27T08:35:00.000-05:00

Not really related,, but yeah.

Via NME

The great and mysterious flubby of KSK passed this article to me wherein Hulk Hogan claims he was almost the bassist for Metallica. Here's his quote:

I used to be a session musician before I was a wrestler. I played bass guitar. I was big pals with Lars Ulrich and he asked me if I wanted to play bass with Metallica in their early days but it didn't work out.

Now, by early days, does he mean pre-Kill 'Em All, or is he one of those clueless shitheads who think Metallica was still underground before "Enter Sandman"? Regardless, I'm not sure how much delusion is contained herein, but it's funny to think of the Hulkster rocking out on stage as part of the most commercially successful heavy metal band of all-time (and in my opinion, the greatest, but I don't want to make that claim and get dozens of comments saying I'm an idiot because Slayer/Iron Maiden/Black Sabbath/whoever is the best). I'll say this, if he did join, then Lars wouldn't have been the biggest asshole in the group. I can only imagine the promos Hogan would've cut on Napster.

Anyway, the part I don't call bullshit on in any of these claims is that Hogan can play bass. I think anyone who's seen the following video can attest to that:

Friday Five: The Royal Rumble

2012-01-27T07:40:00.000-05:00

It's Sunday!

1. Who gets the "Diesel push" this year?

2. Buy or sell: The Royal Rumble is WWE's best PPV of the year in most years.

3. Has Money in the Bank surpassed the Rumble as the main portal for guys to "make it" as main eventers?

4. What surprise entrants do YOU want to see?

5. What was the greatest Rumble match ever, excepting 1992? (Just to make this a bit of a challenge)

The Chikara/ROH Joint Card Has a Name

2012-01-26T22:10:00.000-05:00

See this match and more in Chicago Ridge on April 28th

...and that name is Synergy. To be held April 28th at the Frontier Fieldhouse in Chicago Ridge, IL, the doubleshot already has one match booked. The Briscoe Brothers will defend their ROH Tag Team Championships against Jigsaw and Hallowicked in a match that has a LOT to live up to after their Homecoming 2012 tilt. Nothing else has been announced, but both cards will end up having interpromotional matches on them. In fact, the ROH social media machine put out a call for match requests, and the top result was overwhelmingly Eddie Kingston vs. Kevin Steen. Hell, that was my choice. That being said, I think that while they'd make great enemies, they'd be better friends. Steen and Kingston vs. Davey Richards and Tony Kozina? I think that would be a pretty sweet match that could have a story easily built into it.

No matter what ends up being put on the card though, the fact that they're working together tickles me pink. I said this would be a good idea in ROH's year end review. Obviously, something like this doesn't come together overnight, so I accidentally suggested something that they were more than likely already working on (which again, explains the shots at ROH that Kingston took in his post-Grand Championship victory at High Noon). Regardless though, I'm happy this is happening. ROH needs the color, and Chikara needs the validation. It's a perfect partnership, and I hope it's one that plays out for longer than the Synergy event lasts.

The Chikara event starts at 2 PM, and it will be called "Hot off the Griddle". ROH's half will be called "Unity", and it will start at 7 PM. Readers and wrestling fans in Chicago or in road tripping distance of the Windy City should definitely go and see this. I know I'd be ready to plunk down tickets for both events without even seeing another match get scheduled yet, but then again, I'm a rabid fan of good wrestling. This feels like it'll be good wrestling to me.

Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein - Please visit his site to view the plentiful amounts of pictures he's taken for DGUSA, ROH and other indie feds: Get Lost Photography

From the Archives - Tournament for Tomorrow Semifinal: ACH vs. Pinkie Sanchez

2012-01-26T21:25:00.000-05:00

B-Stroud keeps telling me that ACH is amazing. He has good taste in wrestling, but sometimes, I just can't really buy too much into the hype until I see the people in person. This is the second match I've seen ACH in. The first time was mind-blowing, but he was in there with AR Fox, a guy who has fireworks in his arsenal himself. One match is a fluke. Two is a trend. ACH again was impressive in a different way against a different opponent in Pinkie Sanchez. I have nothing against spot machines at all, but I love when guys are able to go to the mat and show that they know the basics. Colt Cabana actually talked about it extensively with PAC on last week's Art of Wrestling podcast. ACH showed great aptitude in the fundamentals, which makes the jaw-dropping pyrotechnics he can do that much more impressive. I don't wanna spoil too much about this match, but both guys bring it in this match, and it's probably my favorite match of the tournament so far.

R-Truth Is a Wascally Wabbit

2012-01-26T15:40:00.000-05:00

Truth can keep imitating Bugs as long as we never see him in drag... on second thought, that might be cool!
Screen Grab Source: WWE Fan Nation Video

Did R-Truth's shtick look familiar to anyone Monday? If it didn't, I wouldn't be surprised. It hearkened back to some cartoons that are pretty old. Like, I'm talking old enough to have been around for a decade or so when my parents were kids. Looney Tunes reruns still get play today, but it feels like they're not nearly as popular as they were when I was a kid. But this isn't really a time to throw rocks at kids and yell at them to get off my lawn. It's to appreciate a really awesome thing that Truth did Monday.

WWE treads a fine line between insulting comedy and really funny, really goofy stuff that works. Obviously, this line is different for everyone, and given that I'm a fan of Chikara and some of the more absurd elements of PWG, maybe I'm not the best person to gauge as where the line actually is. That being said, there's a new study out there that suggests WWE's demographic is spread out a bit more evenly than was once thought, meaning there are more people who would remember Bugs Bunny with a smile. That wascally wabbit isn't a cultural icon for nothing.

The point is also that pro wrestling is hardly a place rife with cultural originality. A lot of the best stuff that has gone through the annals of WWE, WCW and the rest has been full of winks and nods to pop culture. So, if they're going to pick something to pay homage to (not transparently rip off, but pay homage to), why not make it something that's not only familiar to millions, but also pretty damn funny, regardless of generation as well?

It's the End of the World As We Know It: 2012 Royal Rumble Preview

2012-01-26T13:15:00.000-05:00

What does he have planned?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Chris Jericho, in the first complete sentence he uttered since returning to WWE on January 2, said that the world was going to end at the Royal Rumble. It was the first time his character seemed as cryptic as the "It Begins" videos had painted it, but it was enough to drum up enough intrigue for a Rumble match that until RAW this past Monday. Then again, the Rumble is one of those rare matches that doesn't need a story to be compelling. Sure, it helps when there is a clear narrative going in, like last year's run to destiny by Alberto del Rio or the year before when Shawn Michaels went batshit crazy trying to win so he could use his guaranteed WrestleMania title shot not on either of the physical belts, but on Undertaker's streak.

What could that phrase mean? How could Jericho bring about the "end of the world" through one Rumble match? I have my guesses. He could be forming a mega-stable that would interrupt the Rumble match. He could refer to him winning bringing about the end of WWE's nascent world with CM Punk as WWE Champion. He might be a prophet and be suggesting that the cataclysmic extinction level event that people extrapolated from the end of the Mayan Calendar will happen not in December but in January. What is my guess? Well, I have no guess really. In a weird way, I trust that whatever Jericho does, it'll be awesome. Even if WWE has a tendency to fuck things up, Jericho, when left to his own devices, always delivers. I get the feeling he has some measure of creative control over where he's going anyway.

Still, Jericho isn't the only possible winner or even marquee entrant here. There's Randy Orton, who may not have officially been announced back but who will more than likely be there. This is also an even-numbered year, so if we're going with the trend, he's definitely in line to win (after Cena in '08 and Edge in '10 coming back from injuries). They recently announced that in an "unprecedented" move (excuse me while I make a wanking motion), EVERYONE is eligible for the Rumble, which raises the interesting possibility of CM Punk winning, either after having been screwed by John Laurinaitis earlier in the night or in an attempt to try and unify the titles at WrestleMania. The Miz is already pegged for the #1 spot, and we all know that more iron men (#1 or #2 hole winners) have won the Rumble than wrestlers who've entered at #30.

As difficult as the Rumble is to predict this year is the World Championship match, a triple threat steel cage affair featuring two big, angry giants chasing the increasingly entertaining though dickish titleholder. This Daniel Bryan/Mark Henry/Big Show match could go any of three ways, although the lean I'm getting feels increasingly more likely that Bryan retains here. That being said, Bryan and Henry by themselves already tore the house down in a cage on the holiday live Smackdown. How will adding a third wheel affect the match quality? Honestly, I'm skeptical of how good an idea this is, but at the same time, I feel like there's a great story to tell in the ring, and if anyone can do weasely coward running way from two monsters, it's Bryan.

The WWE Championship match already seems to have played out with a very much cut-and-dried premise - if John Laurinaitis screws CM Punk out of the title, he'll probably end up getting fired on RAW the next night by Triple H. The premise of Trips showing up on RAW at all gives me douche chills, by the way. Seriously, he gets no more good will from me. Anyway, while this match is harder to call than, say, last year's title match involving Dolph Ziggler, I feel like there's going to be one of two scenarios going down here. Either Punk wins clean despite shenanigans, or Punk loses the title under shady circumstances that kinda implicate Laurinaitis but aren't entirely clear that he was the one behind them.

That leaves the other big match announced for the Rumble, the EMBRACE THE HATE match between Cena and Kane which should be a fucking Coal Miner's Glove match after the shit Kane's pulled in the last month or so. I've been in the minority of actually liking this story up until this past week, when Kane put Zack Ryder on the shelf in a match and segment that was the equivalent to Peter Griffin banging his knee and going "THHHHHHHHHH-AAAAHHHHH" for way too long. I'm not sure how the match is going to be, but hopefully, it doesn't get too schlocky. Then again, Punk/Ziggler is going to be fantastic. The WHC cage match has potential to be great. The Rumble is the Rumble. I guess there's room for error with this match.

Then again, if Cena/Kane isn't all that good, is it going to matter? The world's ending anyway! Well, if Armageddon (the cataclysm, not the shitty WWE PPV) happens as a result of Chris Jericho winning the Rumble, then I'd say the Earth had a good run, and things aren't going to get much better than this.

Kevin Steen: Appreciator of the Tapir

2012-01-26T09:30:00.000-05:00

We all know Kevin Steen is a zoo enthusiast. Obviously, that means he likes seeing exotic animals. Last night on Twitter, he made reference to his zoo affinity with his plans for 2012:

2012 will be my busiest wrestling year yet! Many skulls to break, careers to ruin, companies to destroy, titles to win and animals to see!

I thought it cliche to ask the man about his wrestling plans, mainly because I've born witness to them being made across two major indie promotions in 2011 and in the first shows of '12. So, I asked him his opinion about my favorite zoo animal ever:

What's your opinion of the tapir? They were always my favorite zoo creature.

Here's his reply, to my utterly delightful surprise:

They're pretty fucking cool. I used to own one in '89.

I couldn't believe it. Kevin Steen owned a tapir? I thought he was fucking with me until I had my crack team of ~~Photoshop experts~~ Internet researchers find this rare picture of Steen with his pet tapir:

Photoshop credit: Andrew Southern of Wrestlegasm

HOLY POOP! There it is, in the flesh, evidence that Kevin Steen indeed had a pet tapir at some point in his life. I have it on good authority that its name was "Bootsy" as well. Okay, maybe it's not good authority, but hey, that's a good name for a tapir, right? RIGHT?

TWIOT: The Beauty of Grey - Paterno and Legacy

2012-01-26T08:25:00.000-05:00

This is not a black and white world
To be alive, I say the colors must swirl
And I believe that maybe today
We will all get to appreciate
The beauty of grey

How should this man be remembered?
Photo Credit: Eurweb

Joe Paterno did a very bad thing, or more specifically, he didn't do a very good thing. Inaction often times leads to worse consequences than actually doing a terrible thing. Not to take any gravity away from Jerry Sandusky or the heinous crime he stands accused of, but a monster often times is able to carry on his sadistic and outrageous crimes only with the help of men like Paterno who do nothing or even worse, with the active abetting of other men like Graham Spanier and Tim Curley covering his actions up.

