Thursday, April 18, 2019

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 255

GET THE SHIRT
Photo via Mid JP
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers:

At the risk of sounding like one of those on a bandwagon, those Los Ingobernables de Japon shirts are really cool. In a perfect world, this shirt would have become the new nWo or Austin 3:16. Alas, it's the corny, crypto-fash Bullet Club that got t-shirt prominence. Oh well. Anyway, yeah, get that shirt. It's surprisingly minimalist for wrestling, especially since the big companies seem to love to vomit graphics on their shirts, and the indies just churn out parody shirts that aren't even clever anymore.

No, I haven't, and now I feel incredibly seen. Thank you.

This question is hard because I'm not sure it'll matter by October. I don't think Fox just wants half a roster, and since NBC/Universal is paying on par or more than Fox, it probably doesn't want half either. That being said, I would trade Sami Zayn to Smackdown for Killian Dain. Zayn going to Smackdown would pair him again with Kevin Owens, but this time, not for the purpose of fighting forever, but for coaxing him into doing an in-earnest Steenerico run in WWE, one that isn't chained to fucking Shane McMahon. Let them run wild in the tag division against the Hardy Boyz and whatever other teams you wanna throw at them. Dain going to RAW as a solo act would allow him a fresh start on a show that might be more able to handle him.

Oh god, no. He's not nearly as good looking as this now:


This one is way too easy. Take every single fast food fish sandwich as well as the janky-ass non-McNugget chicken patties from McDonald's and shove them all on Subway's menu without them giving up a damn thing. Let the vortex of sadness be chained to the chain that gave the world Nonce Jared.

I say yes as long as they continue to get paid. Sadly, WWE will always have plans for wrestlers who aren't on television because they have a superfluous yet strong house show business to buoy up. So you'll get Curtis Axel needing to travel because he's gotta go out first and have some kind of bullshit match with, I dunno, Heath Slater. But if you're not going to be used even as a rostered enhancement talent and end up going on some shit like Main Event? Yeah, let them stay home and save on travel expenses which WWE doesn't reimburse for. So much of WWE's vestiges of a prior era are so unneeded today. Dark matches, syndicated non-main shows, house shows, they're all just that, vestiges.

Protected user @earthdog asks:
Coming back to Bucks County with my wife and 4 year old this June. What family activities would you suggest? We already have Sesame Place on the docket
I don't think you should remain in Bucks County, although going to Sesame Place is nice and easy. As a family man, and depending on how much time you have, I would suggest Lancaster County, along US 30 and also PA 340. You will have Dutch Wonderland for your kid and also farmers' markets and outlet malls for you and your spouse. If you have the money, the Philadelphia Zoo is always a good time. If you want to be more frugal, then the Elmwood Park Zoo in Norristown still has bang for your fauna-watching buck. Your kid can feed the giraffes! Finally, the Franklin Institute or the Please Touch Museum are both really good options for young kids, more the latter than the former. My son still gets a kick out of the FI, and he's only seven, so your mileage may vary. Philly probably has a lot of other really cool family-friendly things to do, but those for my money are the ones I enjoy the most.

China would win because every other country's asserted dominance in the world bores me, especially the United Kingdom. Those assholes spread their racism around the world like Ego in Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2 did around the Universe, but instead of Peter Quill being there to save the day, the racism wins. I mean, have you seen the former colonies lately? The White ones are racist as shit, and the nonwhite ones are still feeling the effects of colonialism. And to further the blow, the guy playing Quill is one of those creepy anti-gay youth pastors in real life. Let China win to give them some shine with a team of like two of those Shaolin Monks of Oriental Wrestling Entertainment (RIP), Tian Bing, Ho Ho Lun, and Xia Li.

I would steer away from biopics and probably pitch a sci-fi film where wrestlers band up to save the world because they're the strongest people who were not abducted by the aliens who invaded. Cast Terry Crews in the lead and support him with a bunch of other wrestlers, like Dalton Castle, Velveteen Dream, Becky Lynch, Kevin Nash, and Kota Ibushi. Let them go nuts. This would kill at the box office with the new pseudo-acceptance of pro wrestling in the mainstream and also a thirst for new comedic ventures.

Most fast-paced rock songs could, but I think "25 or 6 to 4" would be good because it's got a tense-but-rapid rhythm, vocals as angsty as Peter Cetera could get, and the horns! My God, not enough wrestlers' themes have horns in them. Someone should use it now if they're not already.

When Foles is on, he's spectacular, as seen with the Super Bowl run in '17/'18 and this past season's playoff run. The problem with him is that like Blake Bortles, he hasn't shown that he could string a lot of games together. Is he better than Bortles? Well, it's hard to say, as the eye-check says that they're similar players. The stats say Foles is slightly better albeit in fewer games. Bortles is also four years younger. If the Jags give Foles the same support with the run game and allow him a lot of short fields with turnovers on defense, then I think he can be an improvement over Bortles, who despite his flaws led the Jags to the AFC Championship Game two years ago. However, it's hard for me to feel bullish on Foles over a 16 game slate PLUS playoffs should the Jags get there. Still, I wish him luck. He finished the job Carson Wentz started, and it got the Eagles their only championship in the Super Bowl era (although the team has three other titles before the Super Bowl, which do count, you fucking ignoramuses).
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