Finally we get to the category of people I actively mark for, the wrestlers that make me tune in or buy tickets to the shows they appear at. They either do one thing really, really, really fucking exceptionally, or they do everything well. They're also the guys that some readers will accuse me of having favortism for (well duh).
The Colony - These guys are more than just three dudes who wrestle in ant costumes. To me, they're the essence of Chikara, the epitome of what the fed is all about - silly but entertaining gimmicks, amazing tag team and trios synergy, multiple man spots, comic relief without relinquishing physical credibility, quality match wrestling and psychology. I don't care if they're "green luchadors" or if they'll never have any upward mobility. They always entertain me when I plunk down my money to go see them in Chikara or DGUSA. Plus, Fire Ant almost broke himself in half for my amusement, and he got back up and finished the match. That's dedication, friends.
After the jump...The Miz - Marty Jannetty my ass.
CM Punk - Even if Triple H doesn't think he's star enough to go over Undertaker, I still believe that Punk will end up being the biggest pure heel the WWE has ever known. Plus, he was right about Jeff Hardy all along.
Zack Ryder - Who would have thought that a generic looking Edgehead would turn into the breakthrough heel in the company? Ryder has become a phenomenon, despite being in ECW for a long time, and I was on the train the whole time. Woo woo woo, you know it. Zack Ryder makes it okay to be a douchebag from LI.
Christian - For everyone who was bitching about him being "relegated" to ECW, I'm glad he was there. What was he going to do on the bigger programs, job to Scrooge McPoyle or be main event job fodder for Randy Orton or Triple H? Get lost in the shuffle? Christian on ECW was a stroke of genius because they tailored the show around him, allowed him to do his thing and show everyone that he's one of the best wrestlers and personalities in the game today. I wouldn't have gotten the chance to enjoy him as much if he wasn't in ECW.
Kofi Kingston - I did a 180 on him in the last few months. It's amazing what showing some charisma will do for you. Now, not only do I think he's the favorite to win the Royal Rumble, I'll be rooting for him to win that thing.
Evan Bourne - Bourne is the rare guy that I get a shit-ton of enjoyment out of no matter how badly he's used. Guy can get squashed in 2 minutes on RAW and he still finds a way to make you glad you didn't get up to get a Coke during the match. He's going to be a World Champion some day, you watch. You can't keep that kind of excitement down.
The Big Show - They've finally found a vehicle for Show that allows him to show off his natural charisma with JeriShow. I really hope they get the tag titles back on Monday. RAW without Jericho and Jericho and Show off by themselves doesn't seem right at the moment, and it won't seem right until after they lose the tag titles to a returning Edge and his mystery partner, Christian, at WrestleMania. (I CAN DREAM YOU KNOW)
Santino Marella - They've been stretching him thin with the guest hosts, and some of his appeareances haven't been as funny. Still though, more often than not, he makes me laugh, and he gets in this bin alone for the Honk-a-Meter, SantinoMaster and him hamming it up with the Miz on Dinner: Impossible.
Yoshi Tatsu - The best thing about Yoshi is his youthful exuberance. I love the way he gets excited after hitting a big spot or winning a match. I hate to break out the Brett Favre cliches, but he genuinely looks like he's having so much fun out there that it's hard not to like him or get behind him.
El Generico - BRAAAAIIIINBUSTAAAAAAAAHHH~!
Bryan Danielson - I'm getting too antsy waiting for him to debut with the WWE. I hope they just bring him in as Bryan Danielson and not as Joe Slotnick or some other lame name, and let him do his thing. He won't get over right away, but given a few weeks, he'll get a following on ECW.
Lightning Mike Quackenbush - Quack gets a lifetime pass for me for all the time and work he's put into Chikara, training the guys, wrestling on shows and doing all the other extraneous stuff. In another life, he'd have a killer future as a wrestling commentator. His Commentation Station analysis of the matches is very keen, and he has good interplay with his fellow Chikara announcers, especially one UltraMantis Black.
CIMA - An all-time great in-ring performer for more than just his workrate. CIMA knows how to ham it up in the ring without making a mockery of the whole process. Easily my favorite of the imports in DGUSA.
The Osirian Portal - The thing I'll miss most about rudo Osirian Portal is Ophidian hissing at small children during intermission at various shows. Of course, I'll never forget my encounter with the Venomous and Vile Serpentine Warrior, where I approached him wearing my Jigsaw mask and he accused me of letting myself go!
Edge - I really hope he stops getting himself injured for his sake.
MVP - I love everything about MVP's character, and I think he'd make a spectacular anchor at the top of the card, but man, STOP SMOKIN' THE DOPE! It's painful to see him teased as having a big year and then getting squashed to all holy hell by Sheamus.
Jack SWAGGAH~! - There's a rumor that the RAW locker room is rife with potheads. The only one who's definite is MVP, because he admitted it, but if I had to guess by the way pushes and depushes have gone, I'm guessing Swagger is another one among that group. Either that, or he's got attitude problems. Either way, there's no fucking way that a guy as naturally talented at both wrestling and being a prick on-camera should be languishing the way he's languishing unless there were backstage problems going on.
Mark Henry - Henry as a face is good, but I liked him so much better when he came down to the ring looking like someone took a dump in his lunchbox and he was fixing to do what his theme song sang about.
