Thursday, November 14, 2019

Dy-No-MITE, Episode 7

He Beat the Champ
Screenshot via All Elite Wrestling YouTube
Last week on Dynamite, well, who cares, Full Gear was Saturday! Read my review!

Ow My Balls - The show this week kicked off with a short recap of the entire Full Gear show, but that first segment was dedicated to the Kenny Omega/Jon Moxley match. First, Omega seethed that Mox was cleared but he wasn't, and then Mox squashed Omega's buddy Michael Nakazawa, who threw away his baby oil and then got stomped into the mat. The main thrust of the whole thing was Mox telling the world that getting into the ring with him is capital punishment, for better or worse. No one has better delivery than him in AEW and possibly anywhere but in the National Wrestling Alliance (seriously, those lads on Powerrrrrrrrrrrrr can speak). The fury behind his voice really speaks to the fact that maybe he was just bored and disrespected in WWE and now he's in a place where he can shove people into shard of glass and shove chains in their mouths. That being said, and I'm probably expecting too much from a testosterone-soaked industry like wrestling not to equate courage with the male sex organ, but I'm difficult like that, you see. The fact he said it four times felt like that was the main thrust of the whole promo. I didn't dig that part as much. Ah well.

Jurassic Park: Lucha Kingdom - The Dark Order needed a soft reboot, and they got one, not just with the win, but with the first semblance of a purpose that they've had since Fyter Fest. Of course, them getting cleared out by a returning Luchasaurus overshadowed it, but it was a good overshadow. Now you have a hot midcard tag feud that will carry into whenever the next pay-per-view is. But who cares about the business implications. That whole segment was textbook wrestling cheese. The match itself was a bit loose, especially from Marko Stunt. Again, live by the tope, die by the tope. It's fine; Stunt will recover from it. It wasn't just the slip off the ropes either. He's just gotta shake it off. Jungle Boy, however, came off snug and on point. I felt like before the big return, he should just go right after Chris Jericho. He's so young and he's already that good. The Dark Order is so polished, so even with the slip-ups, it was a nice little jaunt.

So after, you now have the Dark Order actively recruiting, which is good. You have the cadre of Creepers on the outside; it might make sense to have at least a few of them being guys on the roster to make it work. That being said, I want to know what their purpose is, what masters they serve. Or maybe they don't ever reveal that because secrecy and mystery often make these gimmicks work. Either way, it's a good first step for them. They lacked a lot of direction after just being forgotten between Fight for the Fallen and their Dynamite debut. The tag division is loaded, no doubt, but they can carve out a space where you can draw in teams like the wrestling dinosaur and his raised-in-the-rainforest charge.

As for Jurassic Express, I thought Luchasaurus had a torn quad or hamstring, which put him out until spring. Either it was less severe an injury that was reported, or they pumped him full of so much HGH that even Kobe Bryant said "yo, that's a lot of HGH." Still, his return was well done from the shock of him coming out of the back through yeeting Creepers out to the floor, he captivated the audience. the only thing I didn't like about surprise return was that they took a page out of WWE's production and played Jurassic Express' theme music before Luchasaurus came out. Let the crowd noise indicate someone is at the top of the ramp, not a music cue. However, that's a minor quibble. This feud is gonna be so much fun in the future because everyone involved is an outsized personality and all of them are good-to-great wrestlers. I cannot wait.

DARBY DEATH WISH - "The Librarian" Peter Avalon, Shawn Spears, and Darby Allin all participated in a three-way match that was notable only for an Allin springboard armdrag that was prettier than a summer sunset. Nah, just kidding, it was both Joey Janela sprinting to the ring to abscond with Spears and several pounds of his flesh, and Allin answering a question he was only asked indirectly. The match itself may have the most transparently angle-driven on the show so far. The action had its moments, like the aforementioned arm drag, the finishing Coffin Drop, and Avalon starting the match just diving off the top in between a confused Spears and Allin. It takes a special kind of gumption to go out and be the butt of a joke every week, but Avalon acquits himself well.

