Monday, March 25, 2019

On the Main Event of WrestleMania

Bex made her mark, now pay her
Photo Credit: WWE.com
WWE officially announced today that the RAW Women's Championship Match, a triple-threat match where Champion, transphobe, Sandy Hook truther, and serial "WRESTLING IS FAKE EXCEPT WHEN I DO IT" proclaimer Ronda Rousey will defend against Charlotte Flair and Becky Lynch. This match will make history in that it will be the first time women will close the show at Mania. It's also notable that it'll be the first time Roman Reigns hasn't been in the main event since WrestleMania XXX, when Daniel Bryan culminated the YES! Movement against Randy Orton and Batista in New Orleans. The only reason that it's news is because it was formally announced today. It has been a foregone conclusion since Rousey signed with the company that this year would be hers to close. The difference is that folks thought Flair would be the only one in there.

Friday, March 22, 2019

Why Gabe Sapolsky Shouldn't Call Dave Meltzer Out Over Match Analysis/Opinions

Meltzer (left) should be able to post criticism of EVOLVE on his site without Sapolsky (right) filling his diaper
Photos via @ObserverQuotes (Meltzer) and TMPTWrestling (Sapolsky)
Criticism of any art is a mostly thankless job. Even Roger Ebert, the most beloved and respected film critic of our time, got mounds of shit heaped upon him for various opinions he'd have, most notably for a decidedly non-cinematic take, that video games weren't art. The more prominent a critic is, the more likely they are to be saddled with accusations of having an agenda. Of course, all critics do have an agenda; it's just that everyone has an agenda whether they admit it or not. Subjectivity and bias are all part of human nature, even if that bias is incredibly tainted with fiduciary ties. Still, the influence even the most prominent critic in any field is dwarfed by the largest producers of the media they critique.

Thursday, March 21, 2019

NXT In 60 Seconds for March 20, 2019

BAYBAY!!
Photo Credit: WWE.com


Announce: talk about whether you loved or hated him, Ciampa brought intensity and respect to the Big X during his title reign
Papa Haitch: puts Goldie on the announce table and heads to the back
Nigel McGuinness: has all the sympathy you'd expect of a World Championship caliber athlete falling victim to injury
Queen Cathy: gonna earn her pay tonight
Kona Reeves:


                                                Actually, you know what? I refuse. No.

Wednesday, March 20, 2019

NXT In 60 Seconds for March 13, 2019

Johnny Brasco
Photo Credit: WWE.com
if you've missed the past few months of NXT In 60 Seconds and/or Best Coast Bias(es), find them here

God's Production Team: puts up a lengthy vidpac recapping the round one Dusty Classic IV action
War Raiders: We will be watching tonight's semifinals. It doesn't matter who wins -- none of these teams are ready for War.
Moustache Mountain: comes out to a sizeable pop
Forgotten Sons: nope
Tyler Bate: gets whomped early
Full Sailors: Mous tache Moun tain! clap clap clapclapclap Mous tache Moun tain! clap clap clapclapclap Mous tache Moun tain! clap clap clapclapclap
Tyler: gets loose, tags out
Trent VII: Eat these chops! Suplex slam!
Steve Cutler: Blindside chop block!

Six Stars at the Tokyo Dome

Dave Meltzer has made it to Baseball Twitter
Photo via @ObserverQuotes
Dave Meltzer's star rankings have always been a source of consternation for wrestling fans, especially recently. Folks who are rankled at his preferences like to point out that he's "co-opted" by New Japan Pro Wrestling because he always gives their matches higher ratings on average than WWE. While it's annoying to deal with people who miss the point completely, it does provide excellent fodder for jokes, specifically for Meltzer's steadfast belief that matches at the Tokyo Dome, the biggest venue for wrestling in Japan, just mean more.

Tuesday, March 19, 2019

The 2018 Bloggie Awards

The Man is the Wrestler of the Year
Photo Credit: WWE.com
So, one thing about shuttering for like four or five months is that I actually missed the end of the year, and since I'm back, and that means I'm back-back all the way back, it means I should probably clean up a few things, namely, the Bloggie Awards. If you think that it's a little late, well, I agree to a point. Conversely though, Dave Meltzer waited to reveal his goddamn awards, and he not only was active (much to the chagrin of a lot of folks) all this time, he's a weirdo who starts his new year on December 1, as if every wrestling worth a damn with the exception of Pro Wrestling Guerrilla doesn't have everything it ever shoots and produces ready for wide consumption somewhere between one millisecond and 24 hours after the final bell rings. If his ass can give his voters a too-long time to get ballots in and take his damn sweet time revealing them, well, I can make up for lost time here, okay?

Monday, March 18, 2019

Fight the Power: A Quick Chikara Commentary from Young Lions Cup (and Some News!)

Coronado got what was coming to him Saturday
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Chikara's Young Lions Cup took place for the 15th time on Saturday with a doubleheader of shows. I was only able to attend the first half, which contained some rowdy good action top to bottom. Seven matches delivered on their promise, but the eighth match is where I found the most curious angle. The second match on the show featured three "enhancement talents" with silly names in masks taking on the Regime, a trio consisting of Juan Francisco de Coronado and the Closers, Rick Roland and Sloan Caprice.

