Friday Five: Non-Wrestling Celebrities

All about tie-ins to non-wrestling stuff on wrestling shows.

1. What were your thoughts on the Muppet RAW?

2. Buy or sell: Mr. T and Cyndi Lauper were just as important to the WWF going national as Vince McMahon and Hulk Hogan.

3. Is there any instance where a non-wrestler participating in a match is okay to you?

4. What are your thoughts on the celebrity wing of the WWE Hall of Fame?

5. Who was the worst celebrity participant in WCW's history, aside from Robocop?

From the Archives: Beyond Tournament for Tomorrow Finals - Aaron Epic vs. ACH

Here it is, the final match in the one-night Tournament for Tomorrow. In one corner, from the Florida indies, Aaron Epic, a 10 year veteran who banded up with two up-and-comers from the Northeast. In the other, from Texas, ACH, the new hotness, the man who defies gravity the way promotions like Beyond defy convention. It wasn't nearly the longest match of the tournament, which made sense; it was a one-night thing, and both guys were selling injuries. That being said, it was a pretty nice jaunt. Check it out, and hey, check out the entire tournament. Beyond Wrestling definitely is bringing it.

SHIMMER to Debut a Joshi Star at the Next Tapings

Photo Credit: Yuji Kawauchi/DDS

Via the SHIMMER boards

Ray, a high flying joshi star for JWP, REINA and ICE Ribbon, will be making the trip over from Japan for the next round of SHIMMER tapings. She's the latest import to come over to the leading female wrestling promotion in America, and she comes highly regarded. I don't know too much about her, but the Dirty Dirty Sheets posted the following match against Mia Yim via their social media outlets. Enjoy!

The Show Off Rules

He even shows off during submission holds!
Photo Credit: WWE.com

It might be getting old, but damn, if every week Dolph Ziggler doesn't do something to garner my praise and adoration, then he's probably not on the show. Obviously we've tread the ground of him being the best wrestler possibly in the world, as well as his improvement in his mic skills. However, yeah, it's the extra stuff that I just find so fascinating week in week out. Basically, it's his showing off, doing the taunting and calisthenics during matches.

Some people don't like the show off stuff. I couldn't explain the reasons why, mainly because I'm so blinded by a bad guy who's so arrogant that he stops in the middle of matches to do push ups or stand on his head and walk around to really give credence to the reasons why people might not like it. Call me pigheaded, but whatever. It's that kind of exaggerated character development that I feel goes hand in hand with the circus atmosphere of professional wrestling. Basically, Ziggler is a cartoon supervillain, but he's not the kind who shoots lasers out of his eyes or knows how to make shrinking serum that'll turn the Incredible Hulk (Hogan?) into a being half the size of Bat Mite. His abilities are so great that he's able to best opponents while doing things like taking practice laps around the ring after a big move.

Basically, the showing off is fun, and pro wrestling is at its best when the occurrences in and out of the ring are fun, whether they're serious or not. The best thing about Ziggler is that he combines the seriousness of competition with the levity of being such an exaggerated jerk that he takes time to tub in how much better he is at serious competition than his opponents. It's awesome.

SO yeah, there's my weekly dose of "hey, isn't Ziggler the man?" Hope everyone enjoyed it!

*CRASH* "...I Think That End the Press Conference"

The best are Truth's and Punk's reactions
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Via WWE.com

Reason #18,562 why I love professional wrestling - Abu Dhabi press conferences in the presence of important sheikh-looking guys in the WORLD'S TALLEST BUILDING that end with John Cena putting Kane through a table. Yes, that's exactly what happened earlier today (yesterday? tomorrow? last week? in an alternate dimension?) as Cena came out for a press conference in his RISE ABOVE HATE shirt (along with CM Punk and R-Truth who were both in casual white wear, presumably because the UAE is fucking hot) and fielded questions about WrestleMania and such. Then, Kane just ominously appeared out of nowhere and boom, altercation. Anyone can say what they will about how "fake" it looked, but holy shit, the kitsch factor was so off the charts. I don't love pro wrestling because it's normal or professional, I love it for shit like this.