Basically, the Janela run-in was perfect because Janela is a shoot madman. Whenever he just shows up with his eyes wider than the panorama, you know he's ready leave everyone in the room, the fans included, wondering what the hell just happened to them, but only in the best way. Absconding through the crowd dragging Spears brought the most frenetic energy and allowed everyone to focus in on Allin once the fracas left into the back. Everyone knows Allin is that guy, even not showing up on Dynamite since his title loss, and he showed it by grabbing a microphone after dispatching Avalon, looking dead into the camera, and telling Moxley that he is not afraid to die, no, not in the least. Frankly, everyone should've seen it coming when Mox laid out the challenge; he's a murderer and Allin has the biggest death wish in wrestling, non-deathmatch division.

Two Women's Segments - Okay, so Dynamite had two segments featuring women this year. Improvement! Both segments may have taken up less than five percent of the runtime! Ungood! That being said, the frenetic pace of the show may have made the lesser amount of time for the women feel not as significant, but still, they still have a ways to go before the women feel like something more than something they have to have. That being said, it was good to see Nyla Rose back on the show in a position of importance. Given that everyone else in the division except Awesome Kong is on the small side, establishing that a slap to the face like the one from that dainty lil' White girl will just fill her limit bar all the way to break.

Kong made another appearance right after the Rose squash, this time to spare the Nashville crowd of listening to Allie ramble through an interview with a slightly horny Tony Schiavone. Once again, Kong and her handler Brandi Rhodes stole a lock of hair. Is this a calling card? The spooky vignettes seem to say no. Is she a reverse-Samson (credit: @porksweats1)? Or is she trying to create a Dark Order-like army through controlling them by their hair? The last two are the most viable options. Both are pretty good directions to traverse.

That's Gotta Be Wardlow! - Jericho and MJF doing "DUCK SEASON WABBIT SEASON" over whether or not they wanted the latter in the Inner Circle was next. Jericho was first to demand an apology from anyone in AEW other than the fans, and he was interrupted by MJF, who came out doing Cody's entrance set to his theme music. MJF's first act was to do his villain's explanation soliloquy. His heel spiels at earlier events, before him being Cody's bestie was a huge deal, were canned and weaksauce, making people wonder what anyone saw in him other than a scarf and inflection. He paid off on that promise bigtime with an impassioned speech about how Cody was the real villain and how he used MJF like he uses everyone. Who knew giving a guy some actual real material would make him a better speaker than if he had to share shtick The Librarians.

Of course, their bravado-soaked shit-talking was only gonna bring Cody out, or maybe it was the fact they called him "Cody Rhodes" and put the company at risk for legal action from the copyright holders on that name. I know it's bullshit, but it's the world everyone lives in. Anyway, for once in his AEW career, Jim Ross was useful explaining that Cody's non-readiness to compete was what made him whiff on the powerslam. I guess the old dog has some tricks up his sleeve. Anyway, the whole thing before Wardlow made his official debut popped off the screen because Cody is his daddy's son, but then Wardlow came in, hossing Cody around while wearing a three-piece suit, giving me a whole new appreciation for big guys. Seriously, as much as "wrestling in plainclothes" is an overused trope in WWE, having a guy dressed to the nines just throwing everyone around like they're sandbags is a whole new slant on it. Gimme more. That being said, everyone saying that Justin Roberts was getting flashbacks with Wardlow choking Cody with the tie seem to forget that Roberts was the biggest supporter of Daniel Bryan at that time, and it was the chickenshit sponsors who got squeamish. Roberts is a carny, just like everyone else in this industry.

PAC's Rubber and Bryce Is Glue - Commentary described Hangman Page/PAC III as a rubber match so much that I was shocked they didn't get Durex or Trojan to sponsor it. Honestly, they kinda should do that, because AEW skews to an older audience, one that (theoretically) has sex. It'd not only be pocketing ad dollars, but it would be promoting safer sex. Just an idea. I know, I'm terrible. Anyway, the match was not terrible. As usual, it was a snug affair where PAC was able to effectively come off a bully against a larger opponent, and Page hit all his big spots with such flair. Honestly, Page's tope suicida is so good that it's disconcerting after seeing years and years of American and Canadian wrestlers doing shitty variants. PAC doing Page's signature moonsault from the top to the floor before Page did it in the match was a good bit of recent callbacking, while they did some longer term callbacks with the mule kick. This time, they went a step further and had PAC counter Page blocking his kick with an enzugiri. Again building off the past is what makes these matches work every time.