Joe Paterno was also a decent human being with all other things considered. Let's forget the fact that he was a great college football coach; men like Bobby Bowden and Nick Saban were or are also great football coaches, but their characters were called into question all the time (for things that make the crime Paterno stands accused of seem like child's play, to be completely fair). Coaching football has nothing to do with the person one is. It was his stance on civil rights, his philanthropy and his presence in the community that made him someone to admire for reasons other than his prowess calling Xs and Os on the sideline.

It is entirely possible for a man to have both great and loathsome qualities about him. It seems to be the meme, however, that either someone should eulogize the man for being this great pillar of morality or that they should condemn him for his silence in allowing several young boys have their innocence absolutely obliterated by a monster of a man, and there's no way anyone should get peanut butter in the other's chocolate (and vice versa). Whatever happened to nuance, to hearing a whole story, to shades of grey?

In life, it's very rare that someone is completely evil or completely saintly. The closest we've come in the last 100 years to my reckoning has been Adolf Hitler, whose atrocities have made any eulogies of him equivalent to anathema. Other than that, who has led a life worthy of only scorn? Is there anyone who led a life worthy of nothing but praise even? As quoted to start this entry from Live's "Beauty of Grey" (off their 1991 album Mental Jewelry), this is not a black and white world. We need to appreciate that people aren't one- or two-dimensional automatons built for good or evil, but that we're all human beings. Some of us have more good qualities, some have more bad, and all of us are going to project one side of ourselves to others more strongly, whether that's fair or not. IF one were to tell a victim of Sandusky's criminal sexual abuse that they should appreciate Paterno for his charity work or if one were to tell a survivor of childhood cancer who was the beneficiary of the THON charity that Paterno donated to generously that he deserved nothing but vilification, obviously that person would be met with incredulity in both cases to say the least. But for the rest of us? Yeah, a little bit of perspective goes a long way.

Extreme reactions in most cases are almost never the right reactions. I think we're seeing that now to an extreme, with those supporting Paterno seeming almost cultish and religious in their absurd devotion and selective deafness regarding anything negative and those who are against him taking up the makeup of an angry, pitchfork-wielding mob ready to tear to shreds any positive memory that people might have of the man. Excuse me if I think both crowds seem silly. Then again, the man just died, and time has not allowed people to settle down in their fervor. If we're still divided into camps with extreme blinders on in a year or so, then I'll be disappointed. The sad thing is I won't be surprised though. In a culture where political discourse takes on an extremism-or-die approach, it's not a total shock that the tone of Paterno's memorial has taken this divisive profile.

Still, I do believe that maybe not today, but some day, we will all get to appreciate the beauty of grey, and when that happens, this country will be a far better place.

Outside the Squared Circle, Episode 3: Sarah Sprague

2012-01-25T22:15:00.000-05:00

The first recipe in Sarah's guac-fest, recipe by Margery Miller Shanoff
Photo Credit: Sarah Sprague

Episode 3: Holy Guacamole!

This month's non-'rasslin extravaganza features the football foodie herself, Sarah Sprague. In the lead-up to the Super Bowl, she's been ramping up the recipes on her site, including a run on reader-submitted guacamole recipes of varying sophistication. We get so inside baseball on guacamole that every listener is going to want to go out and make their own. We also discuss the food scene in So Cal as it relates to the rest of the country. There's sports talk too, as we break down the Super Bowl, begrudgingly admit that yes, Eli Manning is a pretty good quarterback and about how disappointing it was that the Eagles didn't take flight. There's some hockey talk, including speculation on if Sidney Crosby will ever play again, and to close things out, Sarah has an epic story of trolling in the age before high speed Internet.

Direct link for your downloading pleasure

The Rumble Stats Video

2012-01-25T20:45:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I'm a bit video happy this week, but I love when WWE does stuff like this. Very interesting stuff.

Meme Alert: Josh Matthews, Insensitive Interviewer

2012-01-25T18:35:00.000-05:00

Josh Matthews seems to have a knack for asking the questions that set wrestlers over the edge. He almost made Big Show shit a brick last month after losing the World Championship in record time, and this past Monday on RAW, he induced TEH POOPIEZ FACE on John Cena with an untimely question. It seems WWE has stumbled on an unintentionally awesome gimmick for Matthews, the insensitive backstage reporter! Check 'em out after the jump.

Photo Credit: WWE.com

I Can Has Cheezburger provided the meme builder.

"I Accept My Fate"

2012-01-25T11:40:00.000-05:00

"Okay"
Photo Credit: WWE.com via Geno Mrosko

The utter brilliance with the John Laurinaitis character is that it's very hard to tell whether he's acting or whether he's just being himself. With that, it's unknown whether he's no-selling being about to put in the Go 2 Sleep, or whether he's acting brilliantly, quietly accepting his fate and eating a knee to the face like he's been expecting this moment to come since September. Because I like the guy, I'll pretend it's the latter.

Your Midweek Links: Remembering JoePa, for Better or Worse

2012-01-25T10:45:00.000-05:00

A polarizing figure in death

It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Self-Shilling:

- Two episodes of the podcast this week! Episode 37 has Alyssa Kay on to talk about AIW's Girls' Night Out 5... [Episode 37: Yoshi Tatsu Battles the Pink Robots]

- ...and Episode 38 sees Jason Mann FINALLY return to the show to talk about the Royal Rumble and Joe Paterno. [Episode 38: Axis: Bold as Brother Love]

- My Camel Clutch Blog piece on why WWE should definitely keep marketing to the PG audience [WWE Is Right to Aim for the Kids Market]

- My latest for Cageside Seats, where I argued ROH should return to having a million challengers for its World Championship [The Indie Corner: A Variety of Challengers to the Ring of Honor Championship]

- Speaking of ROH, they came back to Philly Friday, and it was awesome [We Missed This: ROH Homecoming 2012 Review]

- My wife and I went to Bonefish Grill, and here's how it went. Spoiler alert, you should probably go because it's good. [Holzerman Hungers]

Wrestling Links:

- Seriously, if you're not reading Mitch's Thursday RAW Thursday, then what the hell is wrong with you? [Fair to Flair]

- Linked it yesterday, but it's worth linking again: a dream match scenario between Kana and Hailey Hatred [Dirty Dirty Sheets]

- WSU and NCW:ff are teaming up for a talent exchange [Ring Belles]

- An alternate universe where Rey Mysterio came up in the mid-aughts instead of the mid-'90s [The Majesty of Wrestling]

- Jason Mann and Joe Drilling review the main event to the final Starrcade ever. [Wrestlespective Radio]

- Lawler vs. Ali, the match that never happened but should've [Kentucky Fried 'Rasslin]

- The Boss Lady gives out the Report from the Fort Award to Best Villain to only the bestest villain in the whole wide world, your friend and mine, Johnny Ace! [Wrestlegasm]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- Why SOPA getting derailed was a good thing, replete with pictures of Kelly Brook in sexy clothing [With Leather]

- It's the Puppy Bowl starting lineups! [Animal Planet]

- Josh Zerkle examines whether defense really wins Championships anymore [The Go Route]

- Bill Barnwell examines who the real goats Championship Sunday were [Grantland]

- Oddly enough, Philadelphia isn't all that angry about the Eagles not making the playoffs. [The Classical]

- A humorous look at the culinary offerings of this year's Super Bowl host, Indianapolis! [SB Nation]

- Crystal-balling the top 10 box office flops of 2012 [Pajiba]

- A Rotten Tomatoes comparison between Drive, which was snubbed for a Best Picture Oscar nomination, and Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, which received one [Buzz Feed]

- 10 actors who hated their own films [Mental Floss]

- Surprising number of rape jokes on network sitcoms lately [Vulture]

- Taco Bell is introducing breakfast, capitalizing on the burgeoning market of stoners who are up early enough to eat breakfast. [Food Beast]

- The Whiskey-Water Trick... amazing [Buzz Feed]

- On why batting order isn't all that important [Crashburn Alley]

Paterno:

Here are the best of the JoePa commentaries, memorials, obituaries and et cetera.

- Spencer Hall, SB Nation

- Ashley Burns, With Leather

- Dan Levy, Wide Left

- Bethlehem Shoals, The Classical

- Michael Weinreb, Grantland

- Holly Anderson, Campus Union

- And finally, Idiots on the Internet who thought JoePa was a couch, SB Nation

The Best Moves Ever: Busaiku Knee

2012-01-25T10:05:00.000-05:00

KENTA is famous for giving the world the Go 2 Sleep for the most part. Personally, I hate the move and think it rarely ever looks good, whether done by KENTA, CM Punk, Hallowicked or whomever tries to do it. I far prefer his other knee-based move, the busaiku knee. Ted DiBiase of all people has taken to using it, but the original is better. Here it is, IN SUPER SLO-MO.

Wrestling Six Packs: Wrestling Cities I Want to Visit

2012-01-24T22:30:00.000-05:00

Would love to be live for one of these events
Photo Credit: John Hyperion/DDS

I live in the suburbs of one of the greatest wrestling cities in America. Philadelphia, despite being the WWE's second or third market back in the territorial WWWF days, still holds an important place in wrestling history on several levels. That being said, it's not the only wrestling mecca in the country or world. Here are six places I want to go for reasons of being a fan of oiled up men and women play fighting in their underwear.

1. Chicago
Why: SHIMMER, AAW, Resistance Pro, Home of the best WWE crowds ever

One of the things that frustrates me the most about SHIMMER, as I mentioned in the Hatred/Kana piggyback post today, is the lag time between the live shows and the DVD releases. The best way to rectify that would be actually going to SHIMMER tapings. I don't know if my ass could take sitting there for two consecutive tapings on two days, but I think it'd be more than worth it to see some of the best wrestling, male, female, intergender or hermaphroditic, in all the land. Plus, there's AAW, the chance to be among a great WWE crowd or maybe even getting some real-deal deep dish pizza with my homeslice Bryce Remsburg. Okay, maybe it would be with my wife, but hey, it's cool to pretend I have friends in the biz, right? Right? Bueller?

2. Atlanta
Why: NWA Anarchy, Abdullah the Butcher's Restaurant

I'm always on the lookout for different wrestling. It's great to watch the stuff I know, but I want to get in on stuff with which I'm not familiar. Enter NWA Anarchy giving me a Southern taste on independent wrestling. Plus, Warner-Robins is just 2 hours south. Rampage Pro! All that traveling around will make me hungry, so as the fine folks at Flair Chop Illustrated would recommend, I'd head on down to Abby's restaurant for some Chinese grub and soul food. The ultimate restaurant for the wrestling fan.

3. Los Angeles
Why: PWG, NWA Hollywood, SummerSlam's permanent home

PWG. NWA Hollywood (with the Grill 'Em All truck parked outside for intermission burgers). SummerSlam. I'd have choices for when I'd arrive into town. If I had my choice, it'd be for PWG, because holy shit, they're my favorite non-Chikara promotion, and that Reseda crowd is legendary. Absolutely legendary.

4. Cleveland
Why: PWO, AIW

It's amazing how under the radar a wrestling town Cleveland has become. In addition to giving WWE Dolph Ziggler and The Miz, they have two fine independent promotions in AIW and PWO. I really wish I could hit up Girls Night Out 5 this Sunday and then watch the Royal Rumble at Melt Bar and Grilled afterwards. Thus is life.

5. Austin
Why: ACW, Live Best and Worst with Brandon Stroud

I always like to live on the cutting edge of wrestling. Well, more accurately, I hate when something's big and influential and timely and I come in after the buzz is gone for the most part and it's "over". I missed out on ECW until they were on the cusp of PPV. I didn't get into Chuck Norris Facts until a year too late. I don't wanna miss out on Anarchy Championship Wrestling after it's bubbled over its tipping point. Plus, B has offered me a place to crash, and hey, maybe he'll show me some great Vegan places to eat. Or I could sneak out and hit up a place with great brisket. I have options.

