Monday, September 16, 2019

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings for September 16, 2019

Smoke a whole carton for a legend
Photo Credit: Mike Coppola/Getty Images
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Ric Ocasek (Last Week: Not Ranked) - The Cars' frontman died last night at the age of 75. In addition to fronting one of the most iconic rock acts ever and writing a good bit of the band's songs, Ocasek was an accomplished producer. Do you like Weezer when they were good? Yeah, Ocasek produced their debut album. His band's songs were the soundtrack to many people's lives, and they still resonate today. Rest in peace to an utter titan of music.

2. Cain Velasquez (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Most MMA guys coming into wrestling play up their background. It's a satisfying style, sure, but it's Rookie Mode. Cain Velasquez? He's going All-Madden mode. He continued the path he forged from TripleMania at the AAA New York Invasion event last night by doing all kinds of lucha. The kicker is the guy who made hay as a heavyweight in the UFC is flying around the ring like El Hijo del Vikingo and doing a pretty good job at it. Now that's impressive.

3. Carson Wentz (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Okay, so the Eagles lost last night, and part of that reason is because Wentz was, in a word, shitty in the first half. That being said, after all his receivers got hurt and he had to climb out of a double-digit deficit in the second half, he led the team with amazing throws, Houdini-esque escapes from pressure, and stunning leadership. You learn things in defeat, and aside from learning that Isaac Seumalo is a sieve and that the defense having to blitz to get pressure is not good, that Wentz is THAT guy.

4. Maki Itoh (Last Week: 4) - Hey, she's in Spain this week. Maybe she'll learn a new word like tapas or caca.

5. Brazilian Steakhouse (Last Week: Not Ranked) OFFICIAL HOLZERMAN HUNGERS SPONSORED RANKING - It is, beyond any shadow of a doubt, the pinnacle of eating. People come to your table with sizzling hot meat on swords, and you can go get as much exquisite appetizers you want at the salad bar. What is there not to love about this? Unless you're vegan, then I understand. But then again, they have rodizio-style pineapple too. Just sayin'.

6. Orange Cassidy (Last Week: 2) - Pfft, whatever, man.

7. Garrett Shrader (Last Week: Not Ranked) - If football doesn't pan out for this guy, he has a place in the wrestling business the way he bumped off this tackle.

8. Patrick Mahomes (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Not many players in any sport but basketball can have a singular impact in a short amount of time. Mahomes is one of them. His Kansas City team was down 10-0 to the Raiders after one quarter of play. At halftime? Kansas City was up 28-10, which would end up as the final score. In the second quarter, Mahomes had four touchdown passes, the shortest of which was 27 yards. In addition, he threw for 289 yards in that short timeframe. More than a few QBs can't do that in a single game. Holy shit.

9. Killer Kross (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Look, it takes brass ones to call out Batista on a relatively small indie show compared to the gigs he's getting nowadays. Hell, I'm not even talking WWE. Batista is a full-fledged movie star who has a recurring role in the biggest thing in movies nowadays. If he pulls it off and gets him for a match? Well, he'd be the most successfully bold guy in wrestling history.

10. Oney Lorcan (Last Week: 10) - Oney Lorcan is here for porkin', even if Ken Shamrock isn't.