The end of the match almost saw Bryce Remsburg disqualify PAC after he'd won the match with the Brutalizer. As much as I like Page and think he's got a good future, he could probably be served up to help make PAC look like a bastard destroyer despite his height. I almost thought they were going to do the Earl Hebner shoving match thing that Jericho and Aubrey Edwards did at the PPV. The only problem is that I'm not sure you can run Jericho/PAC for the title if they're both supposed to be the shittiest of shitheels, and I'm not sure Jericho is losing that belt before Double Or Nothing II: Quadruple or Nothing. That being said, perhaps it's good to have guys without title trappings to have targets on their backs so to speak. If Page isn't the next PPV opponent for PAC, then the next guy up will have a tall task ahead of him.

Uatu Cassidy - The Young Bucks and Proud and Powerful had one intense and brutal backstage brawl that was completely overshadowed by Santana tossing Nick Jackson into the men's room just to see Orange Cassidy there. For as much as the pop for Cassidy or his presence might be the thing everyone's talking about, I loved how Santana just had this befuddled look on his face before calmly closing the door and walking into a Matt Jackson superkick. I beat this hobby horse every week, but I mean, everyone who says Cassidy is a small room gimmick continues to be shown their asses week in and week out. Small room gimmicks are a lie that WWE not knowing how to push those gimmicks created.

Anyway, the brawl itself was crazy and reckless, all the best things that a wild backstage brawl should be. You had a broken table and Santana diving off a forklift in the first couple of minutes. Then you had Santana whipping Nick Jackson's leg with his sock full of nickels or whatever that was while Ortiz held it in the staging, and then Ortiz spraypainting the area where he and Santana were going to powerbomb Matt. The piece de resistance was how Ortiz just said "WE LIED" to Brandon Cutler before they attacked him and Nick again. I know this looks like I'm just transcribing what happened, but I'm not sure there's much I can add without telling you to watch it.

He Pinned the Champ! - Before I get into this, I want to acknowledge that Scorpio Sky, who was under fire years ago for sending homophobic tweets, recently addressed them and showed remorse. He seems sincere, and he even DMed one of my gay friends on Twitter to apologize to him personally. Your mileage may vary, and it's not my place as a cishet guy to absolve him. That being said, it feels like he's at least tried to atone, and not in the "sorry if you were offended" way. It's up to you if you think it's good enough.

As for the match, it felt nondescript early on, especially with the spectre of having to finish the match on YouTube later. Like, I get that it's a multimedia world, and that companies should have streaming content for supplement. That being said, AEW seems to lean a lot on YouTube for essential storybuilding, and if they're skewing older with their content, that's not gonna fly, at least not until the Zoomer generation starts getting older. It's all about habits. Anyway, I don't want to mean that nondescript is bad, because the baseline in AEW is that even the lower-end matches feel like they're worth your while. Sammy Guevara is such a natural at the flippy shit that even when he just does a backflip to get into position to take a move, it's visually impressive. Guevara and Jericho seeming to foster a scumbag uncle and bratty nephew aesthetic was probably the most notable thing about the match before the finish. Like, Jericho posing elbow leaning on a supine Guevara just exuded that cocky energy that makes you wanna see them get their clocks cleaned.

Of course, the biggest thing from the match was that Jericho suffered his first pin in AEW ever, and that it was Sky who did it. AEW has caught flack for not featuring Black wrestlers, and it's deserved. Having Sky be the first one to pin the Le Champion is a good gesture though. Again, it's not my call to say whether it's good enough. That being said, the eventual Sky/Jericho match is gonna be lit. Sky was the best wrestler at the ring area for that match anyway, and I think that even though he's gonna lose, it'll be a great display for him to show off what he can and will do after SCU loses those Tag Titles.