6. Tokyo
Why: Are you fucking stupid?

I would go into puroresu overload. Plus being in a crowd that doesn't normally react. And don't forget the sushi. Man, the sushi.

Zack Ryder Is Bruce Wayne (But That Doesn't Mean I Want to Hear the Owen Voice)

2012-01-24T21:20:00.000-05:00

ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Let's just for a minute pretend that Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler using the same voice that Lawler and Michael Cole used last night to describe Zack Ryder's "broken back" to describe Owen Hart's death isn't the issue here. I know a lot of people really felt that offended - and feel that offended EVERY time the solemn voice gets broken out - but that's not really the issue here for me. The problem isn't that it's melodramatic either. The whole story has been a schlockfest to date. I mean c'mon now, how is the syrup-drenched segment where Ryder couldn't change a damn tire any less corny than the Owen Voice? I still enjoyed the hell out of that.

The thing that kinda bummed me out most is that THIS was the cheeseball route they decided to take, not the total extreme opposite. Why not have Lawler flip the fuck out that this is the worst thing we've ever seen on WWE TV? Then Ryder can have corny hospital skits where he's recovering from his broken back while Kane just runs rampant on WWE TV. Then, they fix Ryder so that he's better and stronger than before, and he finally rids Gotham City of the menace that is Ba... err, well, I think people can smell what I'm cooking here. C'mon now, pro wrestling isn't THAT original in their story material, so why not rip off the best? I know what the nerds are all thinking. What about Azrael? Well, maybe John Cena could take care, spike his hair and don the headband until Ryder is recovered, only he doesn't have Ryder's signature restraint. Heath Slater, we hardly knew ye. Okay, so maybe that's NOT the best way to go.

Okay, maybe I'm the only person who'd want to see WWE embrace the silly, but the story worked so well when Ryder and Eve were running around the arena like dumb teenagers plucked out of a John Carpenter movie. But anything would've been better than the Owen Voice. Seriously.

Davey Richards Trolls His Detractors, His Detractors Predictably Flip Out

2012-01-24T19:40:00.000-05:00

Is he working on his standup act?

My main criticism of Davey Richards has been that he seems like a guy who'd rather be doing MMA. I wrote a whole post about it last year. That being said, opinions can change and critics can go soft over time. I still don't think he's the best in the world, but after Friday at ROH Homecoming, I'm not convinced he's indie wrestling's answer to post-move-to-ECW Kurt Angle either. The most impressive development in the last week or so has been the development of a sense of humor.

Richards decided he'd poke some fun at the people who have those criticisms, so he took to Twitter with this missive:

Pro wrestling is what I do to pass the time between jiu jitsu classes.

Even as one of the most ardent haters of his in-ring game, I even got a laugh out of it when it was linked to me. The real kicker as to how Kevin Steen replied to it:

Hey, @TheJimCornette, proud of your champ now?!

It's a total troll, and Steen, the man who is coming to destroy Richards and immolate Ring of Honor, played into it. So of course there was a vocal part of the audience that took the bait. It was a great moment in trolling.

Of course, it isn't to say that maybe there wasn't a kernel of truth there. There are people who've met him who've had bad experiences with him. I can't begrudge those opinions at all, but at the same time, what I've seen in the public arena just leads me to believe this is just good natured fun.

Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein - Please visit his site to view the plentiful amounts of pictures he's taken for DGUSA, ROH and other indie feds: Get Lost Photography

The Parity Model: Is the Landscape of Sport Informing Wrestling Protection?

2012-01-24T15:45:00.000-05:00

A moment that would've been better preceded by wins
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Let's for a second pretend the NFL is rigged. I know there are those among my readers who will swear it is anyway, but whatever, let's pretend those readers are right. The New York Giants have made the Super Bowl despite going 9-7 in the regular season, going up against a Patriots team that treated its own conference like a scorched earth campaign with how dominantly they went through the year. If this were a WWE matchup, it would be the equivalent of Dolph Ziggler heading into WrestleMania despite dropping a bunch of matches to questionable competition against a John Cena who just spent the rest of the year OVERCOMING THE ODDS.

In the face of things like the Giants run to the Super Bowl happening, or the St. Louis Cardinals eking into the playoffs in baseball and then running all the way to the World Series, it's becoming increasingly less unlikely that a team that didn't dominate its regular season can get hot at the right time and win its league Championship. Again, if sports were rigged, this would seem like a shitty way to protect its title contenders, wouldn't it? Well, maybe it would, but at the same time, it doesn't matter how shitty a team does in the lead up to the playoffs, if they get hot at the right time, they will almost always have a built-in fanbase that's ready to cheer them on regardless of whether they went 15-1/102-60 in the regular season or 9-7/83-78. That's the difference between sports and sports entertainment; sports teams don't always need to win every game for support, while wrestlers kinda need to have the wins to back their credibility up, at least at the beginning of their careers.

So with that in mind, is WWE's seemingly obsessive complex to be compared to legitimate sport driving them to book wrestlers who aren't already established as true top level guys? The evidence is there. There are start-stop pushes, bullshit parity match results that end up leaving guys feeling like their wins and losses amount in the same frequency and just a feeling that anyone could win any match. While the "any given Sunday" approach works in sport because the fanbases are built in, in wrestling? No, it doesn't work like that, at least when a guy's on the way up.

When they get to the top, and there are matches between the Cenas, Ortons, Takers and other main eventers of the world, then the "any given Sunday" approach works. However, that model doesn't work for the Ryders, Zigglers and Kingstons of the land. In order to get their fanbases, they have to win matches, prove they're worthy. Even a guy with all the charisma of the world needs to be established first. That isn't to say they should always win and never lose, but at the same time, there has to be a feeling that they're worth rooting for. Again, even Rocky, who has more charisma in his smegma than 10 John Cenas, needed to win matches on his way up before he was able to job to guys like Hurricane Helms without losing his shine.

All this goes back to show how limited WWE Creative is. I posed a rhetorical question on Twitter as to why not WWE held its writers to the same standards as its wrestlers, who by and large are great at expressing the material given to them, even if it's subpar. I got answers back as to the caliber of writer that works for WWE isn't going to be the same one that would want to work for them over a Hollywood movie job or a TV writing gig. I feel like those responses missed the point. If someone wanted to write for The Sopranos, they shouldn't be writing for a wrestling show. It should be people who are fans of the product and who know what it takes to make good stories and help wrestlers become popular. Obviously, this isn't the first time anyone, myself included especially, has made this argument, but it's definitely what happens when TV writers get put into an environment where they're inundated with the idea that wrestling should mimic sport. They take the wrong tropes and amplify them instead of looking at what made the guys that they inherited as main eventers (everyone from Undertaker all the way through Randy Orton).

So we get shit like Daniel Bryan treading water as a main event level guy before cashing in his Money in the Bank briefcase as somewhat of a mirror image of the way the Cardinals snuck into the playoffs and won the World Series. They don't understand that the situations aren't analogous at all. And that's a shame. While wrestling is not a sport, elements of sport pervade throughout, and the writers would be wise to ignore the elements that don't work and focus on the ones that have worked for over a hundred years.

This Won't Be Shaq's First Brush with 'Rasslin'

2012-01-24T13:20:00.000-05:00

h/t Hugging Harold Reynolds' Tumblr Page

The weirdest part of that picture? Look at how skinny Shaq is compared to the Hulkster. Shaq's never been a small guy.

Cross-Promotional Blog: DDS' Dream Match II

2012-01-24T12:35:00.000-05:00

In the blue corner...
Photo Credit: Gregory Davis/DDS

The Dirty Dirty Sheets, a blog which is the foremost source for quality writing about puroresu, independent wrestling and especially joshi on the Internet, has posted their second in what I can only imagine is a series of attainable dream matches that exist in wrestling today. Their first post, Kana vs. Sara del Rey, actually happened twice in America. I have yet to see the first encounter, but their Chikara match was just aces man, aces. Their second offering also features Kana, but her opponent this time takes on a far more unfamiliar flavor, at least to me. Hailey Hatred is Kana's dream tango partner this time around. Hatred is a name known to fans of midwest indies as well as joshi observers for good reason. She may be the best female wrestler in the world. Better than del Rey, better than Cheerleader Melissa, better than Manami Toyota, better than even Kana. Of course, I'm going off reputation here, as I've never seen the woman ply her trade in the ring. However, her list of accomplishments is EPIC.

First off, she is the first gaijin ever to win the JWP Openweight Championship. For those who may not think that's a big deal, that title has been around for almost 20 years and had been around the waists of such joshi legends as Dynamite Kansai, Ran Yu-Yu, Kaori Yoneyama and Toyota. It took 18 and a half years to get the title onto an American. Conversely, the AJPW Triple Crown Championship was held by a gaijin, Terry "Bam Bam" Gordy, within two years of its inception. The joshi scene has been slower to integrate American women into its fold, but it has been for good reason. How long did it take for American women's wrestling to become serious business? For the longest time, the best that our women had to hang their hats on was Madusa/Alundra Blayze. She was a good performer, but she lapped the domestic competition. Now, we're finally really getting a good crop of female wrestlers who are developing a history. While it could be argued that if Hatred didn't break the native wall, someone else would have, it's disingenuous. She did it, and holy shit, was she good doing it.

In the black corner (giving Kalamity the what for)
Photo Credit: Gregory Davis/DDS

Yes, it wasn't like she was just someone getting a token reign to show that "Hey, Americans are welcome here too!" She's wowed audiences and become held in as high regard as the joshi stalwarts over there, including Kana. Then again, she was gangbusters over here too, which is probably a big reason WHY she was chosen to go over and become the star she's become overseas. See, East Coast fans like myself have a nasty habit of taking lightly what happens in the swath of land west of Philly and east and north of Reseda. It's a habit we have to break, because there has been some great action going on between the coasts for much longer than the here and now. Hatred made her name in AIW as well as IWA-Mid South, which again was a little bit better regarded than most other indie promotions in that area but still was made into somewhat of a joke because its owner Ian Rotten had (and probably still will continue to have) this nasty habit of opening and closing the company willy-nilly.

Now, in the DDS post, they lay out several spots in Japan where this match could happen. That's all well and good for people with the patience and/or means to keep up with joshi live or even via DVD. He also mentioned SHIMMER, but they have such a lag on their DVD releases. If one doesn't catch the tapings live, they're waiting for months before getting to see what the privileged few who get to sit live in Berwyn get to see. So, with all due respect to John Hyperion and his excellent writing and photographing staff at DDS, here are a few other locations where Hatred/Kana would definitely play out to a great audience in America:

Chikara - This is the no-brainer choice, mainly because Kana has familiarity both with the office, the fans and the roster here. With their touring structure, Chikara is the company best equipped to get the most out of appearances by both, whether it's at King of Trios (which if it happens this year, will happen in the fall rather than the spring), a double-shot weekend or even at a hypothetical JoshiMania II: The JOSHENING. Obviously, Hatred/Kana would be the headline match for one such card, but with Chikara's progressive views on how to structure wrestling cards, we might end up seeing other big time matches featuring opponents that they may not have in other companies. I'm not just talking Sara del Rey, who would be an option in several other companies, but wrestlers like Mike Quackenbush, Manami Toyota (again, talking American crowds here), Eddie Kingston, Jigsaw, El Generico, Colt Cabana or even Akira Tozawa. Seriously, how much money would I pay for tix to an Easton/Reading doubleshot featuring Tozawa/Kana and Hatred/Jigsaw one night and Kana/Hatred the next? ALL THE MONEY, that's what.

Ring of Honor - Obviously this option has the most exposure. They have TV and an entrenched iPPV audience. The Sinclair show hypes the match, and the iPPV is the stage. The rumor is that they're talking about jump-starting the Women of Honor again. Mia Yim, del Rey and possibly Saturyne (the masked woman of the Chikara invasion) provide a good foundation, but it needs a lot more fleshing out. Enter Hatred, who has with her the "best in the world" style resume that plays out well in the ROH environment. Where does Kana fit in in this equation? Well, she could be the Morishima to Hatred's Danielson, the KENTA to Hatred's Hero. This as a Final Battle 2012 marquee match, added to a potential Kevin Steen/Davey Richards nuclear war, could make the event the must-see indie card of the year.

