Thursday, September 19, 2019

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 274

The GOAT game show and host
Photo Credit: Jeopardy.com
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 280 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers:

1. Jeopardy - I was smart, and Jeopardy was a show where smart people were the contestants. What else could you want? (Get well soon, Alex Trebek)

2. Double Dare - Kinda like Jeopardy but with a lot more slime. Plus, Harvey the PA guy was a DJ on WMGK in Philly.

3. Wheel of Fortune - It's fun to yell at people overthinking solving a puzzle, way more fun than you'd think.

4. Guy's Grocery Games - It's got the edge over Chopped because Guy Fieri is affable and the judges aren't throbbing penises, and that's even with overlap between the shows!

5. American Gladiators - It was enough like pro wrestling for me to like it and just different enough to have a hook.

Saturday Night Live saying they wanted to cater to a "conservative audience" is pretty rich given the show had Donald Trump host in the midst of his primary campaign for the Republican nomination to be President and they caved HARD when Dan Crenshaw whined and cried about them lampooning him on the show. But pretending those things didn't happen, I'm not sure why SNL should've been in the market for anyone but whom they've been hiring over the years. Comedy done in service of conservatism is only funny if you like seeing the powerful punch down at marginalized folks. Asian people already have it rough enough over here without dude pretending to be one and badly.

What this Shane Gillis thing shows is that SNL doesn't give a fuck. Just because they haven't had to vet their cast before now doesn't mean they shouldn't have done it for everyone from Chevy Chase and Bill Murray down to all the way down to Gillis. It's not only morally right, but unfortunately, the biggest reason to do it is so you don't lose sponsorship money. If you're going to push the boundaries, why not hire a leftist comedian? I guess Barack Obama wouldn't return their calls in that case, but hey, you can't win 'em all.

It is asinine to start tanking in the beginning of the season, like the Dolphins are. You put together a competent roster and who knows, maybe the Patriots turn into a MASH unit and you can win the division at 9-7. The probability is low, but it could happen. If not, maybe everyone else in the conference beats the hell out of each other, you get a wild card, somehow, say, Baltimore beats the Pats in the divisional round, and you beat, say, the AFC South Champ and the Chiefs in consecutive rounds. Football is the second easiest sport to make a run in after hockey. Now, if you're the team that turns into a MASH unit, and you find out your gambit at taking, say, Ryan Fitzpatrick and Josh Rosen as a franchise quarterback fails? Then it makes sense to tank around Week Six or later. There's so much variance in football, and because the season is 16 games instead of 82 or 162, you can have a team that on paper is out of the top 12 in talent, sneak into the playoffs, and make an improbable run. You don't tank until you know the season's lost.

Protected user @earthdog asks:
If I won the lottery this week and gave you a job as a full time daily Podcaster, different topic each day of the week, what are the themes of these five podcasts?
I had an idea similar to this if I ever hit the lottery and decided to do podcasts for a living instead of working.

MONDAY - The Holzerman Hungers Scrodcast - A deep dive into eating, food, and anything culinary
TUESDAY - The Wrestling Podcast - The bread and butter show, first edition
WEDNESDAY - The Super Sports Hour - Talking with a guest each week about happenings in sports, mostly football, but other stuff too
THURSDAY - The Wrestling Podcast - Second weekly edition
FRIDAY - Shit on a Shingle - A podcast concept I had where I'd just talk to a guest doing a project about their passions over a plate of diner cream chipped beef from a random Philly diner

Maybe I could sub out the second The Wrestling Podcast for something else, but honestly, why would I?

Boy Scout Camp with the boy in August was fun for many reasons. The food was not one of them. I refrained from eating the grossest-looking stuff, but I tried the pizza we had for lunch the second day we were there. Pizza, how could anyone fuck up pizza? Let me tell you, that pizza I choked down there was nasty. The cheese was burnt hard, and it wasn't even midgrade cheese where if it is browned it's crunchy and delicious. No. The sauce wasn't liquid anymore. The crust, I don't even wanna talk about the crust. Next year, I'm bringing a hoagie tray.

I think they are. USA Network has been generous with declining ratings with RAW so I can see them giving leeway to NXT. I also think NXT might even grow its audience. Who knows. But I don't see it as TNA jumping to Monday nights in 2010. Rather, it's World Championship Wrestling starting Monday Nitro back when RAW wasn't really that big a deal. I'd say they'll both be head-to-head with each other in 2022 too, unless the world ends by then. It just might.

The worst part of the 2018 booth, Jason Witten, is gone and playing football again. Joe Tessitore and Booger McFarland are in the booth now, but while Witten was terrible, I'm not sure McFarland was much better? I haven't watched a game this year and I probably won't unless the Eagles are playing (Mondays are for Switch and catching up on wrestling). Tessitore is a decent enough PBP guy but not enough to overcome the dumb storyline talking points ESPN gives to him. Overall, Monday Night Football would be better off not existing, but I'm also biased to the fact that Red Zone should have as many games playing at both 1 PM and 4 PM windows as possible.

Honestly, I think if you want to put on a wrestling show, you have to be able to afford the expenses. That means paying all the wrestlers fair wages, having a ring and not having to borrow one from a pedophile, paying off for a good venue, ensuring concessions, and then making sure the venue is safe. If that sounds expensive, it is. But it SHOULD be expensive to keep dipshits like the dudes behind Canuck Pro or whatever shitdick shindie promotion ends up on blast from an indie wrestler every other week from putting on a charade and trying to play small business tyrant without the backing of money. Hell, people WITH money shouldn't play small business tyrant either, but I'm a socialist. I don't believe in wealth anyway.

But gear is a whole other game. Should a wrestling promotion have to pay in full or subsidize cost for gear that a wrestler will use on other shows that aren't theirs? It's a tricky question that I want to say "yes" to but realize that maybe you should show the promoters a little consideration. That being said, if you're big enough that you can make a wrestler sign a contract with you, whether it be exclusive or not, you should pay for gear. That goes for Ring of Honor, Impact Wrestling, and Major League Wrestling. It goes double for New Japan Pro Wrestling and All Elite Wrestling.

It goes A MILLIONFOLD for WWE, and it is disgusting that a company that makes billions in revenue is making its talent pay for their own gear. Maybe instead of donating to Donald Trump or starting vanity football leagues, make sure your wrestlers, who you pride as the best in the world to do this, have the gear they need to look the best and that will protect them the best. The fact that WWE doesn't fully pay for gear makes me so mad that I'm not answering anymore questions. Oh wait, this is the last one? Lucky me, I suppose.
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