Then again, I also love when real sport press conferences melt down like that. Maybe I just like to watch the world burn.

Star Wars Impact?

"Bring me James Storm... and Skywalker, while you're at it."

So, Impact is going to have a Star Wars theme tonight. Now, I love wrestling, and I love Star Wars. I also love camp and kitsch, so there's a chance that tonight, I'm going to get a kitschy, campy homage to one of my favorite film franchises ever by a wrestling company. It's a small chance though. See, Impact, for all the strides it has made in the last year or so, still comes off to me as somewhat of a risky proposition when it starts performing out of its comfort zone. Where it has worked is in the wrestling and the somewhat simple stories that have surrounded their top guys. They really haven't tried to interject themselves into the verve of pop culture, and thus, things have been alright.

That being said, despite the fact that the show has taken on a better tone doesn't mean that they can do everything with great success. To the best of my knowledge, Vince Russo still works there, and even though his influence seems lessened, I don't trust them to put on a show of this kind without somehow having Greedo escape with the Television Title or some shit like that.

That being said, I think TNA has earned a little bit of equity, enough that I'm not totally dreading the show tonight. This is going to be a big hurdle for the company to see whether they can handle outside forces and non-traditional guest stars well enough that it won't end up being one of those episodes that invariably ends up on the Observer Year End Award ballot for Worst Show. The key is keeping it campy and lighthearted... keeping it fun.

So, how could Impact tonight roll with the good times tonight? Here's an uncomprehensive list:

• Plastic light sabers used as foreign objects
• Velvet Sky as Slave Leia
• Gail Kim as Slave Leia
• Madison Rayne as... okay, get the point, I'm a pig
• Jeremy Borash announcing the main event Yoda-style
• Eric Young predictably mixing his references and telling everyone "May the Schwartz be with you"
• Cameo appearances by minis as Jawas (but not Ewoks)
• Any one of the heels busting out a Darth Vader-esque "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" at any detrimental decision made by Sting.

I'm not exactly sure what doing it wrong would entail, except for maybe Tazz being in there and making half-hearted, wrong Star Wars references (although if he just ends up referencing Captain Kirk all night, it would be a total ironic win). I dunno, I kinda cringed when I watched Impact last week at the prospect of tonight's show, but I think it could end up being really fun the more I think about it. May the Force be with TNA.

AIW Presents: Gauntlet for the Gold 7

For all my Cleveland peeps, another big press release for another big AIW event. Tip o' the hat to Alyssa Kay again.

---

It's about that time again! Absolute Intense Wrestling is bringing their “A” game once again, and this time they're going to do it while re-opening a closed door. The northeast Ohio-based promotion starts up again with Gauntlet for the Gold 7 on Friday, March 2nd inside of Turner's Hall at 7325 Guthrie Avenue in Cleveland. Bell time is 7:30 PM, and as always, tickets are at a low, low price of $15 a piece.

30-Man Gauntlet: A few things make this show special. For starters, the 30-man Gauntlet headline sees various AIW roster members, as well as a few other surprises in a Royal Rumble-esque fashion battling it out for a shot at the Absolute Title. Combatants draw numbers 1-30. Numbers 1 and 2 begin the Gauntlet, and then every 90 seconds, are added into an over-the-top-rope brawl. This year sees the return of “M-Dogg 20” Matt Cross, crowd favorites such as Josh Prohibition and Eric Ryan, as well as the members of Flexor Industries.