Dragon Gate USA - Obviously, with the connections to Dragon Gate in Japan, Gabe and company have more of a networking advantage across the Pacific than any other company. I know, I know, Toryumon isn't exactly in the middle of the joshi hivemind, but at the same time, location is everything. All it takes is initiative. I think this could be the best venue for the match inasmuch as replicating what they'd do in a Japanese promotion. Read, it would be the closest to "real" joshi as possible. The main stumbling block for DGUSA is the almost utter lack of woman involvement other than Reby Sky parading around as a valet. Then again, this would be a HELL of a match to kick off a dedication to women's wrestling, am I right?

Pro Wrestling Guerrilla - From a pure airline mileage standpoint, Reseda is the closest venue to Japan for this match to happen. PWG also has had a great history of bringing over the men, so why not start importing female wrestlers over too? Along with Chikara, PWG has been on the cutting edge of the high indies for the last several years. I have no doubts that PWG would give this match the respect it deserves, and wouldn't it be unreal to have the backdrop for it be the best indie wrestling crowd in America? Seriously, it would be fucking magical.

Anarchy Championship Wrestling - Much like Chikara, ACW is progressive as fuck when it comes to card construction. The only reason why it's not as good a location as Chikara is optimization. ACW usually runs their shows one a weekend with a few exceptions, so the only match we'd get out of their appearances there would be Hatred/Kana. Then again, that's staring down a restaurant crawl and "only" getting to eat at the Brazilian steakhouse (think Fogo de Chao, although my establishment of choice is Chima... mmmm, Chima *drool*). In a way, this is the perfect venue for a Hatred/Kana match, actually. It's far less PG than Chikara, which gives the women much more violent options to play with. It's got far less of an "old-money" booking attitude than either ROH or DGUSA, and it has a far more extensive history of women being treated as equals/superiors to the men than PWG. While it's the least-known option out of the five (and a damn shame that this is the case), it might be the best atmosphere for this dream match.

No matter what the venue though, this match needs to happen in America. Even if it is in SHIMMER, the wait for the DVD release would be well worth it. Again, major props need to go to John Hyperion and the DDS for coming up with this concept, but it totally needs to happen in America as much as it needs to take place in Japan as well. Indie promotions of America, get your shit together and make this match happen!

Jericho Speaks!

2012-01-24T10:36:00.000-05:00

All that silence is broken to promise the end of the world as we would know it. The question is, does Chris Jericho feel fine? I know I do.

Instant Feedback: RAW Is Ryder's Broken Back? Wut?

2012-01-23T23:20:00.000-05:00

DID YOU KNOW: WWE announcers used the same solemn voice when Owen Hart died as they did tonight when announcing Zack Ryder's fake injury? Yep, the fake melodrama with this shit ruined what was an accidentally good story. I feel like if they were going to keep going with the horror movie thing, go all out and make it as absurd as possible, like Ryder getting ~~a beej~~ a kiss from Eve as being his Popeye spinach. Ah well. Not everything is perfect.

Of course, following a show as great as it was last week was going to be tough, and they did okay in some respects. The Johnny Ace/CM Punk stuff was really good, except for the fact that Triple H is drawn back into the proceedings. The last time Punk was on a roll, Trips screeched him to a halt. Hopefully, he stays FAR away from Punk (who'll move onto a possible Rumble winner in Jericho?) and then he's just drawn into his rematch story with Undertaker after he shitcans Laurinaitis.

There was good on this show other than the interactions between Punk and Ace. The Punk/Cena vs. Vickie's Cougar Cubs was a fine tag match. R-Truth-as-Bugs Bunny was OUTSTANDING. Unhinged Truth is the best truth. He also took a NASTY bump going face first from the apron to the floor, so he gets major props from me for that. Holy shit, that was brutal-looking. Miz drawing #1 should be good. It'll be a test of how far he's come as a wrestler if he ends up lasting a long time.

Then there was Jericho's first sentence since coming back. Holy shit, Chris Jericho rules.

Happy Birthday, Nigel McGuinness!

2012-01-23T21:05:00.000-05:00

Happy birthday, mate!

Nigel McGuinness' birthday is today. The legendary independent wrestler turns 34 today. McGuinness was best known as the Sex Pistol-esque Ring of Honor World Champion who ~~unified it with~~ also held the Pure Championship. He then had an excursion into TNA, which wasn't really all that successful for whatever reason. Health concerns have forced him into a retirement tour, but he'll continue to be around as the color commentary voice for ROH. In honor of the man's birthday, here is a video of his best 10 moves. Enjoy!

Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein - Please visit his site to view the plentiful amounts of pictures he's taken for DGUSA, ROH and other indie feds: Get Lost Photography

William Regal Campaigning for Title Shot

2012-01-23T16:25:00.000-05:00

YES! Let this match happen in 2012 for the Big Gold Belt
Photo Credit: WWE.com

William Regal has taken to Twitter to campaign for a World Championship opportunity against his pupil and current appreciator of AJ's love Daniel Bryan. Here's his official plea:

I still want to be the first English World Champion. I would like @WWEDanielBryan to grant me a title shot. @WWE pay attention.

As a fan of great wrestling, I'd love to see this happen. Sure, William Regal hasn't really been a factor on WWE television outside of calling matches for NXT (He still does that, right? I haven't been watching...), but at the same time, does it really matter? Regal is very much a legend in the company and going into what the WWE has absorbed into its extended universe (mainly, WCW), his star grows brighter. This, to me, would be analogous to the program Miz worked with Jerry Lawler last year. An old veteran taking on a young Champion for the sole purpose of having a great match to establish the titleholder going into WrestleMania is something I can get behind happening with some frequency.

The rationale behind Miz working with Lawler last year was that Miz needed the rub and some experience working matches in the main event from a guy who knows a thing or two about making the crowd care in the top spot of the company. Despite the fact that no one in the announce team seems to want to give Bryan any credit, he's slowly becoming more of a success from a business standpoint. Also, he's probably the best wrestler in the world, or if not, he's in the top 5 at the very, very least. So what would this match accomplish? I don't know, the first thing would be it would be a fucking incredible match. Sometimes, that's all the rationale one needs to put a contest on. I mean, they've had pretty nice encounters on Superstars and RAW when Bryan was United States Champion, but those were short affairs. Imagine them getting 8-15 minutes at Elimination Chamber *sigh*, while the likes of Big Show, Mark Henry, Randy Orton, Wade Barrett and Sheamus duke it out in the maniacal steel structure to see who gets the pleasure of facing off against the Bryan/Regal winner at WrestleMania? Holy shit, did I just book Elimination Chamber for Smackdown's main event? Yes I did. PAY ME, VINCE.

There also seems to be somewhat of a divide over whether Regal "deserves" a title match. In character, it only takes a small amount of storytelling to make someone seem deserving. For those who like to argue that there's some out of kayfabe reason as to why Regal wouldn't deserve a title shot, they can sit on a railroad spike. The only "justification" Regal needs is a good reason in character to get his match. That's it. Anything else is privy to the wrestlers themselves and the office. No one really deserves to pontificate over his missteps, which he'll freely admit to. No one really has the qualification to say he doesn't deserve a shot over Sheamus/Barrett/[insert wrestler here], because it's not like Regal getting his title match would preclude those other guys from getting their shots at the top.

Sometimes, matches just need to happen. William Regal wrestling for the World Championship feels right, especially against Daniel Bryan. It would be a great match if given the time or the story, so with that in mind, why the hell shouldn't it happen? I struggle to think of a reason against it.

Papa Briscoe: An Appreciation

2012-01-23T11:50:00.001-05:00

Proud papa and dedicated fan of #DemBoys

There are some fans who go to wrestling events who are bitter and jaded and sit on their hands for everything except for when their relatively obscure, arcane or nostalgic favorites get a little bit of a shine. For the John Cenas or Stings or Davey Richardses of the world though, it's mean-spirited booing at best and sitting on their hands at worst. Those fans are free to do what they want, even if that means shitting all over what should have been the last match in ECW Arena history because the competitors didn't beat each other senseless with a vast array of weaponry.

The complete opposite of this kind of fan is the one that goes to a wrestling event and boos the shit out of a guy because they're rooting so hard for the other one. Some people look sneeringly down on these fans as "marks", but in a way, that should be a compliment. Fans who get lost in the experience are the ones who get it. At ROH Homecoming, there were many of these fans immersed in the moment, cheering their favorites (the consensus favorites being the Briscoe Brothers), but the loudest of these was the father of said Briscoe Brothers, one Papa Briscoe.

Obviously, the man who sired two professional wrestlers is going to hoot and holler for his sons to win, and he, like everyone else in the arena at that point except for myself, was loud and vociferous the entire match. Some of his chants weren't PG, but who cares, it wasn't like it was a Chikara show, even if Jigsaw and Hallowicked were fighting under the Chikara banner. While I think wrestling companies are smart to market to kids, there's still a place for adult-oriented fare. By the time the Chikara roster poured out from the back, the tide of the crowd started to change a little bit. That only amplified Briscoe's cheering, making for a very cool dynamic in the arena, especially in the section where Briscoe was located (which was were I was sitting).

After the match was over, like as soon as the match ended, I noticed that Papa Briscoe made a move towards someone who had started cheering for the Chikara team about when Mike Quackenbush came out from the back. It was hard for me to hear, but he had a smile on his face when he went over, and he and the fan shared a laugh and a couple of handshakes. Later on, I actually asked that fan what happened, and he said that Briscoe had come over to him and said "That was a hell of a match" and remarked that the ensuing storyline was going to be pretty cool. That struck me as being exceedingly awesome. Here he was, a guy who was yelling for his kids to destroy those "goofballs in masks" turning off his switch and interacting with someone who felt the opposite way during the match. He got it. Then again, if there's anyone who should get how to be a wrestling fan, it's a guy who raised two kids who would become professional wrestlers, right?

That all being said, I feel like everyone should do themselves a favor and be more like Papa Briscoe when they go to wrestling events. They should allow themselves to become immersed in the pure spectacle, to take the matches that interest them and go full-tilt in reacting to them, not to intend on sitting on their hands. Be a good sport. Wrestling, like so many other things in life, isn't so important that just because a wrestling company isn't pushing the guys that someone wants them to push that it should take all the entertainment out of it. Go big or go home is a mantra that gets overused, but I feel like that it's great advice for going to a wrestling show. Just look to Papa Briscoe for the best example of this.

Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein - Please visit his site to view the plentiful amounts of pictures he's taken for DGUSA, ROH and other indie feds: Get Lost Photography

The Wrestling Podcast, Episode 38: Jason Mann II

2012-01-22T20:20:00.000-05:00

The Diesel push?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Episode 38: Axis: Bold as Brother Love

Jason Mann of Wrestlespective Radio and Fair to Flair returns to the podcast to discuss the Royal Rumble. We talk about prospective winners, the lack of telegraphing of a winner by WWE, Brodus Clay and his potential role in the match, whether Jericho will win without doing anything and potential surprise entrants. We also talk about the other matches, including a diversion into how Mick Foley is strangely underappreciated. There are some musings about this year's WrestleMania. There's also some talk about the passing of Joe Paterno as well as some quick breaking down of the NBA season.

Direct link for your downloading pleasure

We Missed This: ROH Homecoming 2012 Review

2012-01-21T01:25:00.000-05:00

In the new format.

