1. Marlena
The woman currently known as Terri Runnels is enjoying the retired life, raising her daughter and attending cigar functions. However, it wasn't just the cigar or the gold dress that set Marlena apart from other valets. She was among the first to overtly use her sexuality in order to get the upper hand for her man Goldust. Who could forget the first ever Shotgun Saturday Night, when she bared her boobs (facing away from the camera, of course) to distract Goldy's opponent so he could get the win. I may be the jealous type, but if my valet can make my opponent look but not touch in order for me to get the split-second advantage, then I'm taking it. Plus, with boobs like Terri's, I probably would want people to see 'em just so they could be the ones who were jealous!2. James E. Cornette
There have been many a great heel manager out there in history, they mostly have had bad track records in doing what people hire them to do. Bobby Heenan was a legendary, legendary manager, but a lot of what made him great were his plans blowing up in his face. Cornette, however, was a little different. Not only did he have an equalizer in terms of his tennis racket, but he usually had clout enough outside the ring to help his charges get ahead and dodge some of the tougher faces for lengths of time. I want a man like that who'll literally stick his neck out for me and get me what I need to succeed (literally... he always has at least three of those foamy neck braces handy!). Plus, he has a way with words that scant few others in wrestling history have ever had, so if I need a point to get across, then I'd let him do the talking.
3. Mr. Fuji
Piggybacking off Cornette, Yokozuna in kayfabe wasn't just successful because he was a 600-lb. behemoth sumo Champion. He had Cornette and Fuji in his corner. Not only does Fuji possess sage wisdom, he knows just when to throw the salt in my opponent's eyes to give me the ultimate advantage. With a weapon like that, an almost guaranteed outlet to use my finishing move, why wouldn't I want Fuji in my corner?
4. Bill Alfonso
Why would I want this little shit to manage me? Well, it's the exact reason why I called him a little shit. He's more annoying than a blue-ass fly on a hot summer day. While I'd get myself used to him, man, wouldn't he be a big distraction to my opponents? The incessant whistle-blowing, the whining and complaining, the browbeating of the ref over the most minute details of the rulebook when it would benefit me (being an ex-ref himself, you know), the advantages would be endless. Plus, even I'd get a certain sense of satisfaction in seeing him get bitch-slapped by my opponent if he ever got intercepted.
5. Ted DiBiase
With infinite resources, no inhibitions about physically getting involved in my match as well as having the physical tools to be able to get involved, DiBiase would rate at the top of my shortlist for potential managers. Not only does he know all the tricks that good heel managers know, he knows all the tricks that good heel wrestlers know too, making him an absolute nightmare for referees. Plus, comeuppance wouldn't be easily served. Despite his injuries that have sent him out of the ring, DiBiase still knows how to mix it up, and no one wants to be on the business end of a Million Dollar Dream, be it from prime MDM or managerial DiBiase.
6. Lita
Having Lita in my corner gives me the same sort of physical credibility as a post-retirement DiBiase with more flexibility and the advantage that only the most depraved opponent would let loose on a woman as freely as they would a man. Lita's also way more athletic, and let's face it, way easier on the eyes, so she'd be the perfect complement to the advancement of my wrestling career.
