Friday, December 6, 2019

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 283

The best moment of the '10s is also the last time WWE really mattered
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 280 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, and wait for the call on Wednesday to ask your questions. Hash-tag your questions #TweetBag, and look for the bag to drop Thursday afternoon (most of the time). Without further ado, here are your questions and my answers:

Okada's rise to the top was bold and satisfying, but if you're talking a singular moment, it has to be the end of WrestleMania XXX, Daniel Bryan tapping out Batista and ending the show with confetti raining down on him. In retrospect, it should've been WWE's series finale. The way the company has been decaying ever since has been both a shame and endemic of what corporate suits drunk on capitalism do to businesses when they only care about a buck. WrestleMania XXX was the last time one could expect this wrestling promotion to actually get wrestling right. It was also cathartic and satisfying and the culmination of a year of the Fed's best product that it's ever done. They've hit high notes here or there, but they've been sporadic. Bryan's triumph was the last time WWE was anywhere close to being excellent at its stated craft.

1. Los Ingobernables de Japon t-shirt - Combat the infestation of Bullet Club t-shirts with the most tranquilo stable in New Japan! Of course, you could go with a Dragon Gate stable or one of All Elite Wrestling's many cults, but honestly, you should get in on LIJ before Sanada rends the group asunder.

2. Chikara Action Arcade Wrestling or Retromania - Do you want a wrestling game that doesn't glitch into Lovecraftian horror every 30 seconds? Then you have two choices! CAAW isn't available on Switch yet (RM is), but they're both available on all other new systems and PCs with new wrestlers and old. Do you want to play as Hallowicked and drag your opponent to literal Hell? How about that dream match between Austin Idol and The Question Mark? It's way better than trying to pin Ronda Rousey as Becky Lynch and consuming the entire universe in the game into a singularity!

3. The Mountain Goats Beat the Champ on vinyl - How should you listen to the best set of songs about pro wrestling? As God intended, on vinyl. Get the Mountain Goats' masterwork and your record player and hear the crackles as John Darnielle sings about personally stabbing you in the eye with a foreign object.

4. A year's subscription to Independent Wrestling Dot TV - There are a bunch of great promotions, from Beyond Wrestling to Zona 23, on that service, and plunking down 100 bucks (a $20 savings!) for a year is the best way to show a friend that you want them to have the best wrestling possible at their disposal without giving money to the Big Trump Fundraiser.

5. A Ric Flair robe - What better way to allow your friend or family member to emerge from the shadow than in a sequin-encrusted robe. I bet Flair himself has also worn the robe and only the robe at times too!

Generation 8 has given a lot of really good Pokémon so far. I'm just starting to play through the Dex, so I've not played every single one yet. The best so far is Obstagoon, with apologies to Boltund, Rillaboom, Toxtricity, and Galarian Weezing. Obstagoon is a welcome addition on the Zigzagoon line. Hell, both Zigzagoon and Linoone look better than their Hoenn forms in Galar. But Obstagoon is a fast, hard-hitting 'mon that also has strategic plusses. Having Obstruct in its arsenal is just delicious. Even in an offensive set, one Obstruct can help either remove a pesky threat or, if they're bold enough to stay in, make their impending doom all the more inevitable.

The worst Pokémon is based on aesthetics because I haven't played as it yet, but Sirfetch'd is just not my cup of tea so far. The name is lazy for starters. Farfetch'd is an actual play on a word, while Sirfetch'd is just is nonsensical and just a play on the region. One thing I don't like about Galar is how goddamn British it is. None of the Japanese regions, Unova, nor Kalos were too much like their home region, and Hawaii is a much more palatable culture when spammed, so Alola is okay. Additionally, Sirfetch'd looks like a rejected design for Gladstone Gander from the new DuckTales. I'm sure I'll grow to love Sirfetch'd as I play with it, but honestly, it's the most aesthetically displeasing in the new gen.

It's because no one's tweets come off as well as they think they would if they were just done as a wrestling promo. It's incredibly lazy of any promotion, ESPECIALLY WWE, to expect wrestlers to continue their feuds on their time when so much time is wasted on the main shows for bullshit angles that please only Vince McMahon and wrestling matches that go longer than they should for free television. There's also a disconnect from how every wrestler uses their social media for everyday use. Either way, it's just a bad look. Keep what's on the show on the show.

It's hard to argue with this take, but cola is also in that category. If you don't count Moxie as a cola (and I do not), then really, who makes a bad one? It's hard to say. Even the supermarket generic brands and Faygo do the trick. All you really need is some kind of sugar and caffeine, and you can't really go wrong. But to the original point, ginger ale is also like that. Soda is sugar water at heart, so it's truly hard to fuck up, which is what makes Moxie all the more impressive at how bad it is.
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