ACH vs. Façade vs. Uhaa Nation vs. Rickey Shane Page 4-Way Battle: ACH will be returning to AIW against the likes of some highly-skilled competitors. He's made a name for himself in circuits such as Beyond Wrestling and ACW, but is it ready to take on the likes of Uhaa Nation? Speaking of which, this will also be this member of the Blood Warriors' third time in AIW. In the past he's had two grueling battles with AR Fox, and left with a 1-1 record as of Hell on Earth 7. Don't sell Façade or Page short. Despite not having won his most recent matches, Façade has always been something of a shocker in AIW. He was able to hold his own against Bobby Beverly at Nightmare before X-mas 5 and in a three-way against Eric Ryan and Samuray Del Sol at Hell on Earth 7. Page has recently expressed his frustration with his own loss record in the company prior to his match against Eric Ryan at Girls Night Out 5. Page has most recently tapped out to Ryan, the Absolute Champion Shiima Xion (controversially), BJ Whitmer, and Tim Donst. Regardless, this match is sure to bring plenty of hard hits and high-risk maneuvers that will do nothing short of shock-and-awe the audience.

Tim Donst vs. BJ Whitmer: Things haven't been looking so positive recently for the resident BDK member. Tim Donst was just about to tell the world where he truly stands when it comes to his alliance to Johnny Gargano and the AIW locker room versus his stance on Flexor Industries when the film crew had some technical difficulties and could no longer continue his interview. Donst has been back and forth between both alliances, confusing not just the roster, but the AIW offices and fans as well. Whitmer, on the other hand, having most recently won his match against Rickey Shane Page (though lost at Hell on Earth 7 to Xion) made an announcement to AIW, to “bring it on.” Any challenge that Whitmer can get, he will accept. Again, this will prove to be nothing short of a knock-down, drag-out fight with a lot of technical, mat-based wrestling, but several high spots as well.

Marion Fontaine vs. Colin Delaney: What happens when the Messiah of the Mustache, the Lieutenant of the Lip Tickler Marion Fontaine takes on the party-boy Colin Delaney? Hard to say! Both men generally work on the more comical side of the apron, but that's not to sell them short. Delaney in particular has been in several brawls in AIW's past - from working against A Call to Arms to The Irish Airborne to Da Latin Cryme Syndicate, he's no stranger to using any means necessary to get the job done. And judging on Fontaine's most recent defeat of Chuck Taylor and a brilliant performance in a 4-way against Gargano, Page, and Donst? There's no way of telling what could happen here.

“Wrestling Road Diaries 2: Filming” Featuring Colt Cabana, “Mr. 1859” Cliff Compton, and Luke Gallows: Colt Cabana, Bryan Danielson, and Sal Rinauro were able to put a whole new (and hilarious) perspective on independent professional wrestling with “The Wrestling Road Diaries” and the demand for a second part has been at an all-time high. AIW was able to make an appearance in the original DVD with their 2009 show, “Double Edge Sword.” Again Cabana will appear in the second edition at AIW, this time with “Mr. 1859”/former WWE Tag Team Champion “Domino” (as made popular with Cabana's “Art of Wrestling” Podcast) Cliff Compton, and former WWE Superstar/Straight Edge Society member Luke Gallows. It's impossible to say as to what they will be up to, exactly...

Finally, it's important to note that one of the most special things about this show is the return of professional wrestling to Turner's Hall. Made popular by Cleveland All-Pro shows in the past, it's been years since wrestling has been in arena. Absolute Intense Wrestling is looking to change that once again, and pack the hall!

We hope to see you there! It's one you won't want to miss!

TWIOT: The Cult of the Quarterback

By the way, this was Romoing before it was Bradying
Photo Credit: The Score

If the Patriots had won the Super Bowl, we'd be talking about how great Tom Brady was for leading his team to a fourth title in 10 years. The narrative would have been almost solely about him, but then again, to be fair, Brady was one of the only guys on the team who showed up Sunday. Given how badly some of his other teammates played, it's amazing they only lost to the Giants by 4 instead of 24. Instead, in defeat, Brady became a scapegoat. There has been a rumbling undercurrent of disgust towards the man who may very well be one of the best signal callers ever to play the game. In fact, it bubbled up in a controversial column by Eric Wilbur of the Boston Globe. Yeah, because Brady was the one who dropped all those passes and covered the Giants WRs like they smelled of rotten eggs and chicken manure.

