Wednesday, August 11, 2021

Introducing The TWB Draft: McMahon Apocalypse

Enjoy jail, bozos
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Imagine a hypothetical scenario, one that is probably too farfetched for the current state of America, but one that I feel leads to the most fun for this exercise. The United States of America has finally decided that pro wrestling, the pristine artform we all know and love, has been poisoned too much by carny bullshit over the years. The Departments of Labor and Justice have finally cracked down on Vince McMahon’s abuses of the independent contractor label, seized his assets, and liquidated WWE. For good measure, they used a few Predator drones to level Titan Towers. WWE is no more. While McMahon, his blood family, son-in-law Paul Levesque, and associated cronies like Nick Khan and Kevin Dunn have been prosecuted and brought to justice, the penalties for other wrestling promoters and promotions were less severe. All Elite Wrestling, Ring Of Honor, Major League Wrestling, and all other promotions based in the United States are also liquidated, and wrestling has become nationalized. The people behind those promotions, like Tony Khan, Court Bauer, and even the slipshod and haphazard team running Impact Wrestling, have been spared.
In the place of the current scene, a new territory system has been put into place. These six territories have been put under the regulation of a Federal Wrestling Bureau, who will act as an inheritor to the National Wrestling Alliance, which has been euthanized for its own good. These six territories encompass large areas of the United States, and each one has been given its own night to run regular television, with Sundays set aside for supercards and pay-per-view events. These six territories are as follows:
  • Northeast (New England, New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Maryland, Virginia, West Virginia, Maritimes, Quebec)
  • Southeast (The Carolinas, Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, Florida)
  • Midwest (Ohio, Kentucky, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, Michigan, Iowa, Missouri, Minnesota, Ontario, Manitoba)
  • World Class (Texas, Arkansas, Louisiana, Oklahoma, New Mexico)
  • Northwest (The Dakotas, Kansas, Nebraska, Wyoming, Colorado, Idaho, Montana, Washington, Oregon, Alaska, Saskatchewan, Alberta, British Columbia, Northern Canadian Territories)
  • West Coast (Hawaii, California, Nevada, Arizona, Utah)
In order to keep money marks from accumulating all the talent, the FWB has decided to regulate the dispersal of talent through means of a draft. All signed talent to any major or independent wrestling promotion in the United States or Canada will now be eligible to be drafted into a subject territory. Or, more accurately, their rights will initially go to the territories that draft them. The six territories will be administered by the following people:
  • Northeast - International Wrestling Federation, run by William Regal, drafted by Jonny Law, @geohellraiser, and Jim Taggart, Friday night on FOX
  • Southeast - World Ass Championship Wrestling, run by Paul Heyman, drafted by Brett R. and Nick Piccone, Saturday night on TBS (6:05 PM)
  • Midwest - Midwest Federation of Wrestling, run by the Insane Clown Posse, drafted by Chris G., Monday night on USA
  • World Class - Lone Star Wrestling, run by Booker T. Huffman, drafted by AJ Morgan, Tuesday night on MTV
  • Northwest - Rocky Mountain Wrestling, run by Jim Cornette, drafted by J. Merkel and Andrew Hammond, Thursday night on Bravo (I told you this is true fantasy, let me cook!)
  • West Coast - Pacific Championship Wrestling, run by Dario Cueto, drafted by Butch Rosser, Wednesday night on ESPN2
You are now up to speed. Welcome to a Post-McMahon wrestling landscape. Welcome to The Wrestling Blog’s Fantasy Draft, a project helmed by yours truly but whose real stars were the people who volunteered to navigate this hypothetical post-McMahon landscape. Over the next few posts, there will be results of a draft. There will be even more people involved to analyze said draft picks and tell you which promotions picked the best initial roster, although from my count, all six territories selected rosters whom I would want to watch every week. There will be a free agent period, and then once the rosters are all filled out, each promotion will flesh out their first pay-per-view cycle building to their initial supercard.

This ambitious project aims to imagine a wrestling world where creative minds and non-sociopaths lead the way for wrestling to move forward as the artform it was meant to be. The McMahon family has done damage to this noble sport of kings, but I don't believe it's irreparable. Please indulge me and my intrepid cast who did most of the work anyway in our attempt to give you a better way, a better system from the ashes of an apocalypse, a much needed one at that. I hope you enjoy this.