Highlights:

Eddie Edwards was not medically cleared to wrestle due to a staph infection.
Shelton Benjamin called Philly "the buttcrack of America".
Kyle O'Reilly accidentally hit Adam Cole in the corner with a flying forearm, allowing Benjamin and Charlie Haas to hit Cole with a double-team power bomb for the victory.
Tomasso Ciampa was able to take advantage of some chaos and a prone Andy Ridge to get the duke in a four-way, one-fall match also including Mike Bennett and Grizzly Redwood.
Kevin Steen interrupted a Steve Corino promo telling him he was wrong for kissing Jim Cornette's ass and that he should look to earn the fans' respect by becoming the King of Old School again.
Steen tried goading Kenny King by trying to attack a becrutched Rhett Titus.
Steen was also threatened with disqualification by using the Package Piledriver, but ended up winning the match with the F5 anyway.
Post-match, Steen put Titus in a sharpshooter.
Shane Hagadorn tried to offer his services to Chris Hero before his match with Michael Elgin, but Hero rebuffed him.
With only 17 seconds left in the match, Elgin got the win with a corner bomb into a spiral bomb.
Afterwards, Hagadorn came out and berated Hero, getting an elbow to the face for his douchebaggery.
"Somebody Call My Mama" was definitely played during intermission.
Adam Cole replaced Edwards for his match against Roderick Strong. It became a no holds barred match.
Elgin interfered on Strong's behalf, while Edwards countered for Cole, but it was Truth Martini who was the difference for Strong in a victory.
Afterwards, Cole got a standing ovation.
During the Briscoes/Jigsaw and Hallowicked match, the Chikara locker room emptied out to rally around their compadres who up to that point were getting their asses kicked.
The Briscoes went for Hallowicked's mask, which led to near-chaos. In the din, Jigsaw got the rollup for a surprise victory.
Jigsaw and Hallowicked's ROH Tag Team Championship match will take place in Chicago on April 28th in Chicago Ridge.
Davey Richards and Jay Lethal pretty much split the crowd all night long, with Richards retaining his Championship with a bunch of kicks to the face.
Lethal and Richards will have a rematch at the Batlimore TV tapings.

Observations:

I actually passed Papa Briscoe and his caravan on the way to the arena.
The Pennsylvania Guard Armory is actually a nice arena. It felt good to wait in line without being ankle deep in trash.
A "fuck the doctor!" chant broke out when Eddie Edwards announced he had to miss the event.
Charlie Haas totally floored me with how well he played to the crowd tonight. He was a total dick (in a good way), and it really got the fans going. It set the tone for the entire night.
Kyle O'Reilly has turned into a little bump machine. He went hard into the turnbuckles twice and really flopped around. That was the most impressive part of the match for me.
In terms of overpushed low-card heels, Tomasso Ciampa looks like he belongs in a pro wrestling ring, while Mike Bennett looks like he belongs on King of Queens reruns. It was all in the clotheslines. Ciampa's lariat looked pretty good. Bennett's was probably the worst I've ever seen.
Watching RD Evans ham it up on the outside of the ring made me sad that he was there and not wrestling.
Speaking of that Embassy entourage, Mia Yim and Prince Nana spent maybe 30 seconds out of the whole match not standing arm-in-arm. Now THAT'S dedication to the gimmick.
It was apron-mania tonight, and Ciampa got the party started with a pretty sick Air Raid Crash from the floor to said apron on Redwood.
Kevin Steen has been better at being the CM Punk pipe bomb character for longer than they even thought of giving it to Punk. That's saying something.
Steen was another guy who just interacted with the crowd all night, although it was more in a positive manner, as he was pretty popular.
Example: "Steen, were you on Tough Enough? "No, I'm a fat little prick!"
King just keeps getting better and better at melding his natural athleticism into the art of actually making a wrestling match seem more like a fight. Some of the stuff he did tonight was jaw-dropping.
When did they ban the Package Piledriver? Was it Final Battle?
Hero was definitely showing off during the first portion of his match with Elgin. It was actually pretty amusing how well Elgin acted the part of the frustrated, disrespected underdog while looking like he could've snapped and feasted on Hero's innards at any time.
Hero for his part really sold Elgin wearing him down and out well during the match. He does woozy very well.
The time limit tease was a nice touch. For about a minute there, I totally thought they'd go draw, which if Hero is on his way out, would've been the best way to go without having him eat a pinfall.
People really didn't like Roderick Strong tonight.
That being said, this was the best Strong's looked in ROH since Daniel Bryan was Bryan Danielson, but for totally different reasons. He's also added crowd interaction into his repertoire, and it's made him a far more complete performer. Where he really shone though was in his viciousness. Guy can brawl, who knew.
Adam Cole has a pretty slick shining wizard.
Funny spot, Strong set up chairs to be lodged between turnbuckles in each corner, but it was Cole who got to ram Roddy's head into them. The last corner, the chair fell out of position, and Strong actually put the chair back in place while he was selling. IT was pretty absurd.
Funny to see Edwards being set up as Cole's mentor. Even if people haven't heard the spoilers concerning Future Shock, it sets up an interesting dynamic going forward among both that team and the American Wolves.
I'm also pretty sure that Cole was made tonight, and he'll be good with the ROH Philly crowd from here on out. Gutty, star-making performance.
The Briscoes got chants all night long. They could've gone up against Roy Halladay and Cliff Lee tonight and still had gotten near unanimous crowd support.
Until about 3/4 of the way through the match, I was literally the only one in the arena cheering for Hallowicked and Jigsaw. Of course Papa Briscoe was right behind me, so that was pretty fun.
No, seriously, Papa Briscoe cheering for his kids was awesome, no sarcasm. He just got so into the match, it was great.
Speaking of guys who bumped their asses off tonight, how about Jigsaw, everyone? Dude took a beating from the Briscoes something fierce. This is why he's one of the best in America. AT one point, he went so hard into the turnbuckle selling a Mark front dropkick that I thought he moved the ring.
The Briscoes were the perfect team to use as a backdrop for this Chikara partnership. The absolute perfect team.
By the way, yes, it was Bryce Remsburg who reffed the Chikara/Briscoes match. To his credit, he called it right down the middle, because he's Bryce Freakin' Remsburg, the best referee in wrestling history.
The main event was the ONLY match for which the Code of Honor was followed.
Richards and Lethal, for all their pomp as indie standouts, wrestled very much a match that could have fit as a main event for a WWE PPV. This is not a bad thing, by the way.
Davey Richards sold. Short-term, long-term. He acted woozy. He acted like he was hurt. In this match, I saw why people consider him a great wrestler.
Strong interfered in the match at one point, and it actually fit.

Match of the Night: This one's kinda hard for me to decide, and yet it's not hard at all. Steen/King, Strong/Cole and yes, Richards/Lethal all were outstanding matches, but the one that maybe predictably took the cake for me was Mark and Jay Briscoe against Jigsaw and Hallowicked in a Proving Ground match. Maybe I'm biased, maybe I'm not, but holy crap, what a fun match. It started out with Mark getting double-teamed by Jig and 'Wicked, getting isolated in the corner with quick tags, arm wringers and flying strikes from the top. It was all basic tag stuff unless a basic knowledge of Chikara was had by the observer. If that were the case, one might know that Jig and Wicked are the most tecnico of all the tecnicos and to see them work rudo in a match was just a spectacle to behold.

This didn't last long, as the match moved on into almost uncomfortable squash-match levels of dominance by the Briscoes. The thing though was that even though I'm almost programmed to hate on uncompetitive high up on the card, I couldn't totally not be impressed here. The Briscoes just work as such a well-oiled machine. Obviously, being brothers and tagging together for the better part of a decade will do that for a team, but there's just a certain beauty in the carnage doled out by #DemBoys. It helped that both opponents, Jigsaw especially, bumped their asses off in an effort to make them look like world-beaters. The count out spot where Jig made it back in on 19, leading to the Chikara masks all pouring out, was the exclamation point on that second act.

The third act was something special though. I loved how the mere presence of Quack and his students was enough to uplift the challengers to a point where they were now matching the Briscoes blow for blow. There was an energy, one that would be explained after the match by UltraMantis Black as family. The ring surrounded by masks clearly rattled the Briscoes, and it was perfect storytelling for two rednecks from Slower Lower to be spooked by a colorful masquerade of wrestling's motley crew of bandits. Obviously, in order to make this story last past Philly, there had to be some shenanigans, and they were played off so well, starting with Jay acting on his almost xenophobic reaction to the flood around the ring by decking Dasher Hatfield with a clothesline. One thing led to another, and before anyone knew it, Bryce had to turn away from a Hallowicked whose mask was still mangled from Mark clawing and grabbing at it to count a 1-2-3 by Jigsaw to secure the victory. It was a spectacle. It was a hard-hitting match. It was a show, and when wrestling is at its best, it's going to be a show.

Overall Thoughts: All the things that had been missing from ROH, or at the very least had not been showing through on television, returned tonight with a wondrous fury that gave the first Philadelphia house show crowd in over two years for the company a memorable show, top to bottom. All seven matches delivered in their own way, both with the actual moves and the mechanics in the ring, but also with the story. Nearly everyone interacted with the crowd in some way, and to its credit, the crowd was pretty rocking, a stark difference from the absolutely dead TV taping crowds that they used to draw to the ECW Arena for HDNet. Guys wrestled with emotion. It wasn't just finisher-kick out-even more absurd finisher-kick out-death blow strike-pin. Guys were trading funky submissions, using the apron as a weapon, embracing the fact that just because ROH espouses pure wrestling doesn't mean it has to play out like a sterile contest.

The arena had something to do with it, but I really think it was the fact that they drew a good crowd, a crowd that missed them. Fuck, I missed them, I missed this kind of show, the kind I saw when I went to those first tapings I went to. Yes, gone were Danielson and McGuinness and Castagnoli, but finally, guys like Strong and Haas and Richards stepped up and provided some color that I didn't think they had. It was amazing. This was certainly as strong a show as anyone could open the year with. Bravo.

Full Results

The World's Greatest Tag Team defeated Future Shock via pinfall by Charlie Haas on Kyle O'Reilly.
Tomasso Ciampa pinned Grizzly Redwood in a four-way match that also included Mike Bennett and Andy Ridge.
Kevin Steen pinned Kenny King.
Michael Elgin pinned Chris Hero.
Roderick Strong pinned Adam Cole in a No Holds Barred match.
Jigsaw and Hallowicked defeated the Briscoe Brothers in a non-title Proving Ground match when Jigsaw pinned Jay Briscoe. Jig and 'Wicked have earned a ROH Tag Team Championship opportunity at 4/28 in Chicago Ridge.
Davey Richards retained the ROH World Heavyweight Championship via pinfall over Jay Lethal.

Friday Five: Ring of Honor

2012-01-20T08:25:00.000-05:00

To celebrate their return to Philly tonight.

1. What is your overall opinion of the new ROH TV show if you've seen it, and how does it compare to HDNet?

2. Buy or sell: ROH's first show, featuring Danielson/Daniels/Ki and Guerrero/Super Crazy, is the most important post-ECW indie wrestling event ever.

3. Samoa Joe, Nick Dinsmore, KENTA. Pick one to come into ROH for an extended main event run and why you chose him.

4. Do you want to see an extended partnership with Chikara past tonight's Briscoes proving ground match?

5. It's January 20, 2013. Who will be the ROH World Champion and who SHOULD be the ROH World Champion?

The Wrestling Podcast, Episode 37: Alyssa Kay

2012-01-19T22:00:00.001-05:00

Episode 37: Yoshi Tatsu Battles the Pink Robots

This episode features an in-depth look at AIW's Girls Night Out 5. The guest is Alyssa Kay who is in a competition to become an intern for the Cleveland independent wrestling outfit. We run down all the matches, including the main event of Mickie Knuckles against Sara del Rey. We also talk about Mia Yim being forced to motorboat Greg Excellent, the transformation of Roxie Cotton into the dastardly Gabby Gilbert, comparing Angel Dust to Wes Welker and how Veda Scott rocks the houndstooth with style. Check it and Girls' Night Out 5 if you're in the Cleveland area January 29th.

Direct link for your downloading pleasure.

