Thursday, October 9, 2014

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 95

Who is this guy in the middle next to Jesse Godderz?
Photo via Godderz' Twitter
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday morning (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers!

Man, that guy doesn't look familiar to me at all. He's certainly not among the new school of "celebrity fans," which by the way is the worst trend in wrestling. Superfans in other sports are amusing at the very best, and even guys like Fireman Ed or Darth Raider lose their charm pretty quickly. Meanwhile, Green Lantern Fan doesn't even have a power ring or dress up. Whatever though. Anyway, traveling fans are not uncommon in other arts, mostly in music. Deadheads followed the Grateful Dead around, so it wouldn't be too farfetched to believe this guy just went to pay-per-views all around the country, especially when the two big companies were running quarterly. Maybe he was just some guy who loved wrestling enough that he went to all the shows he could. Or maybe he was a TIME LORD. Either way, I think him showing up on camera a lot is one of those cool little coincidences.

  1. Daniel Bryan - It would be a blithe way to retrofit a history of wrestling even when he obviously wasn't the guy underneath the bunny hood.
  2. Darren Young - Adam Rose's torment of Slater Gator would make a heck of a lot more sense, and if you remember, he was the South Beach Party Boy when he first came up in NXT. Continuity on both ends!
  3. Tyler Breeze - The Bunny might doom him to Adam Rose purgatory from jump, but if the reveal came at the Rumble in an opportune moment, he'd have instant cred.
  4. Dean Ambrose - Parading around as the Bunny might be too predictable by his own batshit standards, but what a way for him to win his first Rumble. WWE is all about moments.
  5. Christian - What a way to get One More Match, huh?
The biggest reason probably is the Usos using it as a transitional move. Granted, transitional moves can be redundant in WWE, but the move fits the Usos, especially as WWE's ersatz, ethnic version of the Young Bucks. Ziggler trying to use it not only would invite comparisons to Shawn Michaels, but it would put him under a microscope compared to the current tecnico tag team in the company.


*ducks a billion tomatoes from @Enrico_Palazzo_*

A little bit from column A and a little bit from column B. RAW is so full of lackluster performances, especially on promos, that any standout performance, whether by McMahon or Dean Ambrose or Bray Wyatt, automatically is bolstered a hundredfold. I don't know how WWE got to this point. The company does have charismatic people, but their roles are either misfit or they have stage fright or they don't take to scripting as well as they need to. But to say McMahon has only been memorable because everyone else sucks is a disservice to the work she's put in at being the passive-aggressive mom-type. When she's on, she's electric. But that being said, when she comes out and plays the straight-man executive or the amphoteric, somewhat babyface type character, she fails. She needs to be evil all the time.

Choosing the Great Sasuke would be cheating, right? My choice would then have to be Dean Ambrose, as it is for most things, and the song would have to be Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up." Why? Because I need to see the Tittymaster Rick-Roll a bar full of patrons expecting something completely different.

Another case of both statements being valid. Some folks are going to complain about everything because that's their nature, and of course, that's okay. I feel like worrying about whether someone else enjoys something is detrimental to your health, especially when the disagreement causes such visceral emotional pain. You're not part of WWE's quality control, so why should it matter if everyone likes something the company's doing?

But yeah, the rumored plans for John Cena and Dean Ambrose, having their "qualifier" match to face Seth Rollins inside the cell be a Contract on a Pole match, sound terrible on paper. I can dig having Ambrose and Cena having the qualifier match, but the pole nature just feels chinsey and another way to have Cena lose without losing because if he doesn't win, the kids won't root for him anymore OH TEH NOEZ. Besides, Rollins/Ambrose seems more like a Survivor Series match that leads into a Mania rematch. I don't know why WWE couldn't have just put Rollins in the cell against Cena and gave Ambrose either Randy Orton or Ka... well, maybe not Kane.

But Ambrose especially seems to know how to turn shit on paper into gold in the ring, so I'm not going to be too down on that match going into it. WWE's pay-per-view product, even when it's been down like it was for Night of Champions and Battleground, has always delivered in 2014, and who knows, maybe Ambrose and the best big match performer of the last ten years will make something memorable out of Russo's booking scribble-scrabble.

This question makes me feel old, because so many in-prime wrestlers right now are younger than I am or at least are at a similar age. Damn you, Rich! Anyway, I guess I'll give my top ten wrestlers born on December 15, 1981 or earlier:
  1. Kevin Steen
  2. Both Young Bucks
  3. Dean Ambrose
  4. AJ Lee
  5. Athena
  6. Sami Zayn
  7. ACH
  8. Kimber Lee
  9. Mickie Knuckles
  10. Kyle Matthews
On one hand, WWE actually giving a spit about breast cancer is noble and good, but everything else seems to be super wrong with it. Firstly, WWE is still pretty much in the dark ages when it comes to treatment of women. Sure, the climate is getting slightly better on-camera, but I'm not sure how toxic it is for women backstage. And that slightly-better treatment in the narrative still is filled with faux-lesbian stories built for titillation, announcers talking over women's matches for their own jollies, and questionable hiring practices. But the worst part is WWE's partner in the whole thing. Susan G. Komen Foundation is barely a charity. Their right wing politics actively harm women's health in other areas, while their high overhead and draconian donation standards almost guarantee that barely any of the proceeds will actually go towards researching a cure. So yeah, while on the surface, it seems like a noble gesture, the whole thing is fucked to the core.