This isolated story is pretty much endemic of how quarterbacks are regarded in the NFL by various parties. The position often is assigned too much of the credit when the team does well and too much blame when it underperforms. It's a maxim, but it is a stupid one. It's not because the position isn't important. Conversely, it's the most vital offensive position on the field. The QB touches the ball the second most times in a game (after the center, accounting for special teams, direct RB snaps and the less and less popular by the day Wildcat formation), and he has the power to change plays at the line of scrimmage. It takes a lot of precision, intelligence, guile and even some athleticism to play the position. It's very difficult, and not anyone can do it.

That being said, teams do not need an elite quarterback to succeed. The 1987 Redskins, 1990 Giants, 2000 Ravens and 2002 Buccaneers all won without having what people would consider a great signal caller under center. Doug Williams, Jeff Hostetler, Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson were all competent, but none would have been considered among the elite at their position. Those teams won with greatness in different areas, usually on the defensive side of the football and/or in the running game. Additionally, while Ben Roethlisberger and Eli Manning both are considered among the game's best QBs now, they each have something in common. Of the two titles each QB has won with their teams, it's argued that their first titles more belonged to their defenses, while their second Championships were architected primarily on their own.

That brings us back to the absurd firestorm around Brady, how all of a sudden, the titles, the massive stats, the cool leadership and the mystique around his character can just disappear without a moment's notice because of one game that his team lost. Granted, he could've thrown the ball that Wes Welker dropped a little better, but at the same time, isn't Welker supposed to be one of the elite receivers in the league? It takes two to tango, and both guys fucked up on that play. There's also the matter of that safety Brady took on the first offensive play for New England off an intentional grounding call in the end zone. In my honest opinion, it felt like a weak call because there was a receiver that was closer to the ball than some receivers are on plays where grounding isn't called. It wasn't so much Brady's fault as it was an inconsistency in how officials dole out calls for really anything. Other than those two plays though, can anyone tell me what Brady did that would make him a deserving scapegoat?

It's annoying that wins and losses are attributed almost solely to quarterbacks at times. It's lazy journalism at its finest. Granted, there are times when the QB deserves the blame or the credit. For example, like implied above, if anyone wanted to give Manning the lion's share of the credit for the Giants win, then hey, they'd be more than correct in doing it. The problem is that had the Patriots won, Brady would have deserved just as much credit for winning. That's why blaming him mostly for the loss is just asinine.

Willie Mack to Make His East Coast Debut for... CZW?

Via Twitter

Willie Mack will make his East Coast debut for CZW at their Best of the Best tournament on April 14th. He joins MK McKinnan, Alex Colon and AR Fox on the slate thus far. Mack has been limited almost exclusively to Southern California since debuting, and despite that, he's grown an enormous rep as a rising star in the world of wrestling. Given how much PWG and ROH have worked together, it only would've made sense that ROH was the one to bring him over to this this coast. Not the case. I'd chide DGUSA for not doing the same, but Gabe Sapolsky has taken a chance on enough guys where I can give him a pass. Then again, ROH has always been slow on the draw.

Either way, this is great news if this means that Mack will appear for more East Coast promotions. Aside from ROH or DGUSA, I would love to see him wrestle for Chikara. That being said, what would his signature My Dick EXPLODES~! translate to in the PG environment?

Bully Ray for World Champion

Who knew?
Photo Credit: Impact Wrestling.com

Impact Wrestling has hit this stride lately where the show has been mostly good. This has been very much due to their cast of characters, guys like James Storm, Robert Roode, a rejuvenated Jeff Hardy, Austin Aries and even Sting. One guy who has stood out for a year or so now has been Bully Ray. After dissolving the Dudley Boys, many people, myself included, didn't think that either guy would amount to any success as singles stars. We were right about Devon, but Bubba Ray was a gross miscalculation.