Future Endeavors 1/19 Power Poll: Dead Legs and All Heart

2012-01-19T21:40:00.000-05:00

Two for flinching!
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Welcome to yet another edition of the Future Endeavors Power Poll, a poll ranking wrestlers on a weekly basis based on how awesomely they performed or were portrayed on a Tuesday-to-Monday cycle. It is voted by a who's-who of wrestling bloggers, including my blogging Bro-e Kardashian PizzaBodySlam. I will list the top ten, and then post and comment on my ballot. Here goes:

1. Chris Jericho (Last week: 1)
2. Daniel Bryan (3)
3. CM Punk (4)
4. Brodus Clay (2)
5. Epico & Primo (Not rated)
6. Jack Swagger (NR)
7. Kane (5)
8. John Cena (NR)
9. R-Truth (7)
10. Sheamus (NR)

And now, my ballot:

1. Johnny Gargano - It's no longer Chuck Norris Facts, it's Johnny Gargano Facts. Fact, Johnny Gargano can cut titanium with his urine.

2. CM Punk
3. Johnny Ace - Package deal here, because that segment at the end doesn't work without either one of them. I don't even want to call them this century's Austin and McMahon, because right now, they feel way more codependent. This is national Memphis, and Punk and Ace are Lawler and Dundee.

4. Chris Jericho - Best. Hot tag. Ever.

5. Daniel Bryan - Bryan is so awesome that he went back in time and gave George Lucas some script writing hints for Empire Strikes Back.

6. Ronin (Chuck Taylor and Rich Swann) - ChuckTaylorisinwaybettershapethaneveryoneelsebelowhimonmyballotyeah!

7. Epico and Primo - If a match happens at a house show, does it really happen? Yes, yes it does.

8. Brodus Clay - If Brodus could debut a new dance move and only place 8th, what does that say for the caliber of competition this week, huh? HUH?

9. Sami Callihan - He took a tack hammer to the back of the ECW shit show at the end of EVOLVE 10. Thank Christ.

10. AJ - She made Big Show sad. Luckily for her, making Big Show sad is a major positive.

Andre the Giant, Master Angler

2012-01-19T14:45:00.000-05:00

This footage is one-hundred percent real, by the way. I SWEAR TO GOD IT IS.

I know, I know, I've been heavy on the videos today, but what can I say? They're all good videos so far, dammit!

h/t Hugging Harold Reynolds' Tumblr

From the Archives: Tournament for Tomorrow Semifinal - Aaron Epic vs. Johnny Mangue

2012-01-19T13:15:00.000-05:00

We're into the semifinals of Beyond Wrestling's Tournament for Tomorrow, and this one features Johnny Mangue, who defeated Sugar Dunkerton, taking on Aaron Epic, who bested Drew Gulak. In Epic's first-round match, Gulak worked over his knee pretty well, and that long-term selling was at least teased in the pre-match intros (although it didn't really come into play during the match, sadly). Mangue advanced arguably with help from the Pit Boss, and hey, he made an appearance, although it would be after the match before he would come out. This one is the shortest match of the tournament so far, but it's a fun little jaunt. Enjoy.

TWIOT: The Closest We'll Ever Get to New Harry Potter on Film

2012-01-19T10:05:00.000-05:00

I got nothin' this morning. So, when that fails, videos! This one was from Saturday Night Live from this past week, hosted by Daniel Radcliffe. Here he reprises his role as Harry Potter in what was probably the favorite sketch I saw from the show. Sure makes up for the shitstorm that was Lana del Rey.

Shaq All But Booked for WM, and I'm Wistful for Mike Tyson

2012-01-18T21:30:00.000-05:00

Ah, what could've been
Photo Credit: Sports Encounter

Via Cageside Seats

The rumored Shaq/Big Show match for WrestleMania seems like it's going to happen (Big Show back injury suffered at Smackdown tapings notwithstanding). I'm a huge proponent of this, given how natural a fit Shaq felt back when he was hosting RAW and a match was first teased. Unlike some folks, I don't mind if celebs come in for extended stints, especially if they respect the business. If Shaq decided he wanted to go on one long run in WWE after enough training, I wouldn't mind it at all.

That got me thinking about the one celebrity that I thought was a great fit for the then-WWF when he had his cup of coffee there. Mike Tyson was in between stints as a boxer after ripping Evander Holyfield's ear clean off his skull via his teeth. I was always a bit biased, because Tyson, along with Mike Schmidt, was the first guy who was my favorite athlete. Still, there was always an unnatural charisma with the Baddest Man on the Planet. He always straddled the line between edgy and crazy, but he did so with a childlike innocence that made him more unique than most any wrestling character out there. The best analogue might have been Mankind, but at the same time, Foley's execution of his gimmick was more deranged, while Tyson's was more skittish.

After prison, it was clear Tyson had lost a step in the boxing ring. He never realized that for himself, so after his dalliance with the WWF, he tried pursuing his boxing career. That was his passion, but in terms of being a success, would he have been better off training for a year and going into pro wrestling full time? Most of wrestling is having a character, and Tyson spent years in the public eye being himself, and luckily for him, "himself" was a perfect pro wrestling character. Imagine him coming back around 1999, with the arrivals of guys like Chris Jericho, Eddie Guerrero, Kurt Angle and He Who Shall Not Be Named in addition to guys like The Rock, Austin, Triple H and Big Show all in their primes. Things might've been different, but they also might have been more interesting to say the least. Personally, Rocky/Tyson sounds like it would've been one of the most memorable programs of that era.

Ah, what could've been though. I'm not sure how feasible it could have been anyway, given that Tyson might have been more expensive than what the WWF would have wanted to spend at the time. It might not have been probable, but hey, it's fun to think in what-ifs. There's no doubt that Mike Tyson might have been a fun full-time employee for WWF, just like I feel like however unlikely Shaq could be a great full-timer for WWE today. Then again, one match is better than nothing, and if it makes me a bad person to be looking forward to Show/Shaq at WrestleMania? Then write me a ticket to hell, because I'm jazzed to see this.

"Philly Shits on Everything"

2012-01-18T12:45:00.000-05:00

Yes, Lenny, it was Philly's fault EVOLVE 10
got mixed reviews

As I noted in the links dump this week, I got into a bit of a tussle with DGUSA ring announcer/play by play commentator Lenny Leonard on Twitter over the reaction to EVOLVE 10. Full disclosure, I think Leonard is a good announcer who brings a lot to the table. That being said, it doesn't mean he always says the right things. In this Twitter conversation I had with him, he went on to blame indie wrestling fans for not monetarily supporting EVOLVE in the past and the Philly crowd for "shitting" on everything. Okay Hulkster. Anyway, I gave him a lot of replies on Twitter, but I felt like the 140 character format held back what I really wanted to express and could express in one cogent blog posting. Yes, I am FJMing Twitter replies. If that makes me a loser, so be it, but I'm a loser with something to say, dammit!

-- @BookItGabe [note: Gabe Sapolsky] I think you should have closed out the ECW Arena in Pine Bluff Arkansas if you wanted to be true to the comnpany legacy

The tweet that started it all. I grant you it was tongue-in-cheek, and I did take it as red meat looking for an argument, but at the same time, I was pretty incensed at what I had witnessed Saturday night. The problem here is the mindset that the legacy being celebrated here was solely that of ECW's. It wasn't. The Arena, though still bearing the colloquial name of ECW, had stopped being proprietary emotional equity of that promotion when it had closed down. As much as some of the more thick-headed ECW fanboys and national fans who don't "get" the indie scene want to believe otherwise, the building had become property of the pastiche of independent promotions that included the main company that both Leonard and Sapolsky are a part of, Dragon Gate USA.

-- Agreed.. then wouldnt that fact make what @bookitgabe ran on Saturday actually fitting?? Dont understand the uproar honestly

-- i dont see how 1 20 minute segment dominated by a young star to close a show featuring nothing but young stars is an ecw rehash

In light of the building becoming more of a roost for ROH, Chikara etc., what makes Sabu vs. Justin Credible and then Sami Callihan being used as a pawn in yet ANOTHER young guns vs. ECW originals feud fitting to close the building? It's not even like this is new ground. WWE and TNA, the two biggest companies in America, have traveled down this road before. Aren't the indies supposed to be innovative? Isn't EVOLVE supposed to be innovative? Then why is retreading something that this company professes to be an alternative to mainstream wrestling fitting?

-- perhaps those people would have seen something they liked that clicked with them the way ecw did and became fans of the product?

A noble idea, admittedly, but it's increasingly a fool's gambit. Marketing something to older fans as "An ECW Reunion! Last show ever!" is red meat for fans who left when ECW died and only came back for the One Night Stand-style shows. The writing was on the wall that the kind of wrestling purveyed by EVOLVE in its first nine shows was on its way to prominence back in 2000, when the Internet made trading puroresu tapes that much easier. Some fans stayed aboard, and they became the basis of what now constitutes DGUSA/EVOLVE's main fanbase. Others outgrew wrestling because they weren't into that style. What would make anyone think that the slow creep of time would make anyone's mind change? It's possible, but especially with wrestling fans, it's not probable. If anything, that kind of promotion sets up a legion of one-time buyers who will disperse after it's abundantly clear that there was a reason why Sabu and New Jack don't kill each other with weapons every night anymore.

-- the other 9 shows that Evolve has run were marketed to fans like you, and honestly. not financially successful for the most part

One of those shows wasn't financially successful because of a driving rainstorm that kept fans away. That was a fluke. The main reason why EVOLVE wasn't "financially successful" is that rarely any independent wrestling promotion or even business altogether is super profitable from jump. DGUSA is an aberration because it already came with an established brand name associated with it. EVOLVE though? Yeah, that was going to take time to develop. Two years is not unheard of for a company to have sluggish returns. Companies like Chikara, PWG, JAPW and probably even ROH probably didn't post successes right away, but they grew over time into something that was great. They did so by finding an identity and using it to collect fans.

Another problem EVOLVE has is that its identity might not be as clear cut as their mission statement might be. The emphasis on wins and losses is nebulous, and without that clear narrative pushing things forward, what does it have over ROH other than the fact that it's not ROH? For as much flak as ROH is taking critically, they're still recognized as the market leader in independent wrestling. One doesn't overtake the market leader by offering an exceedingly similar product to it, or worse, by muddling their identity so that it's too vague.

-- titles were defended in middle of the show for YEARS in wrestling.. did it mean Hogan wasn't the focal point of the show?

That clearly wasn't my problem with the marketing of Gargano/Ricochet. It might sound redundant, but the reason why I thought that match didn't have the proper focus on it was because it was marketed to people who were predisposed to crap on it. One of my favorite matches of 2011 was a WWE Championship match that jerked the curtain on RAW.

Me: -- In the interim, the top title and two awesome young guys were put down at the expense of nostalgia...

-- how were they put down? They were given the main event spot and 10 minutes more than the next longest match on the show.

Again, "...the reason why I thought that match didn't have the proper focus on it was because it was marketed to people who were predisposed to crap on it." It felt like he was poised to ignore that point through the entire exchange, but then...

-- we could have held that show in any building in Philly and the same reaction would occur.. Philly crowds shit on everything

And there we have it, the piece de resistance. The fans didn't like something, so it's obviously the fan's fault they didn't see the vision! More specifically, he plays into the utterly useless trope that Philly fans somehow are more mutant than other fans around the country. Let's patently ignore the fact that some of the best crowds for DGUSA shows have come in Philly. Let's forget the adulation that DGUSA fans in Philly poured on the company's first ever show, especially that match between the Young Bucks and CIMA/Susumu Yokosuka. Let's patently ignore that EVOLVE ran a bus trip bringing in SEVERAL fans from New York City for this show. Let's forget the fact that Leonard fully admits that other EVOLVE shows marketed to fans like me, fans who have cheered for matches such as Gargano/Ricochet in the past, have been financial misses for them, and this show had a great box office thanks to fans who by and large left their wrestling fandom behind BECAUSE of matches like Gargano/Ricochet. Nope, it's our fault that we shit on everything. Philly is the worst town ever, amirite guise? GUISE?