Thursday, March 14, 2019

On Mandy Rose and WWE's "Evolution"

Rose, shown here against Asuka at Fastlane, is still treated with regressive attitudes from certain WWE figures
Photo Credit: WWE.com
(First of all, sorry for going back on my retirement, but you know all wrestling retirements, from workers themselves down to us blowhards writing about it are never permanent.)

I like Otis Dozovic, or just OTIS as he's known now that Heavy Machinery has graduated to the main roster. He's fun, has great facial expressions, does big guy stuff, and has the right amount of silliness to be a good pro wrestler. I also share a passion for eating grilled meats. I also enjoy Corey Graves' commentary for the most part. I mean, sure, he's a real-life douchebag who uses Twitter to peddle bullshit "bootstraps" mentality at absolute best, but he's the best color commentator the company has had since before Tazz developed brain worms. They're generally enjoyable parts of the skullduggery that can be WWE weekly programming.

Friday, October 26, 2018

Leaving the Territory

Nothing is as good as wrestling at its peak, and that's why I was able to write this blog for so long
Photo Credit: WWE.com
A little under ten years ago, I set out to write about professional wrestling. At that time, I didn't know how long that endeavor would last, but I knew a few things. One, wrestling is a tremendous thing that straddled the line between art and sport. Two, Triple H sucks. Three, I thought I was good at writing and thus would be fine writing about this thing I liked a lot in my spare time. Over that time period — just under ten years, a few hundred under 10,000 unique posts — nothing really dissuaded me from the first two points. The third point, well, that's up for debate. Maybe I'm good at writing. Maybe I'm just good at creating sentences and don't have great ideas. I have no idea. I'm not sure that matters.

NXT In 60 Seconds

Johnny, no
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Master Regal, "Earlier Today": Aleister Black IS going to show up.  Make sure to send him my way before anything else happens.  I'm counting on you, cannon fod... uh, four randos in black shirts.

Thursday, October 25, 2018

(last week's) NXT In 60 Seconds

Belly up to the window and place your bets, folks
Photo Credit: WWE.com
If you'd like to donate to the Laptop Rehabilitation Fund, find butchrosser on Venmo or Ko-fi

War Raiders: come out to a decent pop
the Undisputed Era: come out to a bigger one
Roderick Strong: mocks the WR hand taunt
Kyle O'Reilly: gets his air guitar on
War Raiders: use their power to dominate early
Full Sailors: War!  War!  War!  War!
the Era: regroup and try it again
Roddy: ends up getting thrown/slammed into Kyle
Full Sailors: chant War! louder
Roddy: chop blocks Rowe from the outside
Kyle: focuses on the leg he was trying to work on earlier, only to success this time 
the Era: utilize quick tags and leg work to wear Rowe down
Rowe: Desperation STO!
Tags: made
Hanson: puts those meesters on their keisters You okay?
Rowe: (shaking off the leg) Good enough.
Hanson: tags
Rowe: Busiaku knee!
War Raiders: Assisted oshigoroshi!
Rowe: Sitout powerbomb!
Kyle: Buzzsaw kick save!

Monday, October 15, 2018

NXT In 60 Seconds

Her performance matched the date it aired (Photo Credit: WWE.com)
#14: comes out talking to the belt, kissing his nameplate a couple of times
Full Sailors: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
#14: The Greatest Sports Entertainer of All Time now has the greatest entrance music of all time!  laughs And the best part, the icing on the cake?  It has silenced the sheep!
Full Sailors: again, BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
#14: But in every flock there is always one who tries to break away from the pack, one who craves attention...one who needs to be different: Velveteen Dream.

Monday, October 8, 2018

NXT In 60 Seconds

Nothing accidental about this main event W
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Nikki Cross: Games are fun!  Especially games you can play with other people. BIIIIIIAAAANCAAAA!  We had fun last time didn't we?  And now, we get to play again!  I hope you're not too afraid because we didn't behave last time.   giggles We weren't on our best behaviour!  Speaking of bad behaviour I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOWWWWW laughs, seethes

Monday, October 1, 2018

NXT In 60 Seconds

The darkest timeline continues apace (Photo Credit: WWE.com)
Our Esteemed General Manager: comes out
Full Sailors: Regal!  Regal! Regal!
Master Regal: I've been investigating the attack on Aleister Black for a month, and
the Undisputed Era: interrupt him brazenly
Master Regal: gives a small, winsome, nostalgic smile
Some Guy: It's the same thing week after week: you don't do your job and pretend to be Sherlock Holmes.  You should be spending time making sure these kinds of unprovoked attacks don't happen again.  Like the War Raiders!

Friday, September 21, 2018

NXT In 60 Seconds

You know what time it is
Photo Credit: Total Divas Eps Twitter
"TONIGHT": "The biggest match in NXT history — champion v. champion — all the components for an instant classic."