In the last year, he's become one of the strongest villains in pro wrestling. He's done well for himself in all facets, from eating shit and taking his lumps from the good guys to smarming it up on the mic to wrestling in main event-level matches. One could argue that it was his presence in the Bound for Glory Series that helped Roode become acclimatized to being a main event player as well as get as over with the crowds as he did. He's done so much for TNA and has become so much of a star player that I feel like he's earned a run with the World Championship.

Granted, I've sort of gone away from the "give this guy a run with the title because he's earned it" mindset because how does one earn a trinket in wrestling? By getting over, obviously. Titles really shouldn't be handed out to guys who don't connect with crowds just because they've been there for awhile. That being said, tenure and hard work should certainly be kept in mind for the guys who have connected with the crowds as a bonus consideration. Bully Ray is certainly in that category. He was pigeonholed as a tag team wrestler for the longest time, all the while not knowing that there was this character inside of him that was busting to get out. When WWE pushed him solo, they kept him as the same character as he was as a Dudley Boy and gave Devon the makeover. Outside of giving us Batista in his first incarnation, it turned out to be a mistake.

Obviously, he shouldn't be beating Bobby Roode. I can see it happening because Vince Russo is still in charge and boy do they love breaking up alliances in short order. That being said, over the course of the year, Bully Ray in a story where he gets a title run would be more than appropriate to break out further down the line. And why not? He deserves it.

Only 25,000 Homes Have Neilsen Boxes

Via Warming Glow

Hey, all that hand-wringing that is done about RAW ratings week in and week out? Yeah, it turns out the sample size represents 0.002% of all American households. There are 25,000 households with Nielsen boxes out of 115 MILLION total TV-houses in America. That's insane. The extrapolation of ratings numbers to get the number of households that watch a given program turns out to be equivalent to a leap of faith.

I hope people remember this little tidbit when freaking out over a 0.1 drop in the ratings. In fact, I have to wonder if this means ratings have always been a broken measurement of success in pro wrestling. Regardless, of whether they were ever or not, it's still funny as all hell to see the n00bs freak out about a swing of 25-50 houses per week on RAW.

Chris Jericho For Dummies

Was this needed?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Monday night, Chris Jericho finally spoke at length after doing nothing but uttering a stream of "C'MAWWWNS" and "YEAH BABIES", promising the end of the world at the Royal Rumble and just not speaking at all. The funny thing about all of that was that in his big promo, he said nothing more than what he'd said since coming back to WWE on January 2nd without speaking a word. Everything he said was like a ham-handed soliloquy from a movie villain explaining his actions in detail despite the fact that the entire movie was an exposition in his or her same actions described.

It shouldn't be surprising; WWE is terrible at abiding by the concept of "show, don't tell", most spectacularly with their insistence that the Divas are smart, sexy and powerful via word and certainly not by action. This is the latest example in their refusal to let actions speak louder than words. Why do they continue to eschew more artistic methods of exposition to always go to the promo? My guess is that they don't think too highly of their audience.

I think the fact is that WWE sees a majority of their fans as rubes. Whether or not this is true is irrelevant. It's the only explanation of why they'd continue to drum out the same verbal explanations every time there's a major storyline development, why they continue to make sure the characters tell everyone their plans rather than let them do it through action.

Granted, that doesn't mean I thought Jericho's promo was bad. Obviously, he had great delivery, and it was nice hearing one of the best promos in the history of the game come back and do what he does best. That being said, I wished he would have said what he said differently, maybe focusing on the actual wrestlers who did him wrong rather than why he did what he did before Monday. Leave something to the imagination. Give the audience a little more credit. Even if there are people who don't get it, my guess is that there'll be more people who do, and hey, aiming for a smarter audience with part of the programming is really never a bad thing.

Your Midweek Links: Bacon and WrestleMania... BaconMania?