If that's the case, then why run a fucking show here? Why not let CZW close the building down? OR better yet, why not offer the spot to a company like Chikara who seemingly has no problem running their biggest shows (King of Trios, Chikarasaurus Rex, High Noon) in front of those awful, terrible, difficult to please Philly fans?

Honestly, the fallout to this event only proves that a "different" wrestling booker is so hard to find anymore. As much as people subscribe NOT to be like Eric Bischoff, the constant retweeting of differing extreme reactions by Sapolsky only reinforces the half-true mantra that the former WCW and current TNA producer titled his book, Controversy Creates Cash. Then, there's Leonard, who reflexively defends the decisions to the point of blaming the consumers for not "getting it", only reinforcing the idea that wrestling promoters, like Bischoff or Vince McMahon, feel like their fans are idiots who either should like the pap they get or are just serial complainers if they don't.

I may have fed the trolls here, or more accurately, I fully admit that I started things off as a troll, but at the same time, I expect this kind of bullshit from TNA or WWE officials. Okay, maybe not WWE officials, because they don't take to Twitter to engage angry fans. That being said, I thought indie companies were better than this. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I was wrong about it.

The funniest thing about all this? I wrote a blog praising Gabe a couple of months back about fan interaction. Man, don't I fucking feel stupid now.

Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein - Please visit his site to view the plentiful amounts of pictures he's taken for DGUSA, ROH and other indie feds: Get Lost Photography

Your Midweek Links: Stop SOPA

2012-01-18T10:30:00.000-05:00

It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the week.

SOPA:

More important than shilling my own work this week is making your voice heard against SOPA, which is a bill that would introduce governmental censorship to the Internet. It is a direct violation of the First Amendment of the Bill of Rights, because you know, Congress thinks it's so above the law it's not even funny. Do your part.

- Google has a petition you can sign electronically.

- Wikipedia has gone dark today, but they're providing contact information for all your local Congressmen so you can voice your displeasure.

Self-Shilling:

- Burnsy was on the latest edition of The Wrestling Podcast. We talk about wrestling nostalgia, what has made him come back and leave wrestling over the years, his story about writing ideas into WCW, Albert Pujols, terrible movies and bonding over Coming to America [Episode 36: A Crow Sting Left of the Murder]

- I went to the final ECW Arena wrestling show ever, and thought it was good until the mutants took over and started crapping all over Johnny Gargano and Ricochet [Can We Pretend the Last 30 Minutes Didn't Happen?: EVOLVE 10 Review] BONUS: Apparently, one Lenny Leonard didn't appreciate my criticism and blamed everything on the Philly crowd shitting on everything. I don't stand for it when Eric Bischoff or Hulk Hogan blame their shitty product on the fans not liking it, so I'm damn sure not going to take it from someone in the indies taking that terrible attitude. Tweet him and let him know that maybe poor reactions should be blamed on the people in charge, not on critics. [@DragonGateLenny]

- My Fair to Flair piece for this week, on why wrestlers need to show a little ass every once in awhile, including Zack Ryder on RAW this past week. [Weakness and Necessity]

- My latest for Cageside Seats, which is now hilarious in the face of how EVOLVE 10 actually turned out [The Indie Corner: EVOLVing to an End]

- My latest for the food blog, all about fresh fruit [Fresh Fruit]

Wrestling Links:

- A look at Resistance Pro Wrestling [The Classical]

- Speaking of Resistance Pro, Greg Davis took some pictures from their first show on Black Friday [Dirty Dirty Sheets]

- A paean to one Brodus Clay [Penguin Orchestra]

- John Cena Reilly [Hitting the Mark]

- The Best PPV Matches of 2011 DVD Review [Camel Clutch Blog]

- ECW needs to be able to die [Kick Out at 2!]

- Daniel Bryan vector art! [International Object]

- Jason Mann and KSP talk about Starrcade '97, one of the best built and most disappointing wrestling main events ever [Wrestlespective Radio]

- My blogging Abrobro PizzaBodySlam makes his triumphant return with his new feature, Thursday RAW Thursday [Fair to Flair]

- The Best and Worst of RAW [With Leather]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- Worst. Tattoo. Artist. EVER. [Buzz Feed]

- Modern classics getting a vintage poster/cast makeover [UPROXX]

- Things that food commercials would have you believe are true that totally aren't. Spot fucking on on the Miller Lite ad BS [Cracked]

- The dirty D words, and I'm not talking about dick, dildo or dingleberry either. [Cogyddes]

- Want to end the foolishness surrounding Baseball Hall of Fame balloting? End secret ballots. [Baseball Nation]

- Jonah Keri breaks down why the Cincinnati Reds may be the favorites to win their second National League Central Division crown in the last three years [Grantland]

- Video games that spawned ultra-unhealthy food. [Topless Robot]

- More from TR, it's the Super Mario Bros. Crossover 2 trailer! [Topless Robot]

- Josh Zerkle makes some pretty salient points about the way fandom dominates every day life. [The Go Route]

- Most people think Juan Castillo should be a scapegoat for the Eagles season. Kulp thinks he might have been the best coach on the staff. [The 700 Level]

- It's a Tebowing pretzel! [Off the Bench]

- What if the USFL had never folded? [NFL.com]

- Does normal really even exist? [Imgur Gallery]

- 8 locations where you can have a quickie, including one immortalized in song [Ask Men]

The Best Moves Ever: Stone Cold Stunner

2012-01-18T08:20:00.000-05:00

If there's any wrestling fan out there who doesn't know what a Stone Cold Stunner is and is reading this blog, I might suggest they ask their parents for a history lesson on one of the best wrestlers ever. For everyone else, BAH GAWD BAH GAWD BAH GAWD, here's Steve Austin doling out Stunners to the ENTIRE McMahon family, including a perfect example on how not to take one from Linda. Enjoy!

Zack Ryder's Gonna Be Just Fine, Folks

2012-01-17T20:15:00.000-05:00

They cared enough to tape his ribs, that counts for more than losing.
Photo Credit: WWE.com

The reaction on Twitter to Zack Ryder losing the United States Championship last night would have made it sound like the guy was given the Shelton-Benjamin-as-Yoshi-Tatsu's-first-opponent treatment and then given no attention before or after the decision. (Aside, remember when Yoshi Tatsu was a thing instead of just some dude with awesome face paint wasted on dark matches? I miss those days.) Let's forget the fact that he got a chance to cut a valiant babyface promo beforehand, had a built-in excuse as to why he lost, fought tooth and nail despite his obvious injury, was the victim of his boss withholding information AND had one of the three biggest stars in the company go to bat for him afterwards. Nope, he was buried. BURIED I SAY.

Many fans on the Internet have this tendency to overreact to things that happen even if there's evidence that WWE has faith in a guy. While that faith is bungled or acted upon at a glacial pace most of the time (if not all the time, I'm not a WWE apologist and as I've noted before, their booking can suuuuuuck), they do move on guys. Look at Daniel Bryan or even Miz. They suffered hard times, and now they're in WWE's long term plans, or at least they seem like it.

The truth is, Ryder got attention last night. Was it all positive? No, Ryder went through hardships, but if no one went through hardships, then would the stories be worth telling? I covered this on Fair to Flair today, but it's worth reiterating. To experience daylight, guys have to go through darkness. For how "buried" he was, he sure seemed like a vital cog in one of the top two stories on RAW. While the United States Championship probably shouldn't have been a prop in the whole ordeal (and that's a separate issue altogether), there's no question that Ryder, the character, is important here.

So again, I call for a moratorium on using the word buried to use when talking about every day speed bumps. The follow-up is going to be important here, but I feel like Ryder is going to be fine.

Why Yes That Was Mr. Belding at RAW Last Night

2012-01-17T11:25:00.000-05:00

Screen Grab Credit: Whitney Jefferson/Buzz Feed

Dennis Haskins, aka Mr. Belding from Saved by the Bell was at RAW last night, sitting behind Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler. He was visible on every cutaway to the broadcast desk, and in his best appearance? Yeah, he totally got dissed by Chris Jericho as he reached for a hand slap. Awesome.

Haskins has made no secret that he wants to be the next RAW general manager. While the idea it kitschy enough to be cool for a hot second, it feels like something that might get old quick. That being said, hey, it's still hilarious that Mr. Freaking Belding video-bombed the shit out of the RAW telecast last night. I'm also absolutely shocked that there was no mention of him whatsoever. WWE will bring on a polarizing celebrity trash blogger to guest on the show, but they won't recognize Mr. Belding? Baffling.

Evan Bourne Gets Popped for Wellness for Second Time in Three Months

2012-01-17T10:45:00.000-05:00

What a maroon
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Via WWE Corporate

Evan Bourne has been suspended for 60 days due to his second violation of WWE's Wellness Policy. That would explain him and Kofi Kingston losing the Tag Titles over the weekend as well as their rematch loss last night. Bourne's suspension proves either that the synthetic marijuana known as Spice (which is way, way, WAY worse than the real thing) takes a lot longer to leave the system than other drugs or he's really, really, really fucking stupid.

Either way, it sucks that I can't see one of my favorite wrestlers on TV, but it sucks even more that he'd rather do drugs than be a wrestler. I expect that out of one of the miscreants from North Carolina, but Bourne? Seriously. Brandon Stroud has a good idea in maybe WWE replacing him with guys who won't do drugs, like, I dunno, ACH? Novel concept.

Johnny Gargano Wrestled on Dead Legs Saturday

2012-01-17T08:25:00.000-05:00

Pictured: A man whose giant balls make every pair of pants he wears tight as shit

The big question after EVOLVE 10's nominal main event was whether Johnny Gargano had suffered a legitimate injury. At first, I thought he was just selling, but some people suspected he might have been hurt. After the event, Gabe Sapolsky confirmed via Twitter that Gargano had gone to the hospital, and other people had started hearing rumblings that the Whole Shebang had suffered a major injury. Rather than letting the rumors fester, Gargano came out and addressed them head on his Facebook page, clipped for her pleasure:

On January 1st I wrestled a show in WV.. I sorta tweaked my back/pelvis in that match.. It hurt.. but I figured it'd be alright. It nagged at me for a bit, but I figured it was something I could work through. No big deal.
On Saturday.. I don't know.. something just felt weird. My whole body was cramping up. I drank a ton of water, and thought I was just dehydrated. My lower back/abdomen started to swell. Every time I'd stretch or bend forward, a sharp twinge would go down both my legs...

...I don't remember much of the match, honestly. I remember that within the first 2 minutes, my legs stopped working. I couldn't feel them. Just walking became a chore. I couldn't raise my legs, or even bend down. The pain was indescribable.. but I knew I couldn't stop. We went 25 more minutes.. and I took A LOT of stupid bumps. Was that a dumb decision? Maybe.. but it's not in my DNA to just give up. The match had a lot of hype, and being put in that spot meant the world to me. My mind was willing, but my body just wasn't capable, sadly.

As soon as the match ended, and the bit of adrenaline I had wore off.. All of my strength was gone. No more walking, no more moving.. just pain. They told me to stay in the ring and wait for medical attention and I remember saying "No! Get me out, there's one more segment. The shows not over, get me out so they can do it". They carried me to the back, and as soon as I went through the curtain, I collapsed...

...The ambulance came and took me to the hospital (first time I'd ever been in an ambulance, by the way). They put an IV in me (another first).. and filled me up with pain meds, etc. This is where I start to get groggy. Gabe stopped by, but I was already unconscious. They gave me a CAT scan which turned out okay. I randomly started throwing up...

... I can't tell you how much pain I was actually in during that flight. They then met me with another wheelchair, and wheeled me out front where my Dad picked me up and took me home. Where I've been in my bed for 2 days.. and looks to be the case for a while longer. I'm going to make an appointment with a specialist to try to get this sorted out, and see what it is. I'm still in a ton of pain, and walking is still very difficult.