Mike Knox - Let's forget for a second that Knox has the most epic beard in the history of all mankind. The guy is approaching 7 feet in height and he does a better crossbody than most guys smaller than him, y'know, the cruiser spotmonkeys who are supposed to be better at that kind of thing. Plus, he doesn't need a mouthpiece. WHY AM I NOT SEEING MORE MIKE KNOX ON MY TEE-VEE? Oh that's right, because we need more face time for Scrooge McPoyle. FUCK THAT!
Dolph Ziggler - Ziggler suffers from being the least over of the three cocky prick smallish heel types on the full roster (the other two being Miz and Ryder), but I think he's a great presence and needs to get more than just another passing glance. I really liked what I've seen so far from him.
Goldust - Thank God Dusty Rhodes has a position of power in the WWE, because his nepotism has gotten us regular Goldust sightings on ECW, which has been a huge part as to why the show has continued to kick ass even after they stripped it of most of the wrestlers that made it interesting in the first part of the year.
Tommy Dreamer - He was a big part as to why the original ECW was awesome to me, and I'm glad the WWE gave him a proper send-off. That being said, I'll be majorly bummed if he suits up to wrestle for TNA. Stay behind the scenes, Tommy. Please.
Cody Deaner - I think it absolutely sucks that TNA fired him, as he was guaranteed a laugh every time he was on screen. Oh, but Hogan thought he was too "low-class" for a wrestling audience. Are you serious? Most people equate wrestling with low class anyway, and if you haven't noticed, the blue collar comedy guys are pretty much the most popular comedians, for better or worse, in the nation. I wish these idiots would go with what's entertaining and not try to be low or high brow. Wrestling is wrestling.
Beer Money, Inc. - They have a really fun dynamic, and both guys can work. I'd love to see what they could do in a setting that didn't have them wrestling in 3 minute rush-fests all the time.
Kurt Angle - He can still go in the ring, but I miss the days when he was a goofy badass in the WWE.
Delirious - The most unique wrestling personality going today. Never change, Delirious. Never, ever change.
The Young Bucks - They are the most exciting tag team in the world right now, and I really, really, really, really hope TNA doesn't screw them up. They deserve to get paid, no doubt, but they also deserve a quality showcase. At least a greater audience will get to see them now.
Grizzly Redwood - If liking pseudo-midget lumberjack wrestlers who work barefoot is wrong, then I never, ever wanna be right.
Hallowicked and Frightmare - They're so cool that they can make otherwise dull wrestlers (Cheech and Cloudy) seem cooler just by dressing up as them!
The Super Smash Bros. - The fact that they're great tag team workers is good, but what puts them over the top is that video games are their gimmick.
Jigsaw - I own his mask, don't I?
Dasher Hatfield - I really hope they let him stay as Dasher Hatfield. IT really is a quality gimmick. CAW is one of the best gimmicks that Chikara has come up with, but I think the concept can be passed down to someone else (the former Hydra, maybe?). The Old-Timey King of Swing needs to stick around for more than just one at-bat!
UltraMantis Black and Crossbones - UMB is just one of those over-the-top, so corny that he's cool types. Plus, this picture:
This makes Mantis and Crossbones cooler than you'll ever hope to be.
Arik Cannon - I gave him the heads up about Rita's Swedish Fish water ice on Facebook once and he actually replied to me on my wall. Cool. Plus, the dude represents us chunky folk in the wrestling ring. GLIMMERING WARLOCK, BITCHES~!
Susumu Yokosuka - Yeah, that match with the Bucks and CIMA wouldn't have been as great without him either.
Naruki Doi - What can I say? I'm a mark for the Muscular Bomb.
Beth Phoenix - I really hope that Beth goes into business for herself someday and crushes Michelle McCool's fugly mug between her thighs, liberating us all from her tyranny of awkward ring movements and bad acting.
Mickie James - And I hope Mickie comes out afterwards and yells nonsensically "WHO'S FAT NOW?" at McCool's decapitated corpse.
Awesome Kong - Kong is fat and she's proud of it. I'd love to see her and Beth Phoenix team up and compete in one of the major company's tag team divisions. You don't think they'd be a credible team?
So Cal Val - I know she's never on TV anymore, but she should. She is mighty delicious looking.
Good Ol' JR - Get well soon, JR!
Jerry Lawler - Even having to work with the lead weight that is Michael Cole, Lawler still delivers.
Matt Striker - Maybe my favorite announcer ever. While some people hate that he gets cute with the references and nicknames, I love it. It's like he's me, only with a better job and physique.
Justin Roberts - I give him the edge over Tony Chimel because he seems to have a much smoother tenor in his announcing, if that means anything.
Tony Atlas - He and his goofy laugh make the Abraham Washington show bearable.
Wiggly - Dude does so much for Chikara it's hard not to include him on here.
Louden Noxious - The best ring announcer ever? Yeah, best ring announcer ever.
Charles Robinson - I don't usually even notice refs, but c'mon, it's Lil' f'n Naitch here. Who doesn't mark for Lil' Naitch? A soulless bastard, that's who.
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein - Please visit his site to view the plentiful amounts of pictures he's taken for DGUSA, ROH and other indie feds: Get Lost Photography