Who's headed to Mania with Cena?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week

Self-Shilling:

- The first half of a Canadian doubleshot of podcast features Kate Cann, who talks Royal Rumble and why she doesn't like Daniel Bryan, among other things [Episode 39: Back in Black Scorpion]

- And the second half sees KSP come back again, this time to discuss the state of women's wrestling for the most part. [Episode 40: Dog and Royal Butterfly]

- My latest for Cageside Seats, an argument against fragmentation-for-profit in the indies [The Indie Corner: Let's Work Together]

- I rank breakfast meats in the latest Food Power Poll! [Holzerman Hungers]

- Where I get to the bottom of the dustup between Austin Aries and some fans and writers on Twitter over who can criticize wrestlers [Experience Not Needed, or Writers Have as Much a Right to Opinions on Wrestling as the Wrestlers]

- Here's where I call out to the fans of the world to give more credence to a more diverse palate of wrestling writing and opinion, not just to poorly written and obsessively-focused-on-financials dirtsheets [There's a Reason They're Called "Dirt" Sheets]

Wrestling Links:

- Mark Smith looks at what he thinks the WrestleMania card will be and has a bunch of other people's prospective cards, including my own! [Free Admission]

- Tom Breihan on the stupid greatness of the Royal Rumble [The Classical]

- The troll vs. the pipe bomb [Feminine Smark]

- The Best and Worst of RAW [With Leather]

- Has WWE Creative blown it with Dolph Ziggler? [Camel Clutch Blog]

- An interview with Pierre Abernathy [Dirty Dirty Sheets]

- The promises and realities of 10 years of TNA [International Object]

- Onion's "fan on the street" reactions to Mike Tyson getting into the WWE Hall of Fame [The Onion]

Non-Wrestling Links:

- Sarah Sprague got a stock e-mail from Roger Goodell, and boy, did she FJM the shit out of it. [Sarah Sprague]

- Darren Rovell went to the Playboy Super Bowl party and tweeted that the women were exceedingly plain looking. In other news, Darren Rovell is kind of a prick. [Deadspin]

- An imagining of Rovell going to his dry cleaner [Food Court Lunch]

- If NFL team names were honest... [These Fries Are Good]

- A double shot from TFAG, what if the best QB in the country was a Satanist? [These Fries Are Good]

- Which NFL players are most likely to transition into a career in the broadcast booth? Certainly not He Hate Me. [Esquire]

- It's a bit late now, but here are ten foods you shouldn't have eaten Super Bowl Sunday [Flavor Wire]

- Speaking of the Super Bowl, why MIA's middle finger fiasco was fake as all get out [Warming Glow]

- I'm a sucker for stupid Photoshop humor... this round featuring Adele songs [Buzz Feed]

- Why SOPA and other legislation like it are bullshit. [Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal]

- Twitter was REAL mad at the announcement of Watchmen prequels [Gamma Squad]

- The world's weirdest marriages [The FW]

- Speaking of weird, the strangest town names in America [Buzz Feed]

- 10 things you didn't know about sex [Oddee]

- A look at the best prospects from 2003-06 and how they panned out [Minor League Ball]

- Who's going to be the 19th best team in baseball in 2012? [Baseball Nation]

The Best Moves Ever: 630 Senton

I bag on Jack Evans a lot, but I think it would take a hater extraordinaire to say that he's not one of the most exciting high fliers of all time. I think the most impressive thing about the 630 senton he drops on Generico in this clip? He's doing it in socks. Unconventional to say the least.

The Wrestling Podcast, Episode 40: K. Sawyer Paul II (and a Half)

Photo Credit: WWE.com

Episode 40: Dog and Royal Butterfly

For the second week in a row, I welcome a friend from North of the Border, K. Sawyer Paul, to the show. This week, we delve mostly into the world of women's wrestling, its treatment in the mainstream and about how it really might be the most relevant indie wrestling worth checking out. We talk about Nattie Neidhart's farting gimmick, intergender wrestling, how WCW may have been the only wrestling company in history more misogynistic than WWE and the art of showing but not telling. We get into it a little bit about Jerry Lawler being one of the best ever, and I posit controversially that the next breakout bigtime star in pro wrestling may not be a man. Good stuff for the landmark 40th episode.

Direct link for your downloading pleasure.