Again, that's just a clipped version of the message. Click the link to read the whole thing, which includes some thank yous to fans for sending him warm wishes and get well vibes. He also apologizes for his performance, but really what the shit does he have to apologize to us for? He went out and performed despite having two dead legs.

If anything, he should have invited all the mutants who were booing EVERYTHING he and Ricochet were doing to suck his balls. The whole trope of being tough and being a warrior might be a bit overstated, and as a human being, I might have been happier had Gargano not gutted it out and thought about his own health. That being said, he went out there to give the people their money's worth despite his own personal setbacks. Isn't that what these fucking mutants cheered the ECW guys for pretending to do? Seriously, what Gargano did Saturday was way more extreme than one old man jabbing a screwdriver into the head of another old man. Seriously, the more I read about what EVOLVE 10 and the fallout, the more I get pissed, whether it's Gabe retweeting every mixed reaction to prove a point he stole from Eric Bischoff or whether it's more people reacting to the mutants shitting on everything. Seriously, and I blame myself on this too, where were we on Saturday? Why didn't we rise up and overtake these motherfuckers who made it their lot that evening to confirm that they didn't care about wrestling, but only cared about nostalgia? Ugh.

Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein - Please visit his site to view the plentiful amounts of pictures he's taken for DGUSA, ROH and other indie feds: Get Lost Photography

Instant Feedback: Pipe Bomb 2K12 and the Return Volley

2012-01-16T23:45:00.000-05:00

Wow, what a RAW tonight. They really hit everything out of the park. Everything, save the Divas match with Perez Hilton (ugh), had a point. Everyone, including Eve Torres, played their roles well. There were great stories advanced, spotlight individual performances, on-point wrestling, EPIC trolling... and it was bookended by two strong segments anchored by, who else, Mick Foley. Mick Foley, in 2012? Yeah, Mick Foley. But he wasn't the biggest star of the night by far, just an anchor to tie everything to, to make it work. Then again, that's always been Foley's lot in life, and that's why I feel like he's one of the most underrated guys ever. Glad to see the Micker tonight.

The real stars of the show, above everyone else, as always were CM Punk and Johnny Ace. That segment to close the show was AMAZING. Punk brought the pipe bomb for the first time in a long time, and he had the crowd eating out of the palm of his hand. For once, the beratement felt deserved, mainly because Laurinaitis did something to deserve it earlier in the night in screwing Zack Ryder out of his United States Championship. Then, in typical middle management style, Mr. Excitement lashed out with an epic, emotional, almost heartfelt promo of his own AFTER Punk had left the ring and took out his aggression on a proxy in Foley. It was perfect, just absolutely perfect.

And the rest of the players? It was a fucking ensemble performance tonight. Ziggler started the show with a classic villain promo. He was truthful, yet came across in a way that made him seem entitled and sniveling. I haven't seen any of Curt Hennig in AWA, but if we're judging solely on WWF/E runs, then Ziggler is surpassing him. Just amazing stuff. Vickie's cackle at Foley after Laurinaitis told him he couldn't be in the Rumble was awesome. It's great to give us a reason to hate her other than her nonexistent "fat" (by the way, between Vickie and Rosa Mendes, holy shit, yes yes yes it was great to be a heterosexual male or homosexual female or just someone who appreciates a fine bosom tonight).

Zack Ryder came out with his breakthrough performance as someone to take seriously. He stumbled a bit with his promo, but it's the first time he's been called upon to show gravitas, and I think he did a good job. He did a better job in his match with Jack Swagger, and the whole story was just well-told, especially leading into John Cena flipping the fuck out over Ryder getting screwed out of his title. Some think the beatdown of Swagger "buried" him. I think it was a great vessel for storytelling, as long as Swagger gets to bounce back next week (he has to, I'm just tired of seeing the belts look like props, even if I keep saying it over and over and over and over and over). They seem to have fallen ass-backwards into a good story. The first act of this Kane/Cena feud has sucked, but everything after, yes, even the horror movie stuff last week, has been really well-done. They did more to establish the fact that Kane is fucking with Cena's head with that beatdown than any ham-fisted speech from Cena ever could. Michael Cole for once got the story over instead of NEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDing it all up with his shitty partisan antics. Seriously, bravo, even if it's been a complete accident.

All the other stuff just clicked too. Wade Barrett and R-Truth had a really fun back and forth before they got entangled in a cool little mini battle royale. Brodus Clay kept looking like he was having fun. Jericho standing in Laurinaitis' office in the dark with his jacket was amusing, but his out and out trolling during the six-man tag (which was a fucking incredible match, even with all the circumstances going on) was the biggest stroke of genius so far since his return. Before the match, Daniel Bryan kept showing his insincere genius by giving the most ironically unearnest explanation of what happened on Friday ever. The cherry on top was him explaining how he appreciated that AJ loved him. Holy shit, between him and Jericho, the troll quotient in WWE right now is at an all-time high, and I fucking love it.

Seriously, wow. I know they can't all be like this, but hey, when RAW is focused on driving home the stories, it's a spectacle to behold. I think we're officially in WrestleMania season, and tonight is one of those episodes that is going to make the ride to Sun Life Stadium that much funner.

An Inappropriate Finale: Or, Why the ECW Arena Didn't Belong to ECW Anymore

2012-01-16T13:30:00.000-05:00

Who should've closed The Arena? NOT THIS GUY.

After the main EVOLVE card was over Saturday night, when Joey Styles, Bob Artiste, JT Smith and Gary Wolfe all congregated in the ring, sharing memories and thanking the crowd, DJ Hyde came out with a contingent of his Combat Zone Wrestling employees and claimed that The Arena didn't belong to those ECW holdovers anymore, that it had belonged to his group and his promotion, because he had run for a longer time and had more shows there than ECW did. While that's nominally true, it's a bit wrongheaded. CZW hadn't claimed the building because it ran more shows. It didn't solely belong to CZW either, although the ultraviolent promotion does have a strong tie to the famed arena. The thing is, the building didn't belong to ECW anymore either. Over the last ten-plus years, a tapestry of independent promotions, including but not necessarily limited to Ring of Honor, Chikara, CZW, Dragon Gate USA and Jersey All-Pro Wrestling, have claimed the building and molded it into a home for independent wrestling not only in the important city of Philadelphia but arguably on the East Coast (and if it's not the sole building for wrestling here, it at the very least shares that title with the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York).

That's why it was so disappointing that Gabe Sapolsky chose to market the event more to the old "mutants" of the ECW Arena rather than the indie fans who had come to events at the old building for the last 12 years since ECW as we knew it ceased to exist. The building didn't belong to those fans anymore, the ones who came and cheered for what was then the most cutting-edge mainstream wrestling promotion in history. Much like the bleachers were torn down and replaced with folding chairs on a flat floor, the makeup of the average fan who came to watch wrestling there had changed. Whether it was some of those fans evolving, or whether it was a new breed of fan coming in to see something different, they were the fans who deserved to set the tone for the evening, not the ones who abandoned ship when Paul Heyman finally ran out of money and sold off to WWE.

Yet, it was the old-school fans, many of whom probably had not attended an Arena show since either the last ECW show or the One Night Stand WWE ran from the building years later, who took over the tenor of the crowd and ruined what should have been a memorable close to the main EVOLVE card. While I'd agree that the Johnny Gargano/Ricochet match may have gone on a bit too long, it certainly didn't warrant the "Take it home!" chants it was getting. In fact, no match really does. That's a fucking ignorant thing to chant. So is "THIS MATCH DOESN'T DESERVE TO CLOSE THE ECW ARENA," which was something a real person said sitting about 8 seats to my left. The guy, who was a habitual chanter all during the match, had a straggling blonde goatee and wore a hockey jersey from the original WWE One Night Stand. He was part of this vocal minority that overran the main event and really made it so bad that even Rich Swann, who was at ringside seconding his stablemate Gargano, turned into the crowd and gave a disapproving stare.

When it was happening, I was pissed off at the fans who seemingly paid a ticket to see an event headlined by Gargano and Ricochet just to boo them because they weren't New Jack and Sandman. Why pay the ticket at all then? Why waste the money to shit on art? Why ignore the surroundings of Gargano being helped out of the ringside area with a legit-looking injury (although legit-looking is still cause enough to be noted as a work in this industry, but whatever) just to loudly pan the match as "mediocre at best"? Then the post-match stuff happened and I realized these fans weren't to blame. They were promised an ECW reunion, and that's what they came to see. That's what was marketed to them. As I watched Sabu tear Justin Credible's head wide open with a screwdriver, only to have the ref take the screwdriver from him to a chant of "AAAAAASSSHOOOOOOOOOLE! AAAAAAAASSSSHOOOOOOLE!", the problem wasn't with the crowd. It wasn't even with me and the other people who came there to see guys like Gargano, Ricochet, Swann, Chuck Taylor, AR Fox, Jigsaw and the rest. It was with Sapolsky.

For a guy who runs a promotion called EVOLVE, he certainly had his head stuck so far in the past he could have risked tearing the space-time continuum asunder by greeting his younger self with the way this event was sold to the public. A man who aspires to want to move wrestling forward should not have put on the event he put on Saturday night, especially with the way it ended. It's okay to pay tribute to the past, but hasn't the ECW roster gotten enough farewells, sendoffs and requiems by everyone in the wrestling industry? WWE had two One Night Stands. TNA did Hardcore Justice. There have been a million "hardcore reunion" events with one more in the pipes if Shane Douglas is to be believed. When do we stop eulogizing and honoring ECW and start to pay tribute to the other wrestling that made that building great?

It would have been one thing if Styles, New Jack, Sabu and the rest of the crew had come back to give short thoughts and to pay homage to the building where they made their bones, but to act like ECW was the only thing that mattered there spits in the faces of some important wrestlers. Several major players in all the major companies around the world like CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Christopher Daniels, Low Ki, Davey Richards and Colt Cabana among others have as much a claim to the Arena as New Jack and Sabu if not moreso since their stars are shining now. No matter what promotion was eternally affixed to the building, it didn't just belong to that company.

What should have been a sendoff to a building was hijacked into yet another chance for delusional fanboys to celebrate an era that has long since passed. Meanwhile, the guy who orchestrated it ended up abetting in the shitting on of two of his top young stars and the top belt in his promotion, all so he could make a quick buck off a bunch of people who will never step foot into one of his events again. It was the wrong message to send, the wrong thing to promote at the end of a show and certainly the wrong way to end an era that belonged to more than just ECW.

Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein - Please visit his site to view the plentiful amounts of pictures he's taken for DGUSA, ROH and other indie feds: Get Lost Photography

New WWE Tag Team Champions Crowned at a House Show

2012-01-16T09:55:00.000-05:00

Your new Tag Champs, with their well-endowed valet
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Fans at the Oakland, CA WWE house show last night were treated to a title change, as Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne dropped the WWE Tag Team Championships to Epico and Primo. The two teams have had a few matches against each other on TV lately, although it was hardly pressed as a major thing. With that in mind, I thought it was really cool they did the switch at a house show. It would've been lost in the shuffle on TV, because again, was it really that major a thing that anyone outside of Superstars devotees would really know a lot about it? At a house show though, it's a cool bonus for the crowd, and there's something about the mystery, the breaking news aspect of it that can create a buzz when it's announced on TV.

The house show title switch is something they used to do every once in awhile back in the day, with the most famous example being at the Madison Square Garden show right after Survivor Series 1994, when Diesel defeated Bob Backlund in 8 seconds to win the WWF Championship. Since that time, the house show has grown increasingly irrelevant, since ad revenue from TV ratings has taken over live gates as the main source of income for WWE. A lot of people, myself included, feel that the concept is a bit outmoded and should be toned down if not scrapped altogether. Then again, there is something to be said for a company going to every town it possibly can go to and getting its employees valuable experience working in front of a crowd. Almost like a live practice.

Anyway, if the house show is to exist, then there should be some incentive for me to go if it's not going to be on TV. Having title changes happen is a great way to do that. It's all part of making the WWE experience more than just what happens on Monday night and one Sunday a month.