To be honest, I don't mind the Hideo Itami name, and I actively like Sami Zayn, Finn Balor, Solomon Crowe, Sasha Banks, and Daniel Bryan. The pre-developmental era of NXT conditioned fans to actively laugh at the naming process (Lucky Cannon? Eli Cottonwood? MICHAEL MCGILLICUTTY???), but I think WWE has started to right the ship, especially when it's come to known indie/international stars coming in and getting rechristened. Sure, everyone would have loved familiarity, and Steen already comes with a handy "KILL STEEN KILL" or at the very least "FIGHT STEEN FIGHT" chant associated with his name. But I reserve all ire with his potential name until he's actually saddled with a clunker.

@thegnc, whose tweets are protected, asks:
Damien Mizdow; About to be deep sixed because people are enjoying it or is an NXT star about to be his stunt double?
I really hope it's the latter, because I have been dying for Sandow to do something relevant since he lost his cash-in attempt at John Cena late last year. Don't get me wrong, his turn as a cosplayer-slash-imitation artist that led to him becoming Miz's stunt double has been entertaining, but I'm ready for him to evolve and take his mantel as potential WrestleMania main eventer. I would love to see him in a meaningful feud that would take him back onto the fast-track to big stories, pay-per-view matches, and even more mic time.

Sorry, they're all sour.

Sounds like she's in the same boat as Ricky Steamboat, whose shoot name was Richard Blood, which could have been a TREMENDOUS ring name on its own. She could go by the name of Sammi Hurt, but would she really want people knowing her real name (maiden or not) and being able to use that info to harass her? The world is an even scarier place now with the ready access to information. I would suggest tapping into a popular culture vein and working that name into a finisher. Say hello to Sammi Locker, and her devastating finisher, the Hurt Locker. BOOM.

I'm not sure if he loves the babies or not, but he is quite protective. When Amanda was pregnant with both of my kids, he would be extra guard dog-like and would always sleep at her feet at the bottom of our bed. He whined whenever someone other than Amanda or me went near TJ when he was an infant, and so far, it's the same thing with Josie. He's also very curious and likes to sniff and lick babies just to get a feel for them, but he knows how small and in need of protection they are. The best sign, however, is that as TJ got older and started to play rough with Buddy, he would tolerate it and not snap back at him. Now that's a good dog.

Jason was an abused child, while Freddy was a child abuser. I'm gonna go with Mr. Voorhees.

When you watch NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS or SUMMERSLAM or any other show he's appeared on on The WWE Network for $9.99!

*is shot out of a cannon into Mount Everest without any helmet*

In all seriousness, I doubt WWE promotes Survivor Series without its Champion, so I expect Paul Heyman to start showing up the night after Hell in a Cell with Lesnar appearing on at least one of the RAWs between HiaC and the Series. At the very latest, expect Lesnar back in a WWE ring on November 17.

@MrsKillerRoo, whose tweets are also protected, asks:
Is your new baby the cutest thing ever, yes or yes? #TweetBag
Is this a trick question? ARE YOU TRYING TO CATCH ME SAYING MY BABBY ISN'T KYOOOOT? Err, uh, I mean yes, she is the cutest thing ever!

Before I address this question - and it is a great hypothetical - I want to ruminate on how unlikely John Cena getting fired from WWE for anything that would make him a viable wrestling free agent would be. If he's getting fired from WWE, it's because he's a felon and is going to federal prison for something not even Vince McMahon could cover up (hi, Jimmy Snuka!). Cena is the most company man in the history of company men.

But, I do find the prospect of him hitting the free agent market and making the rounds like AJ Styles did when TNA lowballed him the fuck out its doors last year. If Cena were to head to an indie company, he'd have to head to his old stomping grounds, Southern California. There, he would walk into the American Legion in Reseda, CA and issue an open challenge at Pro Wrestling Guerrilla's next event on October 17. After cutting a promo about how he fucked up and wants the respect of the fans who boo him and how he's willing to work for it, who walks out from the back but Samoa fucking Joe. Cena vs. Joe opens the show and tears the roof down.

Then at All-Star Weekend in December, he faces Chris Hero on night 1 and teams with Samoa Joe against reDRagon on night two. Joe and Cena make a run to the finals of DDT4 where they lose to the Young Bucks (they win every odd numbered year). The April event sees him get a PWG Championship match against O'Reilly, where he wins, only to lose it at the 12th Anniversary show against Trevor Lee. He then makes a run all the way to the finals of Battle of Los Angeles, where he puts over Cedric Alexander before making the announcement that WWE has decided to hire him back after a yearlong redemption tour. The fans cheer for him in Reseda, and whenever WWE comes back to Los Angeles, he's solidly cheered, even if the rest of the country still hates him.

Ketchup and mustard are out of the question because it's been done. Nothing with vinegar or capsicum in it will do either because I have phantom open wounds that appear on my body from time to time, and I don't want searing pain. Relish is gross, so that's out. Mayonnaise has eggs in it, and if I don't wash it off in time, it'll smell. Barbecue sauce can leave too sticky a residue. My answer would then be Worcestershire sauce. It has a nice aroma, and it isn't too sticky.